insomnie Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Exbf and I have been broken up for about a month, but we still hung out occasionally. Today, though, I decided enough was enough and I wasn't going to be his backburner pseudofriend anymore. I mean, the situation wasn't really fair to me. We would only get together when it was convenient for him. He would be nice to me when we did, and generally we had a lot of fun...but I still felt used. I mean, I know when a perosn likes someone he wants to spend time with her and SOME prioritization happens. I just felt like an exceptionally part-time gf. Like 2 hr/week maybe. So, today I told him that I couldn't be his friend right now, that I had no hard feelings but needed to get over the whole first. He was understanding and asked when he could contact me. I told him I would contact him when I was ready. He said "ouch", but after a little more explanation told me he understood. I logged into facebook about half an hour later and he'd changed his status from "in a relationship" to "single". I know it's silly but that just hurt so much. It just made everything seem so final. I love him so much...but it was completely unfair to me how little he was giving me as far as a relationship goes. And while hanging around as "friends" was satisfying in the short-term, because I had his visits to look forward to, I know it would just have hurt me more long-term. But I wonder, IS it final? I'm going to take a couple of months to get myself figured out, but right now the only thing that's keeping me going is the thought that either he will want to reconcile later on down the road, or, if I pop back into his life in a year or so, he will realize he's missed me. But, how likely is that? Sorry about the novel, I just had to get it out. And thanks, guys...all replies appreciated.
allina Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Awww, I'm sorry things haven't gone as you wish they had. Is he aware of your feelings? Does he know you lobe him? I'm a little confused about if you would want to get back together now or if you want this breakup. *hugs*
Author insomnie Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Hey Allina, I'm from San Francisco too! Anyways.. I would like to get back together, but only if HE actually wants to, too. I can't be his gf if he isn't into me, is secretly hanging out wiht other girls, will not introduce me to family or friends, makes plans with me only when there's nothing else going on, etc. I love him, but I have some standards about how I need to be treated...minimal though they are. I am just wondering if I never make contact again, if he will, somewhere down the line.
allina Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Hey Allina, I'm from San Francisco too! Anyways.. I would like to get back together, but only if HE actually wants to, too. I can't be his gf if he isn't into me, is secretly hanging out wiht other girls, will not introduce me to family or friends, makes plans with me only when there's nothing else going on, etc. I love him, but I have some standards about how I need to be treated...minimal though they are. I am just wondering if I never make contact again, if he will, somewhere down the line. Yay for San Francisco, I wonder if you know me Congrats on maintaining your standards on how you want to be treated, I guess the best you can do now is wait and see. Take care.
Kamille Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 i bet san fransisco is super nice right now... especially when compared to Toronto. well can't complain, it was like 14 celsius out today (sorry have no idea how to convert into fareneit but 14 equals spring weather here). Insomnie, I've really been enjoying your input on loveshack and you know what, even though you're living something difficult right now, I think it shows in your post that you're very level headed. This sometimes only makes things harder, since if it's ok to be rational about what we need in a relationship, the end of a relationship always plays with our emotions. Will you see him again - of course, no one knows for sure. Yet I firmly believe that you learn as much about a person after a break up as in a relationship. And since this applies to both parties, it means that since you are taking the end of the relationship as well as you can, he will notice. Which, in my experience, has always meant that my exes have always shown up again somewhere down the line. And usually by then, I appreciate the love I felt for them, but am over them and have a better grasp on why it didn't work out despite our best efforts. Which of course raises the issue of what is taking a break up well. In my case it's always been moving on, accepting that things didn't work out because they couldn't work out, working hard on not internalizing things and having faith that things happen for a reason that I don't need to figure out. It's meant NC, many a time. All this so that when he does pop back into your life again, you'll be the one who is suprised to realize that you had stopped thinking about him.
Author insomnie Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 Thanks for the replies guys. I know that what I have to do right now, the only thing I CAN do right now, since I have no control over HIS actions...is move on. But, that takes time, and patience has never been one of my virtues. I just get so antsy and BORED waiting to get over him. Especially now, when I have finals to procrastinate studying for...my mind just drifts. And because I'm supposed to be studying, I can't very well just go out and pick up a hobby to entertain myself with. So, I just think...trying to gauge the numerical probability that he will miss me enough to realize he wants this, enough to come crawling back. In my mind I even know that this was for the best. He wasn't all that perfect for me, we weren't all that compatible. We were maybe at 80% - right around the cut-off for someone I would even consider trying to have a long-term relaitonship with. That is, compatible enough for it to have been possible for things to work out if enough love and effort was put in - but not so compatible that I won't find anyone better matched for me, as far as personality, values, and interests are concerned. Those things are important. Add to the mix the fact that he is immature, incredibly unemotional, not ready for a relationship, a liar, and probably didn't love me and I know I have my answer: I need to stay away. But, I love him. And I just wish he'd return that feeling.
Double D Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I live in London but have visted San Fran. Go 49ers. Ive gone through something simular in terms me and my ex werent totally compatable either and we broke up and know deep down in my heart at that time we werent working out but i miss her and love her terribly. Keep strong and positive and do things that make you happy. Your mental and pyhsical well being is paramount. I hate it in the mornings and you do your usual stuff and your heart just aches because the person you loved is no longer part of your life. Thats tough. Keep going and breathing. Lots of Hugs and Kisses. X GO 49ERS!
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