IngenueMisnomer Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Today MM and I had our last time together. Although technically we're supposed to break up Dec. 31 but he'll be traveling with his family so I won't get to see him anymore. I'm supposed to be feeling liberated, relieved that this A is coming to an end, afterall I was the one who set the deadline. But my spirit is crushed, my heart feels shattered. I've cried so much that my tears have run dry. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't talk to anyone, no one knows about this. I'm desperately trying to pull myself together so my friends/family/coworkers don't wonder what's wrong with me. Right now I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this. All I want to do is isolate myself from everyone and everything and pine away my sorrows. I know I have to get over him, but I'm fighting myself because in all honesty I don't want to. I love him. How do I convince myself that I need to let go?
ratingsguy Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Everything you're feeling is completely normal... and you will get through this!! In the meantime, it will hurt for a while. Don't be afraid to cry and let your emotions out, because that's all you can do right now... and in the long run you will feel better. Plus, there's lots of great people on here who will go to bat for you in your hour of need, myself included. Good luck!
BenThereDunThat Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Ditto what RG said. Be sure and allow yourself time to feel the pain and grieve the loss. You WILL get through it, just have to go through some rough spots in the beginning. Don't look to get over it right away. Post here as much as you need to. The people here were a tremendous help to me when I was going through the worst of it.
yousaveme Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Talk about it ...Get it out. It will help , instead of burying it. Talk about it on here. Good Luck
peacelove Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Tuesday, 12/12/06 was the last time I saw my s/o. It ended so abruptly. You're not alone. My tears won't end.
kymberann Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Ingenue and Peace, I can only offer you my kind words virtual hugs and total support. I am so glad you came here and told us about this last time. It will help. it may not seem like it now, but give yourself all the time in the world to cry, and vent and pout and let go. You will be flooded with a host of emotions including anger. Do whatever it takes, (within limits). remember you are worth moving above and beyond this pain, but don't ignore it or the process with take longer. No rushing! Trust me, I am right there with you. It will get easier as time goes by. PM if you need, please, you can't do this on your own and don't expect of yourself to be so strong right now that yo should. Just let us know you need help. Best.
Author IngenueMisnomer Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Thank you all of you for your encouragement and support, I need that so much right now. I'm so up and down. Just when I've stopped crying I think of something else that wells me up. I wonder if/how/when this gaping hole in my heart will be filled. Just the thought of finding someone else repulses me. My mind is stuck on WHY? WHY? WHY? Why'd he have to be the one that has made me feel like no other, that I've loved like no one else. Although we haven't officially broken up I don't even want to talk to him or hear from him. It's too difficult to face him. But when he was rushing out the door to catch his flight he saw me crying (for the first time) and I know he's worried so I can't just abandon him. At this point I wouldn't know what to say, how to approach him. Usually I would be able to pretend that I'm okay, but I'm not capable of that right now. And I thought that knowing from 6 months ago that this time would come would have made it easier to deal with.
Meaplus3 Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Today MM and I had our last time together. Although technically we're supposed to break up Dec. 31 but he'll be traveling with his family so I won't get to see him anymore. I'm supposed to be feeling liberated, relieved that this A is coming to an end, afterall I was the one who set the deadline. But my spirit is crushed, my heart feels shattered. I've cried so much that my tears have run dry. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't talk to anyone, no one knows about this. I'm desperately trying to pull myself together so my friends/family/coworkers don't wonder what's wrong with me. Right now I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this. All I want to do is isolate myself from everyone and everything and pine away my sorrows. I know I have to get over him, but I'm fighting myself because in all honesty I don't want to. I love him. How do I convince myself that I need to let go? Hi, I am sorry to hear of your pain. The end of an A is very sad in many way's with so many conflicting feeling's. Feel them all and and let it go. Sound's easy, NO! It takes time to heal. For me it had to be therapy. Have been in thrapy now for 2 month's and I am trying so hard. What landed me there was I could no longer deal with my feeling's infront of family and friend's so I new it was only time before I told them about my pain, which I did and told my H. Alhough he is very hurt we are now going to joint couseling to work through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Best wishes. AP
bonehead Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Just remember that everything your feeling is normal. Allow yourself to grieve. Its a process.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 IM: I'm thinking of you...and I'm really sorry...
puddleofmud Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I am so deeply for your pain. We are all going through something similar (though we know that we can never really understand your individual pain) and we will do our best to comfort and aid you. Stay in touch and take care of yourself! We are here for you.
Guest Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 sending positive vibes to you as well. my only advice to u is this - i did the wrong thing for many months by isolating myself and believing that i could get through things all by myself - i was wrong. as so as i opened up, let down my guard, and let people back into my life - these things didn't hold me back anymore and by showing courage to admit that people gave me the support i needed.
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