hrtbroken99 Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I have a question for the men..if any of you initated the breakup, would you say that you are still having a hard time getting over that person? Or, how long would you say it takes for you to get over that person if you were the dumper?
Speedo Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I have a question for the men..if any of you initated the breakup, would you say that you are still having a hard time getting over that person? Or, how long would you say it takes for you to get over that person if you were the dumper? There really isn't any one answer to your question. It all depends on the situation, every one of them are unique. For example, I was the dumper in my last one, but I was the one who was devastated. I broke up with her because I knew she no longer cared for me like she did. Then again, years ago I had a girl dump me but only because she knew that I wasn't going to go any further emotionally with her. She dumped me, but she was devastated. As far as "getting over them" it doesn't necessarily depend on who does the dumping, but how strongly the two people feel about each other at the time of breakup. Sometimes the brain wins over the heart and people break up because they know that it won't work out. But that doesn't mean theyre not hurting like hell.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 i don't think you ever 'get over' that person - they were and should be a great memory, i think u get over your hurt, then u start seeing their side of things and then u try to be the best person you can and respect yourself and them.
moman Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 It depends. The last two serious girlfriends I had, I broke up with the first and was over her immediately, and the second broke up with me (although I pretty much pushed her to that conclusion) and I was devastated for a couple months. Funny thing is I begged for her to come back (to no avail) but when I finally had my emotional breakdown and moved on, she wanted to come back to me. I saw your other post. Hang in there the holidays are the toughest part. The girl I am dating and I had an upheavel a few weeks ago and I probably won't get to see her for the rest of the year. It bothers me in my head but my heart doesn't mind for some reason (Is this telling me something?). I don't have any holiday spirit this year either and could care less.
Pyro Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I have a question for the men..if any of you initated the breakup, would you say that you are still having a hard time getting over that person? Or, how long would you say it takes for you to get over that person if you were the dumper? It definitely depends on the situation. As the dumper, you are prepared for the breakup, so I can imagine that its not as difficult for the dumper to cope, compared to the dumpee, who gets surprised with the decision.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 when my ex dumped me i wasn't surprised - i was confused. i thought we had done all that hard work for the rewards not for an ending and honestly, i know this sounds bad, but i never once believed we would never be apart - i thought it was a til death do us part. i believed we were getting rid of the garbage and that marriage and happiness was the goal but i was wrong.
Cossette4 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Speedo, I found your comment really interesting: "I was the dumper in my last one, but I was the one who was devastated. I broke up with her because I knew she no longer cared for me like she did." My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 5 months ago, out-of-the-blue and with no respect (over the phone) after treating me like I was his world for all those years. I still am in shock and can't believe it, because I always assumed he was more in love with me than I was with him. Things were getting to a point where I was taking him for granted and I was getting frustrated that he wasn't "keeping up" with me so to speak in areas like school, career, adult responsibilities etc. I got sick of playing his mom and apparently it showed. So he did the break-up and two weeks later, he's living with another girl (and she's not exactly the type of girl most guys would find to be girlfriend material--skanky, sexually vulgar, not at all attractive, dumb as rocks, etc.) After it was all over and I asked "So did you leave me for her?" He said no. I still don't know whether or not to believe him, because after all, it seems so suspicious that he could be moved in with her in 14 days time w/o any prior intentions. However, his only reason for the breakup that he's given me is "I thought you didn't even care about me." Now that I read your comment, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps he was telling the truth and the girl really is a rebound because, like you, he felt "devestated" despite being the one doing the break-up. I'm curious, did you feel any need to rebound shortly afterwards?
Lostandfound Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 For me, the most difficult thing to come to terms with is when you imagine that the ex, is actually with someone else, when you spend all the good times togther the thought of it ending never enters your mind, when it does, for whatever reason, this thought hurts. Although it may not actually be that they are with someone else.
Speedo Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Speedo, I found your comment really interesting: "I was the dumper in my last one, but I was the one who was devastated. I broke up with her because I knew she no longer cared for me like she did." My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 5 months ago, out-of-the-blue and with no respect (over the phone) after treating me like I was his world for all those years. I still am in shock and can't believe it, because I always assumed he was more in love with me than I was with him. Things were getting to a point where I was taking him for granted and I was getting frustrated that he wasn't "keeping up" with me so to speak in areas like school, career, adult responsibilities etc. I got sick of playing his mom and apparently it showed. So he did the break-up and two weeks later, he's living with another girl (and she's not exactly the type of girl most guys would find to be girlfriend material--skanky, sexually vulgar, not at all attractive, dumb as rocks, etc.) After it was all over and I asked "So did you leave me for her?" He said no. I still don't know whether or not to believe him, because after all, it seems so suspicious that he could be moved in with her in 14 days time w/o any prior intentions. However, his only reason for the breakup that he's given me is "I thought you didn't even care about me." Now that I read your comment, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps he was telling the truth and the girl really is a rebound because, like you, he felt "devestated" despite being the one doing the break-up. I'm curious, did you feel any need to rebound shortly afterwards? Well, like I said, I think it's different for everybody. In my particular case, I do have the impulse to rebound unfortunetly. I'm talking to 4 different girls right now who are interested in me. I started going out like a mad man the first week of the breakup. The whole time however I've been thinking of her. I always date good looking girls with great personalities, so as soon as I find one like that to date, I will forget about my ex. But I would certainly not move in with anybody 14 days after the breakup unless I had known her for a very long time. Unfortunetly I think your suspicions are correct and he certainly had contact with her prior to the breakup. He may be heartbroken over you, and she may still be a rebound, but I don't think there's any doubt that he knew her before you two broke up.
Cossette4 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Oh yes, I know he KNEW her because they worked together, but he claimed they were only friends before we broke up and I just don't know if that's true. I know I can't feel betrayed if someone was friends with someone while we were still dating, but if there was cheating going on, that makes me want to vomit.
Speedo Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Oh yes, I know he KNEW her because they worked together, but he claimed they were only friends before we broke up and I just don't know if that's true. I know I can't feel betrayed if someone was friends with someone while we were still dating, but if there was cheating going on, that makes me want to vomit. lol! I understand the vomiting thing. Look, I'm not saying that he ever did anything physical with her. I don't know that for sure obviously. But, don't believe that they were just "friends" and then all of a sudden he moves in with her. Would you move in with one of your "guy friends" that you considered just a friend and then have it suddenly turn romantic 2 weeks after a serious relationship?? I doubt it. Not what you want to hear I'm sure. Don't go vommiting just yet. The fact is, would you really want to know? I'm in the same boat kind of, where I suspect something went on, but I will NEVER know. She's too clever for that. But if I did know, I would vommit too...who likes to vommit?? Do your best to not ask questions like that in your head.
Recommended Posts