jenrencon Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I need advice. I started going to the singles group at my church. I am the youngest person there, because it generally doesn't start until 22, and I am 20. My closest friends there are all in their 30s. (I feel more comfortable with them than those my age, who would rather sleep around and party...that's a phase I never went through; I want to get married and start a family more than anything). There is one man, who is 34, who I knew several months before I joined the group, because of a church play we were both in. Over the last year, I have fallen for him. I would love to marry him. he has custody of his three boys from his first marriage (one is 7, and the twins are 3), and I adore them more than anyone, and I know they love me. The 7 year old actually asked me if I would marry his dad, and has said repeatedly that he wishes I were his mother. (I wish I were the boys' mother too) The problem is, I can't tell if he likes me or wants to date me. My best friend, who has not met him, says it sounds like he does...we have gone out to lunch (boys in tow), several times, he always makes it a point to sit near me at events, and he teases me. A couple of times, we have stood outside after church talking till midnight. However, he sometimes says stuff that makes me think he doesn't like me like that...like that he wouldn't want to date a girl too much younger (robbing the cradle). I'm an old fashioned type girl; I was taught that men like to pursue, and I should let him ask me out. How do I let him know that I do like him alot, without being too forward? How do I know if he likes me?
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 There is a lot of people in this forum with great adice in this area...I'm not too keen in this area, although I am seeing mixed signals, and do have experience with the church. I notice that guys who are serious about church are hard to read....it's like they want to go for it, but something holds them back....personally I don't think God moves that slow...lol.... Also they are very much about tradition...too much.....that could be why the age thing might be an issue to him. I would advise not to be aggressive with him, meaning don't make the first move on anything....remember tradition....
Dad_of_3 Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ok ... here's my spin on things. I think he's trying to gauge your interest. he certainly sounds like he is interested, but onyl testing the water if you are interested in him. The comment of 'robbing the cradle' is a sure fire sign. Myself I am not overly religious, but that comment I have heard many times from the mouths of men who are attracted to a younger woman but are trying to talk themselves out of it. I understand and hear you about tradition. You dont want to make the first move or be misreading anything .... but .... It is the new millenium ! Girls can make the first move. Most guys will be somewhat surprised by this gesture, but if they are generally interested as well ... where's the harm ? I mean for me, if I girl asked me out or if I was interested. I would generally be thinking 'Wow, she's something to have the nerves to ask that!" For me, I like people to be honest, open and upfront. But thats me. Whats the worst that can happen ? Why would you even ponder it ? You expect the worst, you assume the worst, the worst will eventuate. I've had friends have girls give them numbers, ask them out. Now this is contemporary Sydney I am talking about here, but it does happen. Let me put it this way, you can wait and wait. The ship will sail ... eventually. Or you can give love a little push in the right direction. I wish I could advise you further but I really dont know either of you. have a think over it. You've spent time with him now. Is he the type that prefures things 'straight up' or will it require a more subtle approach best of luck
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