Caught daughter smoking.

[Moose]

She would laugh at me for even suggesting I could kick her ass. So, then I would need to *try* to bend her wrist back while bending her two fingers back. I know that move, by the way. She would then kick me in the shin...and then she will think 'game on'!!

 

Either way, how would that look to a police officer when he shows up at our house and we are both bleeding?

 

Ok, once again, how can I control my daughter without intimidation?

You can't! So don't be such a chicken......(not meaning to sound insulting)....if she does try to fight ya, simply jump on her and cling to her keeping her arms and legs close to her body.

 

You might get a little bumped up, but you'll have her restrained! Don't let her move until she calms her butt down enough to where she won't fight back.

 

The cops showing up might just be what you need. Don't automatically assume that you'd be the one going down town!

 

They'll most likely wind up chewing your daughter a new hole for not obeying authority! (This is a BIG PEEVE of cops.....trust me on that one!)

[luvtoto]

LT , it does not matter that she has not hit you yet . Shes threatened you that she will get out a knife .Thats enough , take the measures now that she is showing signs of crossing that boundary , yelling screaming as well are unacceptable.

The measures I am taking is agreeing with her therapist and school about sending her to a group home.

[Moose]

The measures I am taking is agreeing with her therapist and school about sending her to a group home.

I'm going to say something that's probably going to piss you off. But it's my opinion that sending her off to a group home is probably the biggest mistake you could make.

 

I don't care what her therapist says.......

[tinktronik]

You can't! So don't be such a chicken......(not meaning to sound insulting)....if she does try to fight ya, simply jump on her and cling to her keeping her arms and legs close to her body.

 

You might get a little bumped up, but you'll have her restrained! Don't let her move until she calms her butt down enough to where she won't fight back.

 

The cops showing up might just be what you need. Don't automatically assume that you'd be the one going down town!

 

They'll most likely wind up chewing your daughter a new hole for not obeying authority! (This is a BIG PEEVE of cops.....trust me on that one!)

You are right Moose , the police would most likely be on LT the mothers side . I have three boys , there going to be real big one day soon dad's 6-5 over 200 lbs .

But their dad or step-dad are not always the authority figures . My boys already tried the cussing or screaming , and I cut it off , first time . Im sure it will pop up again in the teen years . But my boys will all know that even though they are bigger than me I won't take an once of intimidation from them . And reguardless of how much work it is or how many problems it may cause , I will always do my best to keep them on the track that I think is right , when they are grownm and living elsewhere then they can choose their own track .

LT , your daughter is out of controll, smoking , cussing screaming at you , having sex at 14. These are all attention getters . If she wants attention give it to her , in the way a mother would , put her on you track , she may not like it but it will be best for all of you .You make your rules and do not bend an inch .

[tinktronik]

I'm going to say something that's probably going to piss you off. But it's my opinion that sending her off to a group home is probably the biggest mistake you could make.

 

I don't care what her therapist says.......

I sadly , agree with this also , a group home is not the anwser. You put in the work and the changes will come . Go buy some basic books on setting down boundaries in parent child relationships , there are many out there with parent teen boundary setting also .

[luvtoto]

The cops showing up might just be what you need. Don't automatically assume that you'd be the one going down town!

Violence or police involvement is not the answer.

 

The paperwork is currently being processed for allowing her acceptance into a highly reputable group home. This group home willnot accept physically abusive or violent kids.

 

If she runs into trouble with the law, she would then need to go to a detention facility instead. There she would be with the bad, bad crowd.

 

I would never forgive myself...especially if I was the one who swung at her first.

 

I have never condoned any form of physical violence in my home...or even bluffing. Ever. NO matter what circumstance. It's what I stand for. I am not going to apologize for that.

 

The knife episode was the last nail in the coffin to confirm the group home option.

[luvtoto]

If she wants attention give it to her , in the way a mother would , put her on you track , she may not like it but it will be best for all of you .You make your rules and do not bend an inch .

Until you have walked a mile in my shoes....

[luvtoto]

I'm going to say something that's probably going to piss you off. But it's my opinion that sending her off to a group home is probably the biggest mistake you could make.

 

I don't care what her therapist says.......

Oh, please!!

 

We are not talking about your typical detention centers here. I would NEVER send my child there. I would think she would come out worse than when she entered.

 

The place I am sending my daughter is a highly-reputable treatment center.

 

A good portion of her study will be to help her get in touch with Christ...or higher power.

[Moose]

Let me say this.......in your daughter's eyes, her Daddy left her, the only way men want to have anything to with me is to have sex with them, the only way to have friends is to do what they do, and now Mom's giving up too, she's sending me away

 

Making a stand with her right here and now is what she needs, and it is what she wants. Everything she's shown so far is a cry for structure in her life.

 

You will have to resort to a little physical confrontation with her sooner or later, and sooner is best.

 

I beg you to re-consider, if you love your daughter, please, please, please think about this.

 

Ridding her of what she thinks is her stronghold is, is where you'll start breaking this wall down......

A good portion of her study will be to help her get in touch with Christ...or higher power.

But this is YOUR job. Look at your son, right now.....just look at him.....you know he's different, and he found it outside his home......don't you want to be a part of the peace he enjoys?

 

Look, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm pushing stuff at you.....I just hope you think harder about this......

[luvtoto]

Let me say this.......in your daughter's eyes, her Daddy left her, the only way men want to have anything to with me is to have sex with them, the only way to have friends is to do what they do, and now Mom's giving up too, she's sending me away

 

Making a stand with her right here and now is what she needs, and it is what she wants. Everything she's shown so far is a cry for structure in her life.

 

You will have to resort to a little physical confrontation with her sooner or later, and sooner is best.

 

I beg you to re-consider, if you love your daughter, please, please, please think about this.

 

Ridding her of what she thinks is her stronghold is, is where you'll start breaking this wall down......But this is YOUR job. Look at your son, right now.....just look at him.....you know he's different, and he found it outside his home

HE FOUND IT OUTSIDE HIS HOME?? Oh, this conversation is over. I would PM you how I really feel right now...but, it ain't worth it.

 

I do not agree with you. Accept it.

[tinktronik]

HE FOUND IT OUTSIDE HIS HOME?? Oh, this conversation is over. I would PM you how I really feel right now...but, it ain't worth it.

 

I do not agree with you. Accept it.

You don't have to agree with Moose on the outside the home point . I think what he's saying is "your the parent , do the work " .

sending your daughter off for the home to do the work is one option . But there going to do the same things you can do at home , if you are willing to put the work in .

[luvtoto]

Willing to do the work? Whatever. I am a damn good parent. There is no one here that is going to make me feel bad for my efforts. That is just wrong, IMO.

 

I am already doing the best job that I can do. The only thing that is going to get me through this whole mess is to believe in myself. NOT doubt my every move.

[tinktronik]

Willing to do the work? Whatever. I am a damn good parent. There is no one here that is going to make me feel bad for my efforts. That is just wrong, IMO.

 

I am already doing the best job that I can do. The only thing that is going to get me through this whole mess is to believe in myself. NOT doubt my every move.

Luvtoto? Do you think the staff at the group home has fairies that know magic that will just make your daughter behave? NO .. They have people who have taken classes on how to set down rules or boundaries and have taken an interest in troubled teens .

I never said you were a bad parent . But perhaps the choices you are making in reguards to your daughter are the LAZY ones . It is easier to have her in a group home because you won't do the work to make her behave . poof you wash your hands , and blame it on the teenager or her father . Obviously there have been problems with your ex , but its you who is in the circumstance and picture with your daughter now . If you set down the rules or were willing to take the classes and learn about how to fix the situation , it may well work for the family . Most likely in fact . If your parenting was perfect , you would not be in the situation you are in with your daughter . No ones parenting is perfect , but at least try .

 

You can be mad at me all you want . But you are having an oppertuntiy with your daughter , to raise her . There are tons of things here that you can do . You could do parenting classes but instead you send your daughter to a shrink because "somethings wrong with her ." You know something is not working right , you are a part of the picture that is not working .

Personally you being willing to give up and send your daughter to a group home to live with a bunch of strangers , so that they can fix the problem , is disgusting and lazy .When she comes back you will have the same problems as before , because your situation with your daughter will not have been changed.

Im sorry , but we have always gotten along here , but in this choice we dissagree . I believe that as a parent you do whatever it takes to raise your children no matter how much work you have to do because you were gifted with that child .

[luvtoto]

I don't need nor deserve to be talked down to like this.

 

I am a good parent. I love my daughter with every part of me. I would never put her in danger. I work damn hard to provide for her and her brother. We have a good thing going. We just need support outside of the home at this point. If I don't get her the *professional* help she needs, she will pay for it in the end. It's all about her at this point.

 

Believe what you want. Think what you want. I don't give a care.

 

I would like to thank everyone else for their uplifting advice.

[Moose]

We just need support outside of the home at this point.

I don't get you!

 

You just chewed me out for this point.....what is the FLIPPIN" deal here?????

 

I agree with Tink. We aren't doubting your ability as a good parent. NOONE IS!!!!

 

BUT WE do know that there is more that you can do besides sending your daughter away......

 

My last thought is this lovetoto.....I personall think you need to come to grips with the abuse YOU suffered with your ex.

 

It's damaged you to the point where you totally ignore reason......

[Moose]

I want to add something that I've been meaning to mention too.....

 

The first 5 years into my marriage, I wouldn't even spank the boys. I was totally against it. I couldn't handle being brought back to the place where I was beaten to a bloodly pulp.

 

Back to the days where I still get images of clumps of my hair with folicles attached and little red holes in my head from where they were ripped out of my scalp.....and that's on a mild day.....

 

I KNOW better now. I was abused lovetoto, just like you were abused. But I've LEARNED that there is a HUGE freakin' difference between abuse and discipline......

 

I feel so bad for your daughter that if given the chance, I'd take her to raise as my own.......not because you're a bad parent lovetoto, but because the choice you're making, (in my mind), is not the right one.

 

I have the money and the means and I'd rather see her growing up in a family, and not a, "home" for wayward kids......

[bonehead]

I deal with group homes on a professional level.

 

Know how the avoid violence? Restraint. And its not always pretty. Is it answering violence with violence? No its not.

 

If your daughter is POed now, wait until she gets into that home. Being a bully will no longer work for her.

 

I understand you being afraid of confronting her. My oldest is HUGE. He is in the tenth grade and lifting more then the schools leading lifter on the lifting team. The boy could break me in half, the key is HE DOESNT KNOW IT.

 

Im faster, Im trained in takedowns, and if it came down to it he knows his butt will go to jail.

 

Its RESPECT that keeps it from EVER coming to that. He knows its MY RULES or the STATES rules.

 

Wanna talk PTSD?

 

I WATCHED my father BURN TO DEATH. My sister blamed me, use to beat the day lights out of me if I showed any emotion over it at all. Know what would have happened if I told my mom Id take a knife to her? She would have handed it to me then proceded to call the police.

 

Once your kids know that your afraid of them its a lost cause.

[bonehead]

PTSD sucks, its treatable. It can be recovered from. Any therapist who says it gives that person a FREE PASS to treat the would like s*ht isnt very good.

 

If your child is POed at the world a group home will only serve to make YOU safe. In a group home a frequent past time is sharing " secrets " on how to talk to the therapists.

[Art_Critic]

It sure is nice to see that posters on LS that do not know Luvtoto and her kids can say that they would be a better parent than her..

 

No parent is perfect..and no parent makes no mistakes..

 

Shame on you posters...

[Moose]

It sure is nice to see that posters on LS that do not know Luvtoto and her kids can say that they would be a better parent than her..

Yep....you're absolutely right AC!!! We don't know Luvtoto and her kids.

 

We sure don't.

 

We only know what Luvtoto has revealed to us herself right?

 

Thanks for that reminder.......

 

At the very least, she isn't smoking anymore!!!