Bipolar.. anyone anyone??

[Bella36]

I have Bipolar Disorder. I hope someone out there knows about it?

Ok well my problem is. well it is being bipolar. i DO NOT take medication for it. I refuse. It's something that i will not do, even if it will "help" the situation. It is very hard to live with, Its hard to have friends, to keep a relationship, Its hard to basically have a daily routine. I'm not going to go ALL into the situation. I just, I don't know if I can deal with it. Im young, i mean how can i have a family? I can't even take care of myself. I COULDN't take a child into this world. it wouldn't be fair.

ontop of having bipolar disorder, i have anxiety, and i have very Low self esteem. (when im in a low/depressed mood)

But when im in a high mood. its like im a whole DIFFERENT PERSON.. im not self concious i love life. everything is great. i want to spend lots of money and have lots of unprotected sex, ****(WITH MY BF)its like...life without consquences!

and i like it..... but when i come CRASHING down into depressing. it takes months to get out of...

Basically the point of posting this .. is i need advice.. for people who have bipolar disorder.. or people that have loved ones that have.. or anyone that wats to give advice to me.. it would MUCH Appreciated!

thank you.

-BeLLa:confused:

[InsanityImpaired]

Bi-polar seems to take precedence over Anxiety disorder in this situation, hence that I am focussing mainly on that. I won't go into the medication, because you indicated you are not willing to take it. I am guessing it is mainly because of the effects it would have on your highs. I do wish to remind you that not all medication turns you into a mindless zombie.

 

Even the highs have its drawbacks. Can you afford to spend the money as you do? Often, people who are bi-polar get themselves into extreme debts - and when they come crashing down, a huge debt will not help. The same with unprotected sex, because chances do exist you would get pregnant, and that is something you say you would not be too happy about.

Life does have its consequences, but you simply are less aware of them when you are in a high mood. Especially when things go wrong, that may lead to even a worse mood when you have come crashing down: "How am I to ..."

 

When you come crashing down, you are totally different from your "high" self. And the big difference between the two of you, seems to be quite a strain on your relationship, friendships and your life itself. The anxiety will not help either - it makes things harder than they already are.

 

Sadly, besides medication (light & heavy duty), and therapy there is not much anyone can do about it. Other than to simply accept the bi-polar for what it is, and start living with it. That includes the ups and the downs. You can't really prevent the onset of the lows. Just as you can't have an indefinite high - and even those have the drawbacks. And that includes all the stresses on your relationship(s), friendships and your life.

Even if you are conscious of your mood changes, it may take some big adjusting from the people around you to deal with it. Bi-polar is not easy on you, nor on the people around you. And the support they are, may simply disappear, because they get fed up with it, and the unmanageableness of the whole situation.

 

Just my first thoughts on this.

[Guest]

It makes no sense at all to refuse medication. It's like a diabetic refusing insulin. You body is messed up and doesn't keep your brain in line the way others' bodies do. If someone hasn't got a leg, the person gets a prosthetic or crutches. They acknowledge a problem and solve it. Refusing to solve a problem is just not smart.

 

The advice? Get treated. Or your whole life will be screwed up. Do you really think that's a grand way to spend a lifetime?

[Bella36]

Thank you for your thought.

No i do not have that money to be spending it. I haven't gone into debt YET. i really appreicaite your thoughts. I was on medication before, and it really worked good. but for some reason i stopped. i didnt want to be on it anymore. I know thats strange.. i just felt "cured" . the medication i was taking were moodstabilzers which kept me leveled. but then like you said I was worried about not getting the "high" moods. which i really like. another issue.. the moodstablizers i take.. will cancel out all types of birthcontol..? My doctor said.....i mean do i make a choice?... birth control . or mood stablizers. i don't know?

thank you for your post.

-Bella

[InsanityImpaired]

It not strange to suddenly stop with the medication. Especially as the medication has some side-effects. If medication is working, and you are functioning normally, it is mainly the side-effects that are noticed. Giving encouragement to the idea that you don't really need the medication.

 

Bi-polar does have, as you stated in your initial post a few advantages, mainly those highs, less need for sleep. Creative moods for some. It is not surprising that a "cure" also means to lose the disorder, and some of its benefits.

 

Most medications (at least that I am aware of, but I am no trained psychiatrist) have an effect on the effectiveness of birth control, and vice versa. It does not render all forms of birth control ineffective.

Just make certain, in case you would be going back on meds again, that you tell your doctor (/psychiatrist) about birth control. It is not an uncommon issue, and the doctor (/psychiatrist) should be well aware of the do's and don'ts.

If you would go back on medication for bi-polar, you may also ask your bf to use condoms, in case you don't have reliable birth control, if no alternatives are offered (seems unlikely though). I know that is not ideal, but it is better than nothing. You may want to look into alternatives for oral birth-control, some of which can be very effective.

 

Look to the advantages of the alternatives. If you would choose to get the medication, you would lose the highs, but:

1. be more stable in your interactions with those around you

2. have less problems with the lows (anxiety, self-esteem).

3. behave less impulse-driven than when you were on a high.

 

Downsides are:

1. possible issues with birth-control.

2. lack of highs, feeling good about yourself as a result of the high.

 

 

It is no easy decision by any means. Hope this helps a bit.

[Bella36]

TO:InsanityImpaired

thank you for your advice. You make alot of sence to me. I am to go back on medications. I really just needed someone to tell me that it's a good idea. my family isnt really supportive, so i needed someones help. thank you very much for your time and your advice.

[Guest]

i know someone that decided to not take certain meds because she gained weight and did not like being a bit 'numb' and saw it as an exterior control on her. i am someone who CAN support someone that is bipolar and I understand what is required and will always support them unconditionally.

 

Finances regarding meds are not an issue - she understands that it is just a matter of whether she feels it can work. This offer I have given but they see it as a burden - far from it. Maybe one day she will let down her guard and let me back in.

[RecordProducer]

Bella, my husband had a bipolar wife and their marriage ended after 14 months because of it. It's better for you to take a medication. You will be happier.

 

How did you find out you were bipolar? I mean, what methods do doctors use to determine you're bipolar?

[erika2610]

RP -

 

There are no lab tests for bipolar disorder; instead your doctor will ask detailed questions about your symptoms, including how long they last and how often you have them. He or she will discuss your family history and may do a mental health assessment.

 

A mental health assessment tests your emotional functioning and your ability to think, reason, and remember. It includes an interview with a health professional, a physical examination, and written or verbal tests. During the interview, the health professional assesses your appearance, mood, behavior, thinking, reasoning, memory, ability to express yourself, and your ability to maintain personal relationships.

 

Blood and urine tests, such as a toxicology screen, may be done to rule out other causes of your symptoms. A toxicology screen examines blood, urine, or hair for the presence of drugs.

 

http://health.yahoo.com/ency/healthwise/hw148751/ty1085;_ylt=Aozj9idISxBqGyV7vL1fzwoY2LMF

 

To the OP - I really think you should rethink taking medication. I have known several people with bipolar. One of my best friends had it, and 2 of my brothers ex-girlfriends. One of my friends brother in law just died actually, and when I asked her what happened. She said he had had bipolar for a long time. My best friend could just barely function when she didn't take her meds. She, like you, refused to take them at one time. But she finally realized one day that she basically had no choice. It was either walk around in a zombie like state (that's how she was off of meds), or take some pills, and function normally. She was much happier on the meds. I really think you should consider it..

[Isabella82]

I have Bipolar... and I also have a BS in Psychology...

 

 

Hard to keep healthy relationships, but its not as bad as what everyone thinks!! It sucks for me, sometimes I am so happy, and then the next day I am so sad and I don't know why.... its genetic... its a chemical imbalance

 

You need medication... end of story. My b/f said he won't be with me unless I am on my med, and I don't blame him. When I am off my med I am unbareable, crying for no reason, very irritable, very snapy, just a complete Bitch but I don't mean to be.

 

I am on Lamictal, a mood stabilizer... I am able to take Birth Control with it. The only thing is when I get pregnant I have to stop taking my lamictal, and then my b/f said he would take a 9 month vacation LOL!!!

 

No but seriously, without my meds I am crazy, bad bad anxiety... When I take my lamictal I feel like I don't need it anymore so I stop and I crash.

 

You not wanting to take meds is like someone with diabetes not wanting to take their insulin. YOU NEED IT

try another med, so that you can be on birth control too.

 

God I hate feeling sad for no reason... its the worse.... the med will make you emotionally numb at first but it goes away after a while... thats just the beginning side effect of it all

[Bella36]

Thank you everyone, for your post.

 

And thank you..Isabella82 for the advice. I feel better knowing that someone out there has felt the same way as I do.

I don't know of anyone in my family or any friends that have bipolar disorder, so I really can't talk to other people with the disorder.

I WAS taking Trileptal and Abilify for the bipolar and klonopins for the anxiety. It WAS working it made me feel normal. no more crying for no reason. and my rage was gone. and then i would think ok well im better i dont need this.... and then it would start over again, the rage is huge part of the disorder.. well for me, i will start throwing things, freaking out and this is stupid but picking fights with my BF for NO reason!

The Trileptal is the medication that prevents me from going on birth control, the doctor said it will make the BirthControl, 0% effective. She wanted to put me on Lexapro? but i dont know anything about it, i dont know I HATE change.. i dont know if i want to go on a new medication.. what if the side effects are worse??

Another thing is I ALWAYs forget to take my pills i dont know why.. i have the worst memory.

another thing is i lost my insurance. so now im actually on medicaid. (state provided insurance) And i have to find a new doctor? im nervous about that, and i keep putting it off. people think im just being "lazy" but in reality i REALLY want to feel better and be on medication, but i just dont follow through with it. I don't know im ranting now! sorry.

one last thing..About my boyfriend. right now he is im jail and will be out in April, we plan on living together when he gets out, I love him so much, and he makes me really happy! But I don't want him to leave me, if i cant control myself, besides medicine(which i plan on taking)- is there other things i can do to help myself?

 

thankyou. and if anyone else has any advice it would be appreciated!

 

-<3 Bella

[riobikini]

Bella: " Basically the point of posting this .. is i need advice.. for people who have bipolar disorder.. or people that have loved ones that have..."

 

Bella, the following is just a brief outline of the life of *one* person with Bipolar Illness, my last husband of three years (from which I am now divorced.)

 

His most vivid earliest memories consist of those of anyone who appeared "exciting", adventurous, or "over-the-top".

 

Even as a child, personality-wise, he had two main control "speeds": one that was in "high gear", and one that was in "low gear".

 

In high gear, it was obvious that he especially was drawn to -and admired- people whom he perceived to be extremely clever -but more than just clever, more than the average person, and for very different reasons: he admired those who had a particular affinity for breaking rules and appearing to "win" over them, or those who held flamboyant disregard for authority.

 

In high gear, he was very Napoleonic: he "ruled", he was "in charge", he broke the rules -without blinking an eyelash.

 

And, truth is, this was when he was his most productive -except that many of his "rule-breaking" actions had serious consequences that often wound up negating all -or most of- the good he'd been able to accomplish.

 

He normally not only found himself back at square one in his endeavors (finances, business & personal relationships, included) but even farther behind than he started out.

 

In low gear, he loathed himself.

 

He saw nothing about himself that was worthy -or equal to- the traits, characteristics, intelligence, and abilities of others, and whom he considered with highest esteem.

 

Even people that had never made it to the top ten on his "List of Folks to Admire" -and those he had previously thought of as not as bright, or flamboyant, transformed into people with traits or characteristics to try and shoot for.

 

In other words, he began to look up to those he had considered "lesser-than" in terms of someone to pattern himself by, or those he felt worthy of relating to during his low gear periods.

 

Doing this accounted for his motley crew of "other friends" and associations with those who were as broke as he was for the time being, or who were facing some kind of dire straits in regards to lifestyle, finances, relationship, and other circumstances.

 

These, he associated with only until he was back on the upswing of the manic cycle.

 

Then -then becoming a bother and an embarrassment- he dumped them.

 

This man was a millionaire several times, but due significantly to his illness, he found himself broke and starting over many times.

 

His wealth never lasted very long. He loved living well -but went overboard with it and would purchase several expensive cars at a time, real estate, and personal items. During his buying sprees, he was often very generous but only due to the "overflow" of the wealth: his core personality was that of a very selfish person.

 

He was married six times -in addition to an annulled marriage early on.

 

His Bipolar illness landed him in Federal prison for three years for tax fraud in his late thirties (unbeknownst to me when I married him).

 

He had worked for the IRS as a CPA in his early twenties just long enough to learn the ropes to become a first-class criminal and left them to open his own CPA office.

 

Got out of prison, landed on one of the high-gear cycles, and became a millionaire within two years.

 

Lost the wealth through mismanagement during a downswing in the Bipolar cycle.

 

He has since (in the past year, in his mid sixties now) lost his CPA license for good (I never could figure out *why* the gov let him reinstate, in the first place.)

 

All accomplished when in "high gear".

 

He is a recovering alcoholic, he is heavily dependant on Xanax and Valium (handfuls of each during the day -and night- and which are nearly rendered ineffective from overuse).

 

He's a chain smoker (three packs a day).

 

The medication prescribed for him is the only thing (I believe) that prevents the worst effects of the severity of the type of Bipolar he is affected with from emerging, although it appears the meds are doing little to help.

 

Without it -you can be sure- it is much, much worse.

 

I hope this account has helped you -and Bella, please note: you truly can’t see your need for medication if you are suffering from this illness[/b]).

 

See a doctor.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Guest]

dedication, commitment, compassion and patience - i know a man like that - lol

[Isabella82]

Hmm Yeah Lexapro.... used to be on it. Don't remember why I stopped taking it. Like you I forget but I take BCP so I just take my med when I take my BCP.... being on medicade it should be really cheap. My friend is on that and her prescriptions are $1. Just get to it, my b/f says I am lazy too because it took me forever to get to the doctors, I didn't have insurance but now I do! My med used to cost $450 now it cost me $30.

 

Hmmm b/f in jail..... do you mind if I ask why?

[riobikini]

re:

 

Bella36: " one last thing..About my boyfriend. right now he is im jail and will be out in April, we plan on living together when he gets out, I love him so much, and he makes me really happy! But I don't want him to leave me, if i cant control myself, besides medicine(which i plan on taking)- is there other things i can do to help myself? "

 

Just a few thoughts and a little more info for the sake of an example and to answer your question.

 

Looking back at my ex-husband's many marriages, I see two types of women that he chose -and I believe both are representative of the gear he was in at the time of the ceremony.

 

The type he chose during the "high gear" cycle all had similar characteristics: all were confident, very attractive, successful and were more sophisticated, and educated.

 

The type he chose during the "low gear" cycle were also very similar: they worked minimum to mid-grade jobs, lived on a very tight and low budget, had low self-esteem, lower moral standards, were limited in education, and most barely made it to average in appearance.

 

In addition, although none of his marriages (and other romantic relationships) lasted any great length of time, most of the women chosen while in "low gear" either had similar diagnoses, or mirrored many of the same behavior patterns as he and the relationship/marriage lasted a little longer (I believe) due to the co-dependant emotional/behavioral attachment, while the ones chosen while in "high gear" were startled to quickly learn (only after the marriage) of the high instability of the person they had just married due to his mismanagement of his illness (his feeling "cured" and not taking his meds, or not taking them properly) -and were unable to remain married to him -and divorced.

 

Such as was my case with him.

 

So, Bella, this is food for thought for you: relationships are *high* on the list for guarding and prioritizing and analyzing in people having Bipolar -and you may need help with this.

 

Obtain an outside view from a professional to help you *know what you should know* about yourself in regards to relationships.

 

It saves you -and everyone around you- from having to live with unnecessary stress, confusion, pain, and upset and gives you a reliable sounding board to help keep you balanced and off the monster rollercoaster as much as possible.

 

Tag the meds.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Bella36]

Thank you for the advice everyone.

first i want to respond to Isabella82

My bf is in jail bc he violated probation, by not going to his classes he needed to go to and testing positive for cocaine in his system. he has a drug problem. therefore he is a Jail/rehab program getting help. (thats just another thing that i have to worry about) sometimes when im in a low mood. i starting going into rage...with him, by hitting him and yelling at him. sometimes for things that happened in the past.. he never has hit me he just thinks im "psycho" sometimes. but thats a whole different story. i dont have to wrry about him untill april.(but i do love him so much and i plan on living with him when he gets out. bc i hate being away from him)

 

-->anyways to: riobikini

thank you for the posts, I guess I just need to go to the doctors and get on medication. Everyone says im being lazy, but its not that... i guess im just scared. i dont know im so confused in life right now ... i dont know were its going.. im in college.. and i hate it, i hate my job, my friends and i cant stand my UNsupportive family....im not suicidal.. AT ALL... but im just so fed up with everything right now .. i dont have a life anymore.. all my friends are into the party scene and drinking and drugs... im not into that anymore. i feel that i should just stay home and feel sorry for myself...i know i sound pathetic.. im just terrified of what my life is going to be like on and off the medications...i guess now im just venting.. and i would love to hear back for you and Isabella82 or anyone else that has some thoughts..

Im so scared about how im going to do in life.. i dont want to screw up.. I am young.. 18 yrs old. im just starting out and im scared............

[riobikini]

re:

 

Bella36: " Im so scared about how im going to do in life.. i dont want to screw up.. I am young.. 18 yrs old. im just starting out and im scared............"

 

Bella, there's a surprising truth you should know: the "being scared" part can happen when you're 18 -or 81!

 

Being afraid -or just skeptical or cautious- is something you -and most of the rest of us- probably won't ever "get over".

 

The best you can shoot for is to learn to intelligently discern *when* and *what* to be concerned over.

 

But I think I understand what you are saying -that there's this big unknown life out there ahead of you waiting to happen- but only when you start warming up to the idea and find the personal strength and inspiration to allow it to happen.

 

And you want to *do it right* and *enjoy it fully*.

 

Bravo! on that thought!

 

But the problem (and the solution) lies ahead....

 

The normal reservations and fears associated with figuring out your own path in life -coupled with the obstacle of an illness that you were born with and can't make go away- makes it more difficult for you and just emphasizes the "being scared" part.

 

So the step up to seeing a physician to deal with the illness is even bigger than for most folks your age: it takes more effort, more desire, more strength, more inspiration -more everything.

 

Still, there's no other known accepted way to treat Bipolar illness -and it doesn't go away- it's something you will *always* live with.

 

Putting off dealing with your illness does some very damaging things that -for now- you are not capable of realizing to their greatest extent.

 

For instance (and without making unrealistic promises) treatment for Bipolar illness can (in many, many cases) open up areas of your life that have remained (thus far) limited or closed off entirely for you.

 

The treatment meds can make a difference you can't know until you've been *on them for a while*.

 

After receiving treatment (in particular, the appropriate meds) you'll look back and wonder how you lived without it -you may even feel a little sting of loss or regret for not having discovered treatment sooner.

 

I urge you to look into it.

 

Your *better* life is waiting for you -don't miss it!

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[blind_otter]

Just a side note, if you can't afford abilify, there's a bristol myers squibb patient assistance program to help you get abilify if you don't have a lot of income and you don't have insurance.

[Isabella82]

Bella -

18 and in college! You are lucky! I was the sameway in college.... depressed, friends sucked...went out all the time partying when I was at work! My family life is crazy! I was sad and depressed in college.

 

But this is because your bipolar....suicidal yeah...sometimes. Thats being Bipolar. I know exactly how you feel. Your college... is it a university?? MIne was so I got free visits to the Universitys psychologists and I got free medication. Look into it.

 

Your b/f hmm I am going to try not to go there because I do not know the whole situation, but I am training to be a Probation Officer and I work in the court system... Good luck with that.

 

Everyone at one time in their life feels down and sad. But being bipolar is never going to get better, unless you take medication. There is nothing else you can do about it. Just remember to stay in school, that is the ticket out... you are only 18, and life at 18 is confusing. I am 24 and life for me is still confusing, but at 18 it was worse.

 

Hitting my b/f yeah I have done that too, sometimes I just don't know what comes over me, I feel like a monster! But now that I am on my med I am so much more calm, not much anxiety as before. And no more crying for no reason. It sucks, but thats what we have to deal with.

 

I would be more focused on you, how to make yourself better... you sound like a smart girl in college, obviously you have goals in life! I wouldn't be too concerned about losing your b/f at this point. I think u could be better off without him in the picture.

 

Keep your head up and realize that no ones life is as perfect as you think it is, everyone gets down... it will get better. Just go see someone.

[Porn_Guy]

Just a side note, if you can't afford abilify, there's a bristol myers squibb patient assistance program to help you get abilify if you don't have a lot of income and you don't have insurance.

actually I believe lithium carbonate is still the gold standard in treating bipolar. they utilize the newer drugs when lithium is contraindicated or doesn't work for that patient.

[longlegzs80]

I been told I should go to the doctors to get help with my problem, and I don't even know if it is bipolar. I am depressed, young, but when I get into a high rage, I get hateful, angry, very very outspoken. I am a different person when I get to the highs of depression or whatever I have. But the lows is dealing with depression, embarrassement of what I have said in my high moments etc.

 

I don't know if this discribes bipolar. Haven't gone to the doctors to see if that is my problem. But in your situation, which I agree I will not go on medication, I refuse it, but there is a certain point that you have to do something. Medication to me is the last resort, but I will go talk with someone about my rages and lows. Talk to someone, pay for counseling. I relate to you, I don't really have friends or many of them, I can't be in a relationship and the world to me is a very lonely place without those.

 

Think about yourself and do what you feel is right. TALK TO SOMEONES and get the help you need. Take care.

[Guest]

Refusing to take medicine makes no sense. It's like a diabetic refusing insulin. If you are ill because your body isn't regulating your neurochemistry properly, then the smart thing is to put it right by adding in the chemicals you're lacking.

[Mz. Pixie]

actually I believe lithium carbonate is still the gold standard in treating bipolar. they utilize the newer drugs when lithium is contraindicated or doesn't work for that patient.

 

Alot of doctors would rather use a newer med because with lithium there is a risk to the liver etc.

 

To the OP- please rethink your decision to take medication. Someone close to me is bipolar and the medications help tremendously!