Tender_Heart Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 I'm so upset! I have a plutonic male friend-- and just to keep this clear, we're plutonic because he lives with his girlfriend-- whom I've known for a couple of years. Due to work, I recently moved within 50 miles of him (before we had been living nearly 1000 miles apart). Over the past three months, we have met weekly for lunch and he has gone from writing once every few days to emailing me long, beautifully written emails every single day. He doesn't have internet access so he walks downtown just to write. That seems so sweet! But. He won't give me his phone number or home address. This is a man who pours his heart out to me in person, who shares the resumes of the jobs he's applying for (to which his girlfriend doesn't even know about) and tells me repeated that he'll "help me in any way possible." I adore him for all of those things and I think he's one of the most dependable men I've ever met... yet he won't give me his phone number. The other day he sent me a surprise- a homemade CD full of beautiful love songs. And yet he didn't put a return address on the parcel. My question is: wtf? Can anyone reckon what his motive is for revealing everything about himself to me... yet concealing his number and address. It hurts me. Thanks
Guest Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 i have the same situation - sort of. i am single and have been for a while - no plans to change that unless its special. i got rid of the computer in my house because using that to contact her from my home hurt me - so, i come downtown and i am safe from pain and it has helped me heal. i don't hurt now. my gf does the same - she will not give me her address or number and i think it is because she doesn't trust me yet. other than that i refuse to assume what she is doing in her life. i think its just a trust issue which i hope ends soon.
insomnie Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Because he wants to make sure that his live-in girlfriend doesn't find out about the emotional affair he's having with you. Do you like this guy? Do you want more than friendship from him? It sure sounds like it. If it's more you want, have some respect for yourself and back away. Force him to make a decision: either you, or her. (Although, I'd have a hard time trusting someone who has cheated.) Don't become his "other woman". That's so unfair to you, and infinitely more unfair to her. If you want to just be friends, find out what his intentions are and establish some boundaries. Talking occasionally: ok as long as the gf is aware of your existence. Exchanging love songs: probably not.
Guest Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 she is married? if i knew my ex gf had married i would stop right away. i just thought it was she didn't want to get hurt again but if she is dating or married - jebus, i would stop on a dime. that's all she has to say. i was told she was still single so i have been u know, trying....
Guest Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 this is where a site like this messes u up. see i take this as saying she has a man now and because i don't know for sure i have these thoughts bounce in and out - when a simple REAL answer solves it. i would go no probs. so why would an ex that is doing that not tell u?
MikeC Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 It really sounds like he is hiding what is going on between you and him from his girlfriend. If you like him enough, just flat out ask him in a nice way why he won't give a number/address. If he gives you a hard time, just stay friends and don't push it.
goodfriendeva Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 hes married sweety.. better to find someone else before you get too wrapped up into this. if he felt the same way for you he would leave her and be with you.
Gala Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Imagine for just a moment that YOU are the girl living with/married to this guy. And you find out that he has been pouring out his feelings to -- and making CD's for -- an ostensibly "platonic" female friend. Comprendez?
Walk Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 we're plutonic because he lives with his girlfriend The only reason you're not having sex with him is because he hasn't had the nerve to cheat all the way on his gf/wife yet. I wouldn't call that platonic... You're hurting yourself, and you're hurting your friend. If you were a real friend you'd tell him to cut that crap out and focus on his gf or break up with her. If he's not happy with her, then he needs to change it. Not sneak around behind her lusting after another girl. That's disrespectful, underhanded, slimy... And, do you think if you had him it'd be different? That he'd be SOOooooo into you that he'd never sneak around behind your back and lust after another girl. That's a mighty big ego you have. I'm kind of envious. Wish I thought I was the bomb like that. The point is... You aren't his friend. You're helping him down a road that's going to cause him to break promises, break other peoples trust, cause harm, and destroy an innocent girls heart. Do you really want to be that person? Your fooling yourself if you even slighly believe your not responsible for the actions. You're an accomplice. You want to be a real friend, someone with honor, then verbally smack him upside the head and wake him up. Tell him to cut this BS out, and either dump his gf if he's not happy, or make his relationship one that he will be happy in. You're a smart person, I know you can see where this could lead. You're either part of the problem, or you do the honorable thing and tell your "friend" that you won't allow him to use you as a crutch for his problems. Be a real friend, ok? Don't let the selfish side rule your actions.
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