NoIDidn't Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 This is an honest question that I actually waited over a week to post. I went to a company party with my H. We had a great time. The same way we usually act, we did this year as well. I danced and socialized with the friends that I have made at his company over the years. He doesn't dance, but he did stay close by me and socialize. Well, his co-worker, the OW, followed me around for about an hour. She made sure that she was on the dancefloor near me, or had one of her friends to the same. To be sure that it was what I thought it was I went to the Ladies' THREE TIMES. Each time she came in about 30 seconds behind me. The last two times with the same friend. The most annoying part was the friends. They would all speak to my H and make sure that I saw them doing so. I didn't care. They followed me around giving me snarky looks, the whole nine. It was very annoying. Before any OW asks me if I am sure that the A is over. YES. Emphatically, YES. When things were on, none of her friends knew. I esposed the A, as did my H. So I KNOW it is over. What I want to know is this: is the OW really not as interested in the W as is claimed? This woman had me followed and stared down. Is it possible that she is still upset for events that unfolded following the exposure of the A? As far as I know, this was the first time we were KNOWINGLY in the same room. What was the point of her and her friends doing this? I know you can only speculate as none of you are her, but I really don't plan to ever speak to her again - unless I have to.
yousaveme Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Honestly, I dont know what the point of her actions were. If he chose you and your marriage I dont even know why she would want to see you and him together. Just seems more like she wanted to make you uncomfortable and was really going out of her way to do it. And the more it didnt work the more she tried. Just ignore it... This is an honest question that I actually waited over a week to post. I went to a company party with my H. We had a great time. The same way we usually act, we did this year as well. I danced and socialized with the friends that I have made at his company over the years. He doesn't dance, but he did stay close by me and socialize. Well, his co-worker, the OW, followed me around for about an hour. She made sure that she was on the dancefloor near me, or had one of her friends to the same. To be sure that it was what I thought it was I went to the Ladies' THREE TIMES. Each time she came in about 30 seconds behind me. The last two times with the same friend. The most annoying part was the friends. They would all speak to my H and make sure that I saw them doing so. I didn't care. They followed me around giving me snarky looks, the whole nine. It was very annoying. Before any OW asks me if I am sure that the A is over. YES. Emphatically, YES. When things were on, none of her friends knew. I esposed the A, as did my H. So I KNOW it is over. What I want to know is this: is the OW really not as interested in the W as is claimed? This woman had me followed and stared down. Is it possible that she is still upset for events that unfolded following the exposure of the A? As far as I know, this was the first time we were KNOWINGLY in the same room. What was the point of her and her friends doing this? I know you can only speculate as none of you are her, but I really don't plan to ever speak to her again - unless I have to.
herenow Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Strange that she would be so in your face. Sounds like she's a glutton for punishment. Maybe she was waiting for some sort of confrontation and you were able to rise above it. My H's OW was afraid of what I would do to her. Little did she know that I want nothing to do with her.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 That's just crazy and extremely immature on her part. If that were me, I would have most likely skipped the party altogether. If not, I would have stayed as far away as possible. Hopefully you wouldn't have even known I was there. That's really weird.
herenow Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 That's just crazy and extremely immature on her part. If that were me, I would have most likely skipped the party altogether. If not, I would have stayed as far away as possible. Hopefully you wouldn't have even known I was there. That's really weird. Yes, you would think that the OW wouldn't want to be around the wife. Why would anyone put themselves in that situation? Maybe she was looking for some drama.
Romeo Must Die Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Romeos OW was like a pit bull, she never wanted to let go. This was how xOW was described by Mary and whois Mary? She is the new wife of the xOW's high school boyfriend, the father of xOW's first born child. xOW was always trying to come between them and made false reports of child abuse about Mary, but unfortunately, Mary had to fight the family court system for four years to proove she was wrongfully accused as a child abuser. She hates xOW and is terrified of confronting xOW but Mary came to me in the midst of my tumoil to wish me luck and to warn me of her past actions. How she cruelly goes after her competitor. Looking back now I can see how xOW followed me and mirrored the things Romeo said about me. If he told her that I was a bad mother, then she presented herself as Mrs. Cosby whenever he was around. LOL. She even tried to get my kids taken from me after her d-day to spite me. She wrote an annonymous letter to human services thinking it would work again for her, that I would run away in tears and she would win Romeo. It wasnt until I received a hard-to-get police report involving a recent abuse of her sixth grade daughter did it come to light that she was more like WHORteny Love than a Claire Huxtable. The daughter was placed in a home for a month and then placed with relatives until xOW could get her back again. Peace
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I really appreciate the W responses but was more looking for OW responses. I really have no idea why she and her friends did it. Peer pressure? It was very annoying, but I wasn't about to let my nice dress and hairdo go to waste. It was bad for her because people had to point it out to me. I was so busy dancing that it took awhile before I noticed. Believe me, I noticed in the Ladies' though. I am glad that she came to the party though. They were seeing each other last year during party time period and she ended up not coming. If I had seen them interacting then, it wouldn't have taken another 3 weeks for me to put one and one together. Its not like she needed to get a good look at me. She saw several pictures of me and my kids and H in his office and on our website.
Romeo Must Die Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Then perhaps you should have mentioned that and spared me my time and trouble posting something so personal in order to give you some insight. I personally have had to deal with OW's "facination" of me for three years of my life but then, what do I know. I'm just a BW. Maybe its your facination with OW I need to wonder about. Hmmm. WHATEVER
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Sounds like a class issue IMO. I would never put myself in the path of the xMM's W. Additionally, I made the choice to leave the company where we both worked so attending the same party EVER would be completely out of the question. Following you around is just silly. This is an honest question that I actually waited over a week to post. I went to a company party with my H. We had a great time. The same way we usually act, we did this year as well. I danced and socialized with the friends that I have made at his company over the years. He doesn't dance, but he did stay close by me and socialize. Well, his co-worker, the OW, followed me around for about an hour. She made sure that she was on the dancefloor near me, or had one of her friends to the same. To be sure that it was what I thought it was I went to the Ladies' THREE TIMES. Each time she came in about 30 seconds behind me. The last two times with the same friend. The most annoying part was the friends. They would all speak to my H and make sure that I saw them doing so. I didn't care. They followed me around giving me snarky looks, the whole nine. It was very annoying. Before any OW asks me if I am sure that the A is over. YES. Emphatically, YES. When things were on, none of her friends knew. I esposed the A, as did my H. So I KNOW it is over. What I want to know is this: is the OW really not as interested in the W as is claimed? This woman had me followed and stared down. Is it possible that she is still upset for events that unfolded following the exposure of the A? As far as I know, this was the first time we were KNOWINGLY in the same room. What was the point of her and her friends doing this? I know you can only speculate as none of you are her, but I really don't plan to ever speak to her again - unless I have to.
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I don't know what your problem is, but it certainly is not with me. If you feel that you have wasted your time in sharing here, then so be it. I appreciated all the responses that were given and said so. I am simply looking for more response from OW. I don't want to hear from Ws that were followed around. I don't want to hear how crazy you think the OW was. I want to hear from those that did it, considered doing it, or have an opinion on the matter at hand. I am sorry that the lady did such a number on you. I really am. But MY thread is not going to turn into a hate fest. Feel free to have the admins remove your post, since it was such a waste of your time.
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 My friends would never let me stoop to such a level much less participate in helping me. They have done nothing but encourage me to stay as far away from the xMM as possible so that includes his W as well. I can't imagine her friends have her emotional health in mind if they're participating in shadowing you that way. Also in light of the fact that he has very obviously made the choice to stay with his W and work on his marriage...very odd behavior on her part. This is an honest question that I actually waited over a week to post. I went to a company party with my H. We had a great time. The same way we usually act, we did this year as well. I danced and socialized with the friends that I have made at his company over the years. He doesn't dance, but he did stay close by me and socialize. Well, his co-worker, the OW, followed me around for about an hour. She made sure that she was on the dancefloor near me, or had one of her friends to the same. To be sure that it was what I thought it was I went to the Ladies' THREE TIMES. Each time she came in about 30 seconds behind me. The last two times with the same friend. The most annoying part was the friends. They would all speak to my H and make sure that I saw them doing so. I didn't care. They followed me around giving me snarky looks, the whole nine. It was very annoying. Before any OW asks me if I am sure that the A is over. YES. Emphatically, YES. When things were on, none of her friends knew. I esposed the A, as did my H. So I KNOW it is over. What I want to know is this: is the OW really not as interested in the W as is claimed? This woman had me followed and stared down. Is it possible that she is still upset for events that unfolded following the exposure of the A? As far as I know, this was the first time we were KNOWINGLY in the same room. What was the point of her and her friends doing this? I know you can only speculate as none of you are her, but I really don't plan to ever speak to her again - unless I have to.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 My friends would never let me stoop to such a level much less participate in helping me. They have done nothing but encourage me to stay as far away from the xMM as possible so that includes his W as well. I can't imagine her friends have her emotional health in mind if they're participating in shadowing you that way. Also in light of the fact that he has very obviously made the choice to stay with his W and work on his marriage...very odd behavior on her part. Exactly! I was getting ready to post the same thing. My friends would want no part in such silliness. And if they had seen me act that way they would have put me in my place. Immediately.
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Good for you!! Now that's healthy;) I was so busy dancing that it took awhile before I noticed.
norajane Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 It's ego-driven behavior. She wanted you to see how great she was (and hoped you'd feel bad about yourself); she wanted to feel better about herself by having some "power" over you (power to disturb you); and she wanted a confrontation (closure for her).
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 My friends would never let me stoop to such a level much less participate in helping me. They have done nothing but encourage me to stay as far away from the xMM as possible so that includes his W as well. I can't imagine her friends have her emotional health in mind if they're participating in shadowing you that way. Also in light of the fact that he has very obviously made the choice to stay with his W and work on his marriage...very odd behavior on her part. My friends kept me from reacting visibly, and I really appreciate them doing it. She and her friends are pretty young, under 24 most of them. I think they were just trying to show her that they had her back should anything have gone down. Not that I would have done anything, but you KWIM. I am starting to think that there is more to it than initially thought. I did expose the A. Her Xbf did call me to find out if there was more that she wasn't telling him. He was an Ex then too, so I didn't break them up. Maybe she is still angry. Anger I can understand. Anger isn't so odd.
Chapter2 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 She sounded pretty young. I can understand her anger if that's her motivation but she's belittling herself. 24 sounds soooo young to me. Man, I'm old. Not threadjacking here, just feelin my age! Kudo's to your friends. You showed dignity and class and they helped you through it w/out allowing you to show your arse. That's what friends are for;) My friends kept me from reacting visibly, and I really appreciate them doing it. She and her friends are pretty young, under 24 most of them. I think they were just trying to show her that they had her back should anything have gone down. Not that I would have done anything, but you KWIM. I am starting to think that there is more to it than initially thought. I did expose the A. Her Xbf did call me to find out if there was more that she wasn't telling him. He was an Ex then too, so I didn't break them up. Maybe she is still angry. Anger I can understand. Anger isn't so odd.
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Chapter2, Glad I'm not the only one thinking that under 24 is really young. I remember 24, was already M by then, but the things that I did that I thought were just oh so mature, just weren't. For those that think that I am fascinated with OW. I was for a period. She was the age that I was when I first got M. It was a slap in the face. But that was when I first found out and it was finally over (January). I think its only nature to want to find out about the woman that turned your H's head - if you don't already know who she is. And to a degree, I think its nature to want to know what the W is like too. But after nearly a year? That's where my question comes in.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Chapter2, Glad I'm not the only one thinking that under 24 is really young. I remember 24, was already M by then, but the things that I did that I thought were just oh so mature, just weren't. For those that think that I am fascinated with OW. I was for a period. She was the age that I was when I first got M. It was a slap in the face. But that was when I first found out and it was finally over (January). I think its only nature to want to find out about the woman that turned your H's head - if you don't already know who she is. And to a degree, I think its nature to want to know what the W is like too. But after nearly a year? That's where my question comes in. I know what you mean. I was fascinated with the W for a time. Only so far as googling her though. I accidentally met her at work once and I literally thought I was going to pass out. (can you believe the MM actually tried to make her wait and stand around in the lobby - they were going out that evening and our A was over at this point - to prevent her running into me?) He did that for my sake, not hers as she didn't know anything. Isn't that nice? Anyway, yes I agree it's natural to be curious about either the MM or the OW in these situations. Never say never, but I don't think I would have even acted that way at 24. And I was typically immature in my early 20's. Good for you the way you handled it though. Very classy.
Buttaflyy Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I didn't read the entire thread so this may have already been said. My take on this is that it's not so much as fascination with the W per se, but you the W, are looked upon as the OW as well in her eyes. You are the one whom she believes took her man in a strange kind of way. I hope not to offend anyone here when I say this, but to her (the OW who behaves this way) is not dealing with the reality of their past relationship. She's like a HS girl studying you, probably comparing you to herself even wondering what it is about you that caused him to choose you over her. Of course she's playing childish games trying to taunt you in the process.
2sunny Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I didn't read the entire thread so this may have already been said. My take on this is that it's not so much as fascination with the W per se, but you the W, are looked upon as the OW as well in her eyes. You are the one whom she believes took her man in a strange kind of way. I hope not to offend anyone here when I say this, but to her (the OW who behaves this way) is not dealing with the reality of their past relationship. She's like a HS girl studying you, probably comparing you to herself even wondering what it is about you that caused him to choose you over her. Of course she's playing childish games trying to taunt you in the process. I am not the OW - but I do agree with this post. She (the OW) is trying to figure out what it is about YOU that he would prefer over her. This is her "fascination" with you and her reason for "studying" you. Also, a reason why her friends would help her - she has said to them..."I can't figure out why he would stay with her." Hence the reason why they all watched you carefully... I am sure thay talked about you at great length after the outing, comparing notes. I hate it when women do this, but - they do! I am glad you put on your happy face and went looking fabulous! Hopefully, they had a tough time finding any criticism to throw your way! You took the high road and that is the classiest path to stay on.
kymberann Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Perhaps she was trying to make H feel uncomfortable as well? Not that I would do this but, if I were so inclined my rationale would be to size you, see why he chose you over me in the end, regardless of being married. Also, perhaps it was a message to both that she's still around and hasn't been frazzled by the affiar? Just my thoughts? Best
stillhere Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I don't know exactly what she was trying to accomplish, but she sounds like my exbestfriend. What my exbf intentions would have been would be to try and bully you. Make you feel uncomfortable and to try and put a little fear in you. IMO, this is extremely immature behaviour. Her age explains that!! I, for one, would never do this to my MM's W. I will socialize with her, but not too much, as i don't want her to befriend me. I do my best to avoid situations when i know that she will be there. I have had many offers to go to their house, but i always come up with an excuse as to why i can't go. I would not feel comfortable in a situation like that.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 It sounds like an intimidation tactic employed by the "popular and mean" high-school girls. Yes, her being 24 would definitely make me think that she still thinks she's in HS. I remember being 24. I was already married to my H then, but boy was I acting like a kid.
Freedom Now Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 I personally would not go within ten miles of an event that my MM and his wife attended. Why set myself up for that type of pain? I have no bone to pick with his wife. And I wouldn't want her to suspect that I was in fact his OW if she caught him glance too much at me. That would hurt her. And both her and I have been through enough. She was sizing you up and she wanted to make you uncomfortable. Childish behavior. I am glad you showed class and dignity. I am sure she wanted to get a reaction out of you and you didn't give her that. There is nothing worse than being ignored. And you ignored her. Good for you.
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 Perhaps she was trying to make H feel uncomfortable as well? Not that I would do this but, if I were so inclined my rationale would be to size you, see why he chose you over me in the end, regardless of being married. Also, perhaps it was a message to both that she's still around and hasn't been frazzled by the affiar? Just my thoughts? Best You know, I never thought about this. H wasn't uncomfortable though. He told me all there was to know about the A. And everything he didn't tell, I deduced from the email trail I found. Thanks. I never thought of this one. I hope she isn't frazzled by the A. I told her as much the one time I spoke to her. I don't hate her or have any ill feelings about her. Its in the past, and I am trying hard to make sure that it stays that way. thanks again.
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