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I dont understand NC

hrtbroken99

By hrtbroken99
in Coping

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hrtbroken99 Established Member

hrtbroken99

Posted
Posted

Ok I am confused about this No contact rule. My bf and I broke up a few wks ago. I still love him dearly and we broke up because we are at a point where we are so far from one another (ldr) and trying to finish up college. Ok with NC--I have not Called him once or made any effort the past 3wks. I also have nto heard from him. I dont get it, do you do NC if you dont ever ever want to see the person or keep in touch? Or is it to have the perosn miss you or something? I am a bit confused? When breaking up he said we oculd still be friends and stuff and he'd call me in amonth or so. So what am I suppose to do? Is it ok for me to call him or text him on his b-day or xmas? I dont think I understand how to do this no contact thing or if I am suppose to do it in my situation?

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

NC is a way to get your act together, resolve your feelings, while at the same time using the time apart to see if you guys miss one another.

 

Not having contact with one another will either help you get over the situation faster, or it will help you both to figure out if you miss one another.

 

For some people, NC is a tool to inspire their partner to miss them.

For others, it's a means of getting over the relationship. Every situation is different.

 

If your ex said he will contact you in a month, I'd wait for him to make first contact. You've done quite well not reaching out to him. It will show him your strength and independance.

 

Use this time for self introspection, hopefully your ex is using this time to do the same thing.

 

Good luck, hope that answers some of your questions.

D

rob1sinner Member

rob1sinner

Posted
Posted

quick question. i'm using the NC rule to get over my ex. problem is...her birthday is coming up soon and she and i always call each other on our birthdays. should i call her and break the rules for a second or should i not? eventhough im sticking to the NC rule and its been helping me alot, i would feel a little bad if i didnt call her. what do u guys think?

FallenTree Member

FallenTree

Posted
Posted

Hmm...same thing happened with my ex, birthday times. Still, I had told him no contact! And he didn't contact me on my bday. I kind of was sad, but at the same time, it would have just brought back the same feelings, etc etc....so I would say no to that.

Rooster_DAR Established Member

Rooster_DAR

Posted
Posted
quick question. i'm using the NC rule to get over my ex. problem is...her birthday is coming up soon and she and i always call each other on our birthdays. should i call her and break the rules for a second or should i not? eventhough im sticking to the NC rule and its been helping me alot, i would feel a little bad if i didnt call her. what do u guys think?

 

Most of the supporting members are going to say "don't do it!". If she broke up with you, then I definately would advise against it unless you did something terrible to her. If the breakup was mutual, or you broke up with her I may say go for it but don't say I love you or anything romantic on the card.

 

Need more info from you to give some sort of suggestion.

 

Regards,

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

Depends on the motivations for reaching out.

Do you have hopes for a reconciliation?

stanchain Established Member

stanchain

Posted
Posted

Hey just from my experience... once it's over.. it is over... i learned that today. If you are on here... you are like the rest of us you care about your ex. What I have learned on here is that if our signifacant others cared.. .they would be with us, and we would not have ot worry about NC

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

i think ex will always care about the other - i think nc just confuses you about what the motivation is - is she using nc to get back or move on. but eventuantly u find that answer. and birthdays are a huge indictor. if nc was being used to heal and months pass - and a birth comes and goes without contact - nc is being used to move on - that is clearly my case and i have used my nc wisely so when that happened it did not set me back - it was mearly a recognition of what i thought - so i no longer question things - its over.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

Well, you're right about that SC.

That's why practicing NC can help.

 

If my bf still wanted to be with me- he'd be with me... end of story.

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

i said this 5 months ago and i still believe it - if i ever break up with someone i will never use NC. and while i admit NC has lead me to clarity and honesty and motivates me - nc has robbed me of someone i loved dearly and i know that she did that so she would be able to forget about me - that is what hurt me the most and drove me insane - knowing that she needed and wanted complete removal of me in her life - that's a tough one to handle.

 

took me a long time to get my head around that fact - how much i went from her everything to her disgust but because i did the self love repair work it hasn't brought me down and i found the answer to when nc ends - when the one that opposed it doesn't see themselves as being in nc with the other. that's when its over. thats not a negative - it just means you have wiped the slate clean and are now open to everything - it means that chapter is over and a new one can be written - with her, with someone else, with yourself - that's a great place to be in.

rob1sinner Member

rob1sinner

Posted
Posted

regarding my question....our breakup was mutual so i dont hold a resentment towards her and im pretty sure she doesnt either. and no im not hoping for reconcilliation. i just want to say happy b-day cuz i would feel kinda bad if i didnt. what do u guys think now?

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

I don't think there's anything wrong with a happy b-day text.

If you just want to keep things friendly and have no expectations- then you'll also not be subject to any diappointment.

 

I think it would be different if you had hopes of a reconciliation and wanted to break NC to reach out to her with the hope of a certain response.

 

So why not then? It's mature to end the break up without hard feelings.

D

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hrtbroken99 Established Member

hrtbroken99

Posted
  • Author
Posted
NC is a way to get your act together, resolve your feelings, while at the same time using the time apart to see if you guys miss one another.

 

Not having contact with one another will either help you get over the situation faster, or it will help you both to figure out if you miss one another.

 

For some people, NC is a tool to inspire their partner to miss them.

For others, it's a means of getting over the relationship. Every situation is different.

 

If your ex said he will contact you in a month, I'd wait for him to make first contact. You've done quite well not reaching out to him. It will show him your strength and independance.

 

Use this time for self introspection, hopefully your ex is using this time to do the same thing.

 

Good luck, hope that answers some of your questions.

D

 

thanks for all the input everyone! I have not called him at all as much as I want to I don't feel that he even deserves to hear from me. (Our breakup was some what mutual-we were in a ldr) anyway, I have tried to keep myself busy but at the same time I do think about days like xmas and birthdays where I may be tempted to call, but then he said he would contact me, so like you posted Amy I will follow and wait to see if he does actally make an effort. Thanks to everyone who replied...I really appreciate it :)

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