Escorts, Escort Forums, Suspicius Behaviour.... etc

[NewHere]

I have noticed some strange behavior from my boyfriend lately. Awhile ago he said he was going to go for the weekend in San Diego with a friend. Right before he left I found he had in his bag a condom (from a brand that we never use, just a random single condom) and a bunch of girls phone numbers. This is a bag that he always carried with him and puts all his stuff in.

 

Now my boyfriend told me that his cousin, now he really has a cousin who is around 19 and REALLY overweight, has been having problems getting girls, so he is teaching his cousin how to hook up with escorts. He got all the numbers from Craigslist.

 

What he told me was true, because I went to Craigslist in the Erotic section and searched all the numbers, and they were found in the ads, so they were all from on-line, not girls they picked up in real life or anything. I guess I don't care much if he helps his cousin, I could care LESS if other guys bang whores, I just don't want MY man to do it. That's the ONLY thing I'm concerned with. He said he drove his cousin to one of the girls and his cousin ended up not going for her cause she didn't look too good, and that was then his cousin threw all the numbers and condom in his bag.

 

Anyways, I was suspicious to begin with, and I managed to log into his cell phone records on-line. During that same week that he was supposed to be in "San Diego", it showed he made some outgoing calls from Las Vegas. And then it followed with phone calls from Hesperia and Barstow, which are driving points or towns that are passed driving from Vegas to back home where we live. So I confronted him with this and he claimed that he NEVER went to Vegas, and that Verizon somehow had a screw up with their signal towers that got crossed over and his calls got screwed up somehow. Is this even possible? I'm not a telecommuncations whiz but anyhow, the cell phone records indicate that he went to San Diego and THEN to VEGAS, and then drove back home stopping in Barstow and Hesperia. But he maintains that the cell co screwed up and the towers got mixed signals or something and that he ONLY went to San Diego.

 

O'h and I also found a very suspicious # on his cell. It was a 661 area code number that was unlisted. I did a trace on it on-line and it was registered to a female. When I confronted him about it, he said it was a hooker that was for his cousin, but somehow him and his cousin used his cell phone when contacting her and apparently that's how she got his number, and business was slow for her, so she was calling for business I guess. And he said he told her not to call him anymore and gave her his cousin's number.

 

Ok, So I was getting even more suspicious. So I checked his email and I see that he registered at an online forum where men post reviews one escorts... etc I've read those forums before out of curiosity so I'm very familiar with them. Well, his response was that "his brother was using his email". I haven't asked him in detail why on earth his brother wouldn't use his own e-mail, we haven't really gotten to it yet, because he was angry that I was snooping and spying on him.

 

Either way, could all these things be coincidences? His cousin really is unattractive and probably doesn't have a lot of options besides hookers. Besides, even though he is overweight he only wants good looking girls from what I hear so apparently he has to pay for it. Is this all believable or do you think my bf is up to no good?

 

I personally don't care about prostitution and what other women do with their bodies. I don't find it morally wrong, I don't really care about it at all.

I ONLY care if MY man participates in it actively (because I consider it cheating), but in general I don't really care about it as an issue.

 

It could be true that he's helping his bro and cousin... I mean, a large amount of guys DO visit escorts and massage parlors etc... How do I know for SURE if it's for him or his brother/cousin?

 

I was stupid, I should have just pretended that I never found out about the forum thing, and then read his postings. I can tell by his writing style whether it's him or not, but the thing was I got so flustered and angry that I confronted him, and now he will be more on his toes so it will be harder for me to catch something if there IS something.

[NewHere]

Now he says that he registered at the Escort forum on purpose because he had a feeling I broke into his e-mail, and that he can tell whenever someone checks his mail... So he did it so I could find it. Ooooookayyyy

[littlekitty]

3 words here..... HUGE RED FLAGS

 

I'd be very sceptical. There's too many coincidences now for this to not be him. He's helping his cousin and brother?! Hmmm I don't think so.

[NewHere]

3 words here..... HUGE RED FLAGS

 

I'd be very sceptical. There's too many coincidences now for this to not be him. He's helping his cousin and brother?! Hmmm I don't think so.

 

Well, he was hanging out with his cousin who is majorly overweight and is probably really horny and frustrated cause he's not getting any.

 

As for his brother, he said he joined the forum on purpose so I would find it cause he had a feeling I was breaking into his e-mail. So his brother had nothing to do with it. He claimed he joined it himself cause he knew I would find it.

 

He knows that I broke into his Verizon account on-line cause I told him. So he's unhappy about my snooping and spying.

[littlekitty]

Well, he was hanging out with his cousin who is majorly overweight and is probably really horny and frustrated cause he's not getting any.

 

As for his brother, he said he joined the forum on purpose so I would find it cause he had a feeling I was breaking into his e-mail. So his brother had nothing to do with it. He claimed he joined it himself cause he knew I would find it.

 

He knows that I broke into his Verizon account on-line cause I told him. So he's unhappy about my snooping and spying.

 

Well the 'I did it because I knew you were snooping' excuse seems rather convenient to me! Doesn't it you?

 

While his cousin may well be horny, he seems to have gone out of his way to help him organise this.

 

He appears to have lied all the way through this, only telling you things as you've discovered them. And he clearly lied about his whereabouts as you found from the phone records. If police use them to trace people's where abouts, I'd suspect they're pretty acurate wouldn't you?!

 

I'd be suspicious myself. The phone numbers and condom could be explained away with his excuse, but with the other things you've found I think it points to something more dodgy on his behalf.

[JamesM]

Nope, I don't believe a word he is saying...and I usually give men the benefit of the doubt. The problem is that those are really flimsy and generic excuses.

 

Visiting an escort forum where reveiws are posted for his cousin makes no sense. First of all, most guys have as much fun "picking" the woman as visiting her. Looking at pictures, flirtatious emails, phone calls, choosing the date...these all are buildups for the anticipation of the best night ever. And for his cousin to say to your boyfriend..."You pick em"...doesn't follow what guys like to do.

 

Escort forums are an excellent way to choose a woman who will be "fun." Reviews give details as to what happened. And if it is one of the biggest Boards used (I hate to say that I know this), one needs to register in order to read the juicy details. One can only join by paying or writing a review. (And yes, YOU can use a fake name, fake email, and type a review...and then read other's reviews. If you remember his sign on name, you can search for his reviews). Written reviews are either for real or fake...but truthfully, usually real...but I am sure his would be fake.

 

Choosing from craiglist probably proved to be too risky. Getting reviews ahead of time prevents any surprises.

 

If he is helping his cousin, why wasn't he up front with you at the beginning? It sounds like you don't have a problem with it. If I was him, I would have let you know so that you would not have had the wrong impression. The other thing that bothers me is that he registered because he knew you would snoop. Why would he want to be vinidicative with you? Has this been a problem in the past...that he felt you were snooping? And why would he not want you to know as much as possible to let you know he is trustworthy? Lying about those numbers on the phone records...I have never heard of that. It sounds pretty coincidental that they screwed up on this same time that he is "helping his cousin." BTW did you call those numbers, too?

 

IMHO...telephone numbers, forums, emails...too many red flags. Obviously, a confrontation will prove to be fruitless...as proven already. But this may be the best option...after finding as much detail as possible. However, if you have lost trust and love for him already, it may be time just to move on as quickly as possible.

[Guest]

Let's see here: he's making trips and lying about it (Las Vegas), girls numbers are in HIS bag along with a condom, and he registered at a site from HIS email account. Could it be any more obvious???? I know you love him and because you do you are looking for explanations for all this, but to an outsider it's obvious what's going on. Dump him!

[TheDC]

Ok I don't know if he is telling you the truth about the craig's list, or the escort forum or the cousin or the brother using his email or any of that other stuff.

 

But I am in the telecom industry and I can tell you for a fact that he IS lying about not being in LV. The cell phone towers are simply too far apart for him to "accidentally" appear in LV when he is in fact in San Diego. The maximum range of a cell phone is appx. 8 to 12km.

 

The only way that a cell phone tower could make that sort of mistake was if he was actually in LV.

 

So you have to ask yourself, if he is lying about that then what else is he lying about.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellphone

[Guest]

Nope, I don't believe a word he is saying...and I usually give men the benefit of the doubt. The problem is that those are really flimsy and generic excuses.

 

Visiting an escort forum where reveiws are posted for his cousin makes no sense. First of all, most guys have as much fun "picking" the woman as visiting her. Looking at pictures, flirtatious emails, phone calls, choosing the date...these all are buildups for the anticipation of the best night ever. And for his cousin to say to your boyfriend..."You pick em"...doesn't follow what guys like to do.

 

Escort forums are an excellent way to choose a woman who will be "fun." Reviews give details as to what happened. And if it is one of the biggest Boards used (I hate to say that I know this), one needs to register in order to read the juicy details. One can only join by paying or writing a review. (And yes, YOU can use a fake name, fake email, and type a review...and then read other's reviews. If you remember his sign on name, you can search for his reviews). Written reviews are either for real or fake...but truthfully, usually real...but I am sure his would be fake.

 

Choosing from craiglist probably proved to be too risky. Getting reviews ahead of time prevents any surprises.

 

If he is helping his cousin, why wasn't he up front with you at the beginning? It sounds like you don't have a problem with it. If I was him, I would have let you know so that you would not have had the wrong impression. The other thing that bothers me is that he registered because he knew you would snoop. Why would he want to be vinidicative with you? Has this been a problem in the past...that he felt you were snooping? And why would he not want you to know as much as possible to let you know he is trustworthy? Lying about those numbers on the phone records...I have never heard of that. It sounds pretty coincidental that they screwed up on this same time that he is "helping his cousin." BTW did you call those numbers, too?

 

IMHO...telephone numbers, forums, emails...too many red flags. Obviously, a confrontation will prove to be fruitless...as proven already. But this may be the best option...after finding as much detail as possible. However, if you have lost trust and love for him already, it may be time just to move on as quickly as possible.

 

This is the original poster here... As for why he didn't tell me about his cousin is because it was during a time when we were having a bad fight... And no, the forum is not one where you have to register to read the posts. It's a forum he actually found out from ME, because I was reading it awhile ago out of fascination and he found it on my pc and I showed it to him. He has zero posts on the forum btw... I read those hooker boards a lot, and I'm aware of ALL of them, the escort review, bigdoggie, usasexguide , worldsexguide and many many more... lol He had zero posts on the forum, and not only do I know his username but I changed his pass so now he can't log in. Of course he can always make a different username later on... The ironic thing is that I actually SHOWED him the forum and the erotic section on Craigslist. And I'm a webmaster, so I can easily recognize which ads are fraudulent or fakes, some have obvious fake pics of well known pornstars and internet models that I actually recognize.

 

I probably know more about those forums than most men do and know all the acronyms by heart, such as french, greek, bbj. cim, etc... lol I found it necessary to be very well educated in this field in order to be informed when dealing with the male species. I'm not exaggerating when I say I probably spent hundreds and hundreds over hours reading that stuff over the course of a long period of time. Also out of curiosity and fascination as well....

 

He knows that I went into his e-mail because I got into his Verizon (cell phone bill account on-line) and I know this is bad but I was trying to get into his other accounts that were accessible on-line, and also the Verizon one again after he changed the pass, and I guessed the pass wrong so they notified him for security reasons. I snoop a lot because I'm anxious. He never cheated before that I'm actually aware of, but yea, I do like to constantly snoop... I'm always going through his pockets, going through bank statements, checking his cell phone for dialed calls, missed calls, text messages. I'm just really compulsive and can't help myself.

 

As for his cousin, he says his cousin is a newb and afraid of getting caught by the cops. He's only 18 after all and probably doesn't know much yet...

 

As for the number on his bill, the 661 area code, I already know that was a hooker cause he told me so. I traced it and know the name of the person it belongs too, and of course I called it as well. I just called and hung up. I didn't actually talk to her.

 

The other calls were calls that he himself made and they were to me and his friends. I know because I pay so much attention that I memorized all his friends phone numbers and have them saved on my pc so I can compare them when going through his phone bill so I know which one is which....

 

As for the picking the girls, my bf didn't pick the girls. He says his cousin did but then threw the numbers in his bag after he was done. And he says that his cousin has lots more numbers at his house. It could be true for his cousin I think, cause one time we were driving on this area together that was known for streetwalkers and his cousin was asking "where are all the hookers?" lol And I was like "Well their probably not out cause there there was a raid recently". That's what I read on one of those forums anyway... So I'm sure his cousin really is into hookers...

[NewHere]

Ok I don't know if he is telling you the truth about the craig's list, or the escort forum or the cousin or the brother using his email or any of that other stuff.

 

But I am in the telecom industry and I can tell you for a fact that he IS lying about not being in LV. The cell phone towers are simply too far apart for him to "accidentally" appear in LV when he is in fact in San Diego. The maximum range of a cell phone is appx. 8 to 12km.

 

The only way that a cell phone tower could make that sort of mistake was if he was actually in LV.

 

So you have to ask yourself, if he is lying about that then what else is he lying about.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cellphone

 

thanks for that piece. Yea, I did just read the same thing on Wikipedia about the range. My bf's excuse is that it's something that's really rare and he claimed when he called the rep they didn't know anything about it, but that he went to tech support and it took them a long time to figure out what happened. I am trying to get him to call Verizon with me on the line and have him talk to a rep again and let me listen in on a three way call so I can verify it with my own ears if what he is saying is the truth or a lie.

[NewHere]

Nope, I don't believe a word he is saying...and I usually give men the benefit of the doubt. The problem is that those are really flimsy and generic excuses.

 

Visiting an escort forum where reveiws are posted for his cousin makes no sense. First of all, most guys have as much fun "picking" the woman as visiting her. Looking at pictures, flirtatious emails, phone calls, choosing the date...these all are buildups for the anticipation of the best night ever. And for his cousin to say to your boyfriend..."You pick em"...doesn't follow what guys like to do.

 

Escort forums are an excellent way to choose a woman who will be "fun." Reviews give details as to what happened. And if it is one of the biggest Boards used (I hate to say that I know this), one needs to register in order to read the juicy details. One can only join by paying or writing a review. (And yes, YOU can use a fake name, fake email, and type a review...and then read other's reviews. If you remember his sign on name, you can search for his reviews). Written reviews are either for real or fake...but truthfully, usually real...but I am sure his would be fake.

 

Choosing from craiglist probably proved to be too risky. Getting reviews ahead of time prevents any surprises.

 

If he is helping his cousin, why wasn't he up front with you at the beginning? It sounds like you don't have a problem with it. If I was him, I would have let you know so that you would not have had the wrong impression. The other thing that bothers me is that he registered because he knew you would snoop. Why would he want to be vinidicative with you? Has this been a problem in the past...that he felt you were snooping? And why would he not want you to know as much as possible to let you know he is trustworthy? Lying about those numbers on the phone records...I have never heard of that. It sounds pretty coincidental that they screwed up on this same time that he is "helping his cousin." BTW did you call those numbers, too?

 

IMHO...telephone numbers, forums, emails...too many red flags. Obviously, a confrontation will prove to be fruitless...as proven already. But this may be the best option...after finding as much detail as possible. However, if you have lost trust and love for him already, it may be time just to move on as quickly as possible.

 

As for the picking the girls, my bf didn't pick the girls. He says his cousin did but then threw the numbers in his bag after he was done. And he says that his cousin has lots more numbers at his house. It could be true for his cousin I think, cause one time we were driving on this area together that was known for streetwalkers and his cousin was asking "where are all the hookers?" lol And I was like "Well their probably not out cause there there was a raid recently". That's what I read on one of those forums...

 

As for why he didn't tell me about his cousin is because it was during a time when we were having a really really bad fight... And no, the forum is not one where you have to register to read the posts. It's a forum he actually found out from ME, because I was reading it awhile ago out of fascination and he found it on my pc and I showed it to him. He has zero posts on the forum btw and if he did I would be reading each and every one of his posts... I read those hooker boards a lot, and I'm aware of ALL of them, the escort review, bigdoggie, usasexguide , worldsexguide and many many more... lol He had zero posts on the forum, and not only do I know his username but I changed his pass so now he can't log in. Of course he can always make a different username later on...

 

I probably know more about those forums than most men do and know all the acronyms by heart, such as french, greek, bbj. cim, etc... lol I found it necessary education in order to be informed when dealing with the male species. I'm not exaggerating when I say I probably spent hundreds over hours reading that stuff over the course of a long period of time. Also out of curiosity and fascination as well....

 

He knows that I went into his e-mail because I got into his Verizon (cell phone bill account on-line) and I know this is bad but I was trying to get into his other accounts that were accessible on-line, and also the Verizon one again after he changed the pass, and I guessed the pass wrong so they notified him for security reasons. I snoop a lot because I'm anxious. He never cheated before that I'm actually aware of, but yea, I do like to constantly snoop... I'm always going through his pockets, going through bank statements, checking his cell phone for dialed calls, missed calls, received calls,text messages, checking the address book and verifying the numbers. I'm just really compulsive and can't help myself.

 

As for his cousin, he says his cousin is a newb and afraid of getting caught by the cops. He's only 18 after all and probably doesn't know much yet...

 

As for the number on his bill, the 661 area code, I already know that was a hooker cause he told me so. I traced it and know the name of the person it belongs too, and of course I called it as well. I just called and hung up. I didn't actually talk to her.

 

The other calls were calls that he himself made and they were to me and his friends. I know because I pay so much attention that I memorized all his friends phone numbers and have them saved on my pc so I can compare them when going through his phone bill so I know which one is which....

[littlekitty]

I'm confused.

 

In one way you appear to be very untrusting of him anyway within your relationship. You admit that you are insecure and anxious, and therefore you snoop alot. Not much trust in the relationship there.

 

Yet at the same time, you seem to be happy to make excuses for him, and to believe his every 'reasoning' as to what happened.

 

It doesn't seem to gel. But I guess you just don't want it to be true. None of us would.

 

Regardless of the hooker stuff, I'm 90% sure he's bullsh*tting you regarding the phone thing. A telecoms industry worker just told you that it's not possible - but why not phone Verizon yourself? I'm sure if you told them you just needed to confirm a technical query they would tell you the answer. No need for him to involved.

[pennyjosix]

I call bs on it too. I agree with littlekitty. You don't make much sense. You obviously made this thread to get people's opinions and when people give you their thoughts you automatically just on the defense for your boyfriend. Plain and simple, your boyfriend is shady. He's smooth but shady. You obviously cannot trust him. It just doesn't seem right, and I think you know it.

[JamesM]

As a guy who has been there, he is making up excuses...which truthfully are not plausible ones.

 

From you...I get the idea that you WANT too believe them, and you are looking for ways to believe them. This I totally understand. If he is lying, he has betrayed you and doesn't love you.

 

The fact of the matter is that there is always a slight possibility that he is telling the truth, because there is always that slight possibility. But unfortunately, it doesn't appear so.

 

Remember, the best lies have an element of truth. He could be helping his cousin...while also helping himself.

[Art_Critic]

Your BF is lying to you...I agree with everybody else.. But......

 

I happen to have an issue with you and your snooping..

You log into his cell phone records online...You broke the law..Stalker like behavior

You then are snooping into his cell phone and writing numbers down and paying to have them traced.....Stalker like behavior.

You then log into his email.. you broke the law.. Stalker like behavior.

 

While it looks like he is being dishonest with you and possibly is cheating on you you have exhibited even worse behavior than him..

 

You have issues..I would suggest you dump him and get help as you seem to have trouble with crossing boundaries that people have in respect to privacy..

 

You are just a GF and not a wife...and he is just your BF and not your husband.. so you have crossed the line

[NewHere]

Your BF is lying to you...I agree with everybody else.. But......

 

I happen to have an issue with you and your snooping..

You log into his cell phone records online...You broke the law..Stalker like behavior

You then are snooping into his cell phone and writing numbers down and paying to have them traced.....Stalker like behavior.

You then log into his email.. you broke the law.. Stalker like behavior.

 

While it looks like he is being dishonest with you and possibly is cheating on you you have exhibited even worse behavior than him..

 

You have issues..I would suggest you dump him and get help as you seem to have trouble with crossing boundaries that people have in respect to privacy..

 

You are just a GF and not a wife...and he is just your BF and not your husband.. so you have crossed the line

 

 

I don't feel that people in a relationship should feel the need to keep their e-mail passwords secret. I feel like if you have nothing to hide that info should be kept public.

 

I also feel that NO MAN can be trusted. It's not this guy, but in general, I feel you should be pro-active in a relationship and always be on your toes because most people cheat. I don't feel guilty with snooping at all and find no problem with it. I find it a necessity because otherwise you will never know the truth.

 

I mean look at me, apparently I have SOME proof and STILL cannot accept the fact that he could be lying because I keep making up excuses for him.

 

Sometimes a person needs very hard physical evidence in order to believe something, and sometimes that evidence is not even enough to convince them, they need to literally catch their significant in the act.

 

Also, if someone is cheating, they could potentially be harming their signifcant others health and even putting their LIVES at risk, or risking their girlfriends chances for getting cervical cancer in the future (HPV is an std that can lead to this.) Therefore I feel the ends justify the means.

 

I don't find snooping worse than cheating. I find cheating 10x worse, even though I'm a girlfriend. I feel like if I feel something is up, I am ENTITLED to snoop so I can satisfy my curiosity.

 

For example, if you read some of those escort forums, their very active and have thousands of members. This is still only a small percentage of the male population. A lot of people might not have internet access. Some people might not even be aware of those sites... but still, it's a small sample of men, yet a very accurate representation of the mentality of a lot of men; feeling the entitlement of having their cake and eating it too. Feeling the entitlement of satisfying all their sexual fantasies with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. You gotta use fire when dealing with fire.

[NewHere]

 

Remember, the best lies have an element of truth. He could be helping his cousin...while also helping himself.

 

This is very true. Thanks for your advice. I've read many of your posts here regarding escorts and such and I was hoping you'd drop by my thread too and offer your advice... So thanks I do realize I guess that most likely what you all are saying is the truth, it's just hard to deal with.

[pennyjosix]

Okay, I will admit I've done some snooping with my boyfriend. Why? Because I'm insecure and don't fully trust him. What did I learn from snooping? That he has nothing to hide from me. I didn't find any provocative e-mails from other girls or from his ex. Now I just feel silly for ever doubting him. My boyfriend has never asked for my pw because he fully trusts me I believe. I wish I had that kind of trust. Why would you want to constantly be on your toes? Isn't a relationship about being comfortable?

[Art_Critic]

I don't feel that people in a relationship should feel the need to keep their e-mail passwords secret. I feel like if you have nothing to hide that info should be kept public.

You crossed way more lines than he did

 

 

Also.. that is crap..privacy is privacy.. everybody needs it.. it doesn't mean that they are being dishonest if they don't give you their passwords..

 

You have trust issues and are crippling your relationship with this..

 

If I was your BF.. I would run.....

[alphamale]

If I was your BF.. I would run.....

wow! thats pretty bold A_c

[Art_Critic]

wow! thats pretty bold A_c

 

Ya think ? If my GF was stalking me and my cell phone/accounts and email accounts as well as the forums I go to on the internet it would freak me out...

 

I mean what line is next to be crossed ?

[pennyjosix]

yeah if my boyfriend knew i had snooped on his myspace he'd be ticked so i decided to not ever do it again. hes a smart boy and has told me that he has different passwords for everything so i didnt even both snooping into anything else. im just gonna trust him.

 

the girl that made this post should try that too.

[My Fair Katie]

I don't feel that people in a relationship should feel the need to keep their e-mail passwords secret. I feel like if you have nothing to hide that info should be kept public.

 

Wow. If my *husband* were to break into my email I'd feel absolutely betrayed. And all he'd find is some spam telling me I can enlarge my penis with snake oil, and a few emails about shoes and crap from my galpals.

 

It *IS* wrong. You may not feel the need to keep those passwords secret, but you don't get to rule the world with your feelings.

 

am ENTITLED to snoop so I can satisfy my curiosity.

 

Oh, so you're my mother in law...

 

No you are not entitled to snoop. If you are THAT suspicious of your BF, break up with him. But all in all, you have some serious trust issues. Yes, *anyone* can break a trust, but you will never be happy in a relationship if you're "always on your toes" looking to bust him, not to mention your man will grow to resent you.

[alphamale]

Ya think ? If my GF was stalking me and my cell phone/accounts and email accounts as well as the forums I go to on the internet it would freak me out...

 

I mean what line is next to be crossed ?

no, i agree with you A_C....i was just pointing out that was a bold stmt, yep...

[JamesM]

I don't like to stray from the OP's original post, but this neeeds to be addressed.

 

Personally, I find it debatable that she has gone too far in snooping. One could easily argue that her snooping began because of her distrust in his statements. So, then this is verifying his statements. SHould she have simply trusted him when obviously his words didn't match?

 

I have noticed some strange behavior from my boyfriend lately. Awhile ago he said he was going to go for the weekend in San Diego with a friend. Right before he left I found he had in his bag a condom (from a brand that we never use, just a random single condom) and a bunch of girls phone numbers. This is a bag that he always carried with him and puts all his stuff in.

 

I think the first sentence clarifies why she began snooping. We have told so many people here to "go with your gut feelings, they are probably right," so she did.

 

If he was truly helping just his cousin, my first question is: Why didn't he share that with her? Why wait until he looks suspicious? If he was acting strange, then she has a right to be concerned. If he was meeting escorts, then she needs to know for her own health's sake...not wait until she catches a STD.

 

I believe fully in trust, but it goes both ways. If he is not being open about his life with her and has obviously lied, she needs to be concerned. I have no problem saying that if I was helping a cousin, I would be up front so that she would not assume the worst. Since he has not and has lied in some areas, then she should check his story.

 

Secret passwords are okay, but on the other hand secret emails can lead to secret lives. I am in the middle on this one. But we do have the policy that we don't open each other's "snail mail." Yet we do open emails. Go figure.