Caught daughter smoking.

[che_jesse]

Or would you rather remain stuck in it, alone.

 

I have had addiction problems before, it runs in the family. Like any other former addict will tell you, I got better when I wanted to get better.

 

Weed: mostly I just got bored of it eventually, of the addiciton that is, after I didn't want to smoke anymore it was really painless to quit.

 

Cigarettes: It became clear to me how unhealthy it was (started smoking at 14 btw) and I quit, I was a bitch to everyone for 2 weeks but that was the extent.

 

Alcohol: Wanted to do something else with my day, stopped drinking.

 

EQ: This was the hardest one and it took years of work, I got rid of it because I got tired of what my life became in it.

 

All of these things, I quit because I wanted to, not because anyone "forced" me to. Addicts will gladly give up the people they love, mom certainly cannot make anyone quit anything.

 

My dad smoked and drank for 30 years, he gave it all up this past year because hes worried for his health.

 

Resisting your cravings is a very hard thing, especially if you have never had to do it before, once you learn self control and that they go away eventually it becomes easy.

 

If your daughter wants to smoke locking her up at home wont stop her, sending to the home wont stop her, and some guy your paying way to much money to dope her up wont stop her, she will stop when shes ready.

[luvtoto]

If your daughter wants to smoke locking her up at home wont stop her, sending to the home wont stop her, and some guy your paying way to much money to dope her up wont stop her, she will stop when shes ready.

Well, because of my daughter's hostile behavior her teachers at her school are getting concerned. They are getting involved in my daughter's life.

It's their job to look out for the welfare of the kid's they teach.

 

I am her parent. If I have an attitude like 'Ah, screw her. She'll figure it out in due time', I could lose my parental rights due to neglect.

 

Also, I have to live with this girl. She is being abusive in her actions towards me. She even threatened to take a knife out of the cupboard the other day.

 

I am NOT going to just take it from her and wait for her to decide to get better on her own.

 

I feel it is my parental duty to teach my daughter some coping skills. Either from me, her school, her therapist, her psychiatrist or a quite possibly a group home.

 

If anything, at least I have people on my side of the ring. I can't go through this alone.

 

I was abused by her dad for 9 years. He straightened right up when I started getting the law, and whoever else on my side.

 

Support is important for her and myself at this point.

[blind_otter]

Are these people really actually sick? No. Its a stupid cycle that builds on itself until everyone that is cought up in it cant tell there ass from there face and is willing to pay 32k for witch doctors and manhunts. Until you all get so ****ed up that anyone can make any diagnosis fit and your willing to listen to them. Keep at it, soon you to get to experience levitation school!

 

I found this statement to be personally insulting.

 

I'm just saying.

 

You have no idea what mental illness is, what PTSD is, and speak from a position of self-induced ignorance. Just because you had one bad experience with a cousin, you generalize to the entire world? That's rich.

[luvtoto]

I found this statement to be personally insulting.

 

I'm just saying.

 

You have no idea what mental illness is, what PTSD is, and speak from a position of self-induced ignorance. Just because you had one bad experience with a cousin, you generalize to the entire world? That's rich.

Yes, B_O. We shouldn't turn our backs on people that are sick and obvioulsy in need of our help.

 

Talk about a Scrooge attitude. Where's the love?? Bah humbug.

[melodymatters]

EQ: This was the hardest one and it took years of work, I got rid of it because I got tired of what my life became in it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

um.....what on earth is "EQ" ?????

[che_jesse]

I found this statement to be personally insulting.

 

I'm just saying.

 

You have no idea what mental illness is, what PTSD is, and speak from a position of self-induced ignorance. Just because you had one bad experience with a cousin, you generalize to the entire world? That's rich.

 

These therapists, psychologists, support groups, w/e are just another addiction to replace your current one with. Yes some people have actual chemical problems, if your brain does not produce serotonin thats one thing, but in cases like this that is not the problem. If you want something to latch onto just say that.

 

My cousin does not need it, he needs to be allowed to hit bottom. No one has let him do that.

 

I'm not saying that the case is the same with the girl, I'm saying that dopeing up little kids is not the first solution that people should seek. Yes she has behavioral problems, but from the sound of it her doctors and the guy charging 32k a year to cure addiction through levitation are feeding you about the same amount of bs, and I'm saying be weary of who you let **** with your kids.

[blind_otter]

These therapists, psychologists, support groups, w/e are just another addiction to replace your current one with. Yes some people have actual chemical problems, if your brain does not produce serotonin thats one thing, but in cases like this that is not the problem. If you want something to latch onto just say that.

 

You are very naive. I say this as someone who has kicked a cocaine addiction, an alcohol addiction, and probably every other addiction there is in the book.

 

Why don't you take a short gander at the DSM IV for some descriptions of the diagnosis of several types of mental disorders that are not related to addiction. I am certainly sorry that you experienced problematic personal issues due to your cousin's pot problem, but let me assure you that addiction to a substance is never a problem in and of itself. The REASON that a person is addicted, is a problem. And until the REASON is treated, the addiction will remain.

 

But back to my point, there are a grab bag of other mental illnesses completely unrelated to addiction. Narcissitic Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Anti-social Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder. Schizophrenia. Bipolar I and II.

 

All those come to mind. I worked with the severely mentally ill in my undergraduate internship, at a forensic mental hospital. Naturally the residents were not allowed to use drugs. But their mental problems remained.

[johan]

I think che-jesse's attitude won't be changed by any arguments here, regardless of how well-stated they are. By taking the opposite viewpoint you just leap into the category of people who he/she (not sure which) considers weak and deluded. Or what ever he/she would call them. You can't win on a topic like this with someone whose mind is made up.

 

I think people who easily overcome addiction themselves are mistaken to think it would be so easy for others. Some people are prone to addiction, and it's much different. Not everyone can get addicted to alcohol, for instance. So for such a person who is a regular drinker, giving it up amounts to just changing a habit. Some people smoke a lot, but never develop a strong addiction to nicotine. When they quit, they make it look easy. Other people are truly addicted.

 

I've always thought "weed" was a habit. I've never heard it was truly addictive. I've never heard of anyone lying and stealing for weed money. I've always thought that kind of behavior went with more addictive drugs.

[che_jesse]

I think people who easily overcome addiction themselves are mistaken to think it would be so easy for others.

 

I've always thought "weed" was a habit. I've never heard it was truly addictive. I've never heard of anyone lying and stealing for weed money. I've always thought that kind of behavior went with more addictive drugs.

 

No, addiction is very hard for some people to give up, I have family memebers that were never able to give up the sauce no matter how hard they tried.

 

The problem is that some people, when they have something in there lives that is hard for them, they assume it is just as hard for everyone else. Some people needed therapy, heavy drugs, and a "root cause" to give up her drug habit. They would have you believe that they climbed some insurmountable mountain or performed some superhuman feat. Not everyone is like that, and moreso it is incredibly dangerous to assume that people are the same way right from the beginning. Such people refuse to even consider that it is possible to help people, without the thousands of dollars in therapy or drugs or that people are capable of helping themselves.

 

On the weed thing, coackane, weed, porn, to much larping, whatever, its all the same thing, addiction is the same no matter what the substance is is. Drug and alcohol addicts tend to have the attitude that there condition is somehow worse or more destructive then that of other people, they wave it around like some sort of badge of honor and glamorize it, its disgusting when people do that. If something provides a person with what they are looking for they wont move on to other things. All of it is the same, its all equally destructive to the person and there famalies.

[luvtoto]

Such people refuse to even consider that it is possible to help people, without the thousands of dollars in therapy or drugs or that people are capable of helping themselves.

From what I understand from your posts is that when a person is addicted to smoking, when it comes time to break that addiction, they look at your cigarettes and then toss them in the trash. Done. Problem over. Same with alcohol. Pour the bottle down the drain. Problem over.

 

But, what if a person has underlying issues that are not dealt with in their life/mind. They can't just look at their smokes and toss them into the trash...problem over. They don't have that luxury. They don't have a clue what their problem is.

 

In order for these people to enrich their lives, they need therapy.

 

I have been there before. I had a horrible childhood. If it wasn't for three years of psychotherapy, abuse counseling, medication (that I still take daily), EMDR, Al-Anon...I would still be a total mess.

 

I learned things about myself that I didn't even know. The psychotherapist basically had to reprogrammed my mind to think in a healthier way. Obviously, these life skills were never taught to me by my parents. Coping skills are not instinctual, they are learned and taught.

 

That's alot of why I 'freak out' when my daughter starts having issues...I have to basically ask someone how to cope with it. My coping skills are strong, but not perfect. That's why LS is important to me...and counseling for my daughter. The more postive role-models she can get into her life the better.

 

When a person asks themselves, "Why am I like this???", I highly doubt that they would be able to answer that question by themselves.

[Guest]

Well, it's another great day in the luvtoto residence.

 

Apparently, my daughter has taken up smoking. She gets her cigarettes from her friends. Some friends.

 

Yesterday, I smelled smoke and when I opened her bedroom door...it was clear that she was smoking in there.

 

*sigh* As I was looking through her things for the cigarettes, I found a condom in her purse.

 

Oh my Lord, help me.

 

I told her that smoking is illegal for a 14 year old. She counteracted my statement with, "everyone is doing it!!"

 

I said, "NOT in my HOUSE!"

 

Well, she woke up this morning with withdrawal.

 

Get this!! She is pissed at ME for not going out right now and buying her a pack of smokes!!

 

What??

 

She is going to take her frustrations out on me all day. :(

 

She is on the verge of another manic episode right now.

 

My job is to keep things at bay. To not flame the fire. To be mature and not let my emotions get the best of me.

 

I don't know how much more of this I can handle.

 

Hey there mama luvtoto, I read about your son and now your daughter. I'm 16 years old so I'm closer to your kids ages. I smoked when I was 14 and found it to be a mistake. Of course my mother smoked and I saw what it was doing to her so I quit. I did cold turkey and trust me it was hell. But I'm going to offer you a peice of advice she's going to smoke no matter what you do. Sure you can play the parent card. But what she's going to do is smoke outside of the house. Here's what my mom did with me and it kept me close with her through the teenage years. Being a 16 year old is not easy but it does help when you have a parent that keeps you close. My mom and I go out for mother daughter days, we go to the mall or have lunch and she just puts herself like a teenager and listens to me. After she's heard everything she gives me her advice and what she would do.

 

See your handling things like a parent, which you are so no one can say your not doing your job. You just have to get under your daughters skin and make it seem like you are her friend while still a mother. Also what you could always do is let her get caught smoking and let her pay the fee, its a sure way to make her stop. Good luck

 

Also I know I should post this with your son's bullenton but I wouldn't worry about him looking at a porno. Some people say 11 year olds are too young believe it or not they are at the right age. Like I said think back to when you were younger, true you prolly didn't look at porno when you were 11 but remember how you reacted to authority. Just put yourself in your kids shoes you'll figure it out. Either that or you can count your blessings that you only have 4-7 more years until they either run away or they can be prosecuted as an legal adult. LOL

 

But really I wish you good luck.

[luvtoto]

Hey there mama luvtoto, I read about your son and now your daughter. I'm 16 years old so I'm closer to your kids ages. I smoked when I was 14 and found it to be a mistake. Of course my mother smoked and I saw what it was doing to her so I quit. I did cold turkey and trust me it was hell. But I'm going to offer you a peice of advice she's going to smoke no matter what you do. Sure you can play the parent card. But what she's going to do is smoke outside of the house. Here's what my mom did with me and it kept me close with her through the teenage years. Being a 16 year old is not easy but it does help when you have a parent that keeps you close. My mom and I go out for mother daughter days, we go to the mall or have lunch and she just puts herself like a teenager and listens to me. After she's heard everything she gives me her advice and what she would do.

 

See your handling things like a parent, which you are so no one can say your not doing your job. You just have to get under your daughters skin and make it seem like you are her friend while still a mother. Also what you could always do is let her get caught smoking and let her pay the fee, its a sure way to make her stop. Good luck

 

Also I know I should post this with your son's bullenton but I wouldn't worry about him looking at a porno. Some people say 11 year olds are too young believe it or not they are at the right age. Like I said think back to when you were younger, true you prolly didn't look at porno when you were 11 but remember how you reacted to authority. Just put yourself in your kids shoes you'll figure it out. Either that or you can count your blessings that you only have 4-7 more years until they either run away or they can be prosecuted as an legal adult. LOL

 

But really I wish you good luck.

You sound like a very mature 16 year old. You remind me of my daughter. Yea, we talk. She'll open up to me only on the stipulation that I just listen to her and NOT be a mom. It is sooo tough, though.

 

She told me yesterday that smoking makes her feel sick, and her lungs hurt the day after a smoking binge. She said that even though her friends smoke, they crab at her for starting. I am just wishing for the best here. It could go either way at this point.

 

So...how do you feel about kid's being spanked??

[alphamale]

Yea, we talk. She'll open up to me only on the stipulation that I just listen to her and NOT be a mom.

i could never in a million years see my late mother saying that to me when i was young.....she would have just beat the krap outta me first then asked questions later. and everything would have been by HER rules, not MINE

 

do they take some course in school on how to manipulate your parents or something?? we never had that class!

[blind_otter]

do they take some course in school on how to manipulate your parents or something?? we never had that class!

 

I was just talking about this with a co-worker the other day. It seems like kids now a days seem more adept at manipulating parents. We were talking about the children of our respective boyfriends and how we can see them being emotionally manipulated because we're more objective than the parents regarding the parent-child relationship.

[alphamale]

I was just talking about this with a co-worker the other day. It seems like kids now a days seem more adept at manipulating parents. .

yea....if I would have tried that 30 yrs ago i would have been slapped upside the head...

[blind_otter]

yea....if I would have tried that 30 yrs ago i would have been slapped upside the head...

 

Yeah I don't know if I was really devious but I spent hours trying to come up with ways to do crap without getting caught and, for the most part, I never was. I had the fear of having the sh*t beat out of me pretty constantly but I still managed to start smoking when I was 14.

 

My Dad chain smoked so much inside the house that I reeked of marlboro reds, anyways, so no one could ever tell that I'd been smoking. I just smelled more stinky than usual, which is NOT unusual for teenagers, har har har.

 

Missed ya lately, alph.

[alphamale]

My Dad chain smoked so much inside the house that I reeked of marlboro reds, anyways, so no one could ever tell that I'd been smoking. I just smelled more stinky than usual,

ha ahahah a ah ahaah Aa hha h ha AHah

 

Missed ya lately, alph.

i'm back sister!

[luvtoto]

ha ahahah a ah ahaah Aa hha h ha AHah

 

 

i'm back sister!

Yea, I can tell. My other thread 'caught son with porno CD' was closed down because of it.

 

JK!!

 

Hey, why do threads get closed anyways?

[bonehead]

Where did all this talk about addiction come from?

 

This started out as a behavior issue with her daughter.

 

As someone who has suffered from PTSD I can relate to your daughters position.

 

As someone who was a teen once I can see how she could use this to her advantage.

 

As a parent of a teen I can tell you if my child EVER came at me with a knife he would have been face down on the floor with a knee in the back until the HANDCUFFS were on.

 

 

As far as the schools involvement in her diagnosis, I have issues with this.

 

DO NOT TAKE HER ANYWHERE that has contact with the school.

 

Good friend of mine has a daughter who acts out at times. School said ADD/ADHD. Sent her to b e evaluated. Sure enough school psych said YUP add/adhd.

 

Schools get extra money if they have a student with mental illness

[a4a]

Luv,

 

Have you considered taking your daughter to a ICU for lung cancer patients? Maybe a lovely pic on her door of a cancerous lung?

 

As for the condom I think you need to really discuss BC with her. She very well maybe sexually active. 14 is not that abnormal to start messing around.

[luvtoto]

Where did all this talk about addiction come from?

I've already explained this already.

 

This started out as a behavior issue with her daughter.

I've already explained this already.

 

As someone who has suffered from PTSD I can relate to your daughters position.

 

As someone who was a teen once I can see how she could use this to her advantage.

My daughter is NOT taking advantage of anyone. She needs HELP. Her behavior is not a choice right now. She is being controlled by something.

As a parent of a teen I can tell you if my child EVER came at me with a knife he would have been face down on the floor with a knee in the back until the HANDCUFFS were on.

Who said anything about her coming at me with a knife?? She yelled it at me that she was going to take a knife out of the drawer. She never did.

That is a big, big difference.

 

As far as school involvement. As much trouble as my daughter has been causing them, I hope they do get reimbursed for it. My daughter needs 24/7 full-time attention right now because she is uncontrollable to everyone at this point.

 

NO ONE knows what to do for her at this point. By no one, I mean two schools worth of school principals, school counselors, assistant principals; family doctors; countless therapists; countless psychiatrists; mental hospitals (two admissions); family members (who have deserted her because of her issues)...NO ONE!

[luvtoto]

Luv,

 

Have you considered taking your daughter to a ICU for lung cancer patients? Maybe a lovely pic on her door of a cancerous lung?

 

As for the condom I think you need to really discuss BC with her. She very well maybe sexually active. 14 is not that abnormal to start messing around.

She is very sexual active. She bases her self-worth right now on what guy likes her this week. She is going to live in a group home in the next month. If she doesn't get help for her issues, she will make a mistake that will affect the rest of her life.

[alphamale]

She is very sexual active. She bases her self-worth right now on what guy likes her this week. She is going to live in a group home in the next month. If she doesn't get help for her issues, she will make a mistake that will affect the rest of her life.

sounds like she is out of control. this is exactly what happens when parents become a "friend" versus a real parent who disciplines

[luvtoto]

sounds like she is out of control. this is exactly what happens when parents become a "friend" versus a real parent who disciplines

OK, THAT IS IT!!!!!!! :mad: I HAVE HAD IT!! :mad:

 

Mods, please close this thread or delete it for all I care.

[a4a]

She is very sexual active. She bases her self-worth right now on what guy likes her this week. She is going to live in a group home in the next month. If she doesn't get help for her issues, she will make a mistake that will affect the rest of her life.

 

 

Why? Do you have any clue at all what is behind this behavior?