21 yr old virgin, worried about my first time

[cindy1985]

Hey

I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I have dated a few guys in the past, but never anything serious, and I havent wanted to have sex with any of them. So far I've been having so much at university I havent really thought about or had time to think about guys that much! But I've just met this amazing guy, really amazing, and we started dated a few weeks ago.

 

He's been fantastic and hasnt been too pushy, even though we havent had sex yet. I really feel like I'm ready to have sex with him, and I totally trust him, but I'm just so nervous now, that I'm going to be really rubbish or do something wrong. He's a few years older than me and so a lot more experienced too. Do you think I should tell him I'm a virgin? I don't really want to tell him as I think that would just put loads of pressure on us the first time.

 

I guess I'm just worried about doing something wrong or it being really painful - I just don't want him to find out I'm a virigin, as its pretty old really. Some reassurance and advice would be so fantastic.

Thanks x

[Dad_of_3]

Ok ... you being a virgin. there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

screw hollywood and school yard myths !

You are what guys dream of ! Someone who has never been ummm how do i say it untouched ? maybe

 

I would tell him, if you are that serious and into him. What you are giving to him is a gift.

he is going to be your first. he should be honoured by that.

dont even start with the whole "Am I doing this wrong?"

Funny thing is that yes you will ! for a long time yet !

No porn or what other people say will make you a better 'lover' so to speak.

 

If you are sure it is time, and only you can say that. then let him know.

Never ever, let some guy tell you what feels good.

if some sucker does that, have enough self-espect for yourself to say " Hit the road jack"

If it hurts to much, then stop, its your body, your temple.

You are the one who says who gets to enter ... uhhhhh so to speak.

 

Think Pussycat dolls song " I dont need a man" confidence girl !

For me, so what ! I applaud you that you still are a virgin.

You had that self-respect for that long, dont lose it for some guy !

 

if he's any 'man' he'll handle with care and be understanding.

 

hope it helps.

[ddnnee]

virgin girls exist in an university environment? how strange!? what university is this so i can enroll asap!

[Walk]

I was 20 before I lost my virginity..

 

Don't feel pressured to have sex. You might feel like there's a time limit to how long you can wait while dating this guy.. yet not feel quite ready as soon as he would probably like.

 

If you two can't talk about sex, then wait. He's not going to go screaming from the room in horror, he's not going to shove you aside over this. You need to communicate your fears and feelings with him. If you can't trust him enough to not judge you for this, then you shouldn't have sex with him. Talk to him first. If you have a hard time figuring out how to bring it up, then try asking him some general questions about his thoughts on sex. Narrow the topic down to you, him and sex... and then go from there.

 

Don't buy into the irrational thinking that the guy will stay or leave because you had sex or didn't have sex with him. It won't hold him there. It might prolong his stay, but don't fall into irrational thinking about sex. If you communicate with him, then a real man will be more then willing to give you as much time as you need without pressuring you. As long as you are communicating with him. If you aren't saying anything, but seem to be holding out for no real reason, then he's going to get frustrated and assume you're not into him, or using him, or something's wrong with him.

 

All I'm saying is don't allow sex to be used to create the bond between you two. Communication creates the bond, sex just solidifies what's already there. But it won't create it, and it won't hold it together if there isn't the communication present.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide. The first time sucked for me. If he isn't aware of it being your first time, then it's going to be incredibly painful, so make sure he understands. Ask him to buy some lube. Go talk to your doctor about birth control pills, or options to prevent pregnancy long before you have sex with him. It takes a month on the pill before you're protected (somewhere between a couple weeks and a month) so plan ahead.

[DanielMadr]

Hey

I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I have dated a few guys in the past, but never anything serious, and I havent wanted to have sex with any of them. So far I've been having so much at university I havent really thought about or had time to think about guys that much! But I've just met this amazing guy, really amazing, and we started dated a few weeks ago.

 

He's been fantastic and hasnt been too pushy, even though we havent had sex yet. I really feel like I'm ready to have sex with him, and I totally trust him, but I'm just so nervous now, that I'm going to be really rubbish or do something wrong. He's a few years older than me and so a lot more experienced too. Do you think I should tell him I'm a virgin? I don't really want to tell him as I think that would just put loads of pressure on us the first time.

 

I guess I'm just worried about doing something wrong or it being really painful - I just don't want him to find out I'm a virigin, as its pretty old really. Some reassurance and advice would be so fantastic.

Thanks x

 

There is nothing to be ashamed of....you can be proud actually and he will be too.

 

There is nothing to be afraid of. Practise penetration yourself to get used to it. Tell him to be gentle, because you are virgin. It wont scare him if he is honest with you.

[My Fair Katie]

Cindy, something stuck out in your post.

 

You've managed to stay a virgin for quite some time despite dating guys, but only a FEW weeks into a relationship and you're ready to take it the next level? Are you sure? Why not start off a little bit slower? Heavy petting, outercourse, oral sex. Build the relationship past a few weeks perhaps (says the woman who had sex with her husband on their first date, I'm a hypocrite).

 

Regardless of whether you decide to wait or have him plunge right in, yes you should tell him it's your first time. There's nothing wrong with being a 21 year old virgin and if he thinks there is then you know he's not the one you should lose your virginity to.

[stillafool]

Absolutely be proud of your virginity. Yes you should tell him because you don't want lose your virginity over something that may be casual. Yes it may put pressure on him because it will make him think long and hard where your relationship is headed if he takes your virginity.

 

You want to make sure this is the right guy before you have sex with him. Something happens to us women after sex with a man you love so make sure he's the right one.

[MikeC]

Even if you don't tell him, he will find out when he breaks your foreskin anyways.

 

A few weeks does sound soon. Wait if possible.

[Star Gazer]

Not to get off course from the OP's post, but why is it that virgins are told to be proud of the fact that they haven't had sex but those who have had sex aren't told they should be proud for embracing their sexuality? Choosing NOT to do something isn't always something to be proud of... But I digress...

 

As for my advice to the OP - your course of action at this point should depend on WHY you're still a virgin. The other posters here are assuming that you've maintained your virginity for a reason (religion, waiting until marriage, whatever other moral-related reason), but that's not necessarily the case. Perhaps you just haven't felt that "urge" with anyone else, or comfortable with anyone else, etc. If that's true, then I see no reason why you can't move forward with this guy. However, if you've maintained your virginity because it's important to you to keep it for someone verrrrrrrry special, then I'd suggest waiting a little (okay, a lot) longer than you have. After all, it's only been a few weeks. Even if you weren't a virgin I'd advise a wee bit more patience. Easier said than done, I know.

 

I'm unsure whether or not you should tell him before hand... A guy's opinion would be better suited for that. But my gut tells me he'd be stressed out by the pressure.

 

All of that having been said, I don't have one friend who said it hurt the first time - especially if you've used tampons and are "familiar" with your nether regions. Don't worry about "doing it wrong" - just go with what feels right and BE ENTHUSIASIC AND ENJOY YOURSELF!! He'll likely lead you through the entire thing anyway... But honestly, don't be surprised if at the end of your first time you think, "That's it?" and feel a little disappointed. I promise, it gets better with time and practice. :-)

[hrtbroken99]

Hi Cindy,

I didnt lose my virginity until I was 24. I went out like crazy as an Undergrad and dated guys but never cared to sleep with any of them. But once I turned 24 something happened and I really wanted to lose my virginity. I felt like "the last virgin on the planet" and wanted to see what sex was all about. I was not a little teenager any more and wanted to experience sex. I ended up sleeping with a guy that I went on a few dates with and my sexual encounter ended up being my first long term 2.5 years relationship. Now that I am not longer a virgin, at least in my case, I wish I didnt wait so long to have sex. It has been an annoying experience because the man I slept with was not a virgin and I always felt like an inexperienced girl in bed with. In the back of my mind I always thought "he is probably comparing me to other girls who have experience, blah blah" Anyway, in your case if you want to sleep with this guy it is up to you, however you will probably get attached to him since he will be your first. Dont hold high expectations because he may like you but if this isnt his first time, it is another sexual encounter for whereas for you it is your FIRST sexual encounter. What I am saying is dont hope that he may turn out to become a boyfriend husband etc. not that I am saying he doesnt have the potential for that to happen but just keep that in mind. It is easier to get attached to someone when they are your first. Also, if you dont want to tell him that you are a virgin, be aware that if you bleed, are too tight, he will eventually notice and may even ask you while you are in "the moment" The guy I was with I had told him I was a virgin because I was afraid if I did bleed or was too tight he wouldn't think I lied to him. I also really care dbaout this guy and didnt feel like I needed to hide my virginity. So, its really up to you and what your heart says. I wish you the best of luck!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hey

I'm 21 years old and still a virgin. I have dated a few guys in the past, but never anything serious, and I havent wanted to have sex with any of them. So far I've been having so much at university I havent really thought about or had time to think about guys that much! But I've just met this amazing guy, really amazing, and we started dated a few weeks ago.

 

He's been fantastic and hasnt been too pushy, even though we havent had sex yet. I really feel like I'm ready to have sex with him, and I totally trust him, but I'm just so nervous now, that I'm going to be really rubbish or do something wrong. He's a few years older than me and so a lot more experienced too. Do you think I should tell him I'm a virgin? I don't really want to tell him as I think that would just put loads of pressure on us the first time.

 

I guess I'm just worried about doing something wrong or it being really painful - I just don't want him to find out I'm a virigin, as its pretty old really. Some reassurance and advice would be so fantastic.

Thanks x

 

 

Stop it !!

 

Don't you dare miss the chance to tell him clearly and directly that you are a virgin!

 

A most central appeal to sex is a woman's vulnerability... and the best guys are those who delight in being near to that vulnerability while having zero interest in taking advantage of it. So if you have the ultimate in adult vulnerabilities to share, then you hadn't ought to miss the chance to introduce it.

 

Open your eyes wide and let him know of any and all of your concerns going in... and then keep those eyes wide open as you progress.

 

Enjoy !!

[cindy1985]

Wow guys, thanks so much for replying, its been really good to hear everyone's views. I didn't decide to stay a virgin for this long, it just kinda happened as I never felt close enough to any of the other guys I've been with, I didn't stay a virgin for any moral reason or whatever. It'd be good to get a guy's perspective though - does it put too much pressure on if I tell him I'm a virgin?

 

I know I could tell him without him judging me, but I'm just a bit embarassed about it. He does come from a strict catholic family though, so maybe this kind of thing wont come as a total shock. Is 21 REALLY old to be a virgin? Will it be really painful if we have sex and I don't warn him that I'm a virgin? Also, this is kinda embarassing, but who is meant to bring the condoms?

X

[Guest]

If he's looking to get some, he'll come prepared, but if youre planning to have sex anytime in the near future its prob. a good idea to have a box...