tnguyen8485 Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Ok im so lost can someone please help me!.. ive been with her since high school and in the relationship almost 6 years. I started out with the relationship very wrong. i told her i was a virgin. and i know i am wrong. but i told her my reasons. she found out from her ex best friend 3months into our relationship. she said she wanted to make it work, and to work it out. 5 1/2 years later she is still mad at me to this day. i know where i went wrong, but ever since that day i did everything a girl would want. i've been nothing but a man and gettleman to this girl. shes 21 now i know we are still young, its just so hard for me to let her go, and to think about her being with another guy disgusts me. the problem started about 2 weeks ago, when she wanted to go to her friends house and i was ok with it, i never stoped her from doing wat she wants. so i told her to go. when she went there she talked to her ex-(boyfriend in high school which she dated like for 2months) on the phone for 3 hours. i found out the hard way. then she said it meant nothing. now she said she wants her space. and just this past weekend she said she wanted to go out once agian i was ok but i hesitated. then 3 oclock came around i didnt see her home so i went to look for her and found her with her ex. and she said she was just talking. and i dont kno wat to think. i just felt like she cheated on me. she went to look for comfort with some other guy. that bothers me. i really feel for her. we bought a house together and lived together for the past 2years. i would never expected this, and now she says she wants to move back to her mom and find out wat she wants, she dont know wat she wants. and i am afraid of losing her. i never gave her the idea i wanted her to leave or pushed her away. i always wanted to make her happy. i do so much for her to make her life easier, like supporting her telling her to go to school and get a degree, paying for her school, bought her things she wanted. i just dont kno where i went wrong. i kno what she done to me was wrong, and its so hard for me to let go. what am i to think or do. can someone give me advice. ps. she said she wants me to keep the house, rite now i pay for her gym membership and she pays for my cell phone, she said she wants me to keep the cell phone and to keep her on the gym membership. i feel like im a rebound, if it dont workout for her. she said she wants to date, go out with other guys. or whatever, she wants to do whatever she wants and not to have to worry about what i think, but still want me to keep these agreements.
lolablue Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 K well first of all, stop beating yourself up!!! Your not in the wrong here. She has been sneaking around talking to an ex!!! Regardless of whether it's physical or not she's still sneaking around. She says she wants her space and so you will have to respect that and give it to her. Don't let her think your sitting at home waiting for her, go out and have a good time, let her know you can be fine without her, as hard as it may be. Don't be a doormat to her, she will take advantage and walk all over you. She wants to have her single life but expects you to wait around??? I don't friggin think so!! I'm getting mad writing this! LOL. If she is free to date, well then so are you. Take care of yourself okay? And please don't let her walk all over you, stand your ground! Make me proud... lola
perspektiv Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Ok man. I can relate to you in so many ways... I was with my first long term GF for 6 yrs. We were connected in such an amazing way. We did everything together. Our lives were completely intertwined. We lived together, had mutual friends, and overall what I thought was a good relationship. We were both young, and didn't really have much experience outside of what we had with each other. We sort of started growing apart. She started hanging out with these guys from her work. One of them was gay, so he posed no threat to me obviously. But the other guy, well, my gut told me something different. Every time I met him he was really short with me, and just rubbed me the wrong way. We broke up. It was what I thought to be a mutual thing, but I could sense that something else was going on. One day towards the end where we were still living together, her phone rang at about 3am. It was right next to me and I saw it was that guy calling. He left a message and I went in the other room and checked it. He was thanking her for coming over the night before, and expressing alot of emotion towards her. She had told me that she got drunk and passed out at her girlfriends the night before. Long story (very) short, I kicked her out of the apartment. I felt like I had just flushed 6 yrs down the toilet. We went back and forth for almost 2 years. Hooking up, hanging out, but nothing worked. It was over. We just grew apart. I didn't know what I wanted and neither did she. On your hand, you have supported her and seemingly done everything you could for her. She may feel suffocated and stuck. Maybe she needs to be left alone. Let her go find whatever it is that she wants. You can't hold her back. You are only going to hurt yourself. She WILL realize what you mean to her once the dust settles. I'm not saying shes going to come back and everything will be fine. There is no easy way. 6yrs is a long time. No one gets over a relationship like that right away. Although it may seem to her that she will be fine without you, give her some REAL time without you. LET HER GO. If she never comes back (which is probably unlikely) you need to do whats good for you. My guess is that she will realize what she had. Whether you can make it work after that is up to you. Don't hang around like a fool while she goes behind your back. Trust your gut. Its harder than anything. Be strong man...
norajane Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 I don't think you did anything wrong, per se. It's just the expectation that someone you fell in love with in high school is going to be the person you settle down with is unrealistic. It happens, but more often than not, as you get older, you learn more about yourself, you question what makes you happy and what you want out of life, you realize you want to experience more and there's a lot more to be experienced, and you change and mature over time. Sounds like your girl is a little immature since she's still pissed off about you lying about your virginity. At the same time, she's realizing that she's been with you for 6 years and needs to get out of the relationship and experience more of life (and other guys) before settling down with one person. There's nothing you can do about it. It's not your fault - this kind of thing happens a lot in relationships between young people.
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