Can'tGiveUp Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 (((Oyster))) I am now into week 3 NC, and I have to say, I have the same attitude as you. If he wants to "waste" his life so be it. They made their choices, and now they have to live with them. Good luck with the 'interviewing'!!
MOMMIE Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 OYS, My nut is not married, and from the looks of things, he doesn't really want to be...which is really not an issue for me.....I'm just wondering if I should try talking to him about why I am playing "ghost" on him...or am I to far gone in this nc phase?? It will be 1 whole month nc...no talking, no nothing....in the past, I have stayed away from the "s*x" but I still would talk to him and return his phone calls....I just feel so lost and now I am starting to talk to another guy...who I don't really even like in that way...and I think he's starting to like me...I guess I'll start nc phase 2 on him....this is so crazy.....I've never had to deal with anything like this in my life!!!!
Author oyster Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 OYS, My nut is not married, and from the looks of things, he doesn't really want to be...which is really not an issue for me.....I'm just wondering if I should try talking to him about why I am playing "ghost" on him...or am I to far gone in this nc phase?? It will be 1 whole month nc...no talking, no nothing....in the past, I have stayed away from the "s*x" but I still would talk to him and return his phone calls....I just feel so lost and now I am starting to talk to another guy...who I don't really even like in that way...and I think he's starting to like me...I guess I'll start nc phase 2 on him....this is so crazy.....I've never had to deal with anything like this in my life!!!! well after 1 month of NC, then too late to justify, just be ready to say it should he call you or you bump into him. Give the new guy a chance! when I return phone call, I ask 1 simple question, are you now available for a relationship? answer = no, then I remind her that we had agreed on NC, any else you want to add? no reply then CLICK.
MOMMIE Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 You're hard aren't you?....You also seem like you're a pro at this game....I obviously have a lot to learn....
Author oyster Posted January 7, 2007 Author Posted January 7, 2007 You also seem like you're a pro at this game....I obviously have a lot to learn.... not a pro, I garantee that. I just read a lot from this forum and others. Found a nice soft copy book that explains a lot. PM me your email address I can email it to you. When you are in love, you should put the well being of the other person more than that of yourself, BUT let's get real here, you have to look after who is number #1 < YOU. You have no one to fallback too. Your MM has his miserable wife to fallback every night (confortable misery). Until actually seperation, divorce, blabla, look after yourself, ignore his comment about you being selfish blabla. If you don't take a hard stance, as thing get drag out longer, you will fall harder should he end the affair and go back to his miserable wife. Think self preservation. Think who is #1 < YOU ARE.
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 I need an opinion. Her Birthday is in 2 weekends. Should I send her an email and an electronic card from yahoo or hallmark?
movinon05 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I need an opinion. Her Birthday is in 2 weekends. Should I send her an email and an electronic card from yahoo or hallmark? My opinion. NO! Stick to your original plan and continue moving on. I suspect the only reason you want to do this is to let her know you still care?
frannie Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 My opinion is no, too. She asked for NC... she hasn't contacted you. Any contact from you is just going to look... well, like you are waiting for something... care 'too much'... going to put the ball even more firmly in her court. I'm not hugely hard-line on NC, because I think it should be something you use, rather than something that ruins your life! If you want to talk to her and see how things are going, fine... but... only if you really are prepared to hear the 'I don't want to continue this' response, or something else negative, OR, even worse... get sucked back in. Make sure you're strong enough for anything if you're going to contact her.
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 My opinion. NO! Stick to your original plan and continue moving on. I suspect the only reason you want to do this is to let her know you still care? my gut feeling was NO too. one of my friend said to send a generic electronic card and short polite email with no emotion. Possibility that with time (1 month +) she will see the non sense and come knocking on my door. Don't know how I would feel about that. I wonder what her reaction would be....hum
frannie Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 my gut feeling was NO too. one of my friend said to send a generic electronic card and short polite email with no emotion. Possibility that with time (1 month +) she will see the non sense and come knocking on my door. Don't know how I would feel about that. I wonder what her reaction would be....hum My opinion is that she won't even have had time to process anything yet, if you're wondering about changes in her. There have been too many distractions in this past month just by virtue of it being the holiday season... ... more time, more time... my guess is she'll be expecting something from you on her birthday. Really surprise her... send nothing
movinon05 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 my gut feeling was NO too. one of my friend said to send a generic electronic card and short polite email with no emotion. Possibility that with time (1 month +) she will see the non sense and come knocking on my door. Don't know how I would feel about that. I wonder what her reaction would be....hum The problem with doing something like this is you are opening up the door again! Didn't you say you can see her when she's online (or do I have the wrong person). If that is so, she has not said "boo" to you. And she may be afraid to because she does not have the answer you want. So now, ask yourself, what are you trying to accomplish? Are you looking for a response? What if you don't get it? And if you do, maybe it will just be a "thank you". That will tell you alot! Or she may tell you she hasn't been able to make the break. Or she may ask for more time. You might even kick yourself when you get no response because you gave in. You're starting to play mindgames with yourself. And you're doubting your decision. Very common stuff here. When exMM did his NC thing (a number of times - without even telling me), I didn't give him the benefit of thinking I was still caring. No word, no happy birthday, merry christmas, happy new year. You made your choice. I'm not giving an inch. Of course, he came back all the time and I took him back, but not the last time. It would not surprise me that you will hear from her at some point. Are you prepared for that? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just looking at what probably lies ahead for you. Kinda been there!
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I need an opinion. Her Birthday is in 2 weekends. Should I send her an email and an electronic card from yahoo or hallmark? NO. NC is NO CONTACT. Birthdays, Xmas, New Years, whatever..Do not reach out...By doing this, you're putting energy out there and if she doesn't respond, then you may feel bad.
movinon05 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 I wonder what her reaction would be....hum You may never know! You'll be spending even more of your time wondering, and then maybe getting angry, or feeling the hurt. Do you want to take another emotional ride?
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 The problem with doing something like this is you are opening up the door again! Didn't you say you can see her when she's online (or do I have the wrong person). If that is so, she has not said "boo" to you. And she may be afraid to because she does not have the answer you want. you have the right person. thanks for the reminder I need it. She has not said "boo" to me. definitely don't want to open the door again. So now, ask yourself, what are you trying to accomplish? Are you looking for a response? What if you don't get it? And if you do, maybe it will just be a "thank you". That will tell you alot! Or she may tell you she hasn't been able to make the break. Or she may ask for more time. just to be polite I guess but it might hit me like a freight train consequense. She will ask for more time for sure. You might even kick yourself when you get no response because you gave in. You're starting to play mindgames with yourself. And you're doubting your decision. Very common stuff here. that is why I spin my ideas on this forum before acting them out. I might regret it! When exMM did his NC thing (a number of times - without even telling me), I didn't give him the benefit of thinking I was still caring. No word, no happy birthday, merry christmas, happy new year. You made your choice. I'm not giving an inch. Of course, he came back all the time and I took him back, but not the last time. It would not surprise me that you will hear from her at some point. Are you prepared for that? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just looking at what probably lies ahead for you. Kinda been there! thanks for sharing your story. Don't know how I would react and I won't prepare for it. Will deal with it if it comes. Again with this forum I am trying to forsee the possible roads ahead.
movinon05 Posted January 8, 2007 Posted January 8, 2007 Always best to throw things out here and think about things. BTW, my birthday is in two weeks too. Send me a card. I'll be most appreciative!!
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 My opinion is that she won't even have had time to process anything yet, if you're wondering about changes in her. There have been too many distractions in this past month just by virtue of it being the holiday season... Hi Frannie, think you are right with the timeline, she has no clue for now. ... more time, more time... my guess is she'll be expecting something from you on her birthday. Really surprise her... send nothing yup, she will be expecting it. Now I got to use reverse game plan. Expect the unexpected:p
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 NO. NC is NO CONTACT. Birthdays, Xmas, New Years, whatever..Do not reach out...By doing this, you're putting energy out there and if she doesn't respond, then you may feel bad. thanks for the reminder, need to focus all my energy to interview my new prospects. I have to remind myself that the ball is in her court.
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 Do you want to take another emotional ride? no thank you, no rainchecks either. I have enough challenges theses days. I got to choose material for my home renovation and make sure everything is color coordinated.
Author oyster Posted January 8, 2007 Author Posted January 8, 2007 She contacted me today via msn IM. Asking about how her "hello kitty doll" is? I said it was healthy. She replied thanks and went offline. I guess I broke NC:mad:
GreenEyedLady Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 Did I read that right? Did she call YOU her Hello Kitty doll or did she leave one with you?
Author oyster Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 Did I read that right? Did she call YOU her Hello Kitty doll or did she leave one with you? You are funny!!! She left me a cute hello kitty doll. I think it was strategically left behind the scene as a future excuse to contact me.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 You are funny!!! She left me a cute hello kitty doll. I think it was strategically left behind the scene as a future excuse to contact me. Ok, so that's cleared up... I am sure it was left on purpose or how would she even know it was at your place...how lame... Well, Oyster, you're doing good, just keep up that resolve!
Author oyster Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 Ok, so that's cleared up... I am sure it was left on purpose or how would she even know it was at your place...how lame... Well, Oyster, you're doing good, just keep up that resolve! well she has a book and a doll left. so 2 wild card to contact me. think she is testing the water to see if the communication channel still open for business or not. we have not spoken by voice nor have discussed by text about anything beside the doll. I now anticipate more drama leading to her birthday in 2 weekends. Now I feel guilty that against my initial plan and against forum consensus that now I have to send her a short happy birthday email
GreenEyedLady Posted January 9, 2007 Posted January 9, 2007 You don't have to send her anything unless you want to...
Author oyster Posted January 9, 2007 Author Posted January 9, 2007 You don't have to send her anything unless you want to... don't want to open opportunity doors for her. It will be cold for her but I doubt she will get with the program and seperate. But life is full of surprise. until then, I guess I will maintain no initiating contact with her.
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