yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I have a quick question.....What does it mean if the MM starts telling people about the relationship? Just really curious......
noforgiveness Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 of course I'm sure it means good things for you but it also means he is acting really stupid. Imagine if his kids find out from a friend of a friend or what have you. People love gossip and it spreads quick. He needs to talk to his wife. NOW before telling anyone else.
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I thought it was stupid actaully...and told him the same thing.. I guess I'm shocked...Never saw this coming. of course I'm sure it means good things for you but it also means he is acting really stupid. Imagine if his kids find out from a friend of a friend or what have you. People love gossip and it spreads quick. He needs to talk to his wife. NOW before telling anyone else.
CarolAnne Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Also be careful to find out exactly how he is describing it. If he was the actually one who initiated things with you, but is telling people you chased after him and wore his defenses down, etc
noforgiveness Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I thought it was stupid actaully...and told him the same thing.. I guess I'm shocked...Never saw this coming. who's he telling? His close friends or your friends? If he's telling his friends then this will get to either his wife or kids. he needs to talk to her.
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I know your not expecting this answer from me being im a OW. Im guessing you think Im giddy with happiness. Acutally Im not happy with this. It was stupid. And if he has someone to tell. GO TELL HER.. who's he telling? His close friends or your friends? If he's telling his friends then this will get to either his wife or kids. he needs to talk to her.
noforgiveness Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I know your not expecting this answer from me being im a OW. Im guessing you think Im giddy with happiness. Acutally Im not happy with this. It was stupid. And if he has someone to tell. GO TELL HER.. What are you talking about? I just asked who it is he is telling because depending on who he is telling depends on the effect it will have. Gossip spreads quick. Maybe this guy is in self destruct mode because he does want to be with you now but this is not the way to do it. His kids do not need to find out on the school bus or his wife at a neighborhood party. Oh carolanne has a good point too. Did maybe his wife find out again? Is he telling people to paint a different story first?
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I know. He is an IDIOT. IDIOT....I am sick to my stomach since I heard. And to answer the question did she found out again? Nah, TRUST ME im sure I would know and this wouldnt be a hint. What are you talking about? I just asked who it is he is telling because depending on who he is telling depends on the effect it will have. Gossip spreads quick. Maybe this guy is in self destruct mode because he does want to be with you now but this is not the way to do it. His kids do not need to find out on the school bus or his wife at a neighborhood party. Oh carolanne has a good point too. Did maybe his wife find out again? Is he telling people to paint a different story first?
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 do you think its maybe easier for him if she finds out through some other source than him have to have the bit D day talk?
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 In a bad scenario this can ruin the social/professional life of the OW. If he eventually never leaves his W, then everyone will talk about you as someone' having a liason with a MM...
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 It is a game.. he noticed you pulling back from him and that threatened his free sex away from his marriage.. So he gave you a little nugget to keep you hooked.. and it seemed to have worked since you think you are actually going to wind up with him in the end.. You are being gullible and don't realize it.. break it off with this loser and go find someone single and available to make you happy..
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I havent asked for that. And I cant predict the future. It is a game.. he noticed you pulling back from him and that threatened his free sex away from his marriage.. So he gave you a little nugget to keep you hooked.. and it seemed to have worked since you think you are actually going to wind up with him in the end.. You are being gullible and don't realize it.. break it off with this loser and go find someone single and available to make you happy..
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I havent asked for that. And I cant predict the future. You maybe didn't ask for the nugget he gave you but it worked.. you are still hooked.. He felt threatened he was going to lose you.. So he thought of something to bring you back close to him..
pureinheart Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Wow....could he be tired of hiding? Honestly the first thing that came to mind is he hates how things are and needs to talk to other people.... Like me, when I am about to explode I finally open up to other people....He might want to come to terms with everything....I don't see this as negative at all.
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Actually predicting the future in a OW/MM relationship is fairly easy- ALL relationships follow patterns and so does a OW/MM relationship.. the pattern is that they rarely leave the wife and if they do you still won't get him and if you think you get him in the end you won't.. a pattern of deception and lying and games.. one day you will finally see this
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 This is what everyone is saying. That I could be seeing the end to all of this. I guess I will see. Who knows. Wow....could he be tired of hiding? Honestly the first thing that came to mind is he hates how things are and needs to talk to other people.... Like me, when I am about to explode I finally open up to other people....He might want to come to terms with everything....I don't see this as negative at all.
norajane Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 How did you find out he's telling people? Did he tell you himself or did someone come up and ask you about the affair? I think your best bet is just to ask him directly why he's telling people now, and to ask him to stop doing so if it makes you uncomfortable.
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Hate to ask, but is he telling you that he's telling people, or have you actually heard from the people he's telling? I just wonder if actually IS ... To be honest, I think what he is doing is rude and disrespectful to his wife. If he wants to tell, let it be HER first, not his buddies, or co-workers. He's playing with fire and he's gonna get burned big time...Unless that is what he wants? For his wife to find out, boot him out for good? Maybe he just doesn't have the balls to end it and say goodbye to her, so this is his a-hole way of doing just that.
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I heard about it him telling. And I was upset with him and ask him about it and he admitted it. I told him that telling people wasnt a good idea and if he felt the need to tell anyone go tell HER. I started to wonder that myself. If her finding about us AGAIN from someone else was he way if avoiding telling her about it. Honestly I think he is trying to get out of the marriage before the son is done HS. I think he is trying to get out before what they both agreed. ( If that makes any sense - my head hurts and I cant think anymore)
norajane Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Since you discussed it with him, I'm surprised you didn't ask him WHY he was telling anyone. I'm also surprised he didn't even try to tell you why he had done so. He sounds passive-aggressive toward his wife, and not so good at confronting her with his feelings. Careful...if he's like that with her, he'll be like that with you.
Author yousaveme Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I didnt know what to say to him. I just looked at him like he lost his mind. All he told me was that that had already figured it out so he just started talking about me. And how we get along etc.... He tells me everything about his feelings one thing he said has always been hard for him and a problem between them. ( again have to understand they got married after 5 months knowing eachother because she got pregnant and they have had problems- stayed together because they think they are doing what is best for the kids) I told him thats what I thought that he doesnt have the balls to tell her he wants out now. So her finding out will get him out without him saying the words. I have noticed more and more that he isnt happy with the agreement they made. Since you discussed it with him, I'm surprised you didn't ask him WHY he was telling anyone. I'm also surprised he didn't even try to tell you why he had done so. He sounds passive-aggressive toward his wife, and not so good at confronting her with his feelings. Careful...if he's like that with her, he'll be like that with you.
bonehead Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Actually predicting the future in a OW/MM relationship is fairly easy- ALL relationships follow patterns and so does a OW/MM relationship.. the pattern is that they rarely leave the wife and if they do you still won't get him and if you think you get him in the end you won't.. a pattern of deception and lying and games.. one day you will finally see this Not ALL of them turn out that way.
bonehead Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I didnt know what to say to him. I just looked at him like he lost his mind. All he told me was that that had already figured it out so he just started talking about me. And how we get along etc.... He tells me everything about his feelings one thing he said has always been hard for him and a problem between them. ( again have to understand they got married after 5 months knowing eachother because she got pregnant and they have had problems- stayed together because they think they are doing what is best for the kids) I told him thats what I thought that he doesnt have the balls to tell her he wants out now. So her finding out will get him out without him saying the words. I have noticed more and more that he isnt happy with the agreement they made. It is quite possible he IS hoping someone else will tell her. That will get him out without him having to do the dirty work.
Author yousaveme Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 Thats what Im thinking. That he is tired of all this as well. And easier to get it done and over with. Seems more comfortable in what we have it seems to me. It is quite possible he IS hoping someone else will tell her. That will get him out without him having to do the dirty work.
Meaplus3 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 It is quite possible he IS hoping someone else will tell her. That will get him out without him having to do the dirty work. Yes Bonehead this sounds very true. AP
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