usure2 Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 So I need help dealing with my boyfriend's son. He is 7, I have no children of my own. I"m only 25 and he is 30. I"m the only person in my family who has no children. I'm an only child but my cousins all have 2 kids each. I'm not around them much (just holidays) so I"m not used to dealing with kids. I really do like my boyfriend's son. He has full custody of him and the mom has visitation rights. THe problem is that this kid is spoiled!! we went shopping this weekend and every store we went in he would want something and if he didn't get it (which was the case in every place but one) he would SCREAM and cry like a 2 year old!! It was very embarasing for me because when I am out I get very annoyed by misbehaving kids. And if I have any of my own, I will do my best to teach them to behave in public or they won't be going out with me. Maybe this is naive, but I understand young, young kids (2 and below) being uncontrollable but a 7 year old shouldn't be acting this way. Once we took his son out to eat and he was upset about something (he wanted a laptop computer and my boyfriend wouldn't rush to a store to buy it for him) so he was screaming and crying like someone was killing him. We were in the restaurant and he was just causing a huge scene and probably irriatating all the other diners. I walked out but my boyfriend kept yelling at him to shut up and he kept crying. He finally picked him up and carried him out after he (my boyfriend) finished eating. My boyfriend doesn't believe in spanking him, and to my knowledge he's never punished him (time out, taking something away, sitting him in a corner) other than yelling at him. One incident that made me want to crawl into a hole in the ground, was we were at an amusement park and his son wanted him to carry him. My boyfriend said no and the boy just threw a fit. Screaming, crying at the top of his lungs, choking sobs begging his dad to pick him up. My boyfriend refused and his son cried and screamed and disturbed everyone around us for about 15 minutes!!! He absolutely refused to pick him up and let him carry on and ruin everyone else's day for 15 minutes. This is a 7 year old! I tried to calm him down but he didn't want anyone except his dad. The weird thing is, that if I take his son out by himself-Ive only done this about 4 times, he is as good as gold for me. I mean once in awhile he'll ask me to buy him something and when I say no he'll pout and tell me I"m mean but he doesnt scream or cry. I had him for 10 hours (took him to a county fair) during the summer and he was perfect! My boyfriend gets mad at me because I dont' want to go some places with him and his son. I've tried telling him it bothers me the way his son acts with the three of us (and this also always happens with just my boyfriend and his son, so i don't think it has to do with me) go out. it doesn't matter where we go, bowling,shopping, out to eat, whatever. My boyfriend knows his son is spoiled but he grew up in a family of six kids and they were poor and he never had nice things, and he never got much attention and also his dad punished him by beating him so he wants a totally opposite life for his son which means he gives him everything (he is getting him a cell phone and lap top computer for christmas because his son wants them) and he doesn't believe in punishing him beyond yelling at him to stop what he is doing. Some days its just too much for me (I like peace and quiet!!) and I don't want to be around them. My boyfriend has even told me he smokes so much (about 2 packs a day) because if he didn't he couldn't put up with his own kid!! Yet I don't take any mood altering drugs or tranquilizers (a joke) before spending time with them but I"m expected to just put up with the crying and screaming!! What can I do? I would like to keep my boyfriend and his son in my life but the way his son is allowed to behave at times is ridiculous? is this just normal kid behavior or am I just too sensitive?
Ironman75 Posted December 24, 2006 Posted December 24, 2006 Ok first if you really love them both then you should stay. I'm a single dad as well but I never had to deal with anything like that from my kids. Thats because I was rasied by a strong woman who didn't take no crap. And I'm the same way. As men we are problem solvers thats what we do. So some times we don't like to hear other people to tell us how to do things so we stay in our ways. But at the same time we also need love and guidence as well. So talk to him tell him make limits on what he can have and not have. But some times he needs to get tough preiod. Or it will only get worse. I have friends with kids like that. And it's very hard. Also ask you B/F if he likes the man he is today. And if he says yes then maybe what his parents did was right not all of it but some things. And just the little I know of him he sounds like a good man because he's taking care of his son when alot of men don't. You don't have to abuse your kids to let them know who's boss. But he needs to take things that he was taught bu his parents and start to apply them. Again not all things but the ones that worked for them with him. And also tell him giving him everything is not helping him at all. Because what he really wants is just his dads love and attention. And the reason he's good for you is becuase he knows you you will not put up with it. And he's still getting to know you. And that in it's self should let your B/F know it can be done. I hope this helps.
bonehead Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 The weird thing is, that if I take his son out by himself-Ive only done this about 4 times, he is as good as gold for me. I mean once in awhile he'll ask me to buy him something and when I say no he'll pout and tell me I"m mean but he doesnt scream or cry. I had him for 10 hours (took him to a county fair) during the summer and he was perfect! It isnt weird. He knows how to get his way with dad.
CardPlay3r Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 All children test the limits to find out what they can get away with...and if there are no limits...you can see what happens...and I don't want to think what that child will be in later life. Anyway, he needs discipline of course...it does not have to be physical, I am against that as well...but time outs, taking stuff away grounding him with no tv, computer, cell phone (wth does he need a cell at 7...lol) Tell your bf he is being way too stubborn, and both extremes are bad - excessive punishment as well as no punishment. And get him to talk to a child psychologist or do research on it...
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