Author notmakingsense Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 Besides, what would you do if she called and you talked a bit and then she says "maybe you want to talk in person? Maybe we can go see a movie or something"? What would you tell her? Oh boy -- would that be a challenge! I think that I'm not yet strong enough to turn her down.... I would hope that I could keep the contact to things like coffee or lunch -- no night-time stuff or anything involving alcohol until I have re-built my trust.... which, in this case would be her inviting me to things that show me she is willing to share more of her life. If that happened, I would start to open myself up to emotional attachment again. As I type, I am realizing that I need a long period of NC. It would be even better if I were dating others. So, ironically, I'm (right now) hoping she doesn't contact me for a few more months...
MagnoliaJane Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 NMS, Well said! It is really admirable that you do not only long for the good and fun times, but go for the full package! Hmmm... someone who has enough with him/herself is kind of a solipsist, no? If her ego is bigger than you both, then it truly is a no-win situation. As much as it might be desirable from a distance to be that kind of person, the princess high up in her ivory tower who can not be touched by anyone, I'd say at the very least you have a lot to offer to another person and she hasn't. How terribly exciting can her kind of behavior be in the long run? What does attract you to her so much? Her sense of independence?
Author notmakingsense Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 NMS, Well said! It is really admirable that you do not only long for the good and fun times, but go for the full package! Hmmm... someone who has enough with him/herself is kind of a solipsist, no? If her ego is bigger than you both, then it truly is a no-win situation. As much as it might be desirable from a distance to be that kind of person, the princess high up in her ivory tower who can not be touched by anyone, I'd say at the very least you have a lot to offer to another person and she hasn't. How terribly exciting can her kind of behavior be in the long run? What does attract you to her so much? Her sense of independence? I had to look up "solipist" in the dictionary -- the social scientist in you is showing! This is true though... she does have a very large ego, and self-promotion comes naturally to her. She is very in to herself What makes me so attracted to her? Well, we do have an unbelieveable amount of sexual chemistry, but I have never met someone that I get along with so well. We share the same goals, values, and we love to do the same things. Our biggest differences are in the relationship department -- she's too independant, and I'm too co-dependant. And yes, this is probably is magnifying the attraction for me.
MagnoliaJane Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 OK, so you say "We share the same goals, values, and we love to do the same things". Write down what these are and ask yourself how many women could be out there who would like to do these things or put forward these goals or values for themselves. Or if you are daring, post them on LS and let the women reply. If you find out there are a lot of women who are thinking the same way/longing for the same things, then it's actually the sexual chemistry between you two that is keeping you hooked.
Author notmakingsense Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 Oh, I don't doubt that there are more women who share the same goals, values, and interests as I do. I have found that it is very difficult to find the few people who share in those things as well as the chemistry and attraction that is necessary for a true romatic relationship. In other words, it isn't an either-or thing -- you need both -- so I disagree that it was just the sexual chemistry that is holding me now. It was a combination of all of those things. However, I need to make sure that two things are on that list of necessary ingredients: Reciprocation of feelings and the desire to share all aspects of life together.
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