blueyes77 Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Help please I was suppose to talk to him last week but things came up and we werent able to talk so now should i wait til after christmas or not what do I do
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Wait until after Xmas and the New Year. No point in doing anything at this time of year. Can't remember all the details of your situation, but if you're thinking of asking him to tell his wife about you and your child, DEFINATELY wait until January to do this. Not fair on her, their kids to ruin their holidays.
ratingsguy Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 The worst holidays to break up on (or around) include: Christmas New Years Day Thanksgiving Valentine's Day That person's birthday Your anniversary If you hate the person and have a good reason, I guess it doesn't matter. But if you still like that person, but want to consider their feelings, be careful about when you do this.
sadie b Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 hey I dont know your situation completely, but this is what I have been going through. MM and I talked and decided that in Jan we were going to plan on how he would leave the best ways etc. Then last week I got really impatient sick of doing my head in thinking all of the what ifs etc. So we spoke on Sat and he told me he didnt think he could do it to them (his W and daughter). As a result of this I said fine but thats it with us I cant hang around wait for him forever and he is making a mistake. I subsequently had the most miserable weekend of my life, and I am talking seriously unbearably sad and upset etc. As a result in this he is coming round today and we will talk things over once more. He said he couldnt bear my hurt and we need to sort something out. I am hoping that he will of course change his mind and not just take the easy option. Everything in this sort of situation is against the OM/OW and this time of year does not help either. I am only telling you all this because I had such an awful experience this weekend, I wouldnt advise anyone to go through that and especially not this time of year, not without being prepared to be strong and have totally worst time of it for a while. You need to prepare yourself the same as I am trying for the absolute worst. The way I see it nothing happens before Xmas, everyone is too crazy busy etc so wait and plan correctly so you are completely prepared. Just my thoughts for what they are worth.
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 There are children involved here, so you don't want to ruin their future Xmas's because you may want the MM to tell his wife about you and your child. Please consider others feelings and not just what you want. Those children are INNOCENT and don't need their lives turned upside at this time of year..
Author blueyes77 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 I wasnt going to ask him to tell his wife about us or our little girl I was just going to try to end the affair its going on a year now and ever since I had the baby it is hard to even talk to him cause I dont understand how you can have a child and not act like you love them than sometimes i think what about my child dont she deserve to know her dad we wouldnt be in this boat if he wouldnt have told me he was fixed and really wasnt I cant just walk away without telling him how I feel. But Im not out to hurt anyone specially not at christmas just think im ready for this affair to be over
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 im ready for this affair to be over so have you discussed and finalized child support issues, visiting rights, etc before ending it?
Author blueyes77 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 oyster no he wants to keep her a secret because he thinks his wife will leave him and hell be in the same situation with his little boy that he is in with his other daughter that he dont hardly gets to see that he had with his first wife that is what makes all this so hard for me I know how much he loves his little boy and how much he wants to be apart of his other daughters life but when it comes to mine all he ever said to me was after she was born was he didnt have a choice I had her even thou he didnt want me too
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 oyster no he wants to keep her a secret because he thinks his wife will leave him and hell be in the same situation with his little boy that he is in with his other daughter that he dont hardly gets to see that he had with his first wife that is what makes all this so hard for me I know how much he loves his little boy and how much he wants to be apart of his other daughters life but when it comes to mine all he ever said to me was after she was born was he didnt have a choice I had her even thou he didnt want me too well over time, your daughter might look for her dad and 20 years down the road, imagine his wife discovering a fully grown woman saying she is his daughter. Not that you are a gold digger or anything, he should give you some cash flow to support your kid. If I was the man, I would give the woman what ever I can.
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 oyster no he wants to keep her a secret because he thinks his wife will leave him and hell be in the same situation with his little boy that he is in with his other daughter that he dont hardly gets to see that he had with his first wife that is what makes all this so hard for me I know how much he loves his little boy and how much he wants to be apart of his other daughters life but when it comes to mine all he ever said to me was after she was born was he didnt have a choice I had her even thou he didnt want me too It's obvious he wasn't planning on having another child, let alone with you. I don't mean that to sound harsh. Can I ask? How long ago did he get a vastecomy? He has to tell his wife about you and his new child at some point. He cannot keep that a secret, someone WILL find out or she'll find out by accident. He owes her the truth so she can decide if she wants to stay married to him and deal with this situation head-on or leave. It's one thing to have an affair, but another to get another woman pregnant. (I know I've said this already.)
Author blueyes77 Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 he told me he had it two years ago this was in feb. I didnt want anymore kids either i had appointment to get my tubes tied in march thats when i found out i was pregnant and couldnt have it done he didnt want me to keep her cause of our situation he told me if it wasnt for his little boy he would feel different but i choice to keep her anyway cause i dont believe in abortions I think he loves his little boy more than anything . Its hard when a child gets involved makes you really look at what the hell you have done and how many lifes it will effect
Seen_It_All Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 ....wouldnt be in this boat if he wouldnt have told me he was fixed and really wasnt... What a complete and utter SCUMBAG. no he wants to keep her a secret... Of course the scumbag does. Question. What the hell is WRONG with this LOSER? What the hell is wrong with this scumbag that he LIED to you saying he was sterilized? Was the revolting pig too selfish to wear a friggen condom??? Is that what it came down to? What an utterly repulsive piece of trash. Oh this was all YOUR choice to go ahead with a pregnancy HE caused with his lying, is that his opinion? What an utter piece of dog sh*t. The ONLY thing you should be doing is going straight to the family courts and getting a child support order put into place IMMEDIATELY. TODAY. Too bad your poor, innocent child has the legacy of having a total piece of GARBAGE as a sperm donor.
Meaplus3 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 The worst holidays to break up on (or around) include: Christmas New Years Day Thanksgiving Valentine's Day That person's birthday Your anniversary If you hate the person and have a good reason, I guess it doesn't matter. But if you still like that person, but want to consider their feelings, be careful about when you do this. Oh I would wait. I feel very bad that my affair became known around Christmas, for it's suppose to be a happy, family oriented time of year. I wish I had waited a little while longer. This "A" has confused me and hurt me deeply but I am not cold hearted and I feel for MM's family as well as my own. Hang in there. AP AP
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 two years ago Did he not go back to the Dr to get his sperm count done? Usually this is a routine thing after a guy gets that procedure done. They have to go back afew times to make sure no swimmers are left. Is it possible he has either lied to you about when he got it done, or even when he got it done? It's rare to have sperm there after 2 years..
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 yes. going back for the look see is part of the deal. i had to do that and it was soooooooooooooo much fun - but the deed had been done and i was now ready for a new life that was and i remember wondering what would happen the first time i O'd - it felt the same - but better because i could now do that and she approved as well - wink. i think that a man taking that issue off a woman, is a turn on - so i have been told - wink. if it is dropped in a conversation is seems to get the attention of females.
Author blueyes77 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 I asked him the same thing about going back to the doctor cause my ex-husband had to go back a few times He told me no he didnt go back he didnt see why he needed to i guess he does now but that is what makes me think he lied to me cause he would have known he had to go if he had it done
Author blueyes77 Posted December 19, 2006 Author Posted December 19, 2006 I asked him the same thing about going back to the doctor cause my ex-husband had to go back a few times He told me no he didnt go back he didnt see why he needed to i guess he does now but that is what makes me think he lied to me cause he would have known he had to go if he had it done
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