BenThereDunThat Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 So I just got off the phone with my guy friend K. Bear with me here, still working out this train of thought and I'm supposed to be getting ready for a Christmas party... ANYway, I met K years ago, gawd, almost 20 years ago. I was so in LOVE with him!! It was awful. We broke up because his ex-gf turned up pregnant and she told him it was his. He had that knight in shining armor sydrome going on and thought he would swoop in and save the day, even though he knew in the back of his mind it probably wasn't his. Plus, she was such a mess he thought he was in love with her. I thought I would just NEVER get over it!! We've talked throughout the years, even when he was with her. Even got "together" a time or two. I can vividly remember pining for him, just being so upset. He used to say that we had "common eyes." But what could he do? He's a family man at heart. So, fast forward to now. They're no longer together, he's raising their second daughter, now 12, almost solely on his own. The first one, the one we broke up over, tragically died. The mom was doing drugs while pregnant, the poor child had severe developmental disabilities. He loved her and took care of her fiercely though. She died when she got out of the mom's house while she and her boyfriend were passed out, and got into the pool. She drowned. K was understandably sick over it. They had long been broken up by then. But I digress. Now he and I are friends, talk on the phone every few months or so. What made me think to post was that here was someone I thought I would just never get over, and I just KNEW then that the PAIN was going to last forevever. Point being, when I talk to him now and think back to how I felt then, I get a little amused. Which further drives home the point that the pain doesn't last. Or something like that, does anybody get what I'm trying to say? I've had a couple beers and I know I'm not making total sense.
yousaveme Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Few beers or not ....I think I got your point.... So I just got off the phone with my guy friend K. Bear with me here, still working out this train of thought and I'm supposed to be getting ready for a Christmas party... ANYway, I met K years ago, gawd, almost 20 years ago. I was so in LOVE with him!! It was awful. We broke up because his ex-gf turned up pregnant and she told him it was his. He had that knight in shining armor sydrome going on and thought he would swoop in and save the day, even though he knew in the back of his mind it probably wasn't his. Plus, she was such a mess he thought he was in love with her. I thought I would just NEVER get over it!! We've talked throughout the years, even when he was with her. Even got "together" a time or two. I can vividly remember pining for him, just being so upset. He used to say that we had "common eyes." But what could he do? He's a family man at heart. So, fast forward to now. They're no longer together, he's raising their second daughter, now 12, almost solely on his own. The first one, the one we broke up over, tragically died. The mom was doing drugs while pregnant, the poor child had severe developmental disabilities. He loved her and took care of her fiercely though. She died when she got out of the mom's house while she and her boyfriend were passed out, and got into the pool. She drowned. K was understandably sick over it. They had long been broken up by then. But I digress. Now he and I are friends, talk on the phone every few months or so. What made me think to post was that here was someone I thought I would just never get over, and I just KNEW then that the PAIN was going to last forevever. Point being, when I talk to him now and think back to how I felt then, I get a little amused. Which further drives home the point that the pain doesn't last. Or something like that, does anybody get what I'm trying to say? I've had a couple beers and I know I'm not making total sense.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 How do you feel about him now? Just friends? Or maybe that now the timing is right? I get what you are saying, that it feels like the pain will never end, but eventually it does... By the way, how sad about that little girl...
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 Yes, it was horrible. I remember vividly the day I read it in the paper. Nah, just not there anymore. Too many years? I don't know. We talk about meeting up for a beer. He lives way out in the country now so it's not real easy to see each other. I used to go out there before I got married and ride 4-wheelers with him. I just feel like our eyes aren't so "common" anymore. I could never live the country life that he's living now. But I am very proud of him and the strides he's making in his personal life over the years.
bonehead Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I know EXACTLY what your saying. And I havent had ANY beer yet.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I know EXACTLY what your saying. And I havent had ANY beer yet. Is the emphasis on yet?
RecordProducer Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I thought I would just NEVER get over it!! Which further drives home the point that the pain doesn't last. We're all Colombuses that disocver America in our own ships. Mentally we know that the pain doesn't last, but we tend to want to ease the pain by retaining status quo, ie. we would rather fix a relationship than abandon it and get over. At the time you would've rather stayed with him than break up, but since you were forced to move on, you movd on. Imagine if you gave in to your urges and stayed with him. You would have lived through much more pain. But he did you a favor and let you go. How old was his daughter when she drowned? Was she his child? At the beginning you said he KNEW that she probably wasn't his, but later in your post you didn't mention that he disocvered that she wasn't.
kymberann Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Shoot... I need a beer...What a day! Make it two!
Author BenThereDunThat Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 We're all Colombuses that disocver America in our own ships. Mentally we know that the pain doesn't last, but we tend to want to ease the pain by retaining status quo, ie. we would rather fix a relationship than abandon it and get over. At the time you would've rather stayed with him than break up, but since you were forced to move on, you movd on. Imagine if you gave in to your urges and stayed with him. You would have lived through much more pain. But he did you a favor and let you go. How old was his daughter when she drowned? Was she his child? At the beginning you said he KNEW that she probably wasn't his, but later in your post you didn't mention that he disocvered that she wasn't. You are so right in that I would have stayed in the relationship and then wound up miserable once it became clear that, while we shared the same values, we didn't share the same goals ultimately. Yes, it definitely worked out for the best in the long run. It always does, though doesn't it? Really. Time and distance gives you the benefit of realizing the truth of things in that regard. Like they say, what's meant to be will be. I believe his daughter was 7'ish when she died. Hard to say because she was so disabled. I don't know for sure that she wasn't his daughter, I can only go by what he told me. She was fooling around with some guy at the time she got pregnant (and K too, , apparently, but I still wonder, male pride and all). K always said that she looked so much like the guy she was running with at the time - a real winner of a guy. The guy even admitted that the child looked a lot like him. But, K being the man that he is, loved that little girl and never once acted resentful that he was the one who took care of her. He hated letting her go to her mother's - he had full custody - on her weekends. I'm sure that eats at him too. The 12-year-old, who he also has full custody of, and is definitely biologically his, is thriving. I am so proud of him listening to him talk about doing her homework with her and worrying about her falling under the wrong influence, etc. She spends less and less time with her mother as she gets older. Which is sad. She's on her umpteenth boyfriend now and is no more stable then she was all those years ago.
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Gotcha....in the thick of the hurt and pain, we think at the time it will never get better...OMG I can't live without him, but we do, we are all still alive and typing
ratingsguy Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 We're all Colombuses that disocver America in our own ships. Mentally we know that the pain doesn't last, but we tend to want to ease the pain by retaining status quo, ie. we would rather fix a relationship than abandon it and get over. At the time you would've rather stayed with him than break up, but since you were forced to move on, you movd on. Imagine if you gave in to your urges and stayed with him. You would have lived through much more pain. But he did you a favor and let you go. Very well put. I remember being broken up over the 2 serious relationships I have had in my life. But now looking back, I have no feelings left. We do move on, it's inevitable. And even though I hope all my exes are doing well, if given the opportunity to get back into those relationships I wouldn't even be interested at this point. You see someone more clearly after you've gotten over them and when you're removed from the situation. If things don't work out with my MW, I'm sure the process will repeat itself. One side of my brain understands that, but the other side is so clouded by love that it can't compute it.
Marielle Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 (no means to hi jack the thread, but not enough important to do a thread) Hey Record: Did you put Cameron's pic for any reason? Because I realize you look like her, lol...u are very pretty Back to the subject... It s an old saying in spanish, something like "there's no "bad" that lasts 100 years...it is true. But it is hard to apply to the present, when I was 17 first breakup...tears, runny nose...weight loss...but at that age it just lasted till I met someone else, in... 2mo?...lol But now it would seem the end of the world for me to end this. But we all know deep inside we can heal. I dunno...in my case it's maybe the wine (hate beer) that makes me ramble.right now: chin chin...sorry
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