The Triangle - BW and OW only

[pureinheart]

Bang on. Attitudes towards BW changes a lot. Unless you're a woman who's completely insensitive to your s/o, you will notice. I call it your spidey-sense but it's your subconscious noting slight or substantial differences.

 

hey TBF,

 

Yep I knew everytime.....

[Romeo Must Die]

I believe there is a triangle and wether OW have noticed it, safely distanced herself from it, or pretend it doesnt exist (BW do the same thing) it is still there.

 

Of course, I want it from a womens angle (not wanting to discuss the MM corner of the triangle, like Romeo's) because I'm tired of the excuses and the blaming and the bullsh*it. Once we accept it, we keep ourselves inside the triangle until we seek a true balance with the MM/WS.

 

The MM plays a dual role. He is both the MM and the WS. His side is not clearly defined as one or the other. He has two roles on his line and that is the key to unlock the triangle. You are still OW on the left and I am still BW on the right. We are parallel in many ways, but seperate from one another. Our roles do not change.

 

If we were just MM/MW and you were just SM/SW, it is much more balanced in a straight line. In a triangle relationship, it is not equal and it is not balanced and we attack or ignore anybody outside our own line.

 

[movinon05]

I want both the Pros and Cons. When you fight/fought, was it about BW/OW or was it only the specific issues between the two AP/MPs - or was it both? Did BW/OW come between you, did she keep you apart? For the OW, was it a relationship that was more intense because of the drama involved? Do you think your feelings would be equally as intense (in a normal SG/SG relationship) without all the risk and danger? Did their issues/problems give you a reason to be together?

 

To tell you the truth, my exMM's W was a lot like the OW in your situation. She was combative, came to wherever I was living, punched me, called my home, called my work constantly, taunted me in public, dragged her children into it, etc. Once she made contact with my children, I told MM to let her know a restraining order would be slapped on her if she ever did that again. And when it continued with me, I went to the police, and told her so, and threatened her with a restraining order.

 

As far as MM and I, we didn't fight over her. But I know they fought all the time about us. She did her best time after time to lie and try to make things worse for us, and so did her daughter. Then I always had to set the record straight with him as to what the real truth was. That did get tiring.

 

The only arguments he had with me was either when he believed those lies or he invented things in his mind assuming I was out looking for men because I went out with friends. He wanted me to sit home patiently and wait for him til "someday" would come.

 

I guess you could say the Ws maniacal behavior was what helped to keep us apart in the end. But only because MM always put me last. Once I saw that happening, I knew even if he did leave it would still be that way. And he did leave for a few months at one point, and it was still that way.

 

And no, it wasn't the drama that made the feelings more intense. It was everything I thought I knew of him and how he made me feel before all the drama piled up in a heap to make me see it would never work. Fighting through the drama was too exhausting.

 

Actually, in my mind, I can thank her now. I'm much happier and he's her problem now. In fact, I do believe he's out there cheating again. Whatever.

[frannie]

I believe there is a triangle and wether OW have noticed it, safely distanced herself from it, or pretend it doesnt exist (BW do the same thing) it is still there.

 

Of course, I want it from a womens angle (not wanting to discuss the MM corner of the triangle, like Romeo's) because I'm tired of the excuses and the blaming and the bullsh*it. Once we accept it, we keep ourselves inside the triangle until we seek a true balance with the MM/WS.

 

The MM plays a dual role. He is both the MM and the WS. His side is not clearly defined as one or the other. He has two roles on his line and that is the key to unlock the triangle. You are still OW on the left and I am still BW on the right. We are parallel in many ways, but seperate from one another. Our roles do not change.

 

If we were just MM/MW and you were just SM/SW, it is much more balanced in a straight line. In a triangle relationship, it is not equal and it is not balanced and we attack or ignore anybody outside our own line.

 

 

Oh yes. I agree, there are definitely two relationships going on, and he is in both of them. In the same way as their relationship is almost certainly different (in some way) because of his relationship with me... my relationship with him isn't the 'usual' kind of 'getting to know you' experience that I would have ordinarily expected at this stage.

 

As I said in my first post on this thread, OUR getting-to-know-you and first few years have not been what I've always been used to, and that may or may not be a good thing, I don't know. Of course the W can't consciously come between us in any way, since she has no knowledge of my existence. And I don't consciously use anything I know of his W (which is next to nothing anyway) in order to usurp their relationship. Whatever damage is being done isn't targeted, specific (e.g. approaching their children, etc.), or anything else beyond my existence, and the existence of this relationship between me and him.

 

I'm not trying to underplay any of that, but just to talk about 'the triangle'... in some cases there may be direct interaction between the women, in others indirect but targeted, and in others nothing more than 'existence'.