inthegroove Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 I'm with a great girl, but I am too affectionate for her, and I am afraid I am going to drive her away. I feel like I have to just cool it and be more aloof, back off, not show my feelings so much, etc., but that's just not me. I'm worried she'll lose interest because she knows I'll be there no matter what - I feel like because I don't present a challenge (i.e., she doesn't have to try to keep me), she has all the power in the relationship, and that's not a good dynamic. It's like I'm loving her too intensely, and it's overwhelming her. How can I maintain balance? What should I do with these feelings I have for her and my urges to express them? Thanks for your help!
IpAncA Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Well if you have talked to her about this and you know how she feels, then you need to adjust to her and stop being so affectionate and loving her intensely. If you keep on overwhelming her with this she will leave.
norajane Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Make sure you have other things in your life that are also important and that you can get into intensely and passionately so it's not all saved for her. Try playing team sports, or hiking, or biking, or weights or kick boxing - have an outlet for all that energy. Find a hobby that you're passionate about, or maybe it's your job that you can pour your effort into. Make sure you have other people in your life - friends, family - so she's not your only emotional connection. If all else fails, get a dog - they love affection and all the attention you can spare.
Author inthegroove Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 Thanks norajane, that is very helpful advice. I do have plenty of other people and things (music, job, school etc.) in my life to focus my energy on - I will try to do that. It's a challenge though, because when we're together, I feel like I have to hold back - I am almost always the one being affectionate - kissing her, holding her, etc. She assures me that she loves me and loves being with me - she just doesn't express it as much as I do, and that leads to me feeling insecure and paranoid that I'm being too needy.
cuddlybunny Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 awwwwwwww....i totally know what you mean. I'm exactly like you in a relationship! I just can't help it when I'm really into someone. You just want to hold them and cuddle and give them sweet kisses that speak volumes about how you feel about them. And it sucks when they don't feel the same way. Maybe you need to find someone who feels the same way and is equally as affectionate. Cuz honestly, the last person I dated was as clingy and affectionate as me and it was AMAZING.....I mean, neither of us ever had to feel bad about how much we wanted to just show our affection for each other. It was awesome. I recommend you find someone like that. This way you won't have to feel bad about expressing your feelings and not holding anything bad. Good luck!
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I know this might not be an option right now, although I hope you find someone who can appreciate you for who YOU are.... Molding yourself into something you are not won't work, now if it is a personality defect that is different....but being affectionate and open...well that is an asset....
Guest Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Ok, you're in trouble. You've let yourself get whipped and it sounds like she barely had to try. You're laying under her tires while the car is in neutral and the car's on a hill. All she has to do is hold the steering wheel straight. Yep, you've lined yourself up for disaster. Pretty soon she'll realize the power she has over u, and then say goodbye to your credit cards and checkbook, she'll milk you. It's not that she intends to do it... but when someone begs to be used, eventually it will happen. My advice is to Hang out with the guys more. Spend less time with her. Trust me I'm saving you. Enjoy a few good guys movies (die hard with a vengance, etc). Trust me.
JCD Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 If she doesn't appreciate your affection then she is stupid and you need to find someone else who will.
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