Out of Their League

[Tender_Heart]

Do men ever reject a woman because they feel that she's out of their league, even if she openly expresses an interest in them? Or is that a myth? I know a pretty blonde girl who *every* man stares at when she walks into a room. She was educated at an Ivy league university, she's from a long-line of wealth, she's fashionable but in not materialistic and she's possibly the sweetest person on the planet. She also has a thing for "ordinary" guys. Though they stare at her and she smiles brightly at them, they never approach her. Is it because they're intimidated?

 

And by the way, I'm not "her." I'm none of those things and I have a boyfriend. I just can't figure out why she isn't fighting men off with a stick.

[Pyro]

Do men ever reject a woman because they feel that she's out of their league, even if she openly expresses an interest in them? Or is that a myth? I know a pretty blonde girl who *every* man stares at when she walks into a room. She was educated at an Ivy league university, she's from a long-line of wealth, she's fashionable but in not materialistic and she's possibly the sweetest person on the planet. She also has a thing for "ordinary" guys. Though they stare at her and she smiles brightly at them, they never approach her. Is it because they're intimidated?

 

And by the way, I'm not "her." I'm none of those things and I have a boyfriend. I just can't figure out why she isn't fighting men off with a stick.

 

Yes, lots of men can be intimidated by that. I think that it has to do with insecurities.

 

Me personally, I wouldn't reject someone like that. As long as we have some sort of connection, then I don't see any reason to reject her.

[Dano]

She would have to give an ordinary guy a lot of signs (almost clear cut) in order for him to approach her in that aspect. Its not that she's not apprieciated for her beauty, she very well is but an ordinary guy would feel like a fool trying to approach someone like her (out of his league).

[Trialbyfire]

Ick, it drives me nuts when people put themselves below someone else. There is no such thing as "out of their league". You either connect with them or not.

 

I'm not even close to model material but have never considered any guy, out of my league. One word of advice though. Of my experience, the best looking guys that I've dated have sadly lacked in brains and effort (two male models and a back-up quarterback). Not so much that they were stupid, more lazy to use their brains and to put effort into personality, life and love. This is my reason why I've turned off of drop-dead gorgeous men.

[pureinheart]

Of my experience, the best looking guys that I've dated have sadly lacked in brains and effort (two male models and a back-up quarterback). Not so much that they were stupid, more lazy to use their brains and to put effort into personality, life and love. This is my reason why I've turned off of drop-dead gorgeous men.

 

 

Amen to that!!!!!! The good looking ones are full of themselves.....at least the ones I went out with....

[pureinheart]

Totally agree also....no one is out my league, nor am I out of theirs...it's all about personality.....

[burning 4 revenge]

This is my reason why I've turned off of drop-dead gorgeous men.

Too bad.

 

We could have had a beautiful friendship.

[Trialbyfire]

Totally agree also....no one is out my league, nor am I out of theirs...it's all about personality.....

Yes, very much so. Looks are nice at first but it's difficult to hold a convo with it. My current b/f is wicked smaht, therefore, wicked hawt.

 

Too bad.

 

We could have had a beautiful friendship.

mmhmmm....

[Krytellan]

I am having a truly unique experience that relates to this thread currently. I work in Mental Health, and as such, make very little money in comparison to most people with even half of my education. Not only that, but I am suffering the shockwaves of a recent divorce (fees, settlements, property loss... but no emotional suffering at all).

 

So now I meet this woman a couple years younger than me and she just graduated as a Physician's Asst. For those of you who aren't aware, let's just say they make quite a decent wage, and she owns her own home.. .I now rent. So the point is I have been struggling with this a bit, though I never thought I would. I am confident in the things I can provide her that dopes not rely on money (e.g., support, emotional closeness, respect, etc), but no matter how good I feel about all those things, I just sometimes do get hung up on the money thing.

 

As we have gotten very close and expressed our love for each other, the topic has come up, and the salary differences were revealed... I felt a little... I dunno, inadequate a little I suppose. But she assured me that love was more important to her and that as long as I was not a financial drain (paraphrasing... that is, able to be self-sufficient), there was no issue for her. I recognize that she is being honest and I need to convince myself to get over my issues or risk causing an issue that doesn't truly exist, or coming off as unconfident (extreme confidence is something I have demonstrated from the time we first met, and a quality she really likes). Therefore, I have let the issue drop and plan to never revisit it unless there is an absolute reason.

 

But yes, it has been known for men to definitely pull away if they are with someone whom they don't feel needs to be "cared for". Men like to care for women, and if not needed to do that, many will seek it elsewhere. In fact, she relayed an anecdote about one of her relationships ending after a few weeks because she had her own house and a good job and the man felt like he had "nothing to offer her".

[IpAncA]

Yeah the rejection works both ways. I've rejected a couple of them before. I never wanted to date the whole drop dead hot guys because to me there was always someone better looking around them to date. Even though they were never dating it just didn't feel right for me to want to and I wasn't in the mood for competiting.

[DanielMadr]

Do men ever reject a woman because they feel that she's out of their league, even if she openly expresses an interest in them? Or is that a myth? I know a pretty blonde girl who *every* man stares at when she walks into a room. She was educated at an Ivy league university, she's from a long-line of wealth, she's fashionable but in not materialistic and she's possibly the sweetest person on the planet. She also has a thing for "ordinary" guys. Though they stare at her and she smiles brightly at them, they never approach her. Is it because they're intimidated?

 

And by the way, I'm not "her." I'm none of those things and I have a boyfriend. I just can't figure out why she isn't fighting men off with a stick.

 

When she openly express her interest? Never even heard of that happening. Girls are usually masters deceivers

 

Yes, very insecure guys dont go for out of their league girls and I can imagine some of them might be hesitant for some time.....until they believe she is not kidding them.

 

Another problem is when girls think they are in major league but they arent....in looks and/or personality departement. This is not that case probably so I think guys are just insecure, shy or gay.......OR they know not to show much interest to stay challenge. Who knows.

[Walk]

I've always been under the firm belief that men will believe they are Brad Pitt even if they more closely resemble jabba the hut. (I can back this up with examples) So... I would assume, since no one has asked to check her transcripts and bank account balance when she walked in the door, that she's sending off vibes that say back off or don't approach.

 

Maybe she's scared of getting hurt, and unconciously projects that to others?

 

Maybe she wears her bank account balance on her sleeve?

 

Maybe she could try approaching men instead of waiting on them to approach her?

[DanielMadr]

I've always been under the firm belief that men will believe they are Brad Pitt even if they more closely resemble jabba the hut. (I can back this up with examples) So... I would assume, since no one has asked to check her transcripts and bank account balance when she walked in the door, that she's sending off vibes that say back off or don't approach.

 

Maybe she's scared of getting hurt, and unconciously projects that to others?

 

Maybe she wears her bank account balance on her sleeve?

 

Maybe she could try approaching men instead of waiting on them to approach her?

 

Yep. Bad vibes. She should smile more and dont think about herself or her "situation" too much.

[SmoochieFace]

This is not that case probably so I think guys are just insecure, shy or gay.......OR they know not to show much interest to stay challenge. Who knows.

 

Or perhaps they just don't care...

[StayClose]

In the dating game, men usually make the first over move, but this is usually preceded by the women making the the first subtle move to indicate she is interested.

 

One of the tough things about being a guy is correctly recognizing subtle signals from a woman that she is interested from friendly interest, and even from simply polite behaviour, like when a retail person smiles and thanks you for a purpose.

 

It's probably common when a guy receives "I'm interested" signals from a woman he considers in a "higher league" to misinterpret the "I'm interested" signals as just freindly or polite social behavoir.

 

Still, I'm pretty skeptical when I read about beatiful women who can't find a boyfriend because "guys are intimidated." If a woman is really attractive and can't attract a man - even for hook-up sex - , she's either rejecting all guys that are interested in her and only chasing guys who don't want her, or there's some kind of "fatal attraction" creepiness about her.

[DanielMadr]

In the dating game, men usually make the first over move, but this is usually preceded by the women making the the first subtle move to indicate she is interested.

 

One of the tough things about being a guy is correctly recognizing subtle signals from a woman that she is interested from friendly interest, and even from simply polite behaviour, like when a retail person smiles and thanks you for a purpose.

 

It's probably common when a guy receives "I'm interested" signals from a woman he considers in a "higher league" to misinterpret the "I'm interested" signals as just freindly or polite social behavoir.

 

Still, I'm pretty skeptical when I read about beatiful women who can't find a boyfriend because "guys are intimidated." If a woman is really attractive and can't attract a man - even for hook-up sex - , she's either rejecting all guys that are interested in her and only chasing guys who don't want her, or there's some kind of "fatal attraction" creepiness about her.

 

You are right but insecurity (of guys) plays huge part in it too. If she is not ugly that is or behave bitchy. Guys should and have to make the first move but how many of them you know who do that? Fear of rejection maybe. You have to have your sh|t together to withstand the rejection without much damage to your ego/confidence/self-worth feeling. When she is top class possibility of rejection is higher.

[Mermaiden]

Ick, it drives me nuts when people put themselves below someone else. There is no such thing as "out of their league". You either connect with them or not.

 

I'm not even close to model material but have never considered any guy, out of my league. One word of advice though. Of my experience, the best looking guys that I've dated have sadly lacked in brains and effort (two male models and a back-up quarterback). Not so much that they were stupid, more lazy to use their brains and to put effort into personality, life and love. This is my reason why I've turned off of drop-dead gorgeous men.

 

Here's the deal. What were they like in High School/Growing up ?

If they were misfits/dorky/insecure then they never realise how handsome they are today.

If they have always been Golden Boys then they can be insufferable.

A couple of the best looking guys Ive ever met didnt believe me or anyone else because they always harkened back to the days when they looked a little bit funny.

A guy Im just starting to be a tiny bit interested in the last few days showed me his high school pics and told me this is what he really looked like in his mind still. LOL

No, I thought to myself, that was 10-12 years ago and he doesnt look like that anymore. (short, fat, bad skin, yellow teeth to tall, dark and handsome)

I was also the duckling who blossomed and I like to go for guys with similar backstories.

[HeadlessZebra]

Amen to that!!!!!! The good looking ones are full of themselves.....at least the ones I went out with....

 

Oh God, yes. Same story here. They don't appreciate you and they're way too difficult to establish a connection with. Most are emotionally unavailable or somewhat jaded because they've had so many great-looking and interesting girlfriends/lovers already. You're just another notch on the bedpost, par for the course.

 

That's why I've taken to reading a bunch of Machiavellian psychological warfare books. Three I recommend: The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene), Catch Him and Keep Him (Christian Carter a.k.a. David DeAngelo), and How to Get Anyone to Do Anything (David J. Lieberman). They are true men of genius. Don't waste your money, just download them off eMule.

[Antheia]

I have never understood this. Men never think ANYONE is out of their lague. They can be old fat and balding and still think they have a shot with 19 year old supermodel. Also men tend to read anything as a sign of interest. Even random polite conversation. From where I have worked and went out all the beautifull girls have men falling all over them all the time. Perhaps the "too good" thing was invented my women who aren't that good but only think that they are?

 

Those really hot women can be single, but that's due to them being extremly picky and turning down about 10 men per day.

[ChampionSound]

That's why I've taken to reading a bunch of Machiavellian psychological warfare books. Three I recommend: The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene), Catch Him and Keep Him (Christian Carter a.k.a. David DeAngelo), and How to Get Anyone to Do Anything (David J. Lieberman). They are true men of genius. Don't waste your money, just download them off eMule.

 

Yeah, I bought into that kind of stuff for a little while too. But I think in the end, going in with the attitude of meeting women as 'psychological warfare' will hurt you more than it helps, in as far as making a great lover AND friend requires a lot more vulnerability than those approaches suggest.

[Guest]

There is no such thing as "out of their league". You either connect with them or not.

 

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH CLEARER PEOPLE CAN BE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ITS EQAULITY, ITS ABOUT LOVE.

[IpAncA]

There is no such thing as "out of their league". You either connect with them or not.

 

I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH CLEARER PEOPLE CAN BE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ITS EQAULITY, ITS ABOUT LOVE.

 

True but if someone thinks that a certain person is out of their league, their not going to try and hook up with them. That person figures why bother because they would never date me.

[HeadlessZebra]

Yeah, I bought into that kind of stuff for a little while too. But I think in the end, going in with the attitude of meeting women as 'psychological warfare' will hurt you more than it helps, in as far as making a great lover AND friend requires a lot more vulnerability than those approaches suggest.

 

You know, I totally agree with you! ...but...

 

Some of us feel tired and powerless, tired of being much too vulnerable (as in my case), where the manipulators continually get the best of us. It's fine to say, "Well, take solace in knowing that you are more pure than them, and they're the ones who suffer in the long run," but that is wishful thinking because we will always be stepping stones under their feet, and the cold, calculating, and selfish do indeed win, repeatedly. Sometimes an overemotional pushover needs to be tempered by a little ruthlessness in order to someday find a balance... and therein lies the usefulness of these books. Shame that they might also be read by those with cold hearts to further their cause.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

There are many reasons, as to why beautiful women aren't beating men off with a 10 foot pole.

 

But you ask any 10 people, they will tell you it is because beautiful women from a distant glance are far too 'well packaged'. The effort they put into their fashion, make-up, hair, tip-top personality essentially overwhelms any man that comes their way.

 

It is all a mere projection of perfection. Strip that away, and all you've got is a simple woman with a brain.

 

In a nutshell it is about respect, connection [either click or not] and compatibility.

 

I just can't figure out why she isn't fighting men off with a stick.

 

Where are you men, you speak of? In today's society men are very much skewed to the left or the right. No many jump for the desired target.

 

I know couple of beautiful women, who complain that people so innocently stare but don't approach. Contrary to popular belief, it is not easy for a beautiful woman to get a decent date.

 

Take me for example, I am lucky if I can get one or two dates. You might think, that I am hallucinating but no -that is the truth. I don't like it, but at the same time I am trying to improve given the circumstances.

 

Sand&Water

[Trialbyfire]

Here's the deal. What were they like in High School/Growing up ?

If they were misfits/dorky/insecure then they never realise how handsome they are today.

If they have always been Golden Boys then they can be insufferable.

The three I mentioned were Golden Boys. Things just came too easily for them. One of the models wanted more than I was willing to give to him and was almost bitter that I wouldn't. The only reason I knew about it was I knew two of his best friends and they found it funny that there was a girl who wouldn't roll over for him. About every year for a number of years afterwards, he would track me down to see if I might be interested. Ummm...nope, not what he was offering, lol.