Romeo Must Die Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 POM thank you. I want to say that you do not agitate me because of the other woman issues. I am pissed at one OW in paticular, Romeo's OW. I am not a bully. I read here to help others. I read here because no one in my life can identify with my situation, or they just wont talk about it ever. I also post here because the Infidelity/Marriage forums are boring (my husband is addicted to porn, woe is me!!!) and I have also noticed that this is where the real blood and guts of relationships are posted. Don't ask me why, but it is. I'm going to tell you a story to help make things right. God doesnt have my faith right now, but I believe in angels. I believe in Randy. I believe in only what I can feel, and I can feel Randy all around me. All the time. There were two other seperate things that happened following his accident that I will share with you here, who cares if this is OW forum. They towed his vehicle to the impound lot and the next day, I woke up with this feeling like something was missing. They didnt get everything out of the vehicle. Over and over in my head it would not go away. Of course, my husband and the sheriff thought I had gone mad when I asked to be taken to his truck the next day, but they didnt argue with me. They let me look through the vehicle. I found negatives under the seat, rare photographs of my son, pictures I'd never seen yet (I had very few pictures as he was a camera dodger) and the pictures would have lost forever when they took his vehicle away. These days they put negatives in a plastic wrapper (individually seperated) so it was saved from the water damage left behind from the fire department. Photographs are very important when you lose a loved one and these were small miricles to get ahold of. Within the next few weeks, I had come up with the idea (again out of nowhere) for the basketball court memorial. I wanted to build something for him in his name to be remebered by that wasn't sad to look at, no spooky graveyard tombs. Randy wasnt about that. The basketball court was stuck in my head and would not go away. My last memories were of Randy and the kids playing at the park and Randy was a very good basketball player. Also, our town is a poor farm town and nobody does anything to keep it up. The basketball court was falling apart. The backboards were ugly, there was never any nets on them and there was a curb running around the parimiter because some backward hillbilly f*uck decided at one time that it would be a good idea to make a skating rink there for the wintertime. LOL, Nobody here ever owned a pair skates. WTF. So I decided, lets take this insurance money and do something good with it in his name. As far as I was concerned, this was Randy's money. I have this money because he died and I didnt want to touch it, but something had to be done with it because someone else would have taken it (someone like Romeo) and I wasnt going to let that happen. I decided to rebuild the basketball court. First I had to get permission from the city and before that, you have to request to get on the adgenda before you are even heard at the town meeting. It's a huge political process and it's public forum and there are people on the board that are ignorant and self centered. Common sense is lost to them. They don't just give permission away lightly, and they don't like outsiders (we are formerly from Chicago) and you have to proove it to them first that it is worthwhile to them and thats no easy feat. They disapporve and reject plans all the time. Romeo loved the idea of the basketball court, but he was also a dick because HE wanted to run the show. He started going on and on about how HE was going to go in there and tell them how to run their board. HE was going to make them take away the curb at their expense. He was going to make them do the landscaping around the court at their expense. He was going to tell them how things were going to be wether they liked it or not and he felt so smug that he was going to have his way. I was instantly disappointed because I knew his bad attitude was going to spoil my efforts before I even got started. The township would never give one cent to make improvements at the park. They would never hire anyone to do extra work unless they were forced to. The park would rot before they ever planted a flower bed, or even purchased nets for the backboards. You couldnt even get them to hire someone to pick up the trash off the grass. Romeo was going to ruin everything. I just knew it. There would be no way I could tell him to stay out of it either. He was so bull headed, he would just take over and screw it all up. So I said a little prayer. "Randy, if you can hear me, please hit him over the head for me. I don't want him there with me." The meeting was the next day. I thought it looked hopeless, for sure. Well, the next morning Romeo's cellulitus (recurring skin infection) flared up out of nowhere and it was so bad his eyes had bruised and swollen up and he couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. Not to worry, it wasn't anything life-threatening. His antibiotics would help to clear that up in 48 hours. However, Romeo wouldn't be able to make it to the meeting and had to stay home. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !!! I pretended to be disappointed he wouldn't be there with me at the metting to discuss the basketball memorial. I went to the meeting and they called me to stand and to take my turn in front of the village board. I told them I had a son who died in an accident and my intentions to rebuild the basketball court and that I would like to put a stone memorial in the corner with his name and that this was a gift for all the children, in Randy's name. Then I ASKED for their suggestions and what they would like to see changed. I told them that I would take on the responsibility to see that it was done properly, to their exact specifications. It was well received and turned into a lively discussion. The park manager said they would like to see that curb cut away and I agreed. "Kids are tripping over that all year long! That has to be the first thing that has to go!" I told them the entire basketball court would be removed and resurfaced by a well known (reputable) asphalt company. The town chairman said they would help maintain the grass around the basketball court. The head of the board ordered the secretary to give me all their park equipment catalogs and asked me to pick out the backboards and equipment. I bought new ones with breakaway hoops they could bounce on. I got everyone to unanimously agree that our basketball court would be built. All in favor, say Aye. Also, just before his little sister was born, I asked him if she could be born on my birthday to give me one more sign he was around. Not the day before, not the day after, but on my birthday. She was born within the hour after midnight, on my birthday. It confused the hell out of the nurses, they thought the armbands were wrong. It was not a common occurance and thought they made a mistake. There was no mistake. I planned it that way ; )
Author bonehead Posted December 16, 2006 Author Posted December 16, 2006 Words can not even come close to describe the amount of strength you have shown.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 16, 2006 Posted December 16, 2006 Just. Wow. I have goose bumps from head to toe. Randy truly is your angel, RMD. And what a wonderful, loving triubte to him, and the other kids in your community. Bless.
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Your right BH, and actually this type can be worse (break up of MM/OW...MW/OM) as there is not much support due to the circumstances. I am familiar, very familiar with the process of grieving....after working with people for 25 yrs as a close Knit disfunctional family, we have faced many deaths together, the first thing management did was call in the company psych and we received literature on this process. This site has helped me tremendously....sure there are the smart as*es, but you just have to consider the source, but for the most part there is a lot of caring people willing to help, and that is the entire point to any healing.
Author bonehead Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 sure there are the smart as*es I resemble that comment!!!!
Author bonehead Posted December 17, 2006 Author Posted December 17, 2006 Sorry had to get that out of the way first. Your right BH, and actually this type can be worse (break up of MM/OW...MW/OM) as there is not much support due to the circumstances. It is looked at different. And that I do not understand. Yes I know there is alot of anger involved, but that still doesnt change the fact that its a loss.
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 Another reason I think for the lack of expression of grief on here... is because of the illicit nature of affairs, and the fact of lies/deception being a big part of them. If OW/OM express grief about the end of an affair on here, they're quite likely to be met with 'I told you so's, 'what did you expect', and so on... and that will be the less condemnatory comments. It's not really a place where OP can share the grieving process... but I'm sure it goes on in private. For me, realizing the truth was the most essential thing in this process...there was so much self deception...really not seeing that the relationship was so wrong in so many ways. Thinking maybe another section should be put in the grieving process for self hatred and how to get past that....there was a lot of self hatred in my case. When it comes to healing, there is not much that is more important. You are not good to anyone if your all messed up. My suggestion would be to say what you have to say....with the replies, eat the chicken and spit out the bones. There will always be immature people out there who do not know how to say it right...and this is an explosive subject....a lot of people are healing and hurting.
pureinheart Posted December 17, 2006 Posted December 17, 2006 I resemble that comment!!!
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