ratingsguy Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 ya, it was really hard holding on sending that sms but it was short, to the point. Because I violated the NC one time but she did it before. I won't initiate any calls but you are right. Hang in there, brother. NC means NC. Your NC is almost up and you've done pretty well so far.
Author oyster Posted December 25, 2006 Author Posted December 25, 2006 Hang in there, brother. NC means NC. Your NC is almost up and you've done pretty well so far. thanks for the reminder, I just looked at a calendar and I am starting week 4. I have been getting unknown phone calls in the middle of the night and early morning, no messages.....hum.....I stop answering phone in the night if I don't see who is calling.
bonehead Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 thanks for the reminder, I just looked at a calendar and I am starting week 4. I have been getting unknown phone calls in the middle of the night and early morning, no messages.....hum.....I stop answering phone in the night if I don't see who is calling. When you get through this, no matter the outcome Im buying ya a beer. Your doing great!!!
Author oyster Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 dec 25th 10pm, my phone has been silent, no phone call, no sms,
Author oyster Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 When you get through this, no matter the outcome Im buying ya a beer. Your doing great!!! thanks, I think the outcome will be goodbye forever. I hope for the best but plan for the worst. Seeing is believing and after reading so much on this forum, the odds are against her leaving her marriage. I won't bother waiting by the phone next week. My life has to go on if I want to survive and move on. 1 tip I found is to start leaving your cell phone in your jacket, don't carry it with you everywhere in the house when you are home. When I am out at a restaurant, unless I expect a call, I leave the phone in the car now.
sadbuttrue Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 1: The intent of NC was different for me at different times. At base, I didn't want to be an "OW" and never did want to be that. That kind of pain had to stop for me because it was affecting every area of my life and every person in my life. He was becoming the catalyst for complete destruction of me and the people around me. Making the choice to believe his lies was paramount to swallowing a big fat bomb. 2: Longest NC was 100 days. I am now on day 91 of the latest NC in another state with all my phone numbers changed. He does have one avenue to reach me which he will NEVER use. His pride won't let him. This, by the way, is his third time to "work" on his marriage with a woman that is aware of six instances of infidelity since their wedding day. 3: Four tiny NC's instigated by me, all broken initially by him. One NC intigated by him, broken by him at which time I was thrilled (insane) to have him back. Final NC still intact. NC sucks. There's just no way around it. Being second, third, fourth, fifth or sixth sucks worse. OW/OM don't just come after the spouse, they come after the job, the kids, the animals, the holidays, the date nights and a host of other really important things. this is so true. OW/OM are really at the bottom of the barrel when it comes right down to it. we are just not that important and that is sad that we continue to accept "not that important" status.
movinon05 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I don't know how many NCs we had, but the last one has been almost 2 yrs (on my part). My reason was to get rid of the pain once and for all. (And it worked, btw). I decided I deserved to come first in someone's life and not always be trying to beg and climb my way up. I hope it all works out for you. But I can see you seem to be pretty aware of what could come down the pike.
Author oyster Posted December 26, 2006 Author Posted December 26, 2006 But I can see you seem to be pretty aware of what could come down the pike. If I did not find this forum, I would have my phone by me 24h/7 and on the agreed date to talk, I would cancel all my office meetings. But this forum brought some sense into me. If she calls great, if not that is fine as inaction is also a form of action. I have to move on with my life, keep busy and open my heart to other woman who will appreciate me and be available.
Freedom Now Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 I see this forum as like group therapy. I would have broken NC a thousand times if I didn't have you people holding me accountable. There is alot of wisdom on these boards....
movinon05 Posted December 26, 2006 Posted December 26, 2006 Good for you. I wish I had had this forum when I was going through all the shyt! Maybe it would've opened my eyes earlier. Best
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 I feel weird. By next weekend, we would have concluded our No Contact for 1 month. I have been receiving mysterious unkown callers during the night and on Dec 25 and 31st. I have mixed emotion as I don't expect a phone call. Thing is, I have met new friends with potentials, so I am going out on dates. I have read a great deal on other section of this board (2nd chances, divorce, break ups). Best way to get a confused love back is actually to walk away and date other people. I am deep down convince this MW is the best fit for me but if she is not making herself available (initiate seperation legally), then what other choice do I havE?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 You're right Oyster, you don't really have another choice...glad that you are finding potentials...
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 I guess this week outcome will be interesting. She initiated NC to think things clearly and what she wants. Now if she doesn't show sign of life, then I will self initiate NC just to keep myself in check and start moving on for good. She doesn't know this but she will find out when she calls me in 2-4 months. Should she call to permenantly end the affair, then it gives me closure. If she says that her marriage is done and will initiate seperation, do you think it is fair for me to keep dating other woman while the "divorce" is in progress?
GreenEyedLady Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I guess this week outcome will be interesting. She initiated NC to think things clearly and what she wants. Now if she doesn't show sign of life, then I will self initiate NC just to keep myself in check and start moving on for good. She doesn't know this but she will find out when she calls me in 2-4 months. Should she call to permenantly end the affair, then it gives me closure. If she says that her marriage is done and will initiate seperation, do you think it is fair for me to keep dating other woman while the "divorce" is in progress? You have to do what you can live with... Personally, if the D is in progress I would NOT continue dating... Because one, you love her right? And two, she's doing what she said she would...(and this is the most important part)... But it's your choice...
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 You have to do what you can live with... Personally, if the D is in progress I would NOT continue dating... Because one, you love her right? And two, she's doing what she said she would...(and this is the most important part)... But it's your choice... may be I have been reading too much and I am in brain overload mode. I heard of people fainting on divorce day, changing their minds during the proceeding so I am more a business person where I instinctively mitigate risk by dating others.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Well, Oyster, you're asking for a guarantee, and nothing in life is a guarantee... I mean it's possible that she could change her mind, but what if she doesn't? She can look at you dating and be like why bother with this mess? Oyster's out partying hard and I'm going through this emotional mess...and everyone is saying she's throwing her M away for a guy who's going out with other chicks? Look at it from her perspective... I don't mean to say anything to dissuade you from your course, it's your life and you must live it the way you see fit...
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 Hey oyster, just take care of yourself...k...you have just been through a major emotional deal here. Personally I think this has more to it than the normal relationship/normal break up. I wanted so bad to meet someone while I was with ex-MM, just to get away from the feelings I had for him, hoping those feelings would be transfered to someone else. I had many oportunities, but none that could fit the bill "of transfer". I gave up and now what ever is meant to be will happen. I just feel lost right now, especially after the current happenings....at least before I was walking away with some dignity, but after this..... Guard your heart...(((((((((hugs)))))))
frannie Posted January 2, 2007 Posted January 2, 2007 I guess this week outcome will be interesting. She initiated NC to think things clearly and what she wants. Now if she doesn't show sign of life, then I will self initiate NC just to keep myself in check and start moving on for good. She doesn't know this but she will find out when she calls me in 2-4 months. Should she call to permenantly end the affair, then it gives me closure. If she says that her marriage is done and will initiate seperation, do you think it is fair for me to keep dating other woman while the "divorce" is in progress? I hope for the best outcome for you Oyster... you really are in limbo with this kind of NC. And uncertain whether to start dating others 'properly' in case she comes back with 'I'm now separated' deal. It's just not fair on you... but you have to do what you feel is best for YOU. I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to date others while she's getting separated/divorced, if that's what you feel you need to keep sane. But of course it does look like you're not really 'into' her... well... all you can do is tell her how you feel about her, and hope that she understands. It's not unreasonable for you to say to her that you need NC while she divorces... you don't HAVE to be there for her unless you feel it's right for you. Tricky situation.
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 I mean it's possible that she could change her mind, but what if she doesn't? She can look at you dating and be like why bother with this mess? Oyster's out partying hard and I'm going through this emotional mess...and everyone is saying she's throwing her M away for a guy who's going out with other chicks? Look at it from her perspective... thanks GreenEyeLady, good perspective to see.
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 I hope for the best outcome for you Oyster... you really are in limbo with this kind of NC. And uncertain whether to start dating others 'properly' in case she comes back with 'I'm now separated' deal. It's just not fair on you... but you have to do what you feel is best for YOU. thanks for the warm words I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to date others while she's getting separated/divorced, if that's what you feel you need to keep sane. But of course it does look like you're not really 'into' her... well... all you can do is tell her how you feel about her, and hope that she understands. I think it is personal survival kicking in. It is her indecisiveness that is a big turn off. Trying to seperate myself before I get my heart shredded more. It's not unreasonable for you to say to her that you need NC while she divorces... you don't HAVE to be there for her unless you feel it's right for you. Tricky situation. Still wondering if this NC was for her or for me. I do know that even if she comes back I might want NC till the dust settles on the seperation proceedings and she moves out.
Author oyster Posted January 2, 2007 Author Posted January 2, 2007 Hey oyster, just take care of yourself...k...you have just been through a major emotional deal here. Personally I think this has more to it than the normal relationship/normal break up. my biggest problem is that we broke up for the wrong reasons. Not because it was bad between us but because the idiot husband has been feeding her brainwashing stories. She is confused and has lots of emotional things to over come I wanted so bad to meet someone while I was with ex-MM, just to get away from the feelings I had for him, hoping those feelings would be transfered to someone else. I had many oportunities, but none that could fit the bill "of transfer". I gave up and now what ever is meant to be will happen. I just feel lost right now, especially after the current happenings....at least before I was walking away with some dignity, but after this..... Guard your heart...(((((((((hugs))))))) Well, thanks for the hug, just be out there, do your thing and you might meet good person.
Author oyster Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Hello everyone, Today Decision day expired at midnight. Still see her on msn but no phone call, no email, no IMs from her. Since she wanted 1 month of No Contact to think what she wants. Well I am no longer wasting my time. Inaction is a form of action, therefore I am moving on. I am no longer the the OM:p I am going FULL NC from now. It is sad that people don't have the guts to tell you in your face when they want it over. Geez weak people.
bonehead Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Not being a smarta*s, but did she know it was midnight or just sometime on the 5th?
Author oyster Posted January 5, 2007 Author Posted January 5, 2007 Not being a smarta*s, but did she know it was midnight or just sometime on the 5th? no worries about being a smart a#S we talked on Dec 4th, agreed on Jan 4th we would resume contact. Since she is the one who stopped the relationship, ball was in her court. you sleep you loose. Ding ding game over. My heart is still loving her but since she is unavailable and having read so much on these forums and other books. I have to go full NC when faced with a confused attached person. Besides, not answering calls, blocking on msn, well, she knows where I work and my new house (being renovated and I don't live there now) so if she wanted to find me in a few months, I can't really hide.
bonehead Posted January 5, 2007 Posted January 5, 2007 Oh, so the date was the 4th. Still owe ya a beer dont I
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