higherground5 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 So I've been dating this girl for about 4-5 months, and I asked her if she wanted to come out one night, but she said she was staying in because she had "car troubles" (which is true), and also because she had work early in the morning so she had to drive her cousins (whom work with her) in to the shop. So I was like..hmmm..no big deal. Later in the night I decided to stop by and surprise her with some hot chocolate, but it was kind of awkward. I got a subtle "this is a surprise, what are you doing here?", and then when she invited me inside we went in her kitchen and she let out a big breathe when she sat down. So I was kind of uncomfortable, like something wasn't right. So we went outside for a cig...and I was like "ya know, what's the deal? you are making me feel very weird right now", and she proceeded to mention that she is not used to someone bringing her something unexpectedly. Anyway, should this be of concern? I almost feel like I caught a kid with his hand in the cookie jar...is this a normal reaction? Could it be a legitimate reason for her not to be used to this kind of thing? It kind of raised my suspicion level... Forbin
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 So I was like..hmmm..no big deal. Later in the night I decided to stop by and surprise her with some hot chocolate, First off if it was no big deal you wouldn't have ** Surprised ** her. second.. ** Hot Chocolate **.. Come on dude.. You were checking up on her and she knew it...Of course it was awkward.. you created the awkward situation You blew it !!! What wasn't right is that you were there after she told you she was busy.. She is one step from breaking up with you.. you need to learn to trust her more and if she says she is busy then don't just drop by with some ** Hot Chocolate **.
Sand&Water Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 RE: That was almost stalkish in nature. Red Flag for any woman, out there. You dropped by her house/place, "Later on in the night" -How late was later on? I tell you this right now, within the first year no [-almost no] woman would want a man making a surprise visit to her home. Period. You closely and almost completely devoured her space. Hot chocolate is not that important. Next time, do try to put two and two together. Apologize to her about the incident and tell her it won't happen again. Sand&Water
Guest Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I don't see what the problem is here. I would personally love it if my bf stopped by and brought me something. So she didn't want to come out because of her car troubles and having to work early...I would see it as my bf really wanting to see me and going out of his way to. What's wrong with that? If she did have a problem with it then maybe she's just not that into you. I don't think you did anything wrong regardless if you were checking up on her or not, you made it into a sweet gesture and she didn't appreciate you going out of your way.
Author higherground5 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Regardless of what it looked like...I was stopping by to surprise her, not to check up on her. I just missed her and I have a hard time coming out and saying it. Perhaps I did evade her space without realizing it. Should I apologize now? I mean we've hung out a couple of times since then...and today she kept on saying that she "misses me". Do you think it's worth bringing this up now? Maybe a non-chalant approach would work... Forbin
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Regardless of what it looked like...I was stopping by to surprise her, not to check up on her. If you cannot be without her for 12 hours when she asks for time then you have some issues.. Yes you should apologize.. that will go a long way in her mind
PandorasBox Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I have read some of your posts before and you kind of come across as natually a suspicious person. I don't think you have much trust there, and you will ruin that relationship if you don't build up some kind of trust.
amaysngrace Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 and I was like "ya know, what's the deal? you are making me feel very weird right now What do you mean getting all hung up on how YOU feel? You are the one who invaded her private time and dropped by unexpectedly and you're all concerned with how YOU feel? And if that's not bad enough, now you're going to mistrust her as well? I'm with ArtCritic, you are one step away from the door!
scrybe74 Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Seriously.....you may think you were 'surprising' her but you weren't. You WERE checking up on her. You just can't admit it to yourself. The longer it takes to admit it the sooner she'll move on. Nobobdy wants a super-suspicious bf/gf hanging around. It's possible that she just didn't FEEL like hanging out with you that night but was trying not to hurt your feelings. Did you ever consider that? Nooooo....just just decided to pop in unannounced and now YOUR suspicious because she was acting a little cool towards you? You need to get a grip buddy. Seriously.
Author higherground5 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I don't see what the problem is here. I would personally love it if my bf stopped by and brought me something. So she didn't want to come out because of her car troubles and having to work early...I would see it as my bf really wanting to see me and going out of his way to. What's wrong with that? If she did have a problem with it then maybe she's just not that into you. I don't think you did anything wrong regardless if you were checking up on her or not, you made it into a sweet gesture and she didn't appreciate you going out of your way. That is my thought, but I do agree with the other comments as well. It does look like I was spying on her (regardless of my belief, so how do I make it up to her? Do I just come out and apologize the next time I see her? I'm thinking more along the line of being like "it looks like I evaded your space, next time it won't happen again if you say your busy etc etc.". Forbin
Author higherground5 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 If you cannot be without her for 12 hours when she asks for time then you have some issues.. Yes you should apologize.. that will go a long way in her mind Actually, incorrect. We hung out on Wednesday...and then I didn't talk to her until Friday, which was the point where I asked her to hang out. I'm not desperate by any means...I've been dating this girl for 5 months and she can do what she wants...I give her a lot of space...trust me. Sometimes 2-3 days pass before one of us makes the first move to talk...other times we talk every day, but only see eachother 2-4 times a week...if that. Read me comment above to guest about apologizing....I'm just trying to figure out a good approach to this without looking super guilty.
laRubiaBonita Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 "it looks like I evaded your space, next time it won't happen again if you say your busy etc etc.". make sure you say INvaded though.
Author higherground5 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 What do you mean getting all hung up on how YOU feel? You are the one who invaded her private time and dropped by unexpectedly and you're all concerned with how YOU feel? And if that's not bad enough, now you're going to mistrust her as well? I'm with ArtCritic, you are one step away from the door! Well, of course I was concerned on how SHE felt. However, she has a hard time communicating to me. I simply said I wanted to see her...over the past 5 months I've been dating her I never did anything like this. So how do I make this situation better? Do I apologize to her? Or am I screwed? I mean I realized I might have been crowded her so I didn't make an attempt to initiate contact for the past two days...and she sent me texts with "hope you dream about me" etc...and today she said she missed me. I mean if I bring it up now am I going to remind her of it or do you think it's a grundge she will hold?
laRubiaBonita Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Well, of course I was concerned on how SHE felt. However, she has a hard time communicating to me. I simply said I wanted to see her...over the past 5 months I've been dating her I never did anything like this. So how do I make this situation better? Do I apologize to her? Or am I screwed? I mean I realized I might have been crowded her so I didn't make an attempt to initiate contact for the past two days...and she sent me texts with "hope you dream about me" etc...and today she said she missed me. I mean if I bring it up now am I going to remind her of it or do you think it's a grundge she will hold? if it were me... i would just jokingly say something like "well i know you are not a fan of hot chocolate......"
MOMMIE Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Regardless of what your intentions were, don't ever do it again...at least not this early in the game...But I gotta say, that I like your style and I think it was sweet that you took her something "chocolate":) I don't think it's really a big deal...and I don't think you have issues either;) ...
Buttaflyy Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Checking up intentionally or not, don't do this again. She made it very clear that she doesn't like it. Even if you don't apologize you should let it be known that you won't pop up unannounced like that. You think you felt wierd? I'd bet she felt wierder.
Art_Critic Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 if it were me... i would just jokingly say something like "well i know you are not a fan of hot chocolate......" Maybe the thing to do is make a joke about it similar to this and then use that as a lead in to hey.. sorry about the other night showing up unannounced... I think you are right that if you just straight out apologize it might make you look worse since your intentions were in the right place but at the wrong time
laRubiaBonita Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Maybe the thing to do is make a joke about it similar to this and then use that as a lead in to hey.. sorry about the other night showing up unannounced... I think you are right that if you just straight out apologize it might make you look worse since your intentions were in the right place but at the wrong time my thoughts Exactly!
Author higherground5 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 Regardless of what your intentions were, don't ever do it again...at least not this early in the game...But I gotta say, that I like your style and I think it was sweet that you took her something "chocolate":) I don't think it's really a big deal...and I don't think you have issues either;) ... Well, thanks. Let me tell you...I sent her a note saying that "I probably shouldnt of come by last friday because I kind of felt the notion that I was invading your space. I apologize for this and it won't happen again". Very blunt and to the point...but she responded with "I thought it was very sweet of you to stop by, I just am not used to someone doing that". So for all of you critics on this thread, it seems that she wasn't too distracted by it at all. Now I feel like a clown for bringing it up.
Author higherground5 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 Maybe the thing to do is make a joke about it similar to this and then use that as a lead in to hey.. sorry about the other night showing up unannounced... I think you are right that if you just straight out apologize it might make you look worse since your intentions were in the right place but at the wrong time You got to be kidding me. I swear...I do the opposite of what I should be doing all the time. So you think it was a bad idea to come right out and say it? She claims that she thought it was "very sweet" and she "loved it". Her reaction was kind of weird...but I mean it wasn't negative...maybe I was exaggerating. Now I'm totally baffled....
JadeStar Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 She claims that she thought it was "very sweet" and she "loved it". Her reaction was kind of weird...but I mean it wasn't negative...maybe I was exaggerating. Now I'm totally baffled.... If she says it was "sweet" and she "loved it". Then I would drop it. Let it go, and if you feel its something you don't or shouldn't do again, then don't. She told you she loved it, so there shouldn't be a problem. Jade
amaysngrace Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Well at least now you know for next time! Personally I told my BF pretty early on to "come by anytime". And now he even has a housekey. I just thought without the go ahead I'd be thrown for a loop if he just showed up. But it sounds like she was genuinely happy to see you regardless.
Recommended Posts