My break up

[Guest]

Well here is my story. My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. Our relationship was perfect from the start. I had the best 3 months of my life with her. Everything was perfect, and we both felt the same way. Well we started talking about moving in together, getting married etc. I know that this was probably too soon as I had just gotten a divorce. She also got divorce about 2 years ago. Well we started having problems. The main thing that I can say is our communication went to hell. We would have a disagreement and I would close off. I tried to tell her I needed a few minutes to think about things, but she would keep on me and wouldn't ever give me time to think. Which in turn just made me angry. So angry that I ended up resenting her.

 

We broke up once, and decided we would see each other and take things a little slower. Well needless to say we ended up back together after about a week. Then about a month later we were in the same boat. I was working and she wanted to discuss the argument we had earlier in the night. Well I am in Law enforcement and I was busy and she just kept on me and kept on me. I told her I had to go, but would call her back as soon as I could. Well she couldn't respect that fact. I ended up having to hang up on her, which I knew wasn't a good idea but I really had no choice. Needless to say that really made her angry. We went a couple of days and she said she needed time to think. She said she would come talk to me on a Sunday night.

 

I had that feeling all weekend that she was going to break up with me. And of course Sunday came and she did. My first thought about this was relief, but that lasted for a couple of hours. I never have had someone break up with me before so I didn't know how to react. Well she called me later that night, and commented on the fact that I sounded like I was doing well. We had a good talk and both agreed that right now this is for the best. We both agreed I had some things to work on and she had some things to work on, and we would be friends and continue to talk for now.

 

Well that leads us to now. At first I was ok with being her friend. We discussed our relationship and had some arguments over it during the next couple of days. We finally go to the point of not needing to talk about things that were in the past cause we can't change them. Well I then decided I would go to some counseling for my anger. I made an appointment and met with someone. I went to a couple of sessions over the next few days and felt like I was making some headway. He gave me some great ideas to counteract the anger that I would feel during an argument. Well I had to go back to her house to pick up some things that I had left. It didn't start out very good. I was crying hysterically at first. I couldn't control it.

 

She was very comforting and once this stopped we sat and talked for a while and spent a few hours together. Once I left I sent her a message that I had a great time being with her and I missed that. She replied to me that she felt the same way. At that point I figured I would wait a few days and see where it went from there before suggesting that we try again. Well then she started doing things that made me question her. She would call me after work and say she was going out. Of course I would ask with who. Well she got defensive and said at this point in didn't really matter. She ended up telling me that is was just with friends, but I felt like she was testing me. She told me that if I was going to be the jealous boyfriend we shouldn't be friends.

 

My first thought was she was going out with another guy, but I convinced myself that wasn't it. I finally told her the next day that I wanted to try it again. I told her that I have learned some things I can do to make our communication better. Well she said no. She told me that if I keep pushing her I am going to push her away. So I said ok that we will just be friends then she will have to let me know when it is ok for more. Then the next night I sent her a text saying goodnight as I have always done. She didn't reply back for the first time. Of course I was not working that night so I got that sick feeling in my stomach. Well when I talked to her the next day she said she went to a friends house and fell asleep. This is so not like her cause she didn't really socialize with people she worked with while we were together. But of course I asked to many questions so she got angry at me again. Well I finally decided that I couldn't go on like this and needed to cut my losses.

 

I told her that this wasn't going to work for me like this and this wasn't a healthy situation for me. She said she agreed and at that point I thought I was done. Well of course I changed my mind and called her the next day saying I still wanted her in my life and that if being friends was the only way to get her back then I would have to live with that. So here I am today wondering to myself if I am setting myself up to get hurt more? I could have spent the last couple of weeks healing, but instead have spent them trying to get back with her. I really don't think there is someone else at this point, but I am not sure.

 

Part of me wonders why I should bother cause I feel like I am the only one compromising here. She says that right now I am just going to have to prove to her that I am a different person. I have to prove to be the same person as when we first met. Am I wasting my time here? Please help.

[notmakingsense]

But both of you know that communication and the ability to accept eachother are key to a long term relationship. Only you know the answer to your own question... do you think the both of you can get past your differences and communication issues? Also, if you have a real problem with anger management, then you should avoid relationships with people that push your buttons.

 

Try to set your emotions aside for a little while so you can think clearly.... what will life be like with her in 5, 10, 15 years? If the vision in your head isn't so rosy, now is the time to walk away.