Marielle Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Hello... TO those of you who are on NC mode iniciated by yourselves ...Questions: 1) DId you suddently started it, or was it after a fight, an episode, or finding something out? 2) How did you end it? DId you have "the talk" ? an email or telephone or NOTHING? 3) How long did the A last? 4) WHat was (is) his reaction 5) How are you dealing with it? 6) Was there a click in your mind, or something you did that helped you cope with it? (for example getting in shape, travelling, meeting someone?) All your input is welcomed
BenThereDunThat Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 TO those of you who are on NC mode iniciated by yourselves ...Questions: 1) DId you suddently started it, or was it after a fight, an episode, or finding something out? I initiated NC several times before I finally stuck to it. I don't recall any actual fights being the cause on their own. I just hated life as an OW. HATED it. The last few months we were "just friends" and I overheard someone tell a story about he and his wife "monopolizing the microphone" at LAST YEAR's company picnic. I don't know why, but that finally did it. We were IM'ing and I mentioned what I overheard, of course he had no clue what I was talking about, but I didn't care. I had reached my final breaking point and knew I could no longer deal with having him in my life in any way shape or form. Who cares if it didn't make sense to him. 2) How did you end it? DId you have "the talk" ? an email or telephone or NOTHING? This final time, by email. Minutes before that, we were IM'ing and I simply said "I just don't care anymore." and shut off the IM window, blocked him and removed him from my contacts. That was in a matter of seconds. So he sent me an email - "I wish you wouldn't be so upset with me over something someone else said." My reply: "Yeah, well, I wish I'd never met you. Contact me again and your wife gets a call." The past times I did it, he would insist on having "the talk" with me after I initiated it. I know now because he wanted to be able to look me in the eye and say "don't you dare tell me I don't love you." Another manipulation ploy that I chose to take away from him. 3) How long did the A last? From start to finish, about 10 months. 4) WHat was (is) his reaction Various. Lots of apologies. Lots of wordy emails, that basically went in circles. In other words - saying a lot while really saying nothing at all. 5) How are you dealing with it? Overall, very well. Internally it is still a struggle. I work with him so see him 5 days a week. Do not speak to him at all though. Today is a bad day but I've come to accept that I will have those for a while. 6) Was there a click in your mind, or something you did that helped you cope with it? (for example getting in shape, travelling, meeting someone?) Knowing I was doing the right thing for me and being relieved at not being on the receiving end of his lies anymore was a big help. But it was something I'd wanted to be free of for, well, pretty much since it started. Honestly, I am so tired of using so much energy on hating someone. It's not my nature for one thing. It really wears on me. But I have to, I have to hate him with everything that I have in me. It simply will not do to be weak. Most days it's pretty easy. Some days it's tough. There are still triggers, but just like with the memories, I have to be vigilant about pushing them down as far as they will go.
Author Marielle Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 TO those of you who are on NC mode iniciated by yourselves ...Questions: 1) DId you suddently started it, or was it after a fight, an episode, or finding something out? I initiated NC several times before I finally stuck to it. I don't recall any actual fights being the cause on their own. I just hated life as an OW. HATED it. The last few months we were "just friends" and I overheard someone tell a story about he and his wife "monopolizing the microphone" at LAST YEAR's company picnic. I don't know why, but that finally did it. We were IM'ing and I mentioned what I overheard, of course he had no clue what I was talking about, but I didn't care. I had reached my final breaking point and knew I could no longer deal with having him in my life in any way shape or form. Who cares if it didn't make sense to him. 2) How did you end it? DId you have "the talk" ? an email or telephone or NOTHING? This final time, by email. Minutes before that, we were IM'ing and I simply said "I just don't care anymore." and shut off the IM window, blocked him and removed him from my contacts. That was in a matter of seconds. So he sent me an email - "I wish you wouldn't be so upset with me over something someone else said." My reply: "Yeah, well, I wish I'd never met you. Contact me again and your wife gets a call." The past times I did it, he would insist on having "the talk" with me after I initiated it. I know now because he wanted to be able to look me in the eye and say "don't you dare tell me I don't love you." Another manipulation ploy that I chose to take away from him. 3) How long did the A last? From start to finish, about 10 months. 4) WHat was (is) his reaction Various. Lots of apologies. Lots of wordy emails, that basically went in circles. In other words - saying a lot while really saying nothing at all. 5) How are you dealing with it? Overall, very well. Internally it is still a struggle. I work with him so see him 5 days a week. Do not speak to him at all though. Today is a bad day but I've come to accept that I will have those for a while. 6) Was there a click in your mind, or something you did that helped you cope with it? (for example getting in shape, travelling, meeting someone?) Knowing I was doing the right thing for me and being relieved at not being on the receiving end of his lies anymore was a big help. But it was something I'd wanted to be free of for, well, pretty much since it started. Honestly, I am so tired of using so much energy on hating someone. It's not my nature for one thing. It really wears on me. But I have to, I have to hate him with everything that I have in me. It simply will not do to be weak. Most days it's pretty easy. Some days it's tough. There are still triggers, but just like with the memories, I have to be vigilant about pushing them down as far as they will go. WOw, that was something...it s like written by me (but better written and spelled, lol, english is not my first lang.) I am closer than ever to take the big step. I want to do it for myself this time. No looking back. But I don t know if I ll be strong enough to survive this by myself.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 in my situation my ex gf broke up with me and started NC - so i will try and answer from her side and maybe u folks might comment on how close i might be to the truth Questions: 1) DId you suddently started it, or was it after a fight, an episode, or finding something out? I initiated NC after telling him three times our relationship was over. up until then i had allowed him access to my phone and email. after the third time, where i ended it over the phone - I stuck to NC and I have never looked back. By this point I had lost any respect for him as a man, and i felt no attraction to him sexuality so it was not that hard to not think about him and because i am stronger at focussing than he is I simply refused to let someone that is abusive in my life ever again. I no longer have any desire to have him in my life in any way shape or form and that will not change. 2) How did you end it? DId you have "the talk" ? an email or telephone or NOTHING? I broke off with him over the phone. I didn't feel the need to do it any other way because he had turned into a nightmare. I made sure everyone knew about how i felt and would block and remove him as well. I have never been treated as bad by someone in my life and i will never allow that to happen again. He is not welcome in my world. 3) How long did the NC last? From June until he dies. 4) WHat was (is) his reaction Childish apologies. Lots of emotional nonsense. Harrassment. Nothing that mattered - in other words - i didn't bother reading. If i saw something from him, right in the trash. 5) How are you dealing with it? Overall, great. Internally it is hard because i have a daughtyer and it is still a struggle because he continues to poison his life and those around him. I have not spoken with him and i don't miss him at all. Today i noticed i had forgotten his birthday so that is a good sign. 6) Was there a click in your mind, or something you did that helped you cope with it? Yes, self respect. he is pathetic.
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