Annova Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ok I have some trouble here. I have my degree in Psychology (yes we have problems too) and I can't seem to bring myself to date anyone. I'm not very old (23) but all I do is analyze:mad:. I can't seem to stop doing it. As soon as I meet someone or see them I analyze. I know that I shouldn't do this but I just do. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense but here's an example: If I see a guy that I know or just meet, I will analyze everything about them and if I find a fault, my mind just wanders and starts thinking about other things that might be wrong and then I get turned off. I'm not your average psychology degree person because I for one DON'T sit around and debate theories or whatever else some of you think psychology people do. I also don't believe in a lot of what they believe in but thats another story. Any help here would be nice.....
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I don't think there is anything wrong with the analization of a potential SO....in fact I think you are very intelligent by being "picky"....I wasn't picky enouph and got myself into all kinds of mess! You go girl.... Councelors, psychologists, and psychiatrists all have problems, I would if I had to listen to everyone elses and then have to come up with solutions and tools....even just counceling and listening to friends, I felt like a human garbage can....
Dad_of_3 Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Nothing wrong with analysing a person. yes you are gauging them to some extent. Every person does it. No matter what they say ! Its a part of human nature, and its something that as soon as you come to accpet that it happens, the better. Now the thing is, for you doing that ? What are you sacrificing ? That is "the here and now" Everyone does it, they get a number and start to think, oh should i call now or tomorrow. Where should I take her? What do I think she might like ? What should I wear. If you are already present in there company, you're not being in the moment. Yup, it may be some quirk they might have, or something they might have said. You take it that right, "I didnt like what they said then. INSTANT turn off' he must be a opinionated fool. What you may be missing, is a valid point. Not the same as yours or even 'right' in alot of views. Take it as it comes, be in the moment, rather than what you only asssume. my suggestion ... go grab yourself a book and read it with an open mind. "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' - By Richard Carlton I hope this helps.
Author Annova Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 I don't think there is anything wrong with the analization of a potential SO....in fact I think you are very intelligent by being "picky"....I wasn't picky enouph and got myself into all kinds of mess! You go girl.... Councelors, psychologists, and psychiatrists all have problems, I would if I had to listen to everyone elses and then have to come up with solutions and tools....even just counceling and listening to friends, I felt like a human garbage can.... Lol!! yeah it's more like a human sounding post as I like to call it. If you like butting into other peoples lives then it's not that bad. It's kind of fun but it can be frustrating when you see how someone can fix something and they just DON'T LISTEN. Very frustrating. I see what your saying but I think that I analyze them too much. I believe this all started when I started really into psychology and now I just am so wrapped up in it that when I see someone or meet them for the first time, I just find faults like crazy. I have a hard time separating real life from psyc life if that makes sense.
CarolAnne Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 I know what you are saying. I start analyzing people because I feel safer that I understand them a bit more deeply and can guess some things about their personality and family without having to be told. Sometimes it pays off when you can ask a question and they think you are psychic and it turns into a funny/ interesting conversation. But Dad is ABSOLUTELY right, be in the moment instead, you can't be funny or make spontaneous jokes if you are deep into the analysis of their thought pattern and unstated assumptions. Also I tend to do it kind of as a defense mechanism, when I feel intimidated by someone rather than just getting to know them I'll start "listening" for clues. It's very indirect and makes me feel better that I "know" something about them without them knowing that I know it, but still, that's not really making a friend. Again with the defense mechanism part of it, like you I'll spot weaknesses and they will turn me off, but its almost as if I'm fishing for weaknesses sometimes. Like I want a reason not to feel pressured, obliged to them.
pennyjosix Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 It's a mental battle. If you meet a cute new guy try fighting those thoughts. Force yourself to think of something else or find something to distract you from those thoughts. Or try getting past those thoughts. You find a fault in some guy, but still give him a chance anyways. It's all about battling the mind.
Author Annova Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 It's a mental battle. If you meet a cute new guy try fighting those thoughts. Force yourself to think of something else or find something to distract you from those thoughts. Or try getting past those thoughts. You find a fault in some guy, but still give him a chance anyways. It's all about battling the mind. Yes it sure is. Thats why I'm having a really hard time. I'm so used to picking our faults and I'm good at it that it somehow leaked into my personal life. It wasn't suppost to be like this at all. I just don't know what to do sometimes I really don't. It's like I want someone perfect and I know that there is no one like that.
Guest Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I am not a psychologist but in the last 10 months I have set a record in mentally torturing myself by over-analysis of a perfectly good relationship and boyfriend!!Seriously, you would not believe the way my brain operates sometimes!I ended up getting in touch with a psych, who told me I obviously knew exactly what my problems were, I even knew some of the solutions, but he would offer a couple of opinions just to connect things as an outsider, and see if he could direct me towards "curing" myself!!!!!!It worked for me but I'm guessing that's a once-off. Ahem...so you've got to relax.Switch your brain off.Off.Very firmly tell it that okay, that "thing" might annoy you a bit, but you can't get to know a person in one conversation.Remind yourself that for all the annoying things, there COULD BE as many fantastic things about the person.Its pure fear of the unknown (as I'm sure you can see yourself!) and oh my god, it comes down to mind over matter.Tell yourself (loudly!)that you have as many annoying things.Maybe more!And that other person is interested in you still.... Most importantly, all we have is the here and now.One of my major worries was the future, what might happen, was I doing the right thing, would I wake up in 10 years time and find I'd fallen out of love,would he ask me to marry him, and I'd suddenly realise that he wasn't the one for me...on and on and on.I learned ( the hard way) that all we have is the here and now.You seem to be thinking along the same lines..what "might" be wrong, what "could" they be like, what "would" happen "if"... All you have is here and now and that's all you can deal with. Do read "Don't sweat the small stuff".Also by the same author is "Stop Thinking Start Living".You'll probably know most of the stuff but sometimes things will strike you.I was a very relaxed person, never stressed, rarely worried and never saw the point of any of those books.Then literally one day I woke up a nervous wreck.Ive read both books and they are very useful, and ring very true. I do think you should know 2 things though.First, the cure can only come from inside you.You have to want it.Second, you HAVE to make a concious decision to stop those thoughts when they start.You HAVE to say..okay there they are, but I'm not going to concentrate on them.I'm going to concentrate on the conversation, on what music is playing, and let that take over.Instead of going inside your head and giving all those thoughts attention they don't deserve, and thereby making them louder and bigger and more controlling.It's as much about how you react to them as it is about having them in the first place. I don't know if any of that makes much sense, but I do know what you're talking about.The thing is aswell, you're analysing like that outside a relationship, without a particular person.Get control of that now, otherwise you'll find yourself doing it inside a relationship and you'll end up creating problems out of nothing and making your life very difficult for no good reason.I know that your training and degree probably makes you aware of most of what I've said but learning it on paper and in books is very different from experiencing it and living through it and curing it.Oddly enough, when you get through it(and you will), it will make you an even better psychologist, as you'll have experienced what you're giving advice about.(I don't mean that to be offending by the way!) FYI...I'm a civil engineer (female) and I'm only 24 too!!!Life's tough sometimes!
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