Break up with girlfriend before christmas?

[Guest]

Ok so I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few months now (just celebrated our 6 month a few days ago) and things just aren't the same any more. I've been thinking of breaking up with her for a while but don't know how. There's a lot of reasons why I want to but that also make me not want to at the same time (if that makes any sense.) She has depression and is currently being treated for it, but it just seems that her depression is rubbing off on me and bringing me down.

 

I've been there for her and have helped her all I can for the past 6 months but its getting exhausting and I just don't think I can do it anymore. Since the first few weeks of our relationship we said we loved each other, which I thought I really did, but now I just don't feel the same way. I know that its not going to work out in the future and I have to do it some time.

 

Now that Christmas is coming up I really don't think I can break up with her right before it, I would feel even more horrible than I already do. We have already gotten each other gifts (haven't exchanged them yet) and feel like I have to wait until after the holidays. Also I keep thinking about her family, which I really like and they like me alot also.

 

Also, she has been having a hard time with her classes in college and told me that she thought about transfering. The only reason she said that she is going to stay here is because of me.

 

She is just so miserable all the time and its making me miserable too. I don't want to break up with her and find out that she did something to herself because of me. Also, before the holidays just seems too harsh. I really care about her and don't want to hurt her but this just isn't going to work out. I could really use some advice, any input would be appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading

[Princess112]

It's the worst feeling in the world to find out someone is with you just because of pity. If she's already depressed, knowing you're with her forcingly just doesn't help. I suggest you go over to her house, give her the christmas present, and tell her how you feel, and that you wish to end the relationship.

 

You're just prolonging the break up and it's not healthy for neither of you. Now is the best time to transfer to another college, in between the semesters. Don't wait.

[Guest823]

Ok so I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few months now (just celebrated our 6 month a few days ago) and things just aren't the same any more. I've been thinking of breaking up with her for a while but don't know how. There's a lot of reasons why I want to but that also make me not want to at the same time (if that makes any sense.) She has depression and is currently being treated for it, but it just seems that her depression is rubbing off on me and bringing me down.

 

I've been there for her and have helped her all I can for the past 6 months but its getting exhausting and I just don't think I can do it anymore. Since the first few weeks of our relationship we said we loved each other, which I thought I really did, but now I just don't feel the same way. I know that its not going to work out in the future and I have to do it some time.

 

Now that Christmas is coming up I really don't think I can break up with her right before it, I would feel even more horrible than I already do. We have already gotten each other gifts (haven't exchanged them yet) and feel like I have to wait until after the holidays. Also I keep thinking about her family, which I really like and they like me alot also.

 

Also, she has been having a hard time with her classes in college and told me that she thought about transfering. The only reason she said that she is going to stay here is because of me.

 

She is just so miserable all the time and its making me miserable too. I don't want to break up with her and find out that she did something to herself because of me. Also, before the holidays just seems too harsh. I really care about her and don't want to hurt her but this just isn't going to work out. I could really use some advice, any input would be appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Talk to her and let her know what's bothering you. It has to be a 2-way street to make it flow smoothly. If you still feel you no longer want to be in this relationship, why wait and give her false hope? It will still feel the same regardless of what day you plan on letting her know how you truly feel.

 

I understand it's not easy to break up because I just went through the same thing and we had been together for 7 years. But it's better to let go now and still be firends then to let go later and be enemies.

[hrtbroken99]

It is already middle of December, and XMAS is not far away. Just wait about 2more wks and then break up with her GENTLY like the other person suggested give her a holoday present and talk to her about your feelings after XMAS is over blah blah. I wouldnt recommend doing it now or before xmas. My bf broke up with me a few wks ago and I am so distracted, sad, upset, every emotion possible. It was so hard for me to get through finals and now with xmas aorund I could care less I have no holiday spirit. Infact I am dying for this xmas month to finally be over. It just remind me of how lonely I am and how I lost the person I love. He could of at least waited till Jan. In your case, if she is depressed or has emotions of that sort going on, I would wait.

[D-Lish]

Have you told her outright that her negativity is bringing you down? Given her a chance to make amends?

I agree that a long talk is in order. It sounds as if you care for her, so perhaps she needs to hear how her behaviour is impacting you.

 

I went through something similar with my ex. I was going through a really hard time- and he supported me half heartedly as his resentment of my behaviour festered. But he never talked to me about it- never told me how stressed he was by my stress. SO when he dumped me, I was blind sided. Now, our situation was somewhat different- we had an awesome 9 months together before I got hit hard with a stressful situation with my business- and I almost lost that business. So, it was essentially only the last 2 months that I was in that negative state.

 

The thing is- if he had have told me how he had been feeling, instead of hiding it- I would have recognized my impact on him and would have done everything possible to turn things around and be a better partner to him.

 

Maybe you've told her how you feel already?

If you have, then it shouldn't come as a surprise to her.

I'd let her down gently- tell her how you feel honestly about her depression and negativity.

 

D

[T-Lady]

Hello D-Lish,

 

I seriously think we were dating the same guy. My ex has been with the same company for 9 years and could not understand the work situations I was going through to cause me stress. I told him during the break up that I was the exact same person that he fell for a year ago, but right now I am having a hard time and that people experience hard times in their lives. I think he was upset with the fact that I did not handle my job situation the way he would have handled it. Oh well..... I can't change anything now, but I feel like he punished me for not being like him. If I had known he was so stressed out about my situation I would have talked to him more or explained more to him.

 

Thank you D-Lish for your posts. I feel as if you have been through the exact same things I am experiencing right now. It has been 3.5 weeks for me & sometimes I feel fine and other times I break down and cry. I do not live near my family, but I sent my mom a picture of me with friends this weekend. She knew I was hurting, but did not realize how deep the pain is until she saw it in my eyes. Loosing someone is tough, but it is good to know that others feel your pain and are still hanging on.

 

Thank you again.

 

T-Lady

[D-Lish]

Sorry for your pain T-L,

 

The holidays approaching make our losses feel worse I think!

 

I don't know what it is with some guys and communication.

If something's bothering you... let's talk about it, work it out! That's always been my policy in a relationship. Being blind-sided by someone's resentment sucks.

 

I guess we can both take solace in the fact that we would be better off with a person who is better at communicating!

D

[Guest]

Thanks for the replied everyone. I've decided to wait a little until the hollidays are over, then I'll talk to her. The only think is that we don't go back to school till the middle of January and we live a few hours apart. I don't think breaking up over the phone or driving down to her place just to tell her is the best way to do it. I want to tell her in person but don't want to put it off until after break. Any suggestions?

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Sorry for your pain T-L,

 

I don't know what it is with some guys and communication.

If something's bothering you... let's talk about it, work it out! That's always been my policy in a relationship. Being blind-sided by someone's resentment sucks.

 

D

 

I'm not sure I agree that he is blindsiding her. The first six months and longer, you're still getting to know the person. in alot of relationships you reach a point where it's comfortable but not something you can see long term. How can communicating "what's bothering you" change this fact? Breaking up is breaking up no matter how you communicate it.

 

Sorry, I'm in a similar situation. Made it through the holidays, but his b-day is coming up, then Valentine's...no biggie, but I guess there never is a good time to break up. I think I will post a new thread.