Guest999999999999 Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 i met a guy 12 years older than me online, he was romantic, funny, kind,charming, everything my husband lacked. i was bored and lonely in my marriage, so we hooked up and met up. he is also married. i was honest with my husband from the start, we seperated and i became free to begin this new love affair, it was exciting and all that stuff but this man continued lying to his wife every time we met up, he told her he was away visiting a friend and she believed all his lies, i begged him to leave but he says he cant at the moment for financial reasons. he says once his house is paid and his debts, he can be with me here in uk, do i believe him? he seems a sincere man but not to his wife of course!! he wants me to wait 2 years. well its been months since ive been with him, his wife eventually got suspicious and has stopped him from having any freedom, in the meantime my husband who has always remained supportive in my life has told me he still loves me and wants us to give our marriage a second chance, hes a good man and never once looked at another woman.he is willing to forgive everything. why is it so difficult to give up the married man when i know deep down he is never going to be any good for me? is anyone else in a similar situation? or has had to make such a decision?
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Why wouldn't he lie to you as well? He's lying to his wife!! DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM FOR 2 YEARS! That's just insane! Go back to your husband, head to marriage counselling and fix your marriage. Rekindle that love you once felt for your husband...It is there, you just need to dig down and find it again. Forget the MM, he's full of crap and not worth your time or energy.
anatus Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Unfortunately online romances can be so intense. First, you can be who ever you want to be online. It's too easy to hide behind the keyboard and screen. Once you become an expert pretending to be somebody else, it's even easier to fool somebody that does not know you well. There's the thrill of a new relationship and the thrill of a chase. Then reality sinks in... that you are living in a fantasy... the reality of this other life that you have becomes clearer.... and harder to leave. Now it's not that easy to whisk this new romance away. Perhaps you've told too many lies, perhaps deep inside you know you cannot start a new relationship in doom mode. Yes, I understand this. I've been there and done that. The pain is intense and I was always confused. I was always unsure and questioned everything, especially if HE was lying. My advice is move on. It's easier said than done. One day at a time is all you can do.
EMZY92 Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 THANK YOU BOTH FOR YOUR RESPONSES. i do think i still have love for my husband yes. but this guy came along and swept me off my feet. well theres been N/C with him now for a few days, my doing, and hes not happy, wont back down at all. i'm worried i will give in and reply to his texts/phone calls if i have a weak moment. i hope not! as i know theres no future in this relationship, your right i cant wait 2 years, its crazy, if he truly loved me he would be here...right? thanks again.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 BLOCK HIM. And do not give in if he does contact you. Ask him to respect your wishes, which is not to contact you and that it's over. If you truely loved him and he truely loved you somehow you'd both end your marriages and be together. BUT - I think you know all this is based on fantasy...Could you give up your whole life as you know it? All the comforts, security, love, family, friends...Turn your childrens lives upside for a MM? Not only that, but HOW you two would be getting together isn't the proper way of starting a relationship - It would be on the expense of other people who got hurt along the way...Also, could you trust him 100%? Could he trust you 100%? Wouldn't you both wonder since you both cheated on your spouses that it could happen again with someone else?
Meaplus3 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 i met a guy 12 years older than me online, he was romantic, funny, kind,charming, everything my husband lacked. i was bored and lonely in my marriage, so we hooked up and met up. he is also married. i was honest with my husband from the start, we seperated and i became free to begin this new love affair, it was exciting and all that stuff but this man continued lying to his wife every time we met up, he told her he was away visiting a friend and she believed all his lies, i begged him to leave but he says he cant at the moment for financial reasons. he says once his house is paid and his debts, he can be with me here in uk, do i believe him? he seems a sincere man but not to his wife of course!! he wants me to wait 2 years. well its been months since ive been with him, his wife eventually got suspicious and has stopped him from having any freedom, in the meantime my husband who has always remained supportive in my life has told me he still loves me and wants us to give our marriage a second chance, hes a good man and never once looked at another woman.he is willing to forgive everything. why is it so difficult to give up the married man when i know deep down he is never going to be any good for me? is anyone else in a similar situation? or has had to make such a decision? Hi Guest, I like the title of your thread. because getting involved with a married man does lead to heartache and double the heartache if you are married as well. Why is it difficult to give up MM? Well it sort of becomes an addiction. One big Fantasy that leads you to believe that he's a knight and shining armour, just like in the story book's. Is this true? In my opition NO. If your husband is willing to give you a second chance, take that and move on. Best to you. AP
EMZY92 Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 thank you again. it really is a comfort coming on here and receiving such supportive advice. exactly ! this year i have lost so much because of him. my family, my friends have turned away and i have had a lonely year with no support HE told me our love was worth it and when we are TOGETHER FOREVER it will be a wonderful life. why do we believe in such crap? or is it just me! it is like i am just seeing the light for the first time. but how do i cope with the regrets and the guilt, my poor husband didnt deserve it and my kids lives have been turned upside down. HE has a grown up daughter. i took my kids to spend a week with him and me in the summer and he was here a couple of months ago. he says he has no interest in them only us being together. so that was a big worry. i have slowly been waking up to the fact is will never work though in other ways he is very thoughtful and sweet. he sits on his pc every night waiting for me to come online, ive now blocked him in every way possible, hes trying every way possible to contact me but i am remaining strong, been here before though and always weakened in the end i gave up my marriage for him but he has done nothing for me in return, only begging me to wait, he does not know the time but he promises no more than two years. i was a fool! but i am one of the lucky ones. i have a sensitive loving husband who is willing to forgive and understand, my kids are suppoortive and hope me and their dad can work things out again...i am pretty sure we can. just need to get over the guilt. thanks again.
umbo Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 I read your post and why I am shocked and disgusted at your behavior I do admire your honesty. You stated you felt lonely and bored in your marriage. There are many marriage relationship books that you can read that can help you with your feelings. YOu are internet savy and can research the topic. However your feelings told you to go to online chat rooms for married people. You should be crawling back to your husband to your family and friends begging for forgiveness. YOur behavior was juvenile and foolish as you already know. But I can almost bet you will not settle for lonely and bored for long. I wish your husband and kids good luck.
whichwayisup Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 Get some one on one therapy for yourself so you can heal and be able to forgive yourself for this bad mistake. And together you and your husband can work on building your marriage back up to where it can be stronger. Do it for yourselves and for your children... Good luck and stay strong. YOU can get through this if you focus on your husband and kids.
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