yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Well, I have a small issue. I need some advice. I have always had everyone at my house on Christmas morning. Has been a tradition. Well , this is the first Christmas that I have been with my MM. He works Christmas night so I will see him . Here is my issue I have 2 nephews and 1 niece. They are my ex's sister's kids. They have always been at my house Christmas morning. They come over Christmas Eve night and spend the night and we all wake up together. This year im not with my ex. The kids still want to come over and their mother said we should still stick to the same plans. The kids enjoy it and its been a tradition. I talked with my BF about it and he said I should keep up with the tradition. My ex is my issue. I dont want to see him , He always makes comments and just gets nasty with me if I dont respond the way he wants me to. I know my BF doesnt want him over either. What do I do? Its more me than anything. I feel guilty because its their uncle and her brother. But I really dont want the added drama. I didnt get him anything and really dont want to accept anything from him. So what do I do?
herenow Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I would be honest with the sister. Tell her you don't want to see your ex this Christmas. If she says that the only way she will come is if he's there, then you have a decision to make. If you are willing to see him to make the kids happy, that's up to you. I know you said that this is your first Xmas with the MM, is this the first one without your ex?
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Yes, its the first Christmas we havent been together. I would be honest with the sister. Tell her you don't want to see your ex this Christmas. If she says that the only way she will come is if he's there, then you have a decision to make. If you are willing to see him to make the kids happy, that's up to you. I know you said that this is your first Xmas with the MM, is this the first one without your ex?
noforgiveness Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 were you actually married or was he your fiance? If you weren't married i hate to say it but maybe you should try to distance yourself from his family. It's kind of silly your MM doesn't want you seeing your ex. If he does come you are the hostess. It is appropriate for him to bring you a gift and for you as hostess not to have to reciprocate.
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Fiance we were suppose to get married last august. We were together for 10 years. Other reasons for him not wanting the ex around me. As for distanting myself its nothing I want and his sister and I are very close. Kids are here ALL the TIME. were you actually married or was he your fiance? If you weren't married i hate to say it but maybe you should try to distance yourself from his family. It's kind of silly your MM doesn't want you seeing your ex. If he does come you are the hostess. It is appropriate for him to bring you a gift and for you as hostess not to have to reciprocate.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I think personal feelings should be set aside, for the kids sake. And try your best not to let him get to you, don't react to what he says or doesn't say. He always makes comments and just gets nasty with me if I dont respond the way he wants me to. Make sure he understands that it's all about the kids, and if he wants to come he MUST be on his best behaviour, no bullsheeyt pulled, no comments, no pushing buttons to cause problems.
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 From your lips to God's ears......Here I go, let me call him...I feel ill:sick: I think personal feelings should be set aside, for the kids sake. And try your best not to let him get to you, don't react to what he says or doesn't say. Make sure he understands that it's all about the kids, and if he wants to come he MUST be on his best behaviour, no bullsheeyt pulled, no comments, no pushing buttons to cause problems.
NoIDidn't Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 If you are still calling them your niece and nephew, I say you might as well invite them. The ex too. Ten years is a long time. I would not throw away my practical family for the insecurities of some MM. Seriously, does he do everything that YOU want from him? These kids love you. It would hurt them alot if you don't invite them like you usually do. If they aren't yet over the age of 12, you should do it until it seems that they have lost interest. Just because you aren't with the ex doesn't mean you have to untie bonds that were formed over that 10 year period. Just my two...
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Is it possible he'll say no and not come? Never know...
noforgiveness Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 you were with this guy for 10 years before you cheated on him with the MM your with now? How'd the break up go? I'm surprised his sister is still close with you. Do you really hate him or just the situation? Is he single? Does MM have a reason to be concerned? Is he hot.
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Actually really isnt the MM that I was really concerned with...The H*ll with that , he is there I can have a life too. I really didnt want to deal with him. If you are still calling them your niece and nephew, I say you might as well invite them. The ex too. Ten years is a long time. I would not throw away my practical family for the insecurities of some MM. Seriously, does he do everything that YOU want from him? These kids love you. It would hurt them alot if you don't invite them like you usually do. If they aren't yet over the age of 12, you should do it until it seems that they have lost interest. Just because you aren't with the ex doesn't mean you have to untie bonds that were formed over that 10 year period. Just my two...
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 HAHA...I actaully had to laugh at that...NOT at YOU...but i wish you knew him. Then you would see with that was funny. Is it possible he'll say no and not come? Never know...
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 This is the FIRST time you wrote something to me that made me laugh.. First. Yes he is hot...He kinda reminds you of a Paul Walker type. Blond Hair, Great Looking Blue Eyes...NICE LOOKS I cheated a few times. And he had is buggage. Break up was bad, not fully healed on his part. When the MM and I got caught I leaned on him and might have given him and idea...(MY FAULT) His sister and I are very close. She knew things were bad in the relationship. She knew alot. Im the kids godmother. We try and put him behind us. Hard sometimes, but we do it..10 years along time... you were with this guy for 10 years before you cheated on him with the MM your with now? How'd the break up go? I'm surprised his sister is still close with you. Do you really hate him or just the situation? Is he single? Does MM have a reason to be concerned? Is he hot.
noforgiveness Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 glad he's hot. You didn't answer if mm has reason to be concerned? Is he single? When was the last time you saw him? 10 years is a lot of history together.
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Alot of questions... No , nothing to worry about Yes, he is single Last Time I saw him : this morning glad he's hot. You didn't answer if mm has reason to be concerned? Is he single? When was the last time you saw him? 10 years is a lot of history together.
noforgiveness Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Alot of questions... No , nothing to worry about Yes, he is single Last Time I saw him : this morning just curious because i didn't realize you went from a 10 year relationship to one with a mm man so quikly. Lot of pain in a short amount of time. Is it possible after 10 years with someone a mm feels safe to you?
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Actually we have talked about that. Since we are both techinqilly cheaters. Trust. Its trust I guess. I have more an issue with it , then he does. just curious because i didn't realize you went from a 10 year relationship to one with a mm man so quikly. Lot of pain in a short amount of time. Is it possible after 10 years with someone a mm feels safe to you?
Author yousaveme Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 I called and he is happy he is coming. And that im fine with it. Oh lord i cant wait for spring.
puddleofmud Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Being that you love these children and as God Mother, you have accepted that position and they may rely upon this tradition, then why change it? Sounds as if you are a very lucky woman to have them in your life! Have fun with them and who cares about anything else--they are the ones who "count".
frannie Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 I agree with all those who have said... it's the children who count, and we adults have to put aside our differences, especially at this time of year! Best of luck with it all, yousaveme!
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