UNSUREHUSBAND725 Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ive recently moved back in with my wife of 10 years and ive noticed a difference in her,she recently purchased a cell phone,and is very protective of it,what i mean is that she won't let me use her cell phone at all,if i need to make a phone call ,she has to dial the number for me,she even follows me around the house to make sure that im not looking threw her phone.i'll ask her if i can browse threw her phone and she simply gets defensive and starts yelling and raising her voice and copping an attitude,to top it off she sleeps with her cell phone in her pocket,sometimes the phone will ring,and she won't answer,she'll just say that it's her sister and that she'll call her back later,at one point i tried to browse threw her phone and she almost bit my head off.am i overworried or should i be concerned.seeking for some advice.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ive recently moved back in with my wife of 10 years and ive noticed a difference in her,she recently purchased a cell phone,and is very protective of it,what i mean is that she won't let me use her cell phone at all,if i need to make a phone call ,she has to dial the number for me,she even follows me around the house to make sure that im not looking threw her phone.i'll ask her if i can browse threw her phone and she simply gets defensive and starts yelling and raising her voice and copping an attitude,to top it off she sleeps with her cell phone in her pocket,sometimes the phone will ring,and she won't answer,she'll just say that it's her sister and that she'll call her back later,at one point i tried to browse threw her phone and she almost bit my head off.am i overworried or should i be concerned.seeking for some advice. Secrecy of cellphones are the biggest red flag you can get, trust me on this. First of all do a search on LS for cellphone, this will provide you with some insight about the use of cellphones as a cheating mechanism. Is she up to no good? I'd be willing to bet on hit. If you are accurately describing the situation, I think she is up to no good. This is exactly what myself and many other betrayed spouses have gone through. My EX did the same things, she was hiding her cell, taking it outside, sleeping with it, and would not let me near it. This are all signs of someone who is hiding something, and the next thing you know she will be turning the whole thing around making you feel like the bad person. Let her know this bothers you, and if she contiues I would seriously think about a course of action for yourself. I will be sold bold as to say, women who are up to no good are very predictable, and this is one of many predictable scenarios she is demonstrating. Could be innocous, but I seriously doubt it. Post back when you have more info, I'm interested in your turnout. Cheers!
Sand&Water Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 RE: I warn you to keep your head up, on alert and in full-warning-gear, Unsurehusband725. Your wife is up to something, and you know it. Ive recently moved back in with my wife of 10 years . . . This is your wife, you are talking about. Not your girlfriend. And, to put it into perspective you have known her for the last 10 years. 10 years. Not 2 years or 5 years. With that said, there isn't much you can do right now. However that doesn't mean you should ignore her -or rather, the cell phone. You are married to her [ -hopefully, I understood right from your post]. You're her husband, and should be fully aware of the ins and outs of the marriage. Seems to me, she is playing with your mind and heart. Belittling to unacceptable degrees that sooner or later, she will take advantage of the freedom beyond just the cell phone phase. I suggest you think wisely about what you precisely want to do in this marriage. You need a plan of action -and you need to start taking full responsiblity of the left-over scraps and insecurities. At this rate, everything will happen as fast a freight train collision that you won't be given the chance to work on improving anything. A few thoughts to take into account. Good luck. Sand&Water
pricillia Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 If she is sleeping with her cell phone in her pocket then that is proof right there. Not sure what your relationship is like with her though, Why don't you come out and ask her?
Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Why don't you come out and ask her? Cause she will feed him a line of crap, lie through her teeth, and blame him for being too possesive. More predictable behaviour.
Trimmer Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I agree with the other posters - she seems unnaturally defensive about her cell phone, and that wouldn't be happening unless there were something to hide. Big red flag. What were the circumstances under which you guys separated, how long were you separated, and what precipitated your moving back in?
IpAncA Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 If she won't let you see her phone without her all over you then it is a problem. Just check her phone while she is sleeping and see whats up. Now if there is passwords in places like address book, texting, etc..then she doesn't want anyone to see who she is in contact with. You mentioned that you just moved back in. What made you move out? Sounds like while you were gone she was doing something she wasn't suppost to be doing and still is. Just my opinion.
pricillia Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Cause she will feed him a line of crap, lie through her teeth, and blame him for being too possesive. More predictable behaviour. Yes but that is not his problem, if he has a concern then he should ask, especially if she is sleeping with her cell phone. Why did he move back in with her in the first place that is what I am wondering.
Sup Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 If she's hiding her cell phone, do you know the number? Give it a call and find it, also next time she wants to get mad over it, you tell her if there's nothing going on(her cheating) then she has nothing to hide, but tell her if she doesn't show you her phone right then and there, then you tell her That you know that's she's cheating on you, and that you're ending the marriage. Then go out and seek a good Lawyer and protect yourself and Divorce her, if she doesn't want to be open to you in your marriage, then she has NO business being married to you.
goodfriendeva Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 wow.. to go as far as sleeping with it so you dont see it is a BIG deal.. confront her.. who cares if she has a fit.. obviously shes hiding something. if my DH did that to me.. i would still look in it lol.. he couldnt stop me id run to the bathroom with it. she has no reason to do that crap unless shes keeping something from you.. and having secrets arent good in a relationship ESP once thats trying to recover..
Rooster_DAR Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 When my S/O was doing all this cell-phone text messaging night and day while she was supposedly going through depression, I knew something wasn't right. But she had a way of making me feel like I was controlling, jeleous, and suspicious. I struggled with myself thinking I was some kind of creep or paranoid or someting along those lines, until the cell-phone was accidentally abandonded while she was in her dress closet. There it was, sitting on the living room coffee table going nuts with what I assumed was an incoming text message. I debated (should I check it, or fight off my paranoia and just ignore it). Well I could'nt resist, so I picked up the phone and lo and behold my feelings were validated. This supposed female friend who was going through a hard time turned out to be this guy she was working out of town with for months sending her a text message and the guy I suspected her of having an affair with. She came in and grabbed the phone from me and we proceeded to argue the issue. I stated to her "if there is truly nothing going on, you would let me read the message) and I asked to her to let me see the message. What was her answer? "No, I will not let you see it because it's the principle). That right there told me everything I wanted to know. This is the second time she has done this, the first time she was out of states with her co-workers she did the same thing, with some other guy. After catching her lying right in my face by presenting her cell-phone call history, only then did she finally admit to it. I managed to break up the emotional affair before it went to far, and we went to counseling and go things back on track. Bottom line, cellphone hiding is to me the biggest red flag there is. Once people start to gain this knowlege, cheaters will move their methods to another form to mask their behaviour. I would guess it would be like prepaid calling cards, they cannot be easily traced. Cheers! Sorry for the long post
oyster Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I managed to break up the emotional affair before it went to far, and we went to counseling and go things back on track. Cheers! Sorry for the long post SO THIS IS the 2nd time she did this to you and you are still together?
Rooster_DAR Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 SO THIS IS the 2nd time she did this to you and you are still together? No, were not together now she's having an affair with someone new. She turned out to be a complete dissapointment. Regards,
reservoirdog1 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 She's cheating on you. At the very least emotionally (i.e. inappropriate conversations with another man, talking about fantasies, or cybersex), and probably physically. There's something on the phone she doesn't want you to see. If it looks like sh*t, and smells like sh*t, then it must be sh*t. Tell her that you want to see her phone, immediately, and that if she doesn't show it to you immediately, you are leaving. Then follow through. She will lie, deny, and try to make you feel bad for being suspicious. But your suspicions are well-founded. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 what my wife did, and i knew why she was doing this, was to give me a cell phone and have all the numbers appear on her bill. now when she got the first statement and there was 100 calls to the same number, i had hoped that she would help me do what i couldn't at the time - admit to my addiction. i find it hard to believe that she did so because she thought i was cheating - i let her do that because it was the only way i could think of how to disclose my addiction. pathethic yah. those were sad sack days for me. now i can walk up to my parents and tell them this stuff without blinking - that's huge man. need more proof of change?
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Inappropriate conversations with another man What is considered an inappropriate converstation? Not that I'm doing that but I was just wondering what is considered this?
Yamaha Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 Why are you still with this women? Do you like being lied to and treated like a sap? If you really need to see it before you can act then here it is. YES....... SHe is cheating on you.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 What is considered an inappropriate converstation? Not that I'm doing that but I was just wondering what is considered this? Anything on an intimate level or that you don't talk to your S/O about. Especially when your S/O is never mentioned (or mentioned negatively) in the converstations. Such as: Sharing personal information Talking about problems in your relatonship Talking about future goals (your S/O not included) Spilling out things emotionally (your hopes, dreams, fears, wants, needs) etc.....
Rooster_DAR Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 She will lie, deny, and try to make you feel bad for being suspicious. But your suspicions are well-founded These are classic signs of a cheater. Consider if the tables were turned, how would you react in this situation if you truly love someone. I bet you would not attack them, but instead try to understand why they feel this way and prove it with actions. No brainer!
IpAncA Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Anything on an intimate level or that you don't talk to your S/O about. Especially when your S/O is never mentioned (or mentioned negatively) in the converstations. Such as: Sharing personal information Talking about problems in your relatonship Talking about future goals (your S/O not included) Spilling out things emotionally (your hopes, dreams, fears, wants, needs) etc..... Ok I was really clueless about EA's. Gez..I know a lot of people that share personal information. But I had no idea that telling someone your hopes and dreams was considered bad. I had lots of people ask me that and I have asked them that too. Didn't even realize that was bad. :confused:
Rooster_DAR Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Ok I was really clueless about EA's. Gez..I know a lot of people that share personal information. But I had no idea that telling someone your hopes and dreams was considered bad. I had lots of people ask me that and I have asked them that too. Didn't even realize that was bad. :confused: Well there is grey area there, it's not all black and white. Point is, if you feel any attraction at all to the opposite sex and you discuss these things, I think that's when it becomes more inappropriate. Certainly if you can't go home and talk to your spouse about your converstations once in a while, then it's a potential hazard.
che_jesse Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 she sleeps with her cell phone in her pocket What? Thats um... well... telling. Heh, its funny because she could just hit the delete button on calls and texts she doesnt want you to see. I love it when cheaters are not tech savvy enough to hide their lies. But yeah, shes banging someone else. Try intercepting the bill. Or better yet, get online and do it, you know all the personal info about your wife. Go to cingular.com or wherever set up an account to access the phone online and have a merry day finding the guy that doing your wife. Break some knee caps!
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 i am confused about this EA thing. for example; if i confided with a co-worker about my depression and do so to give the person that hears about vit everyday is that me having an EA? i am a pretty private person i don't like my life being front page news - does anyone. speaking of information - if i wanted to find someone but didn't know where they lived but had their name are there any sites that would tell me where they live? ever hear of something like that?
IpAncA Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Well there is grey area there, it's not all black and white. Point is, if you feel any attraction at all to the opposite sex and you discuss these things, I think that's when it becomes more inappropriate. Certainly if you can't go home and talk to your spouse about your converstations once in a while, then it's a potential hazard. Yeah that makes sense and I do see what your saying. But wow it seems so easy to fall into something like that and not even realize your doing it. Then one thing leads to another and before you know it you'd rather talk to that person then your SO about personally things. Especially if they understand you and you are hearing what you want to hear.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Yeah that makes sense and I do see what your saying. But wow it seems so easy to fall into something like that and not even realize your doing it. Then one thing leads to another and before you know it you'd rather talk to that person then your SO about personally things. Especially if they understand you and you are hearing what you want to hear. This kind sort of thing is what causes almost all affairs, the emotional intimacy is very powerful. It dilutes the thinking, and causes one to lose rationale by going against everything they thought they could never do. (You very often hear cheaters say "I am not the type of person that would cheat"), yet the emotional attraction is so powerful that it takes over completely. That's why in marriages and relationships, it needs to be understood by both parties that casual friendships with the opposite sex are very dangerous, and really should be avoided unless the S/O is present. People that work long hours with co-workers are the most suceptable to this, and statistics suggest this is the case.
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