JazzyFox Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Its been some time since I posted here, but everyone was so helpful, that Ive decided to post again. RECAP I met a wonderful man while on vacation in Hawaii back in 2004, returned twice within six months to continue the relationship. We called, wrote, emailed, etc. By early 2005 I made it clear that either he came to my hometown to visit me, or else it was over. Great while it lasted, but it would be over. Family, work and financial challenges prevented him from ever coming, and while we kept in touch for almost a year, it was essentially over. By early 2006, his business collapsed and his family moved to different countries. With nothing to hold on to, he skipped over to the mainland to start afresh in Arizona. We still kept in touch, albeit less frequently, and in August of this year he wrote me an incredibly touching email to tell me that he was dying to see me, and that he wanted to come visit me. My response was somewhat less commital and he stayed silent. A few months later, I emailed him to see where he was and what he was doing. He offered to come visit me. I said when? He said today. That night he arrived and almost eight weeks later, we are still together. When I arrived to pick him up at the airport, our kiss was electric. The passion is still there. The love is strong. SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? Problemo Numero Uno For immigration purposes, he can't work for at least another 10 months. So he mopes all day at home, sleeping 16-18 hours a day, has a hard time doing small tasks at home (dishes, cleaning, doing the bed, etc). Because of that, he doesn't have the same energy level/oomph/excitement that I originally fell in love with. I feel like I adopted a teenage son, that I need to tell what to do, when/how to do it. Problemo Numero Dos I recently discovered that his hiast in Arizona was accompanied, and his ex has recently discovered my existence, and one weekend called a hundred times leaving expletive voicemails at my home/office and cell. When she finally spoke to me in person, she told me what an A$$h01e he was, that he lived off of her, wanted to marry her and have her children, had her pay for airplane tickets to see her, and that he had called her just last week to tell her that he missed her and still loved her. While she knew he was leaving because of irreconcilable differences, she had no idea that it was to be with another woman. She had no idea I even existed. While I am a bit upset that was able and motivated to move to Arizona to be with her, and could not do the same for me a year before, I am mostly concerned that: he will leave me as promptly as he left herhe still has feelings for her Problemo Numero Tres I discovered this past week that he continues to have an attraction to an internet fling of last year, and that he has offered to return to Hawaii for an intensive lovefest. Unbeknownst to him, this fling is actually me. When we broke up, I found this as an alternative to keep in touch with him without the baggage of our relationship. He has no idea. Of course, I feel betrayed. And, of course, I betrayed him. COURSE OF ACTION I engaged him in a conversation yesterday essentially laying out that:he no longer appeared to have the fire and enthousiasm that I once fell in love withI needed to feel respect and admiration for the man I loveI felt that he was no longer self-motivated, which made me feel that I needed to push and motivate him to do thingsI felt that I was treating him like a teenagerI didnt enjoy treating him like a teenager, or pushing him to do thingsI was quickly reaching my level of tolerance, and I no longer had hope that the relationship would survive He appeared to understand, and promptly went outside and chopped wood for an hour and a half. He then swept the balcony, of his own initiative, and all the cobwebs. He woke up this morning, made the coffee and got the paper, and then proceeded to doing the dishes. It appears that this might have resolved the problemo numero uno, but Im still left with dos and tres. Im not very keen on having those discussions, and I wanted to know what your perspectives and thoughts were on the topic. Thank you for your time, and may the comments begin ...
rina_r Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Whats the point in posting the same stuff under different titles in different sections??? It's annoying!
Author JazzyFox Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Whats the point in posting the same stuff under different titles in different sections??? It's annoying! You're right. Im not sure if I can erase it on the LDR thread, but I soon realized that the other thread is more popular and I will likely get more responses that are perhaps more relevant. Sorry for the inconvenience. Hope you understand.
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