Trialbyfire Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Intelligence is always an asset, not a liability. Don't ever try to hide it, just relax and enjoy it.
DanielMadr Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 It seems to me like a very high percentage of guys will not be interested in a girl if she is above a certain level of intelligence. Girls go for guys with higher status in most cases. This "level" varies from guy to guy, of course, as does the very definition of intelligence, but I feel like for almost all guys, once a girl surpasses this level, the smarter she is the less attractive she becomes to the guy in question. The more intelligent the more complicated and cocky she is in most cases. She is over-analyzing etc. I'm pretty smart. I made a perfect score on the SATs, I read a lot, and I LOVE to argue. I'm pretty good at it, too, but I find that anytime my conversations with guys get exciting and mentally challenging, and ESPECIALLY anytime I "win", the guys I am arguing with get completely turned off and sometimes even angry. It means jacksh|t. I know guys with IQ of 150 and they cant tie their shoe-laces To be intelligent is not necessary the same as to be clever, wise , charismatic etc. To "win" without making other people feel bad is important skill. They can even feel your ambition to win and that satisfaction when you do. People who get really angry when they "lose" are not worth dating. I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this. That is true. I even know the girls look, when she thinks she sees right through me like 'Oh yeah now you will ask me for my phone number, right boy?'. It is turn off. Only blind, deaf and dumb wouldnt know whats going on, so why she has to everybody know that SHE KNOWS whats going on'. Thats lame. It is more tactful to keep decorum. Hey, you are no Cassandra/Sibyl. Stop analyzing, low your shields of mental power and take it easy. Every guy I've ever been with has had a rebound very quickly after we broke up with someone FAR less intelligent. And sure, I know people are intelligent in different ways and blah blah...but these girls were WAY dumber. Take my most recent ex, for example. The girl he's kind of seeing now, whom he started hanging out with while we were still togehter, lives at home, plays video games ALL day, and has gone to a community college for the past three years. She's attempted to tranfer to a semi-legit university several times but has always been rejected. I know she is nice and probably fun to be around, and I know I sound like a snob for thinking I am better than her....but seriously. I am WAY better than her. Why would he want someone with half a brain and no direction?? Looks, loyalty, flexibility, integrity....that are the major things we find attractive in woman. Intelligence is fine but it is no big deal, sometimes it is even obstacle for flexibility. It's so discouraging, knowing that what I consider a very positive attribute of mine is always going to be used against me. Knowing that if I were dumber, I'd have an easier time finding love. (Guys are all over me anytime I am in a social situation and I pretend to be dumber than I really am.) Intelligence is not turn off. Lack of other things is e.g.: boring, negativity,dominating, big-headed, stubborn etc.. Im not saying you are but you should consider some of these other options.....more possible options that is.
SmoochieFace Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 LOL!!! :laugh: I know someone who is like A and B and they are sooooo boring and so annoying. What happends if your not in either one? Exactly. The problem with the 'A and B' examples is that they represent extremes. Most people fall somewhere in between. Personally, I would prefer a GF closer to 'A'. A little bit of 'B' thrown into the mix is cool, but that 'like' crap would have to go. Sorry, but people who use the word 'like' in just about every sentence come off as ditzy. JMO, of course.
IpAncA Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Exactly. The problem with the 'A and B' examples is that they represent extremes. Most people fall somewhere in between. Personally, I would prefer a GF closer to 'A'. A little bit of 'B' thrown into the mix is cool, but that 'like' crap would have to go. Sorry, but people who use the word 'like' in just about every sentence come off as ditzy. JMO, of course. Well I would put myself in the middle. Middle is a good place to be because you take both sides and it's balanced. If your A all the time, you come off as stuck up and if your B all the time then your annoying.
SmoochieFace Posted December 18, 2006 Posted December 18, 2006 Well I would put myself in the middle. Middle is a good place to be because you take both sides and it's balanced. If your A all the time, you come off as stuck up and if your B all the time then your annoying. Frankly, I really do not care very much for the 'B' to want it at 50%. Ten percent would work fine.
JCD Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 I like girl that is humble, understanding and funny. Also is loyal, hard worker and knows what she wants in life. The last thing I want to do when I come home from work is to engage my brain in intellectual discussion about some smart dude I don't care about. Instead I want her to lift up my spirits by being playful and funny. How someone would like a girl that seeks arguments and wants to always win is beyond me. That just smells of arrogance, immaturity and snobbishness. But I guess I understand that being in school and having smarts be the priority there, many will succumb to that lifestyle and think they're better than people working in real world.
IpAncA Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 . How someone would like a girl that seeks arguments and wants to always win is beyond me. That just smells of arrogance, immaturity and snobbishness. But I guess I understand that being in school and having smarts be the priority there, many will succumb to that lifestyle and think they're better than people working in real world. The only way someone would want someone who likes to debate all the time is one who likes to also.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 i like a woman that speaks her mind. i'm kinda goofy liked to make her laugh. she would come home after working with kids all day and i would go figgity jibbity wiolly wa loo and she would tell me 'i need adult conversation please' and i would stop
nicki Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 BlueScreen, I like what you said about intelligence being about perception and wisdom....I agree. There are many kinds of intelligence. Emotional intelligence is probably the most important, as it is about how we relate to each other. How about common sense? I think a man who has it is sexy beyond measure. I love to read. Once, I dated a guy who hated to read, but - wow- he could build a car engine from scratch. I was completely amazed at his intelligence and mechanical ability. I sure didn't have it. I couldn't even figure out how to adjust my car seat. To be "book smart" is one thing. It just means that someone has the ability to read and retain information. To be naturally intelligent is another. I think it comes down to being naturally curious...and to always want to learn. I try to keep a "beginners" mind. After all, there is always more to learn, from anyone we meet. To me, intelligence means being able to draw relationships between pieces of information and experience. It's about creating something new that wasn't there before. It's about being excited, energized. I personally like a man who is up for a bit of verbal sparring and debate. I don't think of it as intelligence, but more like a preference for one kind of entertainment over another. It's fun to analyze, debate your point, etc... BUT, at some point, you drop the talk, drop your clothes and make crazy monkey love....It's all about balance. That's intelligence.
rglove Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 A smart girl is not the problem. The problem arises when a girl thinks she too smart and/or is intellectually stuffy. Intellect, for me at least, is not a problem. It's a plus. But here's the fact a lot of the so called intellectual subjects are boring, and if you bore me, why do I have to hang around. Now, I find Dumb, Ditzy, girls boring for the don't have enough to hold your attention mentally, to carry on an interesting and extended conversations, but stuffy intellectuals I also find boring. And if you have to be one of those into the maths & sciences, remember most average folk don't find those things very interesting. Me personally, I get into a philosophical, social-political, sociological, or social-science based conversation with you in a minute, but talk about the technical aspects of science and you lose me. So, it might just be your conversation topics, topics of discussion.
CarolAnne Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Here's a quote from How To Win Friends and Influence People, which I am reading right now, and couldn't believe how timely and perfectly this section applied to the subject of arguments, winning them, and is it sexy? I was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross's honor; and during the dinner, the man sitting next to me told a humorous story which hinged on the quotation "There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we will." He mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. He was wrong. I knew that, I knew it positively. There couldn't be the slightest doubt about it. And so, to get a feeling of importance and display my superiority, I appointed myself as an unsolicited and unwelcome committee of one to correct him. He stuck to his guns. What? From Shakespeare? Impossible! Absurd! That quotation was from the Bible. And he knew it. The storyteller was sitting on my right; and Frank Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at my left. Mr. Gammond had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare. So the storyteller and I agreed to submit the question to Mr. Gammond. Mr. Gammond listened, kicked me under the table, and then said: "Dale, you are wrong. The gentleman is right. It is from the Bible." On our way home that night, I said to Mr. Gammond: "Frank, you knew that quotation was from Shakespeare,""Yes, of course," he replied, "Hamlet, Act Five, Scene Two. But we were guests at a festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why prove to a man he is wrong? Is that going to make him like you? Why not let him save his face? He didn't ask for your opinion. He didn't want it." "Why argue with him? Always avoid the acute angle." The man who said that taught me a lesson I'll never forget. I not only had made the storyteller uncomfortable, but had put my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had I not become argumentative. It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an inveterate arguer. During my youth, I had argued with my brother about everything under the Milky Way. When I went to college, I studied logic and argumentation and went in for debating contests. Talk about being from Missouri, I was born there. I had to be shown. Later, I taught debating and argumentation in New York; and once, I am ashamed to admit, I planned to write a book on the subject. Since then, I have listened to, engaged in, and watched the effect of thousands of arguments. As a result of all this, I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument - and that is to avoid it . Avoid it as you would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right. You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non compos mentis. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 ok does anyone have a suggestion this woman i love and want to surprise with something special i believe lives in the same city i do but she is impossible to locate. help! how do i find her?
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Someone please tell me why oh why it is impossible to conceive of an interesting discussion about matters which might be complex without immediately thinking 'intelligent = argumentative'? There are discussions which turn into debates with each person taking one point of view and using information to back up his side of the discussion. This is meant to be energetic and entertaining - kind of like a fencing tournament - you both have to stretch yourselves to be sure you're discussing logically and not just talking off the top of your head so it demands some skill. But, like fencing, the point is to enjoy the interplay and not kill anybody at the end. I'm tired of the snobbism of people who look down on folks who like to exercise their brains.
ddnnee Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 intelligent girls are just a problem. period. they tend to be cocky and over analyzing. Ever notice your female professor's ring finger? there's none. oh ya, she's divorced because she's too smart for her man and drove him off. Because intelligent girls know they are smart, they have higher standards. They will look for the highest possible because they know they deserve the best. Often they find guys up to par and divorce.
Guest Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 what do smart gurls prefer to use when instant messenging? yahoo or msn? i think most people say msn - of course i am different - lol
stillafool Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Your ex boyfriend is probably interested in this "dumb girl" because of her looks, integrity, fun loving spirit and support she gives to him. Don't get me wrong, I think intelligence is important but being smart is better. I've known ivy league guys who won't date ivy league girls because they don't want to talk "shop" when the day is over. I've been told by them that they want someone soft and sweet who make them feel like a man. Aren't there clubs and other social groups where highly intelligent people socialize? If I were you I would find one of these groups and you will probably find the man of your dreams and you guys can argue and analyze everything until you are blue in the face.
blind_otter Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 It seems to me like a very high percentage of guys will not be interested in a girl if she is above a certain level of intelligence. That's never been my experience. But I also know how to behave in a way that makes men feel secure in their own intelligence. IME very intelligent or learned people can sometimes be intellectual elitists, and that's off-putting to anyone, not just members of the opposite sex.
TPol Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Interesting thread. A lot of issues have been covered already. Nothing much to add other that the obvious: some guys don't like very smart girls, some do. Some guys prefer not-so-smart girls to smart girls. Some guys prefer very smart girls to average IQ girls. You can swap the girl and guy in the above and it is still true! There are plenty of fish for everyone, no need to lose sleep over some guy who prefers an average IQ girl. After all if you value your intelligence, you'd want to be appreciated, if this guy didn't appreciate it, the sooner he's out of your life, the better.
CarolAnne Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Someone please tell me why oh why it is impossible to conceive of an interesting discussion about matters which might be complex without immediately thinking 'intelligent = argumentative'? There are discussions which turn into debates with each person taking one point of view and using information to back up his side of the discussion. This is meant to be energetic and entertaining - kind of like a fencing tournament - you both have to stretch yourselves to be sure you're discussing logically and not just talking off the top of your head so it demands some skill. But, like fencing, the point is to enjoy the interplay and not kill anybody at the end. I'm tired of the snobbism of people who look down on folks who like to exercise their brains. It was in the original post. "I read a lot, and I LOVE to argue. I'm pretty good at it, too, but I find that anytime my conversations with guys get exciting and mentally challenging, and ESPECIALLY anytime I "win", the guys I am arguing with get completely turned off and sometimes even angry."
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 The girl he's kind of seeing now, whom he started hanging out with while we were still togehter, lives at home, plays video games ALL day, and has gone to a community college for the past three years. Ok i see what you're saying.... but I just want to throw this out there.... playing video games does not make you a stupid person... it also does not make you a slacker or a person without direction. i am extremely tired of all these traits being tied with playing video games. If anything, video games will make you smarter. It improves your reflex speed, problem solving skills, pattern identification skills, and most of all patience. If you don't believe me, go toe to toe with me in PvP on World of Warcraft... or for all you non-PC gamers out there... i dare you to try to beat me at Tetris. If you think she's dumb, maybe she should play MORE video games. Also, some people just don't like to argue. I would be pretty turned off too if someone I was dating pranced around making sure I knew they were smarter than me.... and argued every conversation every step of the way. A lot of people don't see that as intelligence, they see that as just plain irritating. People want to date compatible people. Its not always that the guy feels threatened (although some do), more often than not, they want to date someone that is at the same level of intelligence because they're more compatible. Guys want to date someone they can hold a conversation with. Some guys like the occasional verbal battle, others don't. It's a personal preference. But say for instance, you want to talk about astronomy, would you want to date someone that thinks the stars are aliens waving flashlights? You can't have a conversation with that person, not an intelligent one anyways. Chances are you would probably dump them and find someone more compatible. You can't blame your ex for not feeling compatible with you. After all, thats what dating is all about. Trial and error. He probably feels like he has more in common with this new girl. Maybe that won't work out either. Just be glad that it's done and over with, and you can move onto something or someone worth your time. Oh, one more thing. People aren't snobbish towards smart people. Want proof? Are you gonna be an *sshole to the person fixing your computer? Are you gonna put down your accountant? If you know what's good for you, you won't. Otherwise you end up paying three times as much for that computer part, or end up owing money to the IRS. The suits can't live without the geeks, because they can't do anything without us. The world would stop turning if the IT people didn't come into work. Maybe you need to start looking at how you say things to people. Most of the time, I've noticed, you're the one coming off snobbish. There's nothing wrong with being outspoken or intelligent, but sometimes you have to keep the self-promotion to, well, yourself. People don't want to hear how smart you are 24/7 and they sure as heck don't want to be put down if they don't agree with you. my character name is Evictorine and i play horde on the Shadowmoon server... if anyone wants to take me up on my PvP challenge.
CarolAnne Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I have never in my LIFE seen as many people playing video games as I did at MIT
IpAncA Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 Well I don't know what to tell this OP. Sounds like she just can't STAND the idea of someone with less IQ then her (according to her) being with her former bf or anyone else who picks less IQ women to date. And it's obvious because she made a topic about it so it's bothering her. She thinks that IQ is more important then the rest of the stuff that involvs a relationship and that will make people turn away from from her. It really will. No one wants to be reminded of her being smart and showing it all the time. It will get annoying. If she keeps thinking like this and can't understand why she is coming off in a negative way, then she is in for a long time of disapointments.
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 I have never in my LIFE seen as many people playing video games as I did at MIT slightly off-topic, are you from MA or did you just go to MIT? (I always like to shout out to my home-state, area code love.)
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 My guy has to either be an intellectual equal or superior. There has to be challenge in any relationship or I get bored to tears. Having said that, there's got to be relaxing downtime with softer emotions and a strong physical side. Not asking for much, am I?
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Posted December 20, 2006 My guy has to either be an intellectual equal or superior. There has to be challenge in any relationship or I get bored to tears. Having said that, there's got to be relaxing downtime with softer emotions and a strong physical side. Not asking for much, am I? lol nope, you just can't expect every guy you date to be that way.
Recommended Posts