Dating Smart Girls

[insomnie]

It seems to me like a very high percentage of guys will not be interested in a girl if she is above a certain level of intelligence.

 

This "level" varies from guy to guy, of course, as does the very definition of intelligence, but I feel like for almost all guys, once a girl surpasses this level, the smarter she is the less attractive she becomes to the guy in question.

 

I'm pretty smart. I made a perfect score on the SATs, I read a lot, and I LOVE to argue. I'm pretty good at it, too, but I find that anytime my conversations with guys get exciting and mentally challenging, and ESPECIALLY anytime I "win", the guys I am arguing with get completely turned off and sometimes even angry.

 

I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this.

 

Every guy I've ever been with has had a rebound very quickly after we broke up with someone FAR less intelligent. And sure, I know people are intelligent in different ways and blah blah...but these girls were WAY dumber. Take my most recent ex, for example. The girl he's kind of seeing now, whom he started hanging out with while we were still togehter, lives at home, plays video games ALL day, and has gone to a community college for the past three years. She's attempted to tranfer to a semi-legit university several times but has always been rejected. I know she is nice and probably fun to be around, and I know I sound like a snob for thinking I am better than her....but seriously. I am WAY better than her. Why would he want someone with half a brain and no direction??

 

It's so discouraging, knowing that what I consider a very positive attribute of mine is always going to be used against me. Knowing that if I were dumber, I'd have an easier time finding love. (Guys are all over me anytime I am in a social situation and I pretend to be dumber than I really am.)

[Guest]

Men are insecure creatures. In order for one to not be threatened by your intelligence, he has to be smarter than you. Since we know that high intelligence is only found in a small percentage of the population, the odds are less than wonderful. Then you have to find an intelligent guy who's not so besotted with his own intelligence that he's arrogant and that chops off a goodly number. Then you need to eliminate the ones with 'issues' (because smart people aren't immune to personality problems) and another chunk is out of the running. Subtract the married and gay ones, the ones who are too old and too young, and you might as well start thinking up names for the cats you'll have living with you someday.

 

Sigh.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

Well let those guys have their cerebrally challenged women. A smart woman needs a smart man. I graduated from high school with a 4.2, college with a 3.98, and my masters with only one B (dang nabbit, that psychology of learning class ruined my GPA!!!!). I don't usually like to talk about it, and maybe that's why I don't have a hard time attracting guys, but I do believe that guys would prefer to settle down with someome intelligent. My brother, for example, loves his girlfriend dearly, but he doesn't think she's very bright. I think he'd be even happier with someone more on his intelligence level.

 

Hang in there! Brains makes for better mates in the long run.

[amaysngrace]

No offense but you sound very arrogant. Maybe it's not your intelligence that's a turn-off to these men afterall.

 

Maybe you should try to be grateful for the gift you've been given...your brain...rather than be boastful about it.

 

If I were with someone who constantly tried to make me feel as if I were an idiot, I'd want to leave ASAP.

 

That to me just sounds so mentally exhausting rather than stimulating.

[dropdeadlegs]

It seems to me like a very high percentage of guys will not be interested in a girl if she is above a certain level of intelligence.

 

This "level" varies from guy to guy, of course, as does the very definition of intelligence, but I feel like for almost all guys, once a girl surpasses this level, the smarter she is the less attractive she becomes to the guy in question.

 

I'm pretty smart. I made a perfect score on the SATs, I read a lot, and I LOVE to argue. I'm pretty good at it, too, but I find that anytime my conversations with guys get exciting and mentally challenging, and ESPECIALLY anytime I "win", the guys I am arguing with get completely turned off and sometimes even angry.

 

I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this.

 

Every guy I've ever been with has had a rebound very quickly after we broke up with someone FAR less intelligent. And sure, I know people are intelligent in different ways and blah blah...but these girls were WAY dumber. Take my most recent ex, for example. The girl he's kind of seeing now, whom he started hanging out with while we were still togehter, lives at home, plays video games ALL day, and has gone to a community college for the past three years. She's attempted to tranfer to a semi-legit university several times but has always been rejected. I know she is nice and probably fun to be around, and I know I sound like a snob for thinking I am better than her....but seriously. I am WAY better than her. Why would he want someone with half a brain and no direction??

 

It's so discouraging, knowing that what I consider a very positive attribute of mine is always going to be used against me. Knowing that if I were dumber, I'd have an easier time finding love. (Guys are all over me anytime I am in a social situation and I pretend to be dumber than I really am.)

Hmmmm, I don't really know exactly where to parse the quotes.

 

I feel the same way in many ways, but I actually prefer men that aren't necessarily as intelletually smart as I am. I know I am going to take a lot of flak for saying that, but it's true. I'm so tired of arguing truth that I am ready to say "whatever" to just about any subject. Being right isn't important to me anymore. Being loved is.

[insomnie]

No offense but you sound very arrogant. Maybe it's not your intelligence that's a turn-off to these men afterall.

 

Maybe you should try to be grateful for the gift you've been given...your brain...rather than be boastful about it.

 

If I were with someone who constantly tried to make me feel as if I were an idiot, I'd want to leave ASAP.

 

That to me just sounds so mentally exhausting rather than stimulating.

 

I'm not boastful, I'm bitter. And the reason I created this thread was because over the entire course of my most recent train wreck of a relationship, my boyfriend would tell me that it turned him off when he felt I was smarter than him. And he always felt it when I would acheive any kind of small academic or professional success.

 

I'd tell him I had a job interview lined up, and his response would be "I'm never going to find good job. You're going to make more money than me and then my family will think I'm a loser."

 

I never tried to make him feel like an idiot, but the worse he felt about himself, the worse he treated me.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Whether you are female or male no one wants to be with someone who shows characteristics of intelligence, overshadowing his/her real traits of character.

 

This is what causes the friction between a man and a woman of any intelligent level. The heat projected by a person's over-the-top justification of their intelligence can destroy any interest made by the opposite sex.

 

IF you were to look at any of the many relationships in history where the master-minded iconic figures married regular folks, you'll see that their relationships had something "More Than Intelligence" as a foundation.

 

If I were to marry someone, I wouldn't marry them for their brains alone. A person's soul, spirit, energy and sillyness are just as important -If not more so, than just a few debates and disagreements.

 

Just my 2 cents.

Sand&Water

[amaysngrace]

I'm not boastful, I'm bitter. And the reason I created this thread was because over the entire course of my most recent train wreck of a relationship, my boyfriend would tell me that it turned him off when he felt I was smarter than him. And he always felt it when I would acheive any kind of small academic or professional success.

 

I'd tell him I had a job interview lined up, and his response would be "I'm never going to find good job. You're going to make more money than me and then my family will think I'm a loser."

 

I never tried to make him feel like an idiot, but the worse he felt about himself, the worse he treated me.

 

Somewhere within the relationship he developed an inferiority complex. I'm sure it didn't start out that way, most people aren't drawn to those they feel are superiors. Most go for equals.

 

Maybe you have identified too much with your intelligence. Maybe you have always been referred to as such a smart girl. You have excelled academically and now professionally due to being very smart.

 

And possibly you've failed to recognize other attributes you possess because this has always been the focus of who you are?

[westernxer]

Chemistry is more important than intelligence when it comes to relationships. Sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don't. If not, then you settle for less and hope that life doesn't suck when the romance fades.

 

Intelligence is just part of the equation.

[Woggle]

My wife has a genius level IQ and that is a big turnon to me. I love that we can talk about anything and she actually understands what I am talking about. There are more men than you think that love smart women and the ones that don't are not worth your time anyway. These men go and marry dumb women than wonder why these women flake out on them and bring them nothing but drama.

[ShoeGirl]

It seems to me like a very high percentage of guys will not be interested in a girl if she is above a certain level of intelligence.

 

This "level" varies from guy to guy, of course, as does the very definition of intelligence, but I feel like for almost all guys, once a girl surpasses this level, the smarter she is the less attractive she becomes to the guy in question.

 

I'm pretty smart. I made a perfect score on the SATs, I read a lot, and I LOVE to argue. I'm pretty good at it, too, but I find that anytime my conversations with guys get exciting and mentally challenging, and ESPECIALLY anytime I "win", the guys I am arguing with get completely turned off and sometimes even angry.

 

I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this.

 

Every guy I've ever been with has had a rebound very quickly after we broke up with someone FAR less intelligent. And sure, I know people are intelligent in different ways and blah blah...but these girls were WAY dumber. Take my most recent ex, for example. The girl he's kind of seeing now, whom he started hanging out with while we were still togehter, lives at home, plays video games ALL day, and has gone to a community college for the past three years. She's attempted to tranfer to a semi-legit university several times but has always been rejected. I know she is nice and probably fun to be around, and I know I sound like a snob for thinking I am better than her....but seriously. I am WAY better than her. Why would he want someone with half a brain and no direction??

 

It's so discouraging, knowing that what I consider a very positive attribute of mine is always going to be used against me. Knowing that if I were dumber, I'd have an easier time finding love. (Guys are all over me anytime I am in a social situation and I pretend to be dumber than I really am.)

 

I agree with this!! I meet guys who are interested in me, until they talk to me for 5 minutes... then one of two things happens... 1 he figures out that I am pre-med and makes some comment about me being too smart or about marrying me so that he doesn't have to work... or 2 he finds out that I am pre-med but I am not wanting to go to med school (I am interested in a different grad program) and says that I am not smart enough because I am taking the easy way out. There have only been a few guys who see me as an equal, and it is frustrating!

 

Edit to add: It's not only guys who do this... I'll admit that I have met some guys who aren't in college and don't intend on going and that is a turn off for me, but there have been plenty of guys who are in college that think I am too smart that I wouldn't have a problem dating.

[Trialbyfire]

I dunno ladies. If guys can't handle it, they're not worth it. Keep in mind that both men and women get intimidated by an intelligent/competitive woman.

 

My preference is for men who are intellectual equals/superiors. Since I've never dated without already knowing the guy for awhile, it's never been an issue with me. If he can't keep up as a friend, that won't change enough for him to become a love interest.

[insomnie]

 

Maybe you have identified too much with your intelligence. Maybe you have always been referred to as such a smart girl. You have excelled academically and now professionally due to being very smart.

 

And possibly you've failed to recognize other attributes you possess because this has always been the focus of who you are?

 

You are right about this, and I think to a large extent I am this way because of my upbringing.

 

Growing up I felt intelligence was the only thing that mattered about a person. Actually, it was even more specific than that, being really really good at math was the only thing that mattered.

 

I extended that to being really really good in some field, or else being very practical and clever, and to be quite honest for a long time that's how I'd measure my own and other people's worths. Even now, when I meet someone for the first time, I try very hard to impress them with how smart I am. I guess subconsciosly I've always felt that's the only thing I have going for me, that my brains are the only thing that make me worth knowing.

 

Wow, I need therapy =(.

 

Someone mentioned that chemistry is more important, but I'd have a really hard time respecting someone enough to be turned on by them if their intelligence was not up to par with my standards. That may be wrong, but it's true =(.

 

My standards aren't that high though. They're more of a minimum requirement that most guys who go to college will meet. And, of course I look for other things...like whether I find the perosn physically attractive, whether or not we want the same things, common interests/values. And after that it's an equation, something like:

 

Total = Brains * .3 + Values * .4 + Physical Appearance * .05 + How Loved I Feel * .25

 

With each individual criteria out of 10. And the higher the weighted average, the more butterflies in my stomach, the better the chemistry, the harder I fall...

 

I guess this is how it is for everyone, though.

 

 

But, that's off-topic...what I wanted to know was whether or not guys get turned off if a girl is too smart.

[pureinheart]

My father and mother both had extremely hi IQ's...neither of them ever turned others off by demonstration of their intelligence, they were humble and grateful.

 

I prefer men that are of higher intelligence than myself so that I can learn from them....they have to be real though, can't handle arrogance.

 

Education is great, although don't be quick to judge those who don't seem as "educated"....my ex brother in law didn't finish the eigth grade, he's worth millions today.....

 

Intelligence is great, although wisdom, knowledge and understanding is better....

[Vertex]

I'd really love to date a truly intelligent woman.

 

I've had similar issues you have had. There is a difference between being smart and making people feel little, however.

 

"I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this."

 

This actually sounds like a huge turn-on to me. It's important to have a tuned-in partner -- otherwise there's a lot of apathy going on. Better to just cut the BS. Anyways, I wouldn't call this trait a bad thing.

 

Your little note about the rebounds and such... "semi-legit" universities and the like -- do you see how such terminology can make someone feel small? Especially when it comes to academics, people will feel intimidated if you mention scores or colleges because not everyone gets the opportunity of acceptance. I too have a perfect SAT score and was accepted into all but one Ivy League school plus MIT and Stanford -- but I would never mention this stuff to people in reality, because it makes people feel as if they are somehow smaller. Totally not the case. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. You can't assume it is necessarily a matter of intellect. Oftentimes it's just a difference in chemistry -- or you're on different pages.

 

You sound like a very smart girl (actually someone I'd like to date! Haha, I understand where you are coming from), but the reason why you get better luck when you "dumb down" is because you aren't making guys feel inferior somehow. Men tend to have a need to be on top of things (usually). If you come across as too high-and-mighty and deserving of entitlement due to intellect, it's going to backfire. "Guys are all over you" if you're dumb because usually dumb girls are easy to... persuade...? Yeah. Not speaking from experience here. I hope.

 

All the girls I've been with have not been on-par in terms of intelligence, but they've smoked me in other ways -- and we've still gotten along and been happy together for the duration of the good times within the relationship. You can definitely differ in intellect and have a successful relationship, I think. Intellect is only one ingredient.

 

Long story short, you've got a lot going for you. If there is something wrong with the relationship, hope that the other guy is in-tuned to your emotions too. It's important that both people have empathy and are able to compromise and talk about things freely. Emotional intelligence is just as important

 

Oh, and it's important to be good in bed. Just kidding. But not really...? Sometimes you just gotta put down the books and unleash the fury.

 

Sorry I'm sleepy. It's 4:44.

[insomnie]

I'd really love to date a truly intelligent woman.

 

I've had similar issues you have had. There is a difference between being smart and making people feel little, however.

 

"I'm also very perceptive. Because I place a high value on love, I am very tuned in to the behaivior and moods of my SOs. I can't help it, and it isn't like I am creepy on purpose or a stalker...just smart enough to know what's going on, when I am being deceived in some way, etc.. I trust my intuition (it's never failed me!) and I'm smart enough to see through people's bull****. This, too, seems to be a HUGE turnoff to guys. I have even been told this."

 

This actually sounds like a huge turn-on to me. It's important to have a tuned-in partner -- otherwise there's a lot of apathy going on. Better to just cut the BS. Anyways, I wouldn't call this trait a bad thing.

 

Your little note about the rebounds and such... "semi-legit" universities and the like -- do you see how such terminology can make someone feel small? Especially when it comes to academics, people will feel intimidated if you mention scores or colleges because not everyone gets the opportunity of acceptance. I too have a perfect SAT score and was accepted into all but one Ivy League school plus MIT and Stanford -- but I would never mention this stuff to people in reality, because it makes people feel as if they are somehow smaller. Totally not the case. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. You can't assume it is necessarily a matter of intellect. Oftentimes it's just a difference in chemistry -- or you're on different pages.

 

You sound like a very smart girl (actually someone I'd like to date! Haha, I understand where you are coming from), but the reason why you get better luck when you "dumb down" is because you aren't making guys feel inferior somehow. Men tend to have a need to be on top of things (usually). If you come across as too high-and-mighty and deserving of entitlement due to intellect, it's going to backfire. "Guys are all over you" if you're dumb because usually dumb girls are easy to... persuade...? Yeah. Not speaking from experience here. I hope.

 

All the girls I've been with have not been on-par in terms of intelligence, but they've smoked me in other ways -- and we've still gotten along and been happy together for the duration of the good times within the relationship. You can definitely differ in intellect and have a successful relationship, I think. Intellect is only one ingredient.

 

Long story short, you've got a lot going for you. If there is something wrong with the relationship, hope that the other guy is in-tuned to your emotions too. It's important that both people have empathy and are able to compromise and talk about things freely. Emotional intelligence is just as important

 

Oh, and it's important to be good in bed. Just kidding. But not really...? Sometimes you just gotta put down the books and unleash the fury.

 

Sorry I'm sleepy. It's 4:44.

 

 

Let's get married.

[IpAncA]

Well you did say you were bitter. Try not being that and miss know it all.

 

Plus try to find somone on your own IQ level. There's nothing worse then me dating a guy and then going home and looking up words and finding information on the internet just to see what the heck he was talking about. Such a turn off.

 

Me and my H are both on the same level. Sure I know more things then he does in certain topics just like he does too but we both speak the same language.

[Vertex]

Marriage? Jumping the gun a bit, eh? Haha, I didn't think anyone would be awake at this hour.

[Guest]

Men tend to have a need to be on top of things (usually).

 

I DISAGREE AND SHE KNOWS THAT, WE BOTH LIKE IT WHEN SHE'S ON TOP OF THE SITUATION - WINK

 

ok cold shower time

[insomnie]

I was just kidding. Don't know what brought that on. My brain's melting because I've been procrastinating studying for my 2 finals tomorrow for the past 20 hours =(.

 

You all are probably right. I don't brag about myself in real life like I did in my posts, but I CAN be extremely judgemental, and while I usually try to refrain from being nasty, I probably do come off as a snob sometimes. That's probably the real turn-off, not my alleged intelligence, which will come into question tomorrow when I fail all my finals because of all the time I spent tonight loveshacking.

[sb129]

Where are you meeting these aforementioned "less intelligent than you" guys?

 

I am pretty smart academically (although sometimes lack ordinary common sense ) and I have never had a problem meeting people on the same level as me. At university and work you tend to be surrounded by people at a similar level to yours, otherwise you wouldn't be there?

 

Intelligence isn't my number one prereq tho- a great sense of humour is.

 

I think the the others are right, you should broaden your horizons a bit and stop focusing so much on this one facet of your personality.

 

Have you tried internet dating? You can be very (anonymously) specific about what you want in a guy- its possible to only contact people of a certain level of education, hell you can even specify what height you would prefer your man to be. And the great thing is there is less chance of getting hurt, cos you can browse and try buy before you buy so to speak. Also emailing can be a good way to gauge someones intelligence before you even speak to them.....

[Vertex]

Holy crap why can't I sleep. I have a final tomorrow and another one in a few days. I've already chugged through like four of these mofos already. Gahhrhghhg college sucks sometimes.

[insomnie]

Sure does.

 

I bet you'd fall asleep faster if you turned off your computer and went to bed.

[Vertex]

Perhaps. I have occasional bouts of insomnia, however. Then again it's probably due to these finals. They really throw off the sleep schedule. Besides, it's almost morning here. Where do you go to school?

[sb129]

good luck for your exams you two