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Straight A student, 13yr old darling daughter skipped school today. Punishment?!?

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Guest

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My beautiful, well-behaved, never gives me any problems 13 yr old daughter decided to skip school today for the first time in her life. She has a big Christmas party to go to tomorrrow at a friend's house. I feel like not letting her go. She will be so devastated. I swear she has never given me any grief. This is a first. What to do?

Moose Established Member

Moose

Posted
Posted

13 years old huh?

 

This will have to be the toughest lesson for her to learn, unfortunately, it's also the first.

 

As much as it pains you to hurt her this way, you have to be the bad guy here and begin laying down the foundation in which she will be thankfull for in the future.

 

Oh....she'll hate your guts right now....trust me......she may even tell you some things that'll hurt your heart and soul.....

 

BUT....when she's 25-30 years old and has structure, self discipline in her life, she will be eternally grateful for grounding her for the first time in her life.....

 

We're all in this parenting thing together.....

che_jesse Established Member

che_jesse

Posted
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I think you should punish her like you would if it was the middle of May. Just don't be mean and pick on the Christmas party that she really wants to go to just because its here and easy to take away from her.

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

I'm not a parent. But I think that not letting her go to her party is a fair punishment for being a dolt and skipping school. Consequences, my friend, are a beyotch. Even for adults. :)

CrushedOrgans Established Member

CrushedOrgans

Posted
Posted
13 years old huh?

 

As much as it pains you to hurt her this way, you have to be the bad guy here and begin laying down the foundation in which she will be thankfull for in the future.

 

BUT....when she's 25-30 years old and has structure, self discipline in her life, she will be eternally grateful for grounding her for the first time in her life.....

 

guest, i think you've already been "laying down the foundation" pretty well if she's such a good kid that you're hesitant to punish her.

 

i can tell you that i was that kind of child too, and my parents were a little more lenient on me on the rare times i did cause a problem--they didn't let me get away with everything, but because i was so good most of the time, they didn't punish me with wrath or anything major.

 

i turned out to be just fine. i still have structure and self- discipline even though my parents gave me the chance to make my own mistakes, and though i've been punished, i've never been grounded a day in my life. i am a normal, intelligent, functioning person.

 

 

is there more information on this? i think each situation is different depending on the particular parent-child relationship, and no two are ever the same.

 

do you know where she went when she skipped? have her grades slipped at all? is she hanging around with questionable people? how did you find out she skipped?

 

if she's honestly as good as you say, and she wasn't off doing something dangerous or stupid, i say give the kid a chance. you should still punish her somehow, because skipping school is not cool, but if you're reluctant to keep her from her christmas party, choose something else to take away from her, like the phone, tv, or computer. or, if you're the kind of parent who likes this idea, you can let her choose between two punishments....no party, or allow the party, but then she has to be home after school, all night, for a week or two or something.

 

good luck. don't forget that it's that child that makes you a parent....don't be harsh just because you have the authority to be.

anna13 Established Member

anna13

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if she is 13 you have to put your foot down now , trust me , by the time they are 15 ,16 they are very difficult to deal with . skipping is serious and could get you introuble with the law and family services if she skips enough . I would think that she should be not allowed to go to this party . she will not be easy with you about it , she might have a tantrum , in fact she might shock you at her reaction . but this is the beggining fo the teenage years. you have to let her know that when she does things like this punishment and conseequence happens. she will probobly say why are you doing this to her ,, but you tell her she did it to herself. get a hold on her discipline now your sweet girl wont be sweet for long . keep it under control while you can. and hopefully she will remember and know that if she does something like that again she will be punished for it .

goodfriendeva Established Member

goodfriendeva

Posted
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skipping school is something serious.. i think taking awy her party is very fair..

 

if she wasnt able to attend school then i guess she isnt able to attend that party.. have to set those boundaries now.. esp now that shes in her teens when rebellion comes into play.. dont do nothing now about it it will get worse.. easier said then done.. well my mom use to "punish" me for skipping school saying your getting cell phone taken away or you cant go out.. but by the weekend or the next day she would forget or not care and let me do whatever again.. needless lesson wasnt learned..

bab Established Member

bab

Posted
Posted

I was one of those straight A kids that never gave my parents much trouble during the middle school years. When I did get in trouble my mom never ever followed through. She would say, "You're grounded" and in the same breathe tell me to go outside and play, which at 13 means hang out with your friends. It was a joke and I new it. Point is, whatever you decide, follow through with it. Don't let her think that she can get away with everything because if she doesn't realize there are consequences then she will try and get away with everything.

  • 3 weeks later...
shoesies05 Established Member

shoesies05

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Im going to have to disagree with everyone on this.

 

I'd say let it slide this time, it was a first offense. Clearly she is keeping good in all other aspects. Maybe she won't do it again, and you punishing her for it won't show her she was wrong. It may just make her rebel!

 

If she does it again though you should totally put your foot down and have a talk with her about it.

 

Like we all never skipped school ever? C'mon...

BlueEyedSarah

BlueEyedSarah

Posted
Posted
My beautiful, well-behaved, never gives me any problems 13 yr old daughter decided to skip school today for the first time in her life. She has a big Christmas party to go to tomorrrow at a friend's house. I feel like not letting her go. She will be so devastated. I swear she has never given me any grief. This is a first. What to do?

Did she tell you the reason why she skipped school? She facing any problems at school? You say she is well behaved which makes me wonder if there is a reason to why she skipped school...

CardPlay3r Established Member

CardPlay3r

Posted
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I'm with shoesies on this one, it was the first time it happened and if she's such a good kid let it pass, just have a talk to her that it can't happen in the future

 

Why is everyone jumping like she shoplifted or beat someone up? It's not that serious especially with her good grades

chryssy83 Established Member

chryssy83

Posted
Posted

I think it depends on how she reacted when you found out. Was she remorseful? Why did she say she skipped?

 

I was always a good kid, too. And one time I skipped school in elementary to watch a hurricane with my name hit the coast on the weather channel. Yeah, I'm a dork. I went to school later in the day and had to call my mom and tell her. My parents didn't really do anything--it wasn't that big of a deal.

 

My brother, on the other hand, started young getting into stuff he shouldn't have. He had to be dealt with differently and was never really reigned in.

 

I think it depends on the kid and the behavior. If she's upset to have disappointed you, that might be enough all by itself. If she has an attitude about it, maybe you should punish her.

  • 2 weeks later...
vanessabg Established Member

vanessabg

Posted
Posted
I'm with shoesies on this one, it was the first time it happened and if she's such a good kid let it pass, just have a talk to her that it can't happen in the future

 

Why is everyone jumping like she shoplifted or beat someone up? It's not that serious especially with her good grades

I agree to Cardplay;here,as you said she is a good,nice and well behaved daughter so if she do some thing wrong it's never means that you punished her.you should talk her just as a friendly talk and discover about her problems and trying to solve it.

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted
I'm with shoesies on this one, it was the first time it happened and if she's such a good kid let it pass, just have a talk to her that it can't happen in the future

I agree. You might try the old "written warning" that you both sign so that she understands that, while you're forgiving here, dire consequences await a repeat offender.

 

Mr. Lucky

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