elisabeth160 Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I don't know quite what to tell. But basically I've come to the conclusion that I hate my mom. Its always been me and her, we were close. Slept next to eachother holding hands when I was young. I'd tell her everything. But when I was young I was to small to realize her real actions. I was always the adult trying to take care of my mom. Emotionally anyways. When I was 4 she met a man and married him, yet he would beat and humiliate me. I had a lot of emotional problems, I wouldn't eat and always threw up. They thought I was anorexic when I was only like 4-5 yrs old. I had problems with having to use the bathroom very often. He would get mad that I constantly had to use the bathroom so he made me put on a diaper when I was about 7 yrs old and locked me outside to be embarrased. E wouldn't let me use the bathroom so I'd have to use the cat litter box. (This is stuff I've never told anyone) My mom worked nigts so when hed make dinner he'd give my sister large amounts and me only a small bit and give me the dirty unwashed cups/plates. So I hated him. We'd do checkes every night to see if hed hit me that day, and shed find marks and bruises. But she never left. She was my savior to. I'd always wait for her to come home so I'd feel safe. Fast foward a bit I was 15. She met a new man and left me and my sister to be with him. When I got in a fight one day with my step dad and the police were called she finally took us to stay with her. She married the new man who was a drug addict. He'd leave her every couple months and me and my sister would be there to pick up er pieces. Shed call her ex husband to come live with her and help support her. Then her current husband would decide to come back and shed throw out her ex and treat him and us like crap. Slowly we became less important because he thought we were horrible children. He'd say he wouldn't stay with her unless we left. During this time she had a operation on her hand and she eventually became disabled, unable to work. I slowly lost respect for her. She was no longer a mother to me, just a women I lived with. At 21 I tried leaving but made a bad choice on my roomate and had to move back. Now I'm 23 and moving out again. For good this time. Because I can't take it here. I had gotten to the point of wanting to kill myself. I hated life. Felt like I had nobody. No father, now no real mother. I even told her and all er response was "are you stealing my medication?!" she's only tought of herself. Shed gamble online and won 22,000 dollars total. And blew it on qvc jewlry and catalog clothes. Never thinking of anyone else, yet complaining that she had no money and we have to pay more. This past few months have been horrible. Her husband left again, and her ex moved in so she wouldn't loose the house. She treats him like **** yet he stays for my sister, his daughter. Every week she changes her attitude depending on when her current husband is coming back or not. When he says he's going to she wants us all out. When he's not she needs us. She's told me she wish she never had me. That my problems with dealing with things r not her fault. That ill never amount to nething. That nobody cares about me and even the men I have relationships with don't care for me and only use me. From that to crying to me she needs me and don't abandon her. Then the next day a voicemail saying she wants to make sure I'm leaving. I'm not a bad daughter. Never been in trouble. Worked since I was 16. Never asked for anytihng. I had gone to see a therapist. She told me to get away from her. But I want to take it further. I never want to see her again. I've been hoping for horrible things to happen to her. Karma. I told her that I'm no longer her daughter. That when her drug addict husband leaves her for the millionth time to don't even call me. Theres more thats been said but that's the general point. Am I horrible for feeling this way? Sould I give it time? I feel like if I do this ill be totally alone forever then. I'm scared that ill have no1 to turn to.. Advice please!!! Sorry for it being so long, but I need people to see what I'm talking about.
tinktronik Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Oh boy , first off , Im so sorry you went through all of this . Secondly get away from all of these people , all of them , go out on your own and attempt to make a life for yourself . There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do . Go to see a therapist and begin to unravel all of the things that are bothering you . I hope things get better. -Tink-
bab Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Absolutely not. Get away from her. Get your life on track and don't take anymore BS from her.
goodfriendeva Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 wow hun.. sorry you had and are still going through all this.. def get out.. and start new.. if it means no contact for awhile then so be it.. right now you have to concentrate on you and support yourself.. and you will. im not saying never talk to her again because she is your mom and when shes on her death bed you will still have love for that woman. what im saying.. yes you went through alot and still are.. but dont let what happened to you make you a bitter person.. enjoy your life.. i can relate being in an abusive physicaly and mentally with my family. use everything bad that happened to you as your fuel to succeed. to prove her and her lovers wrong.
blind_otter Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I would agree that you should cut off contact with her for your own mental health. But I don't think it's healthy to wish your mother ill. She's probably already suffering from the mess that she has made of her life and all she can do is try to create chaos outside of herself to make the outside world match the chaos inside her own head. It's sad, really. In time I think you will move past the anger and realize that the only thing she deserves is your pity. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 I am not a psychologist or anything, but I do have some experience with Borderline personality disorder. It sounds like your mom has it (or at least she has something). Check out the book, "I hate you; Don't leave me." My parents' marriage counselor said he thinks my dad's a borderline (though not NEARLY as bad as your mom), and my therapist said from what I've told him, my boyfriend's mother has it too.
Curmudgeon Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 I feel like if I do this ill be totally alone forever then. I'm scared that ill have no1 to turn to. For all intents and purposes you're totally alone now, Elizabeth, because you have noone stable you can turn to. Your life has been filled with toxic people, to include your mother. It's time, past time, you distanced yourself from all of them. I think you'll find that doing so will come as a great relief to you and you can forge the life you really want with positive, supportive people in it.
Guest Posted December 21, 2006 Posted December 21, 2006 For all intents and purposes you're totally alone now, Elizabeth, because you have noone stable you can turn to. Your life has been filled with toxic people, to include your mother. It's time, past time, you distanced yourself from all of them. I think you'll find that doing so will come as a great relief to you and you can forge the life you really want with positive, supportive people in it. I agree 100%. You are alone now so don't allow yourself to be fearful of what it'd be like if you didn't speak with her.... look in the mirror, you can already see how it is. I hope things work out for the best for you. You know what has been done is morally wrong, you have a good head on your shoulders, move on and make a better life for yourself. The comment your mother said about how your life wouldn't be anything... that's pure jealously coming from her... because she can see that you have been taking care of yourself, and you will continue to do so from here on out. Good for you. Take care
CardPlay3r Posted December 22, 2006 Posted December 22, 2006 By all means, congratulations on not going insane...I'd be worried if you didn't hate her...she is horrible and you should leave and never look back, cut her off completely!
Author elisabeth160 Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Well I've finally moved out! We left the 29th! So its been a little over a week now. I left her house in a bad way, not suprisingly. Because some expensive things were taken from my room as it was being packed away while I was at work. And I wanted them back. She decided to tell me that all the things she had boughten me she wanted the money back for them. I told her they were gifts. So no. And "if she was going to act like a 5 yr old child instead of my mother ten **** off." We haven't spoken since. And its a relief. Its sooo nice to come home and feel comfortable. And not stressed. I've been a lot happier. I know ill still have to see her because I am going to keep a relationship with my sister who lives there. But I'm so much happier. And thank you guys soo much for your advice and input. It helped me to relize I was doing what's best for my self. Again thankyou!!!
CardPlay3r Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Hey power to you! glad you managed to get away from her....maybe if she gets bad to your sister you can have her stay with you as well
coco_milkshake Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Well done! I am planning on doing the same thing too. I hope things work out for you
Recommended Posts