Speedo Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Okay, I took everyone's advice on here and wrote a very long, nice letter explaining my perspective on things after the breakup. This is b/c we broke up so suddenly and awfully that I never had a chance to go over anything with her. It wasn't an attempt to get her back in any way, just an explaination of how I felt, what I believe I did wrong, and why I was suspicious of her. I had to email it because it was the only way to get it to her. Of course I found myself finding an email tracker online that lets you know when they open emails, reopen it, forward it....So of course then I watched it like a hawk. She recieved it. Opened it, forwarded it somewhere, and opened it again. Thats it right? No, I send what looked like a mass email about a show we'll be doing this week. She opened that...Then I just went ahead and started a fake myspace page, pic and everything. Made a bunch of new friends, and sent her an email commenting on her profile....What the hell? I thought I was done with this crap! The thing is, I'm confident that I wouldn't take her back..Has anyone else done this? Am I just being nosy?
notmakingsense Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 You aren't insane, but you are turning in to a stalker. You sent the mails, now move on. Its going to really stall any progress on getting over her if you keep tracking her moves. Also, what if she starts flirting with your fake persona on MySpace? All that will tell you is that she's already moving on and flirting with guys... are you prepared to learn that yet? No Contact is your best bet my friend...
Author Speedo Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 You aren't insane, but you are turning in to a stalker. You sent the mails, now move on. Its going to really stall any progress on getting over her if you keep tracking her moves. Also, what if she starts flirting with your fake persona on MySpace? All that will tell you is that she's already moving on and flirting with guys... are you prepared to learn that yet? No Contact is your best bet my friend... Yes, I feel that way. I've never done this before. The problem is that I never knew what really went on with her. Usually I know something, this one I litterally know nothing. If she flirted with my fake persona I guess I'd try to be friends and get info out of her. But I will take your advice and leave it be. I'm no stalker, never have been. It's one of those things where you always had this gut feeling that something was not right with her as far as honesty goes, and then it's over before you can ever verify. If I closed out the fake account now, she may even suspect it's me. Thats something I would kill to prevent from happening. haha, but thanks for the advice.
Love2share Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I don't think you are a stalker, just trying to get affirmation. Maybe you just want to see how much she cared for you. I agree with the previous poster. Tracking her will make it more difficult for you to get over her. Even worse, you watch her be happy with someone else. All the effort you put into something you can't control could be spent on controlling your own life. It's hard, but when you reach out to someone and they don't respond, you should let it go. For whatever reason, if they aren't able to respond, you'll find out soon enough if they wanted to respond, or you'll never hear from them again. Cut you losses, and keep looking for someone better.
notmakingsense Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I hear ya -- and I understand what you are going through. I've been there. Do a search here on LS for 'closure' and you may learn that closure is one of those elusive things for people who break-up without much communication. However, if they manage to trap the other person in to a conversation, they rarely get the answers they are looking for. Do you really want to hear all the details of why she feels things won't work? I'll bet that with some reflection on your own, you probably know all the reasons anyway. And if it was some left-field thing like cheating -- you really don't want to hear about it. Trust me. If you do find out the reasons from her, do you want an opportunity to argue your case? Think about whether or not your arguments will really make a difference. They usually don't -- at least not for long. The best closure lies within yourself. Learn from the experience so that you can minimize the chances you will pick the wrong person in the future.
Author Speedo Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I hear ya -- and I understand what you are going through. I've been there. Do a search here on LS for 'closure' and you may learn that closure is one of those elusive things for people who break-up without much communication. However, if they manage to trap the other person in to a conversation, they rarely get the answers they are looking for. Do you really want to hear all the details of why she feels things won't work? I'll bet that with some reflection on your own, you probably know all the reasons anyway. And if it was some left-field thing like cheating -- you really don't want to hear about it. Trust me. If you do find out the reasons from her, do you want an opportunity to argue your case? Think about whether or not your arguments will really make a difference. They usually don't -- at least not for long. The best closure lies within yourself. Learn from the experience so that you can minimize the chances you will pick the wrong person in the future. Your right, I don't want to hear about a cheating scenario, or how much she's moved on. It's only been a little over a month, but you know how when you break up, usually you know the reasons why you should move on? (other than the fact that they have.) I guess if I knew I was right about how she had a secret life, or she wasn't telling me the truth, or whatever else I would know for a fact that I don't want HER. I guess I keep telling myself that she wasn't who I thought she was, and that's how I deal with it. Believe it or not, I've come light years from a month ago. This is one of those situations where there are no common friends to slip info, no way of finding out the truth about anything. You may not believe me, but If I found out she cheated, lied, or was never really in love with me, then I could handle that. What I would have a hard time dealing with is if I ruined a good thing. In either case, I will stop trying to check on her. This is some good insight peeps, I appreciate it. The truth is, no matter what happened to us in our past, who was right, who was wrong, etc. we are now in the present. You all are right about the fact that I CANT CHANGE ANYTHING right now even if I wanted to.
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