A side effect of NC?

[Giver]

My bf and I have been broken up for 5 months, he has been "casually" seeing someone for 3 months and I have been in NC for a bit under 2 weeks. The last couple of days I'm starting to feel like I did months ago. I'm crying every day again, he's the first thing I think about in the morning, he's in my dreams, I feel like absolute s**t all the time, there's no break from it. It's ot to the point where I'm praying for a car to hit me and put me out of my misery.

 

Plus today I caved and had a look at his and her myspace pages. She has changed her status to "in a relationship", I feel so sick. The way that our relationship ended felt like such an unnatural death. I went overseas for 2 months when we first broke up and that's when he started seeing the new girl. If it wasn't for her we would have got another chance and we both know that things would have been better.

 

Moving on just seems so wrong to me at the moment. I don't want to move on, I want him. I know that she's about to go away for 2 weeks, I'm really tempted to pay him a visit even though I know that it is too late, and he has hurt me so much already, there's stilll this stupid little flicker of hope.

 

Is this alla side effect of NC ? How can you move on when it feels so wrong? My feelings for him won't go away and I feel like they've become a prison. WHAT CAN I DO???!!!??

[Pyro]

My bf and I have been broken up for 5 months, he has been "casually" seeing someone for 3 months and I have been in NC for a bit under 2 weeks. The last couple of days I'm starting to feel like I did months ago. I'm crying every day again, he's the first thing I think about in the morning, he's in my dreams, I feel like absolute s**t all the time, there's no break from it. It's ot to the point where I'm praying for a car to hit me and put me out of my misery.

 

Plus today I caved and had a look at his and her myspace pages. She has changed her status to "in a relationship", I feel so sick. The way that our relationship ended felt like such an unnatural death. I went overseas for 2 months when we first broke up and that's when he started seeing the new girl. If it wasn't for her we would have got another chance and we both know that things would have been better.

 

Moving on just seems so wrong to me at the moment. I don't want to move on, I want him. I know that she's about to go away for 2 weeks, I'm really tempted to pay him a visit even though I know that it is too late, and he has hurt me so much already, there's stilll this stupid little flicker of hope.

 

Is this alla side effect of NC ? How can you move on when it feels so wrong? My feelings for him won't go away and I feel like they've become a prison. WHAT CAN I DO???!!!??

 

The problem is that you have not had NC the whole time. For NC to work, you have to resist all temptations to look at their myspace pages or anything like that. You need to concentrate on yourself and make yourself happy. It doesn't matter anymore what he and she are doing. All that matters is you. The sooner you start believing that, the sooner you will feel better. No guy is worth wanting a car to hit you.

[brisman]

I know the feelings that you have, like an unnatural ending.

 

You haven't mentioned who ended it, or how.

 

If he ended it, then for your own dignity, you really must walk away and never look back. 2 weeks is not long enough for the pain to stop, it's nothing really.

 

If you ended it, then you should at least tell him how you feel. But don't try and interject yourself between him and the new girl. That's his decision and his alone.

 

There's no easy out for you, but it will get easier.

 

Nice to see a fellow Qlder on here.

[oyster]

I went overseas for 2 months when we first broke up and that's when he started seeing the new girl. If it wasn't for her we would have got another chance and we both know that things would have been better.

 

well you seem to have broke it off, and called the NC, as guy, I would go out and the more you go out, the more people you meet. So it is no surprise that he met a new girl.

 

Once people break up, some forget the meaning of breaking up. He is free to do whatever.

 

Like me and this girl, she asked for NC for 1 month and told me I was free to do what ever.

 

Bumped into her at a bar where she saw me going outside, still jealous she wanted to check my cell phone to see if I have a new girl.

 

If you want him back, start spending time with him.

[brisman]

She doesn't say that she broke it off, just that she went overseas after the break-up.

[FallenTree]

It's been 6 months post breakup but only 30 days NC. NC should have begun from the start. Now I feel awful...similar to what you were mentioning.

[Giver]

well you seem to have broke it off, and called the NC, as guy, I would go out and the more you go out, the more people you meet. So it is no surprise that he met a new girl.

 

Once people break up, some forget the meaning of breaking up. He is free to do whatever.

 

Like me and this girl, she asked for NC for 1 month and told me I was free to do what ever.

 

Bumped into her at a bar where she saw me going outside, still jealous she wanted to check my cell phone to see if I have a new girl.

 

If you want him back, start spending time with him.

The whole break up has been really messy -- it's a long story all in a previous thread. When we initailly broke up it was a mutual decision. I was headed overseas for work and it was looking like he wasn't going to be able to come with me so we decided to have a "break". A month later he started seeing someone else, I got upset, so he stopped seeing her, then we started sleeping together again and spending lots of time together. Two weeks after I left he was seeing her again. We tried to be friends when I got back but it only upset/confused me because I still love him so I suggested NC thinking that it would help me. It hasn't, I'm back in the spot where I was months ago, it's only been 2 weeks but it feels like months. He is still my home and I want to go back but really feel like it's too late because of the new girl, so I feel really trapped.

[johnnytable]

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. Its understandable and it really sucks. I hope that you recognize these feelings and learn something from them.

 

Unfortunately this is not a side effect of NC. This is an effect of breaking NC, which is exactly what you did. NC is not just about not calling the other person. It is about blocking them from your life as well. Going to look at their myspace was essentially making contact with him in your mind. As a result you got hurt by it.

 

You need to want to move on in order to inch forward. You have to be serious about it. Until then, things like this will happen. How much time do you have to be miserable?

[D-Lish]

I agree with a lot of what's being said here.

The problem is knowing what he/they are up to. NC helps you to get over the pain because you completely block them from your life, and eventually, it helps you to move on.

 

Why put yourself through the pain by checking the status of their relationship? DOing that will only keep you stuck in the past.

 

I've been on NC for 3 months now, and it has helped me to move forward. It doesn't mean I don't feel pain, because I certainly still do. However, I don't know what he's up to or who he's with, so I don't continually get knocked on my ass either. Getting updates on your ex lover's current love life will only prevent you from healing.

 

You have to stop checking the myspace- it's toxic to you.

Give yourself a good 2 months of absolutely no contact. COmpletely shut yourself off from everything having to do with him. Engage in totally new activities that won't remind you of him. The point is to move forward.

 

It freakin hurts, and it will continue to hurt for a while. But remaining in contact will only hurt you more.

 

D

[Giver]

Thanks for your advice JT and DL.

 

I guess for some stupid reason i had it in my head that checking ms etc wasn't breaking NC which is completely stupid.

 

I just came across some interesting stuff on the net to do with "Intention Manifestation" which really made me realise that I DO want to get over him. I really do. I'm feeling alot better already and am going to shout I DO WANT TO GET OVER HIM into the universe every time I think about breaking NC.

[D-Lish]

haha.

 

Getting over a love is often easier said than done.

I struggle with it daily.

I am through sending sweet little e-mails once a month...

The last one I sent was a month ago- and it got no response, so I have decided to stick to the NC.

 

I'm so sick and tired of feeling down. I can't wait until January when all the holiday stuff is over and done with!

 

Give yourself a break for feeling down though- it's important to feel the grief rather than stifle it. I'd love to offer you a magic pill that takes the heartache away... (and no, anti-depressants don't seem to work too well).

 

We'll all get through the heartache. At my age I've had my heart broken more than once...lol. I don't know why this one seems to be so hard for me... I guess it's because I thought he was going to be "the guy" for me finally.

 

What are you doing to keep yourself sane?

D