Dating Smart Girls

[the_alchemyst]

Well, there's your answer, IMO.

 

That's not the answer.

 

And I completely forgot to mention this is my last post:

 

If I wanted, I could be (totally) dating a guy right now because there have been offers. However, the problem with this is that these guys are looking for the blond-haired Megan in me, and she is just not there.

 

At a first glance, yes, I do come off as being serious or a little bit "strange" (due to my wardrobe, mostly), but in general, I'm really mellow and easy going. So, it's not really that. But perhaps what is it is that I live in the epitomy of vanity and superficiality.

 

 

I have a question for you unsuccessful smart daters. Have you considered the possibility that you come off as too serious, too heavy, not light and cheerful enough?

 

I've wondered that, yes. And as said above, at first I do come off as being serious, but when conversation ensues, it's mostly like this:

 

(Guy) "Hey you, what's up? What're you doing?"

 

(Me) "Eh, not much. Just trying to get this stuff done so I can finally leeeeave. Man, that class just sucks!"

 

(Guy) "Haha, yea it really does. It's not only boring but hard, too. What are you going to do later?"

 

(Me) "Oh, who knows? Nothing related to this class, that's for sure. Eh, maybe play some games or watch a movie. Whatever rolls around."

 

(Guy) "That sounds great. I'd like to join you some time."

 

(Me) "Cool. That sounds like fun."

 

(Guy) "Yea, definitely. Maybe this Friday? Call me, alright? . . . Oh, yea, and hey--I was going to ask, what did you get on that last exam? I got a f*cking C-!! Can you believe that?"

 

(Me) "Oh, yea? . . . Eheh... Oh well, I got an A. You know, just markin' all the "Cs"...."

 

(Guy) "An "A"? Whoa, are you serious? Oh, ****, dude. [awkward face here] Wow. Em, well... I guess I have to study more...eh? Funny, 'cause I thought I had studied alot... Uhm, okay, well, so I'll see ya I guess...

 

(Big boobs) "Omygod!! I, like, so totally failed that test!! AHAHAHAHAHA!! There is, like, next year or the year after that, anyways!! Like totally!! Oh well. I'm going to Michi's to get a facial, wanna company me??"

 

(Guy) "Uh... yea! Alright, see ya, you."

 

-----

 

 

 

What a joke.

[insomnie]

I will to everyone later (got final in 15 minutes) but I just wanted to say that alchemist, when i read your posts I often wonder if we are not the same person

 

Your high school experience = mine. I was the weird girl in the corner that almost no one talked to (though I did have some really good friends) who never went to class. Cut list every semester, constantly accused of being on drugs. Truth is, I am just exceptionally lazy and have didn't have the patience to sit in a room for that long. And I just didn't care. I'd go to the library because I was literally addicted to books or I would hang out with my several friends or else just walk around the city. My grades were ok. I got into college.

 

GATE = California. I went to HS in California. Where are you from?

[Kamille]

There's kind of a paradox in your post Insomnie - On the one hand you admit that you value intelligence vastly but on the other you say that intelligence is not the first thing that you look for in a SO.

 

Like the Alchemist, I have often been dubbed the 'most smart' one in my groups of friends - and like you A, I would actually try to play it down. As I've learned to be more comfortable with the etiquette, I've learned to use to my advantage.

 

I now use the fact that I am perceived as intelligent as part of my seduction power. And I've found that a lot of men are attracted to intelligent women, if like someone says, she does not flash it. Intelligence is intriguing, sexy and thrilling. It's a tool. Not to mention that ideally, you will want to find a SO who is comfortable with your intelligence and who will bounce it back to you.

 

Learn to be comfortable with it. That way you won't feel the need to 'prove' it, nor will you feel you have to 'downplay' it.

[IpAncA]

(Guy) "Yea, definitely. Maybe this Friday? Call me, alright? . . . Oh, yea, and hey--I was going to ask, what did you get on that last exam? I got a f*cking C-!! Can you believe that?"

 

(Me) "Oh, yea? . . . Eheh... Oh well, I got an A. You know, just markin' all the "Cs"...."

 

(Guy) "An "A"? Whoa, are you serious? Oh, ****, dude. [awkward face here] Wow. Em, well... I guess I have to study more...eh? Funny, 'cause I thought I had studied alot... Uhm, okay, well, so I'll see ya I guess...

 

Wow I've never had ANYONE get turned off because of my grades. Shoot I had to keep my mouth shut or lie because I was like a magnet for people who wanted help.

 

I had this guy in my senior year who on the 2nd exam got a C and I got a B+. So he asked me before class started what I got and I told him that it was around a B or something. So what did he do? He gets his stuff and moved up and sat next to me. He was like "I'm sitting next to you cause know what your doing." I was like "I didn't get an A" and he goes "yeah but you did better then me." I was shocked and we ended up becoming friends and I did end up helping him and another guy out too with the class and they did pass to that was good.

[westernxer]

GATE = California. I went to HS in California.

 

California is home of the high school slacker.

 

I should know... I was one of them.

[HeadlessZebra]

Look, I mean, color me oblivious, but I just don't get it. I spent my childhood in the gifted program and was even skipped a grade, I've always scored in the 99th percentile in all the standardized tests I've ever taken (without any preparation), I qualify for frickin' Mensa, and yet I have absolutely no problem attracting men! If anything, I fare better in the dating game than most of my friends! This makes me POSITIVE that it's not your brains per se that are holding you back. You're doing something wrong. Something's off about the air you give off, and we need to find out what it is. Ask yourself: What do these apparently dumb girls have that you don't? It's not stupidity in and of itself that's attracting the boys. Have you abandoned accusation/assumption and truly been honest with yourself in your analysis of your errors?

 

Obviously there's something to be learned from any girl who has an easy time with men. She must have some positive quality that you should try to emulate. Don't knock it if it works!

[norajane]

Something's off about the air you give off, and we need to find out what it is. Ask yourself: What do these apparently dumb girls have that you don't?

 

The brainy girls are looking for men who will capture their imagination and engage their brains and the guys around them aren't quite doing it. So, they can't feign any real interest in the guys, and the guys pick up on it. And the guys pick up on the "dumb girls'" interest because those girls are actually into them.

 

That's my theory, anyway.

[IpAncA]

Ugh...I don't like the word "dumb girls." Rubs me the wrong way. Makes it sound like anyone who isn't booksmart is stupid.

 

Just because their not brains, doesn't mean their dumb. Having a high IQ is only a small portion. There are other things that are important and if a person expresses those in a negative way, then their going to be alone.

 

These other girls found someone who is on their level and shares the same interest as they do. I think that since this OP got dumped, she isn't thrilled because she thinks that being smart is enough to keep a guy around and can't understand why a guy wouldn't want to date her and go for someone who in her eyes is lesser then her.

 

No offense to the OP here but it sounds like your throwing off a negative vibe here for guys and they don't like it so they move on to somone else who has what they want.

[HeadlessZebra]

The brainy girls are looking for men who will capture their imagination and engage their brains and the guys around them aren't quite doing it. So, they can't feign any real interest in the guys, and the guys pick up on it. And the guys pick up on the "dumb girls'" interest because those girls are actually into them.

 

That's my theory, anyway.

 

Fair theory. I think it's safe to say that if our dear intelligentsia would cultivate sincere enthusiasm for all varieties of people, and for life in general, and if they would develop a carefree world view, they would find themselves on par with (if not outright ahead of) the competition.

[bluescreenlife]

No need to quote your SAT scores people... intelligence is shown in the content of your ideas and in the way you express them. I've always found that speaking well has impressed women and caught their interest, at least for the type of woman I'm interested in. For me as a man it's not knowledge or book smarts that I'm after, but rather understanding and perceptiveness, maybe even wisdom. That's something that I find really attractive.

 

But there is a balance and there are more qualities that contribute to attractiveness or its absence... positive energy is a big one. Intelligence can work against you if it makes you overly critical - logic is a great problem solver, but not everything is a problem and logical analysis isn't always appropriate. I think intelligent people also have more complicated minds with a greater potential for neurosis, and since their ideas in general are experienced very powerfully, negative ones can be more dangerous. Being serious can work against you too... but when a really intelligent person finds a sort of life-affirming wisdom, that's very powerful and very attractive. Think of people you might know who speak well and have a peaceful energy with a little genuine smile that never goes far away... that's intelligence at its best.

 

People are attracted to different things and more immature men (boys?) will value beauty or willingness more than intelligence. But as men get older, some of them get wiser, look deeper, and appreciate more subtle values. I don't think there's any doubt that intelligence is attractive, but it need humility and humour and good intuition to balance it out.

[Guest]

compatibility and kindness are very important too.

[the_alchemyst]

I will to everyone later (got final in 15 minutes) but I just wanted to say that alchemist, when i read your posts I often wonder if we are not the same person

 

Your high school experience = mine. I was the weird girl in the corner that almost no one talked to (though I did have some really good friends) who never went to class. Cut list every semester, constantly accused of being on drugs. Truth is, I am just exceptionally lazy and have didn't have the patience to sit in a room for that long. And I just didn't care. I'd go to the library because I was literally addicted to books or I would hang out with my several friends or else just walk around the city. My grades were ok. I got into college.

 

GATE = California. I went to HS in California. Where are you from?

 

Hehe, I think the same thing.

 

I live in California. Southern California, to be more accurate. And Orange County, to be precise. I have always lived here (unfortunately), so...

 

I really need to get out of this place. Maybe I should transfer to UV so we can be friends and roll our eyes at all the, "TOTALLY! Omygod, Ken!!!"'s there.

 

 

No need to quote your SAT scores people... intelligence is shown in the content of your ideas and in the way you express them.

 

Yes, I do. I makes me more smart.

[Guest]

Wow are all the Ivies on LS?

 

I also went to an Ivy for undergrad and this thread has been so interesting/ revealing

 

I used to feel the same way, that somehow intelligence was a liability. Everything in my experience seemed to prove it - I'd be having a great conversation with someone until the subject "So where'd you go to school" came up and then suddenly it's as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown on the conversation. On closer reflection though, it wasn't the school or the grades that were doing it, but the way I was discussing it, as if though it were my defining feature. Several years down the road I regret my terribly, laughably naive belief that a degree from an Ivy League would somehow make people envy, admire, and then like me. (Consecutively, in that order) That scoring in the 98th percentile on the MCAT would prove how unique and "lovable" I am. I wish I had realized earlier that being able to keep up a conversation with people no matter how diverse, and make them laugh and feel better about life is exponentially more challenging than picking the right answer on a standardized form, and the most valuable trait there is.

 

I think what you are struggling with is tending to give a factual or self-aggrandizing answer when people really want encouragement, empathy, or attention. Could be that the "dumb" girl figured this out a long time ago.

 

from the Alchemyst - "Oh, yea, and hey--I was going to ask, what did you get on that last exam? I got a f*cking C-!! Can you believe that?"

 

Just as an example, is this person *really* asking what you got on the exam, or is he looking for someone who will make him feel better about his situation? Someone who will give some encouragement, agree that it was really hard, or at least try to distract him with other things to do? By telling him you made an A, even accidentally, how does that in any way make him feel better and not worse, and in the future when he fails another test, or is in a car accident, or his parents are dying of cancer, who's words would comfort him - your factual/ not-so-veiled bragging or a flitty "dumb" girl who is responding to his unspoken needs? Who would he rather have at his side?

 

A parallel might be someone who has a lot of money. Say you have a friend who is fabulously wealthy. And you have just been fired from a job, you ask your friend how his job is going, and he says, I just got a raise! I didn't even see it coming, but the boss gave me a raise today! How would you respond to that, both silently and verbally?

 

"Total = Brains * .3 + Values * .4 + Physical Appearance * .05 + How Loved I Feel * .25"

 

Besides your math skills/test scores, what attributes do you have that inspire people to want to date you?

[HeadlessZebra]

Yes, I do. I makes me more smart.

 

Like, hello! That's totally not how you say it. It's "more smarter"!!!

[IpAncA]

No need to quote your SAT scores people... intelligence is shown in the content of your ideas and in the way you express them.

 

Yeah no kidden. Maybe I should start posting all my degrees and certificates.

[Kamille]

No need to quote your SAT scores people...

 

Lol. Totally - my grade four teacher gave me an A++. So I don't get it, why can't I get a date?

 

Besides, while the good old theory of intelligence being something unequally and hierarchically distributed is still around, many studies (Bourdieu for the booksmarts) have shown that - get this- intelligence is a social construction, the result of one's positionning, possibilities and aspirations in life combined with what is valued as intelligent within that society.

 

IQ tests are arguably the best example of this. They test for vocabulary - that which puts those who may not have the language of the test-designers as a native language at a disadvantage. They also test mathematical skills based on the dominant cultural understanding of time and space. All things that you learn not only in school, but also at home.

 

The thing is these norms of intelligence have changed and continue to change over time as societies change.

 

In other words, maybe in the next century being a skilled video gameplayer will be valued as the highest form of intelligence imaginable (that is if we keep hanging on to the idea that some people are smarter then others).

[lindya]

No need to quote your SAT scores people... intelligence is shown in the content of your ideas and in the way you express them. I've always found that speaking well has impressed women and caught their interest, at least for the type of woman I'm interested in. For me as a man it's not knowledge or book smarts that I'm after, but rather understanding and perceptiveness, maybe even wisdom. That's something that I find really attractive. But there is a balance and there are more qualities that contribute to attractiveness or its absence... positive energy is a big one. Intelligence can work against you if it makes you overly critical - logic is a great problem solver, but not everything is a problem and logical analysis isn't always appropriate. I think intelligent people also have more complicated minds with a greater potential for neurosis, and since their ideas in general are experienced very powerfully, negative ones can be more dangerous. Being serious can work against you too... but when a really intelligent person finds a sort of life-affirming wisdom, that's very powerful and very attractive. Think of people you might know who speak well and have a peaceful energy with a little genuine smile that never goes far away... that's intelligence at its best.

 

Great post.

 

A person's ability to get their head down into books, focus on studying and pass exams is admirable. It will undoubtedly serve them well career -wise...but it's a tool for success rather than an ingredient in the personal warmth and charm that tends to attract other people. It will get you praise in the class-room, but it won't necessarily open every door in real life.

 

Star gazer mentioned that people who always have to be right and always have to win the argument can be quite draining to those around them. Very true. Debate is great when it expands the minds of both participants and energises them mentally, but when a person is more interested in displaying their tail feathers than they are in exchanging ideas and views, it starts to look narcissistic...and it can actually be physically tiring to spend too long listening to a person whose primary aim is to impress rather than to engage.

 

Insomnie, you mentioned guys preferring the "Duncan, that's so awesome!!!" girl. That's life. People gravitate to those who show an interest in them. You want a guy who values your intelligence, "Duncan" wants a girl who thinks he's awesome. I suppose that the connection happens when those two needs start to complement rather than compete against eachother.

[westernxer]

My SAT scores were in the 900 range... I guessed on nearly half the answers, especially the mathematics portion.

 

The fact that I was able to guess correctly en route to a score that was comfortably higher than the 700 minimum shows how intelligent I really am.

 

To think that some people take it so seriously...

 

*snicker*

[Gala]

As a Ph.D. who ultimately bailed on a hardcore academic career, I'd like to weigh in on some of these questions.

 

I had a college boyfriend (many years ago) who always tried to outdo me academically. I found it puzzling and annoying. We were at Berkeley, but neither of us was in that realm of the totally possessed overachiever. After we graduated, I decided I wanted to go to graduate school. When I had this revelation, I was really excited; he responded by telling me that I didn't have the discipline or drive for graduate school. In truth, I think that he was threatened.

 

Our final breakup took place the day I took the GREs.

 

Graduate school presented a lot of personal challenges in that it seemed really diffcult to be the heavy-duty intellectual and an emotional being at the same time. At least for me it was. For a lot of reasons, during the first few years I largely shut down my emotional life. And I often felt like I had to struggle to compete at the top level of my (mostly male) colleagues. Socially, I had no problems with them, and the various wives in our circles usually liked me as well. I was, at least, able to carve out my own space in my program that allowed me to pursue the areas of inquiry I enjoyed, and I was able to involve other disciplines. This meant that after the Ph.D. I got a great postdoc in Manhattan through the Rockefeller Foundation, and although I chose to leave the academic track I was able to leave at the top of my game.

 

The last 7 years for me have been a search for some kind of balance, and I think I've at least come closer to that.

 

So enough about me, and back to the thread - I think the OP is actually identifying a few issues at once. There is the reaction of the guy who is threatened, which is his problem. There is your own desire to be accepted for who you are and what you value. But thirdly, as other people have noted, there is something limiting about "going into your head." I currently teach classes with many students who don't have highly developed intellectual capabilities, and I have learned so much from them about relating. Just relating. Sometimes the intellectual level suffers when you're trying to keep a human connection.

[amaysngrace]

Even now, when I meet someone for the first time, I try very hard to impress them with how smart I am. I guess subconsciosly I've always felt that's the only thing I have going for me, that my brains are the only thing that make me worth knowing.

 

From where I am, I see this to be the very root of your problem. In relationships from time to time our SOs speak out and it can seem like an attack to our character. I do believe in your case, you use your smarts as your weapon. It sounds like you think it's the most powerful thing you have to gain composure while in a verbal confrontation with your BFs.

 

So it seems like you're breaking up due to being smart, but really it's because it becomes an issue in the end. But you make it so when you decide to use it against them. And then they have to defend themselves against it as a result of it being your weapon.

 

And then unfortunately a very positive thing that you have in your favor actually gets held against you.

 

Maybe next time you are in a relationship, choose not to bring it up. Look for other positive characteristics that you have to bring yourself up from a personal attack by your BF.

 

And you don't need to verbalize what is great about you to others. As long as you believe it through and through, well that's all that matters.

 

Personally I am more impressed with someone who is given brains plus ambition. I would, if I were you, be much more proud of myself for the dedication and determination of getting where you are today and let the intelligence take second to that.

 

Brains without hard work means nothing. You've worked hard to get to where you are now. And that's what you should be most proud of.

[the_alchemyst]

Insomnie, you mentioned guys preferring the "Duncan, that's so awesome!!!" girl. That's life. People gravitate to those who show an interest in them. You want a guy who values your intelligence, "Duncan" wants a girl who thinks he's awesome. I suppose that the connection happens when those two needs start to complement rather than compete against eachother.

 

That was me. And well, lindya, around here, all of the "OMYGOD, Duncan let's go to the bonfire with Ken! Like totally!!" type of girls are really dumb. I'm not being mean or joking or anything, but around here, this is actually how some girls talk, and it has become the trademark of the dumb and annoying girl who's both hot and an easy lay.

 

No joke.

 

I get scared when I hear them.

 

From where I am, I see this to be the very root of your problem.

 

I know this wasn't for me, but I think that maybe the root of my problem is that I don't really try to impress anyone, period.

 

Anyway, hmm . . . I don't know. I can't speak for insomnie, but I can say this:

 

I think the problem with being "smart" is the fact that I'm young. Where I live and in my age group, the way of life right now is to go to work wherever or go to school and do just enough not to fail during the week, and then come the weekend, it's all about looking where the parties are to go out and, pretty much, get drunk.

 

This is the formula I see many, if not most, of the people my age living their lives by: Work during the week and party hard and get drunk of the weekends.

 

For me, though, well . . . there is simply more to that. Yes, I enjoy spending the weekends doing more relaxing things that during the week, but the problem is that I don't want to spend all of my early 20's drinking and partying, because while I do think this is a great age to have fun, I also think this is a great age to begin laying a foundation for a better tomorrow.

 

I know that I do not always want to live in this little studio where I do now. I know that I do not always want to be scrapping by for money to eat a decent meal. I know that I want to have enough money in my pocket to buy myself and ice cream cone or two, and then trot over to the mall to buy myself whatever. I know that someday I want to live in a nice place, have a nice car, and have money in the bank and in my pocket to not always be dreading the beginning of next month for the fiend: rent.

 

But I also know that if all I do now is do a mediocre job in school, I won't cut it in the long run to be able to afford a decent life for myself. And I also know that if I drop out completely to go work "wherever"--that, well, I'll probably always be stuck "wherever" in the work force, and this is simply not what I want for myself.

 

I don't think I'm naturally all that smart. I actually think that if I was gifted with anything, it was the ability to pick things up quickly, so that if you give me a Calculus book, I'll get it or that if you show me once how to use a cash register, I'll get it. I don't really need that much repetition or a variety of examples to understand--I just kind of "get it" rather quickly.

 

And perhaps that's why I'm the most smart of my friends--because of this little trick. Who knows?

 

But the thing is that all of the things I have just said, were I to say them to my friends or to people my age in general, the would look at me with a bizarre expression on their face and think I'm not from this planet or something. Why? I don't know. Perhaps it's because they think that since we are so young (20), we shouldn't be worrying about this "stuff" yet, and that all we should do now is enjoy life to the fullest.

 

And maybe that's the way it should be, yes, but that's not the way I want it to be for me.

 

And this is why, for me at least, it's harder to "attract" dates or boyfriends or whatever that are about my age--because all they want right now, it seems, is to party and to have fun, and while that is well and good, I personally need more subtance than that. And by this I don't mean a mind-blowing intelligent guy, but a guy who is down-to-earth enough to realize that while this age is for fun, it's also for trying to begin to make something out of himself.

 

But many guys my age don't want this. And that's why I seem to get screwed over by the other girls whom want nothing more but just that--parties, alcohol, and sex.

 

In theory that is great, but in reality it is not.

 

So what happens to me is that sometimes I tend to more strongly attract older guys, and while that's fine by me, it's a sticky situation for them because I am, after all, "only 20."

 

I need to fast forward 5 years.

[lindya]

That was me. And well, lindya, around here, all of the "OMYGOD, Duncan let's go to the bonfire with Ken! Like totally!!" type of girls are really dumb. I'm not being mean or joking or anything, but around here, this is actually how some girls talk

 

I can see that that would be wearing.

 

I get scared when I hear them.

 

I'd also be scared by the prospect of those girls getting too close to a bonfire with Ken.

 

And this is why, for me at least, it's harder to "attract" dates or boyfriends or whatever that are about my age--because all they want right now, it seems, is to party and to have fun, and while that is well and good, I personally need more subtance than that. And by this I don't mean a mind-blowing intelligent guy, but a guy who is down-to-earth enough to realize that while this age is for fun, it's also for trying to begin to make something out of himself.

 

But many guys my age don't want this. And that's why I seem to get screwed over by the other girls whom want nothing more but just that--parties, alcohol, and sex.

 

I think people tend to really cut loose at that age because they're semi-consciously haunted by the realisation that in a few short years the opportunity to live that way will be gone. You can still party in your thirties, forties...and, indeed, at any age - but it's never going to be quite as good as it is in your late teens and early twenties. For one thing, it takes longer to recover from hangovers and staying up all night.

 

I need to fast forward 5 years.

 

If you do, you might find yourself hitting a stage where you want that party lifestyle that you're not 100% enthusiastic about right now. Life sometimes dishes things out in a strange order.

[IpAncA]

 

 

I think the problem with being "smart" is the fact that I'm young. Where I live and in my age group, the way of life right now is to go to work wherever or go to school and do just enough not to fail during the week, and then come the weekend, it's all about looking where the parties are to go out and, pretty much, get drunk.

 

This is the formula I see many, if not most, of the people my age living their lives by: Work during the week and party hard and get drunk of the weekends.

 

For me, though, well . . . there is simply more to that.

 

I know that I do not always want to live in this little studio where I do now. I know that I do not always want to be scrapping by for money to eat a decent meal. I know that I want to have enough money in my pocket to buy myself and ice cream cone or two, and then trot over to the mall to buy myself whatever. I know that someday I want to live in a nice place, have a nice car, and have money in the bank and in my pocket to not always be dreading the beginning of next month for the fiend: rent.

 

But I also know that if all I do now is do a mediocre job in school, I won't cut it in the long run to be able to afford a decent life for myself. And I also know that if I drop out completely to go work "wherever"--that, well, I'll probably always be stuck "wherever" in the work force, and this is simply not what I want for myself.

 

I understand what you are saying and doing but you need to lightening up a bit. Your only 20 and at your age that's what people do in college.

 

Your doing the exact same thing that I did and I was alone in college because I was trying to make my future as secure as possible and what other college students were doing wasn't me. I didn't want to screw up any chance of my future being messed up.

 

Because I did that, I didn't have a bf. I was so focused on school that I missed out on a lot of things. But that was my choice.

[the_alchemyst]

 

I'd also be scared by the prospect of those girls getting too close to a bonfire with Ken.

 

When you see them pulling up in their pink BMW's (I actually saw one once ), at the beach parking lot, it's usually a good time to leave.

 

 

I think people tend to really cut loose at that age because they're semi-consciously haunted by the realisation that in a few short years the opportunity to live that way will be gone. You can still party in your thirties, forties...and, indeed, at any age - but it's never going to be quite as good as it is in your late teens and early twenties. For one thing, it takes longer to recover from hangovers and staying up all night.

 

 

And I think you're right.

 

If you do, you might find yourself hitting a stage where you want that party lifestyle that you're not 100% enthusiastic about right now. Life sometimes dishes things out in a strange order.

 

Yes, that's what most people say to me. But what they don't know is that I had a year of boarding school back when I was a teenager, and shared a school/house type of thing with a bunch of junkies. And on the weekends, all the punks stayed there because their parents didn't want them home--oh, goodness, no. And I stayed there because, well, my parents are special.

 

So, in that year--on those weekends, I got to drink too much alcohol, smoke too much pot, and see too much girl on girl action.

 

I was too young.

 

Poor me.

 

So, that party scene of now is just not exciting to me anymore.

 

Maybe I'm just an alien.

 

I understand what you are saying and doing but you need to lightening up a bit. Your only 20 and at your age that's what people do in college.

 

Your doing the exact same thing that I did and I was alone in college because I was trying to make my future as secure as possible and what other college students were doing wasn't me. I didn't want to screw up any chance of my future being messed up.

 

Because I did that, I didn't have a bf. I was so focused on school that I missed out on a lot of things. But that was my choice.

 

I understand what you're saying, too. But the people I'm speaking of have their mommy's and daddy's there to give them all sorts of support. And I don't. I have zero support from my parents right now. Hell, I'm not even sure where my parents are living at the moment. And this to me is just sad because I just turned 20 a few months ago, and life is so nasty right now.

 

I can't afford to do what they do. But that's alright because I don't envy them. either. I really don't. If I envy anything they have, it's probably the support and warmth and love or whatever that they get from their families. Not the booze and the parties. Not really.

 

It's just annoying that because I want more than that I'm such a weirdo, you know?

[IpAncA]

I understand what you're saying, too. But the people I'm speaking of have their mommy's and daddy's there to give them all sorts of support. And I don't. I have zero support from my parents right now. Hell, I'm not even sure where my parents are living at the moment. And this to me is just sad because I just turned 20 a few months ago, and life is so nasty right now.

 

I can't afford to do what they do. But that's alright because I don't envy them. either. I really don't. If I envy anything they have, it's probably the support and warmth and love or whatever that they get from their families. Not the booze and the parties. Not really.

 

It's just annoying that because I want more than that I'm such a weirdo, you know?

 

Well then my advice to you then is to just enjoy what you have and continue to work on your education and when the right guy comes along then so be it. Just have fun in the meantime, relax, and have patience.