Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Last year I was harassed/stalked by a former acquaintance. I was worried about going back to school this year, until I learned that he'd been barred from campus on an unrelated charge. And if he showed up, the authorities said, we should call the campus police immediately and he would be arrested for violating probation. While the harassment was going on, I felt that my boyfriend was being very -- well, passive -- about the entire situation. I'm not looking for a knight in shining armor, but it would have been nice of him to at least tell this guy to bug off! Instead, he just seemed to ignore or play down the really vicious messages this guy sent me on a regular basis and said, "What would be the point of saying anything to him? He won't listen anyway." After I spoke to the police, my boyfriend expressed that he was reluctant to call the cops if he saw the other boy on campus, because he wasn't out to "get" anybody, some of his dormmates were still friends with the guy, etc. I was furious. I mean, come on! Was it so wrong of me to expect a little support? I felt like he was more concerned with keeping his (pathetic and backstabbing, but that's another long story) friends than doing the right thing. I just didn't want to break up with him over someone, something, that was so horrid. Especially since it seemed like the guy had finally backed off. After awhile, I wasn't as scared to check the mail anymore, and I even began to feel safe on campus. And then, last night, my boyfriend tells me that he's been keeping something from me for several weeks, and he wants to come clean. <b>He saw that jerk hanging out on campus with one of his friends, and he didn't do a thing about it.</b> I felt sick. I still feel sick. The fragile sense of security I had all this year was false, and the one person I trusted has actively deceived me. He says he was trying to protect me, but what was the good of telling me NOW when I'm sitting my final exams? I just feel so...scared and violated and angry...and I don't even know where to begin or what to do. I just keep thinking, over and over: What good is having someone who seemingly can't or won't stand up for you, much less himself? Is there any point to staying in this relationship? Please, please help.
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I'm sure it doesn't help my case, but I've spent time with my boyfriend since this disclosure and I just can't seem to bring it up as a topic of conversation...like I need more stress...already this is REALLY not helping me study! Has anyone been in a similar situation? I can't help but feel his actions (or inaction) says something important about him and/or our relationship. I just wish I knew what, and how or whether to continue.
JCD Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Your bf probably knows this guy better than you and thinks he won't flip out on you as you seem to think. That's why he's taking it easy. If he was some stranger that stalks women on campus then I think he would be more aggressive in protecting you. It's like your girl friend stalking her love when you know it's nothing but infatuation she's going thru and will move on after a while. Then again, I don't know the extent of his harassment so I'm thinking that he's just infatuated with you at this point and shows his anger for you rejecting him.
Walk Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Your bf sucks the big one. I think your bf deserves to be cut loose. Your partner is supposed to be number 1. Not some other guy who means nothing to either of you. No matter what his personal beliefs are about this guy, YOU feel in danger. That's all that matters. Don't let these wussy little boys tell you it's okay that he didn't take your side. It's their way of excusing themselves for lacking a spine. My bf would NEVER do something so underhanded. The moment I tell my bf so and so insulted me, or threatened me, (he knows it takes a lot to insult me or make me feel threatened) my bf is either on the phone chewing the guy a new ass, or making sure the guy understands that he's to never come near me again. And I'm not saying he has to be my knight in shiny armor, but I don't want to tie myself for life to a person who's going to stab me in the back when I have a problem. That's what your bf just did. YOu have a problem, and what did he do about it??? He helped support the other guy by keeping his mouth shut about what was going on. He's stabbing you in the back. It's not as if your asking your bf to potentially get the snot beat out of him by this guy. All your bf had to do was make an anonymous call to the cops to say the person had been seen on campus. He wouldn't be in danger of getting hurt at all... yet he wouldn't even do that. He invalidated your fears. He tossed aside your concerns as if they were pathetic, and over dramatic. Do you really want to stay with someone who see's you as a hystronic woman who has no grasp of reality? Who shows you that your feelings and thoughts don't mean ****? I wouldn't want to stay with him. And I'd tell him up front and loudly WHY I was dumping his pathetic ass.
blind_otter Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Your BF does sound pretty weak, passive, and slightly pathetic. No offense or anything, but what are his good qualities? What he did was a betrayal of your trust, simple as that. Now it's up to you to decide whether you can overcome that betrayal.
TheDC Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I'm going to have to side with Walk on this one. If he is too much of a spineless git to even attempt to stand up for his lady then how will you ever have any respect for him? I say dump him. I'd rather get my ass kicked than not stand up for my GF. As the saying goes "a coward dies a thousand deaths".
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