Guest Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 6 months ago i went thorough the worst break up of my life. I thought i'd never love again; not after this time BUT alsa, i do. Only one problem... he's MARRIED! In actual fact that's not the only problem, he's married with children. Young, beautiful children. Well, what i am here for is advice, advice on how to stop this affair before it begins. I suppose i should start from the beginning... We met at work just 4 months ago. He's my boss (of sorts) and i was attracted to him from day one. We didn't actually really speak to one another until 2 months down the line when he told me he thought i was "alright" - brilliant! Well as we spent more and more time together i began to fall for him. I began to realise that my fantisising was bordering on obsessive and so i distanced myself from him. All was going well until on Thursday evening we went out for our work Christmas party. It started with a little harmless flirting but as the alchol began to flow the flirting turned into dancing. The dancing turned into kissing and the kissing turned into "oh my gosh i want to rip all of your clothes off right now"! But... we didn't!! To be honest i think the reason for that is only because we couldn't - we had nowhere to go. Roll on Friday morning and a horrible hangover and i remembered something very important... I remember that the night before he told me that he was "falling in love" with me!! WOW. Well we haven't spoken since Thursday and i am not back in work until Tuesday but i'm already pining for him. I can't stop thinking about him, i've got butterflies in my stomach, i replay the evening and i smile - it's love!! I KNOW i can't let it happen, it wouldn't make me happy, it would destroy his wife, i don't even want to think about the children but the thing is...i can't stop fantisising about how amazing it would be to sleep with him! To be with him! I have to work with him eveyrday and i know that at some point there will come an occassion where i'm in the situation of Thursday evening again; where it COULD happen and we will both WANT it to happen but what i really need someone to talk me out of it! I need someone to tell me that it's wrong because i don't know if i'll be strong enough to stop myself. I need you to help me get over this man!! Anyone with any experience of this please offer your advice, if i allow this to carry on i think it'll tear me apart!!
GreenEyedLady Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 He is your BOSS...do not go there...if you want to keep your professional reputation... Sorry to be harsh, but this is not a good idea at all...
Meaplus3 Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ouch! Not good! Your boss, Really RLH and fast! AP
oyster Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Ok Wake up call #1 Relationship with Commited partner is hum....challenging Wake up call #2 Relationship with Commited partner with kids = decrease likelyhood he will leave his wife Wake up call #3 Relationship with your boss = no more income, left on the street if he can fire you. If he can't fire you, he can influence you bonus and promotion should you not comply with his hum....physical needs. Surveys says...................RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN don't look back
Guest Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Don't do it. It costed me two jobs before. Men do that sometimes (quite a few but not all of them). First of all he might be drunk when he said it. Secondly he's married. Then he's the boss.... ignore those signals he sent you if you can. Avoid him at workplace before your feelings towards him fade away.
bonehead Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Is it worth your job? HIS boss may not look upon your relationship very well. It also puts YOUR boss in a position that can cause some serious issues for him and you.
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Not only your job, but your reputation. And office gossip, don't forget that! Go read some other threads in this section, read about the pain the OW go through (and OM) daily and all that goes with having an affair with a married person. Think with your head, not just with your heart! Keep thinking of his wife and INNOCENT children. DO you really want to help a man cheat and betray his whole family?
Antheia Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Don't forget: you don't love him. You are infatuated with him and fantasy you have built up in your head. From what I have gathered, you have barely talked to him. More than likely is after some sex on the side and has picked up on your interest. He sounds like one of those sleazy, serial cheaters.
kymberann Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 It's not love...It was the alcohol! Just wait and see how he changes when you see him again sans alcohol! Best
GreenEyedLady Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 It's not love...It was the alcohol! Just wait and see how he changes when you see him again sans alcohol! Best Agree with you here, Kymber...
Seen_It_All Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I remember that the night before he told me that he was "falling in love" with me!! WOW. I think it's safe to say he's falling in LUST with you. Been there, done that, at my last job. The guy was constantly trying to paw at me and looking for some excitement on the side. Poor deprived guy, had a wife and 3 kids and darn it all, it had just become routine for him. Time to seek out some sexual excitement, so let's continually drool all over and chase good old Seen_It_All, and hope SHE can replace the excitement that I'm missing. Puke. Tell Romeo to grow the hell up.
puddleofmud Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 You have received some great advice about your job situation and how you may react when having a few drinks. I would like to humbly add to this by asking you why this kind of attention mattered so much to you? The attention you have recieved is not MUCH attention, dear. Sorry to tell you but that is just pathetic... Did you get flowers on your desk with a romantic note attached? Sweet phone calls inviting you to lunch and a date with him to the local zoo or an invitation to a movie this weekend? A night out with HIS friends or family? These are examples of how a man who is in "love" courts a woman. Accept no less and have a wonderful life full of courting and good flirting with men who ADORE you!
norajane Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 It's not a coincidence that you started falling for this guy shortly after the "worst break up of your life". You're still really vulnerable right now. Either you're rebounding, or you're totally not ready for a real relationship so a flirtation with an unavailable married man seems compelling - or both. This isn't love for either of you. Don't compound your bad break up with a really bad rebound.
scaredinlove Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 6 months ago i went thorough the worst break up of my life. I thought i'd never love again; not after this time BUT alsa, i do. Only one problem... he's MARRIED! In actual fact that's not the only problem, he's married with children. Young, beautiful children. Well, what i am here for is advice, advice on how to stop this affair before it begins. I suppose i should start from the beginning... We met at work just 4 months ago. He's my boss (of sorts) and i was attracted to him from day one. We didn't actually really speak to one another until 2 months down the line when he told me he thought i was "alright" - brilliant! Well as we spent more and more time together i began to fall for him. I began to realise that my fantisising was bordering on obsessive and so i distanced myself from him. All was going well until on Thursday evening we went out for our work Christmas party. It started with a little harmless flirting but as the alchol began to flow the flirting turned into dancing. The dancing turned into kissing and the kissing turned into "oh my gosh i want to rip all of your clothes off right now"! But... we didn't!! To be honest i think the reason for that is only because we couldn't - we had nowhere to go. Roll on Friday morning and a horrible hangover and i remembered something very important... I remember that the night before he told me that he was "falling in love" with me!! WOW. Well we haven't spoken since Thursday and i am not back in work until Tuesday but i'm already pining for him. I can't stop thinking about him, i've got butterflies in my stomach, i replay the evening and i smile - it's love!! I KNOW i can't let it happen, it wouldn't make me happy, it would destroy his wife, i don't even want to think about the children but the thing is...i can't stop fantisising about how amazing it would be to sleep with him! To be with him! I have to work with him eveyrday and i know that at some point there will come an occassion where i'm in the situation of Thursday evening again; where it COULD happen and we will both WANT it to happen but what i really need someone to talk me out of it! I need someone to tell me that it's wrong because i don't know if i'll be strong enough to stop myself. I need you to help me get over this man!! Anyone with any experience of this please offer your advice, if i allow this to carry on i think it'll tear me apart!! Welcome to the club! You have two choices, walk away now or be ready for a long bump ride that miost likely will end up in a lot of heartache. Good luck.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Don't forget: you don't love him. You are infatuated with him and fantasy you have built up in your head. From what I have gathered, you have barely talked to him. More than likely is after some sex on the side and has picked up on your interest. He sounds like one of those sleazy, serial cheaters. Very good advice, Antheia knows what she is talking about.
pureinheart Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I think it's safe to say he's falling in LUST with you. Been there, done that, at my last job. The guy was constantly trying to paw at me and looking for some excitement on the side. Poor deprived guy, had a wife and 3 kids and darn it all, it had just become routine for him. Time to seek out some sexual excitement, so let's continually drool all over and chase good old Seen_It_All, and hope SHE can replace the excitement that I'm missing. Puke. Tell Romeo to grow the hell up. Tell the truth...
pureinheart Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 You have received some great advice about your job situation and how you may react when having a few drinks. I would like to humbly add to this by asking you why this kind of attention mattered so much to you? The attention you have recieved is not MUCH attention, dear. Sorry to tell you but that is just pathetic... Did you get flowers on your desk with a romantic note attached? Sweet phone calls inviting you to lunch and a date with him to the local zoo or an invitation to a movie this weekend? A night out with HIS friends or family? These are examples of how a man who is in "love" courts a woman. Accept no less and have a wonderful life full of courting and good flirting with men who ADORE you! we went through this crap huh puddle.....
Shrelana Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 I just want to let you know that your desire to stop this from happening is great....I've been the kid that was cheated on....and it hurts, I still don't trust my dad fully....if you need someone to lend you moral support in preventing this from happening, drop me a line ([email protected]). I've never been in the situation you're in, but maybe just talking can help? I don't know....I hope it works out though. As was said, just keep thinking about his wife and children, which you are already doing.
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