LTR on/off on the rocks - myspace and my BF's past is killing me

[celesten10]

First of all, i cannot believe i am another one who is having issues regarding MySpace.

 

I've been with my BF (Mathias) for about 5 years, on and off. He was my first love and i still hold strong feelings towards him, and so does he.

I broke it off in January 2006, I met someone else and I began a new relationship and he went off to Southeast Asia to do some traveling and to "get over me" - his words. In the meantime i started a relationship with this other guy, whom it turned out i was not in love with but cared for deeply -- My biggest mistake.

Mathias met this girl in thailand whom he developed a certain affair with and they spent 2 weeks together traveling and fckng obviously. During this trip, he's kept in contact with me through emails, and would tell me how much he missed me and loved me.

 

He came back in May and this summer, we kept in touch, i broke up with the guy i was seeing during the summer, and there i was in bed with Mathias once again! (we've done this so many times these past few years) As soon as we see e/other we forget and forgive and make passionate love. The last 3 months, we've been spending a LOT of time together, but I find myself having a hard time getting over the fact that he slept with over 5 girls during his trip. I know this because i broke into his email account while he left it open in my computer (i don't wanna hear it). Yes, i invaded his privacy, and half of me is glad and half of me regrets it, the things i read and found out about this trip, killed our trust and has hurt me deeply.

I've seen pictures of these girls, one in particular who he still keeps in touch with, has pictures of her naked, and is now in his top 8 on MYSPACE. She lives in london, called him once while he was right next to me in MY bed. And has invited him to visit in one of her emails, telling him that she will introduce him to many european girls that will help him get over "ME"!

I freaked out. And i confessed about reading all these emails that filled my eyes with tears and rage. As well as a fear regarding std's. However, none of these messages are romantically involved but more like memories and picture trading about the places they've been to. He never mentioned that he misses her or loves her or anything remotely like it, but the fact that he still has pictures of them together and still asks her for more, is just so painful to bear.

 

Last weekend i told him, we either try to work things out, or we just give this relationship closure for good and move-on. And if we decided to end it, this time would be final and he has to help me, because HE is always the one breaking NC, and me falling for it, because i miss him so.

I mentioned the fact that i will not tolerate any more contact with this girl or any others whom he had sexual encounters with. I've seen his myspace inbox during this summer, and he's sent messages to girls in the area asking to meet up, while we were fooling around, but not in a relationship.

This is why i NOW have issues with this site. I do not have one but i can still see it.

 

Her site has pictures of them together as a couple, and it is killing me. Yes i'm crazy jealous and I think i have my reasons. It's been a week and he has not deleted it.

 

After i told him how i felt about it, and told him how much i loved him in a long email, and my wishes for a commited relationship. He told me that he will delete his MSpace. He poured his heart out and told me he wants to be with me, that he truly deeply loves me and asked me to travel to India with him and live together. He wants us to be ONE. These were his words last weekend and i could not believe my ears, but i believed he was being sincere until today.

Yesterday i saw him online on MS, and i just exploded. I flipped out, barged into his place (when he told me that he was not there!) I yelled and acted like a psycho, i will admit.

 

We spoke today on the phone and he is now acting like he has doubts, saying how i'm bipolar, i'm crazy, i'm vicious, and how i put him in a position where he either picks his friends or me, not both. I told him that i need to know where we stand, he practically told me that i am not a "nice" girlfriend, and that i boss him around.

Some of it might be true, but he's given me reasons for this behavior.

Sometimes i say things like "you make me sick" or call him a manwhore. Regarding the number of girls that he's been with withing a month period of time, and during this summer as well! i know this for a fact.

 

I don't know how to deal with this anymore, i love him and want to work things out for old times sake, and because we have so much love for each other. But my trust issues are killing us. It's killing me. I have not eaten the past 2 days, i feel like i'm losing him for good. How do i put this off of my thoughts and try to have a healthy relationship with him? is it even posssible anymore?

Please help!

[insomnie]

To be quite honest, I think you really need to cut off all ties with this man and move on with your life.

 

It's obvious that he is not ready to be in a commited relationship. Therefore, he is not even capable of loving you like you deserve. He may like you and care about you some, he may want to see you and be with you, but he also wants the lifestyle of a manwhore. Wants to have his cake and eat it too.

 

If he really loved you and was ready to give up slutting around with all those other girls, I think he'd be FAR more remorseful for his actions than he is. He's given you a LOT of reason not to trust him, and any psychob!tch explosions you may have when it seems like he's violating your trust again are completley well deserved. Calling you crazy and trying to shift the blame on YOU for your unhappiness is very immature and just more proof that he can't handle a relationship right now. He's so intent on continuing the slutting that he's convinced himself it's ok, and that when you get angry it's because you're crazy.

 

It's time to let go. You may love this man, but he cannot give you what you need. I don't think that osmeone who places such a high value on random sex can even be trusted not to cheat. He's going to end up breaking your heart.

 

End it now. Explain to him that he's giving you no reason to trust him, and many reasons not to, and that it's impossible to have a relaitonship without trust. Then, go NC.

 

If he loves you, he'll go after you. But hold out, until you are SURE that he's ready to give you the minimal things we ask for from our partners, like fidelity.