Author oyster Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Hello oyster... good to hear an update. Sounds like things are going well for you. I like the idea of the 'open communication' only if she's making progress, and the distancing yourselves from each other. Makes a lot of sense. Best of luck. took her a while for this to sink in. 1- Leave marriage because it is over not because of OM 2- Stop relationship with OM until you are divorced 3- Hubby girlfriend, me : we are symptoms of a failed marriage not the cause. She realized it is not love with her husband but confortable familiarity I don't expect much but I made her 1 last promise that till next agreed checkpoint date, I will wait for her. Then after that we talk. My gut feeling tells me to meet people now but get involved after the checkpoint date. Most likely I will start a relationship with a single woman then she will come knock on my door down the road
MoonGirl Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 well she is at the point where she will leave him. It is the guilt thing, she wants me out of the picture for a while. During this no contact time, she will show him that there is nothing left and she is not leaving him because of another man. They tried to reconcile but after 1-2 months, same old **** again and now hubby has a side girlfriend. Their marriage sounds terrible. Is MW still seeing a therapist? That could help her overcome the guilt. I suppose the fact that her H has a gf could help get rid of some guilt too. How are you feeling these days? Do you want to be with this woman still? It sounds like you're thinking that moving on might be what you really want or need. What if your MW leaves her husband and then decides she needs some time alone? How long are you willing to wait for this woman? After I left my husband, I knew I needed to take things slow with OM. We decided to meet every 2 weeks so I would have plenty of time to myself. Now I find myself more committed to him than he is to me (how weird!). I am not angry or hurt, and I understand his situation in life (complicated). Since I have no desire to date anyone else, I have decided to give him a year to become less anxious and comfortable with some committment to me. He has experienced terrible rejection from 2 women in the past and fears that I will reject him as well. It is something he needs time to work on, and I need time to prove I am a safe choice for him. I'll keep you updated.
Author oyster Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Their marriage sounds terrible. Is MW still seeing a therapist? That could help her overcome the guilt. I suppose the fact that her H has a gf could help get rid of some guilt too. How are you feeling these days? Do you want to be with this woman still? It sounds like you're thinking that moving on might be what you really want or need. What if your MW leaves her husband and then decides she needs some time alone? How long are you willing to wait for this woman? After I left my husband, I knew I needed to take things slow with OM. We decided to meet every 2 weeks so I would have plenty of time to myself. Now I find myself more committed to him than he is to me (how weird!). I am not angry or hurt, and I understand his situation in life (complicated). Since I have no desire to date anyone else, I have decided to give him a year to become less anxious and comfortable with some committment to me. He has experienced terrible rejection from 2 women in the past and fears that I will reject him as well. It is something he needs time to work on, and I need time to prove I am a safe choice for him. I'll keep you updated. it will soon be 1 year since we first met. I know she needs time alone after she leaves. I think I will start dating with no commitment for a while just in case she comes back. I don't want to mess up someone else life
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Good idea. You just say upfront that you're not ready for anything serious. But, then again, you could meet someone you really click with. Never say never...
Author oyster Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Good idea. You just say upfront that you're not ready for anything serious. But, then again, you could meet someone you really click with. Never say never... true, I am just buying time. New single woman will have to WOW me I guess, also nothing serious will give me time to heal and move on. She is seeing a therapist. I think she should just see a lawyer, sign paper, never talk to him. Refer all communication to her lawyer. But she said this approach is too harsh.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 Yes, and if they have kids (sorry, I can't remember for sure) it's the wrong way to handle it. She should see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. But, if there are no children, then yeah she should cut all contact.
Author oyster Posted February 22, 2007 Author Posted February 22, 2007 Yes, and if they have kids (sorry, I can't remember for sure) it's the wrong way to handle it. She should see a lawyer and get the ball rolling. But, if there are no children, then yeah she should cut all contact. no kids involved but woman are more emotional and don't want to hurt people and that feeling guilty crap thingy. I am more cold blooded so I can send a lawyer over without blinking.
MoonGirl Posted February 22, 2007 Posted February 22, 2007 no kids involved but woman are more emotional and don't want to hurt people and that feeling guilty crap thingy. I am more cold blooded so I can send a lawyer over without blinking. I'm like you, and many women are too once the guilt wears off. I'm a total fan of NC...and I implement it with my husband well (of course, with the exception of child care arrangements).
Author oyster Posted February 23, 2007 Author Posted February 23, 2007 I think she calls me from block number and hangs up. I think woman use this trick to send a message they are thinking of you and want to check up on background noise. This is like a reality drama show where I am one of the 3 main actors
serial muse Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 it will soon be 1 year since we first met. I know she needs time alone after she leaves. I think I will start dating with no commitment for a while just in case she comes back. I don't want to mess up someone else life yeah, please be careful with the dating. i get that you want to move on but this: My gut feeling tells me to meet people now but get involved after the checkpoint date. Most likely I will start a relationship with a single woman then she will come knock on my door down the road doesn't sound like such a great deal for any potential dates. maybe you should just take this time for yourself instead of even potentially getting involved - at least until you're more emotionally available? i know you're saying you'd go in saying "nothing serious" but it still sounds kind of unfair.
MoonGirl Posted February 23, 2007 Posted February 23, 2007 I think she calls me from block number and hangs up. I think woman use this trick to send a message they are thinking of you and want to check up on background noise. This is like a reality drama show where I am one of the 3 main actors Only if they are terribly immature. I know how you feel about the reality drama show.
Recommended Posts