Never occured to me

[herenow]

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

[yousaveme]

WOW....Now thats a question that is going to cause a war on here...Im not touching this with a ten foot pole. I like you herenow...I cant do this...

 

 

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

[noforgiveness]

WOW....Now thats questions that going to cause a war on here...Im not touching this with a ten foot pole. I like you herenow...I cant do this...

 

 

chicken:laugh:

come on you know you think wives are all just fat sexless creatures who are mean and uncaring to their husbands.

 

herenow you have to consider all the OW knows is the picture painted to them by the husband and you know that can't be a pretty one or the OW wouldn't be with them.

[herenow]

WOW....Now thats questions that going to cause a war on here...Im not touching this with a ten foot pole. I like you herenow...I cant do this...

 

Why would it cause a war. I bet that some OW feel bad for what the BW goes through. I would hope that most OW don't hate the wife. I have heard so many OW say that it's the MM who is at fault. Don't under estimate the OW here, I bet we will find that most don't wish anything bad towards BW. At least I hope that will be the case.

[NoIDidn't]

I bet we will find that most don't wish anything bad towards BW. At least I hope that will be the case.

 

Good luck with that.

[yousaveme]

yup, im CHICKEN.....YOUR RIGHT....

 

nah, i dont think that about her. i have thoughts but not that. ive seen her.

 

 

chicken:laugh:

come on you know you think wives are all just fat sexless creatures who are mean and uncaring to their husbands.

 

herenow you have to consider all the OW knows is the picture painted to them by the husband and you know that can't be a pretty one or the OW wouldn't be with them.

[yousaveme]

I just dont see good things here. I hope Im wrong. I do feel bad for what the BW goes through. I see it here.

 

Good luck.

 

Why would it cause a war. I bet that some OW feel bad for what the BW goes through. I would hope that most OW don't hate the wife. I have heard so many OW say that it's the MM who is at fault. Don't under estimate the OW here, I bet we will find that most don't wish anything bad towards BW. At least I hope that will be the case.

[NoIDidn't]

I tried to edit my post. Won't let me. Then my browser crashed. Oh well.

 

 

But yeah, I think that when the A is on, the OW has to dehumanize the W to keep it going. After the A is over, who knows. Maybe she will hate you b/c he didn't leave. Maybe she is jealous that you "have such a great guy and don't even know it". Maybe, maybe, maybe.

 

I just think initially the OW does feel bad things towards the W b/c the W is "in the way". Not many people are big enough to admit that they actually had such feelings. Its human nature to ignore that which is inconvenient. In an A with a MM/MW, the BS is "inconvenient.

 

Leaving now....I am sure herenow doesn't want me jacking her thread.

 

Apologies.

[herenow]

I need to explain this a bit more. I'm asking the OW that are here on this forum. Not OW in general. I know that I had nothing but hate for all OW when I first came here. I have read about their side of the story and it has helped rid myself of that hate.

 

I just want to know if the OW have gotten the same understand about what the BW goes through and what they think about the BW after reading our stories here. Sorry I wasn't clear. I re-read the original post and it did sound like I was asking about OW feelings for BW in general.

[yousaveme]

Yes, I have seen the pain. Its been an issue.

 

I need to explain this a bit more. I'm asking the OW that are here on this forum. Not OW in general. I know that I had nothing but hate for all OW when I first came here. I have read about their side of the story and it has helped rid myself of that hate.

 

I just want to know if the OW have gotten the same understand about what the BW goes through and what they think about the BW after reading our stories here. Sorry I wasn't clear. I re-read the original post and it did sound like I was asking about OW feelings for BW in general.

[peacelove]

She can have him. He's too drunk for me.

That's if she'll take his ass back.

[Chapter2]

Hi HereNow...

 

My xMM's wife happens to be 10 years younger than me, very pretty, extremely physically fit and enjoys sex very much. She is as good a mother as any of us from what he told me. She makes mistakes and poor judgment calls on occasion just like the entire human race. He did not bash her. My feelings for her have been all over the map as hers are with me. We discussed it. I did, however, have a problem when she threatened to kill my daughter as did he. She and I are very different.

 

The circumstances around our A had absolutely nothing to do with her appearance or whether or not she cared for or loved her husband.

 

To categorize an entire group of women as fat sexless creatures who are mean and uncaring to their husbands is extremely immature in my opinion, but I'm sure there are people out there that do, just as there are people out there that think all OW are selfish predatory whores. Neither is true, but I would expect nothing less from some.

 

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

[puddleofmud]

This is very brave question and I have been thinking about this same thing, lately.

In principle I am more on the side of MM' wife than his.

HOWEVER, after being so severely wounded I will be honest and say that I am completely all over the place about this, depending on the moment.

Though I feel no hatred whatsoever towards his wife--I DO feel hatred. All comsuming hatred. It takes every thing I have and know to understand that there is not one thing I can do to change anything.

It takes everything I have to know that there were signs I may should have seen--that there were so many manipulations and lies--and I just didn't "get it".

I truly hate that I am the one left w/ all this baggage. That is what I hate the most!

I DO compare myself to someone I have never met--I wonder why he felt the need to do this to both the W, their family and me? It does make me feel very insecure and I HATE that!

BUT, I am doing my level best to constantly remind myself that his marriage is HIS. I never had a place in that...and it was wrong of HIM to have even put me and my family in the middle and his family at risk.

I gave him a place in my life, only.

That was not reciprocated and it doesn't matter WHY.

So I just do my best to rely upon my intellect and my principles to move forward despite the bitter/ emotional on-slaught.

It is OVER and hating anyone, comparisons, reasoning, etc. won't change a single detail about the past or the present.

What I can change is not letting that "own" me. If I don't do that then I am not only the OW; I am HIS woman for eternity.

I wasn't raised to be a slave to anyone so eff that!

Should I engage my anger and direct such towards the BS then not only would I become no better than him, but a monster that seeks satisfaction through an innocent person's pain.

No can do!

[ratingsguy]

That is a good question! I guess I just kind of feel sorry for my MW's H. From all I've been told, he seems like a good guy, good father, great provider, just a terrible husband. Not there emotionally for his wife. And my MW is the most giving person I have ever met in my entire life. The BH has such a wonderful W and doesn't even know it... I feel sorry that he can't reach out to his wife emotionally. Some guys are like that, so I can't fault him.

 

This may sound weird, but I do wish him the best. I harbor no resentment towards the BH whatsoever.

[pricillia]

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

 

I am sure that OW would tell you all the lies that were told to her by your husband.

 

I am sure that OW would not hate you but you would compare notes and get to the bottom of untold truths that need to be brought to the surface...

[BUTAFLY]

What ow know of the W is what MM tells them (unless ow & W are friends or acquantances). When I saw the W for the first time, (at line in a department store,)I thought she was beautiful, seemed really nice, friendly, she even complemented me on my jacket, (she had no clue who I was) nothing like he discribed. I felt sorry that she doesn't really know who she is dealing with and I thought she doesn't deserve to be with him, she can do better.

 

My feeling change later when I learned more about her. She was his mistress from his first marriage. then I thought what goes around comes around and she ought to expect behavior like this from him. But at the same time I still thought she seemed real nice.

[BUTAFLY]

I am sure that OW would tell you all the lies that were told to her by your husband.

 

I am sure that OW would not hate you but you would compare notes and get to the bottom of untold truths that need to be brought to the surface...

 

This is all I wanted but had been warned against talking to W because it the BS who are angry with the OW and probaby in attack mode. I just wanted truth and comparing notes would help me get that truth becaue God knows you can't trust a cheating man. I have found BS would rather not face truth or choose to believe thier H.

[IngenueMisnomer]

I try to remain as indifferent as possible towards the W. We never talk about his M and I've only seen her once, over a year ago. I don't think of her in the stereotypical way either, in fact I just don't think about her.

[stillhere]

I'm jealous of her, she has what i want. But i'm also jealous because she is someone i could never be. She is smart, sweet, non-judgemental, and an all around good person. I know why my MM fell in love with her.

 

I have never talked bad about her, and he hasn't either. He complains every once in a great while, but it's only about things he doesn't want to do.

 

I cringe when i hear her name, and i become sick with the stories about how him and her first met. His brother has to announce them occasionally.

 

I have no problems with her at all, and if it wasn't for this situation, i could have been great friends with her. I will not befriend her. What i'm doing to her isn't fair as it is, i couldn't hurt her even more.

[IngenueMisnomer]

I'm jealous of her, she has what i want. But i'm also jealous because she is someone i could never be. She is smart, sweet, non-judgemental, and an all around good person. I know why my MM fell in love with her.

 

I have never talked bad about her, and he hasn't either. He complains every once in a great while, but it's only about things he doesn't want to do.

 

I cringe when i hear her name, and i become sick with the stories about how him and her first met. His brother has to announce them occasionally.

 

I have no problems with her at all, and if it wasn't for this situation, i could have been great friends with her. I will not befriend her. What i'm doing to her isn't fair as it is, i couldn't hurt her even more.

 

Why do you think he's with you then? It seems like he's really happy with her, so what does he get from being with you that she doesn't provide? I'm just curious because I'm in a similar situation except that MM and I never discuss his W or M at my behest. But I wonder about that though.

[stillhere]

We originally started out as FWB, but fell in love. Which surprised the h*ll out of me, because he is not one to fall easily.

 

She is the exact opposite of me, and everything was new and exciting. But now that we are in love, he gets all his emotional and physical needs met by me. He rarely talks to her anymore, and they don't have the conversations they used to have. If he's alone with her, he finds an excuse to be away from her and so that he can sit and think about me.

 

I do feel bad for her, because if MM and i are arguing or he's worried that i'm out being bad, he takes it out on her, and that's not fair to her. A lot of things aren't fair to her, but i feel even worse when his frustrations towards me are vented on her.

[Meaplus3]

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

 

I was so close to logging out when I read this question, but was way to tempted to add my two cent's.

 

In my situation I know the BW very well. Many times during my A I was very envious of her because I thought well she's the one he is in bed with every night, not me. Then as the affair came to an end I started to feel sorry for her, because I realized that MM the night and shining armour that I had made him out to be, is really just a womanizer. Now, I feel very sad for her.

 

AP

[frannie]

I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

 

How I feel about her as a person? Or how I feel about her situation?

 

I don't know her at all. I know a very few pieces of information about her that have come out over time. He's never really spoken about her as such, and I've never really asked. I think if I knew more about her I might compare myself to her, and I really don't want to get into doing that.

 

Where his relationship with her is concerned, I know pretty much how he feels, and how they relate (in a vague sense... of course I don't see anything). But relationships are about two people, not how 'bad' one or another is. He's never blamed her for anything, and sees the deterioration of their relationship in terms of lack of communication, drifting apart, growing incompatibility. I just think that's sad. At the beginning of the affair I tried talking to him about re-making that contact with her. But it was already so far gone that he wouldn't entertain the idea of re-making anything. The most he was prepared to do (and did) was to break things off with me in order to be there more often at home for his children.

 

Nowadays I'm feeling more sorry for her situation... because I hate the fact that he's lying to her. I hate the fact that she isn't being given that warning that her husband is straying, that he's thinking of leaving. He isn't telling her that, and that upsets me. If it were me, I'd want to know. I feel really bad about that. But, he's even further from wanting a reconciliation with her than ever. And it's not my relationship. Perhaps she's tried to connect with him, and failed. But perhaps she's happy enough with what she has. I remember he said last year sometime, that she approached him and said, 'you're not happy are you?'... but he didn't engage in that conversation. I think they're both just lost to each other. It makes me sad, as I say.

 

How would/will I feel when/if he leaves next year..? I'm worried that I'll feel incredibly guilty because he doesn't intend to tell her anything about me. Then again, I think, if it were me, and my husband was dead set on leaving, then I'd probably not want to know at that point that there was someone else. But 'should' he tell her..?

 

These are the only things I think about her. Because I don't know her as a person, just as 'his wife'.

[Guest]

With all my obsessing about the OW, I never really thought about how she felt about me. I do know that when I found out about the affair, she was afraid that I was going to come after her and hurt her. That would never cross my mind. I certainly wanted to beat the crap out of my husband, but I have never even thought about going after the OW. I have never met her or spoken to her.

 

Other than that, I have no idea how she felt about me. I can only imagine that she didn't really care about me at all, but then I read about OW hating the BW. I'm curious to know how the OW here feel about the BW. I'm not asking this in relation to my situation, I really don't care how she feels about me, I'm asking the OW here about theirs. Just curious I guess.

 

I feel sorry for her. She knows deep down, because she has called me, but I think is still in denial. I wish sometimes I could have the courage just to tell her everything, but the thought of me breaking up their marriage (even though he's the one that persued me, and I'm the one that feels all the guilt) breaks my own heart.

 

I don't want him anymore. I just wish it could all be out in the open, then I think we all would feel better (at least me and her). He's not worth either of our time. I feel that hatred deep in me, but it's not towards her at all, it's all for him, for putting us both in this situation.

[lasan]

Hmm I thought I posted to this thread...guess it dissapeared LOL>

 

I can't remember exactly what I wrote but the gist was that I agreed with soemone else in this thread about only knowing what the MM tells. When i met alot of my ex's OW, they almost all said "You are nothing like what he said."