boostedk03 Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Hi every one I am new to this site and I need some advice on what to do (Sorry about the long post in advanced). My girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago and I have been feeling horrible and down. I feel lost and just down right depressed about the whole thing. Let me give you guys a little back round to what happends. I grew up with this girl. She was my kinder garden sweet heart as her mom puts it. She lived right across the street from her so she was the girl next door that every one dreams about. She has been my best friend since we were 5 years old (I am 20 yrs old now and she is 18) we were un-separatable any where we go we were together and we spent every minute with each other. We could not live with out each other. Every time we fought we would make up few hours then we would be back laughing again and falling in love again. So about a year and a half ago we decided to take it up to the next level and be boyfriend and girl friend and it has been nothing but good until the last weeks. We were not the partier type of people and always kept to our selves and to a small group of friends. About 2 weeks before we split up she went to a party and had a great time and met a lot of new people and I was happy for her but when she got home the next day a lot of guys kept calling her and sending her text messages. I would ask who is that and she kept on saying don’t worry about it and there just friends I met at the party so I trusted her and put it aside. From there on we were fine until she went out of town to watch our friends graduate from boot camp. I did not go because I had to much school work to do so she went with her twin sister and one of my other good friends. Well when she got back I took off work just to surprise her at the air port and to take her home. We were cool and happy to see each other. We got back to her house and her other friend said you ready to go after like 30 min and I was like what? She did not tell me that she was going to party and I could not go because it was "girl’s night". So I was not happy because I was going to be alone for the night but I still walked out along with them and said bye and my girl friend pulled me aside and said “Sorry I forgot to tell you. I promised I would go with her. Are you ok? I replied with “I though we were going to see you tonight since I have not seen you for a few days” and she interrupted me and said “sorry got to go” I was kind of pissed off because I had the night planned out for us and since she left I had nothing to do, so I just went to bed. Well the next morning I was expecting a text message saying I am sorry but I did not get it, I did not get anything from her even after I sent her one. Then finally at 3 she said hi and we talked for a bit and she seemed kind of mad. I could not get out of her what was the matter so I left it like it was then later that night she started talking to me weird accusing me of still being mad about the last night and I was not and she kept on going at it saying i was. Then the fight began. Then out of no where she told me “I had so much fun at the parties and that she missed the word "fun"”. I responded with a big what are you talking about? She replied “When I am with you I never get to go out and have fun because you get mad at me for leaving you alone”. I replied with “No I do not and you know that I don’t. I was just mad last night because I did not get to see you and I had the whole night planned for us.” We kept on arguing like that for an hour and she finally said that she “wants to have the word “fun” back in her life again and she can’t have fun when she is with me because I get mad”. I tried to pull the sorry route to make her stop because I love this girl to death and I did not want things to end but it did not work. Later on she continued to say that she wants space and that’s where I started to break down. So she broke up with me and I am lost confused depressed and every thing else associated with that. I really don’t have hardly friends to lean on because my friends were her friends and her friends were mine because we were so close so that left me with nothing really. Now that I don’t have my best friend and the woman I love any more I feel empty, worthless and it feels like I am missing a huge part of me. I miss her so much and don’t know what to do. This is where I need help. I just don’t know what to do with my self any more. Every thing I do reminds me of her and makes me upset. I don’t feel like eating or doing anything else. How can I cope with this and make me feel better because right now I feel really down. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH IN ADVACED!
scipio Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 boosted, Hey man sorry to hear about that. Just hang in there,...to be honest there is really nothing much that you can do to make yourself feel better. You'll feel like **** for some time its unavoidable. I went through it so I know. Eventually time will take care of this and you will met another girl I guarantee it. But what you CAN do is lay the groundwork so that this doesn't take hold of your life for months and possibly years (which happens to some people). Firstly,...don't contact her again. She broke up with you so the ball is in her court. Right now it seems that she feels smothered by you,...do not demean yourself to the level of groveling for her or breaking down. You are a man and men don't beg. I gaurantee you women aren't drawn or attracted to men that fall apart like that. She should get the impression that you don't NEED her. Its important at this point to have some self-respect and backbone and even though it hurts you should maintain your composure. Finally,...its important to remember this brother,...however much you loved her don't think for a second that she is your soul mate or whatever other BULL,...women are replaceble thats a fact. You have a ton of memories with her that will never go away. But don't mistake the memories for the woman. You will make new memories with a new woman God willing.
Rooster_DAR Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 she wants space Scipio gave good advice. Regarding the above statement; This phrase ususally translates to "I found someon else more interesting". Do a search for your phrase on this and other relationship sites, you will be quite suprised at the results. Chin up! You are way young and will have many more years of falling in love. Cheers!
Author boostedk03 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 Well i have been trying to stop talking to her and she sort of wont let me. We like to communicate through text messaging alot and so if i dont text her back she would get mad at me and upset so i have been keeping it really short talking to her and she eventually stoped tonight. We will see about tommarrow. I am trying to be strong and busy and just trying to not bring her up. Thanks for the replies everyone!
rakula Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Hey Man. I'm kinda going through the same thing. I think I pushed too much and became all desperate. That's not the man that your girl fell for. I know alot of people roll their eyes at this answer but it really helps. Go see a therapist! I'm seeing one and she works wonders man. My only regret is not going sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. I guess break ups are pretty natural but there is no harm in seeing one. Especially since this girl has been a huge part of your life. You've known her for 15 years man! I'm sure there is alot to talk about. Go see one. You'll feel better.
Author boostedk03 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 I know alot of people roll their eyes at this answer but it really helps. Go see a therapist! I'm seeing one and she works wonders man. My only regret is not going sooner.. That is a good segestion but i really dont have the funds to see one right now. Im a broke college student lol. Ok I have an update. Well I have been trying to stay calm mature and nice to her. So when ever she text me or messaged me I would support her and be very calm and mature about the whole thing. I started that last night. So this morning I decided to write her a note asking for the stuff I wanted back and I included a note. The note just said that I wanted to thank her for all the good times we shared and for helping me become the man that I am today and just really nice stuff. I told her that she is beautiful and don’t let any one say other wise and told her to be safe and careful and not get too wild and I also ended the note with one of my favorite quotes "Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride" from a Gary Allen song. After she read the note, we talked and as I was, doing the same as before being calm and mature and she told me that she thanks me for being so nice to her and “Killing her with kindness” even though she thought that she did not deserve it after she hurt me a lot. She also said that I was a good person and she liked it when I talked to her like that and to never change being the person that I am. So I don’t know if that letter helped, do you guys think I did the right thing? I talked to my other friends that are girls and they said that was very kind to do and it was the right thing to do. So I am hoping you guys think so too, THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!
rakula Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 That is a good segestion but i really dont have the funds to see one right now. Im a broke college student lol. C'mon.. Just don't eat the ramen and fast food for a while. You'll have enough money. lol. just kidding. Well actually it's free with your tution or at least it was at my university. You should check it out actually. You might not have to pay a dime. I'm assuming you're in college though?
Author boostedk03 Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 I will have to check out that at my school. Well i have been keeping strong still and trying to keep busy. I have been showing her that i am not that hurt from what she did (even though i still am a little bit). I am acting like i have my life back and not affected by her any more. She still messages me all the time though and i usually try not to message her back any more. But when ever she does text me, she like to try to put the guilt trip on me and makes me feel bad. Why does she do that? She tells me how bad her life is and that she just wants to get away from every thing and start her life all over. Well i just got word from her that she is supposily moving in the begaining of next year because her parents cant afford the house and her parents are splitting up. So she is really upset now and i dont know about how to go about this. Thanks every one!!
Guest Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 About the whole situation with you being broke so you can not see a therapist. When I was in College my university provided us with 5 free visits a semester with graduate students.... I went, and it helped me a lot when I was going through my break up. You should look into that.
rakula Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 I will have to check out that at my school. Well i have been keeping strong still and trying to keep busy. I have been showing her that i am not that hurt from what she did (even though i still am a little bit). I am acting like i have my life back and not affected by her any more. She still messages me all the time though and i usually try not to message her back any more. But when ever she does text me, she like to try to put the guilt trip on me and makes me feel bad. Why does she do that? She tells me how bad her life is and that she just wants to get away from every thing and start her life all over. Well i just got word from her that she is supposily moving in the begaining of next year because her parents cant afford the house and her parents are splitting up. So she is really upset now and i dont know about how to go about this. Thanks every one!! Well right now you need to focus on your man. Yeah you're still her friend but you need to focus on getting over your pain right now. Once you are stable enough to stand up on your feet emotionally then help others. You can't be there for her right now even though you want to. I'm sure she can find other friends to vent on while you are trying to cope with all this. I'm telling you if she is still in your life it makes things harder. I'm not saying cut her out completely but you need time to heal. The best way to do that is to limit your contact with her until you've healed.
Yamaha Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 My advice is to keep up with the NC and keep your IM's and talking to a minimum (and you always end it first telling her your busy and need to go). The note was a bad idea because what she really wants from you is to stand up to her. She thinks your to nice and she doesn't see you as the strong man she needs. You are in a rut with her ( her perception of you ) and you need to change her perception if you want her to see you in a romantic way. All the nice talk and being supportive will not do that; it will just reinforce her decision. You need to express your emotions and not be afraid that it will drive her away. If it does then she was not the one for you. Be yourself but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your needs.
rakula Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 My advice is to keep up with the NC and keep your IM's and talking to a minimum (and you always end it first telling her your busy and need to go). The note was a bad idea because what she really wants from you is to stand up to her. She thinks your to nice and she doesn't see you as the strong man she needs. You are in a rut with her ( her perception of you ) and you need to change her perception if you want her to see you in a romantic way. All the nice talk and being supportive will not do that; it will just reinforce her decision. You need to express your emotions and not be afraid that it will drive her away. If it does then she was not the one for you. Be yourself but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your needs. Man... well said. Yeah his other girl friends said it was nice but they dont' know how the man should deal with this. Girls like a dude with a backbone. I'm not going to lie man. I did what you did before. You can't be killing her with kindness and letting her know she's right like that. She hurt you, and you should let her know it. Don't praise her. lol. The key is not to look desperate. That's what drives them away. Girls want that confident man. Gather your composure away from her. Heal and then go out there and find another girl. She'll probably get jealous anyway. You da man, remember that and dont' forget it!
Author boostedk03 Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Ok a little update! Ok so i was talking to one of my buddys, that went on the trip to pick up our militay buddys, about it and he said he had something that was eating him and he had to tell me. So he contenued to tell me that she pretty much broke up with me for one of the friends that she went to pick up from boot camp. He said the whole time they were there they were out of town they were flurting and he does not know what else. My buddy said that he is discusted with those 2 for doing that to me. And another thing i found out that she lied to me. I asked her to tell me truthfully right when we broke up that had she cheated on me or drinks. She replied that she did not cheat on me but she did drink. We had a promise that if either one of us drank that it was over between us. So she lied to me about that and i am just in awww that she cheated on me too( i consider it cheating). So i am not really upset any more i am just really pissed off and cant belive that happened. I cant wait till the militay man leaves for iraq in the first of the year. I will tell you guys one thing that when she comes crawling back to me that i am going to be laughing( well not really but you guys get the point lol). Well every one thanks for the help once again!! O ya, I am doing the NC now and strictly inforcing it! and its not as bad as i thought.
rakula Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 O ya, I am doing the NC now and strictly inforcing it! and its not as bad as i thought. Yeah! Especially since you're so pissed off!
rakula Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 O ya, I am doing the NC now and strictly inforcing it! and its not as bad as i thought. Yeah! Especially since you're so pissed off!
Recommended Posts