blueyes77 Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I just wonder if someone might have some advice i have been having an affair with a married man for 11 months now i just had his baby 6 weeks ago his wife has no idea about any of it I dont know what to do sometimes i want to break it off because i know its wrong and i dont want to hurt anyone but what do you do when you love someone he makes me feel like no one has ever before but when were not together i feel so bad about what we done a month after we started seeing each other i found out i was pregnant how it happen i dont know he told me he was fixed not to worry about anything but now we have a little girl that looks just like him but anyway he didnt want me to have the baby because he was married and didnt want to lose his little boy but i didnt believe in abortion or adoption so i chose to keep her anyways he was there the whole time i was pregnant and is still there but sometimes i feeel like he really cares which we never talk about how we feel about each other but than other times i wonder if hes there cause he scared to leave I dont want him to leave his wife but I would like for my little girl to know her dad what should i do
norajane Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 My advice would be to talk to a lawyer, and make sure you get all the child support you are legally entitled to. As for the rest, it's probably better that you stop having an affair with him. Having a child together makes it too late to just walk away - his wife needs to know that her husband has another child and mistress.
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Right now he is living a double life. His wife deserves to know about this, it's very unfair and cruel.
Author blueyes77 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I agree with what yall are saying but how do you tell another woman that you hhave been sleeping with her husband and had his baby plus how do you stop caring about him thats what i really have a hard time with is hurting her and him because i really dont want to break their family up
Rooster_DAR Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I agree with what yall are saying but how do you tell another woman that you hhave been sleeping with her husband and had his baby plus how do you stop caring about him thats what i really have a hard time with is hurting her and him because i really dont want to break their family up You take responsibity for your part, and prepare to watch a woman who probably loves her husband and family die inside. If he is not going to tell her, It might be okay if you do, and consider this a leap of good faith considering the situation. I'm sure she will hate you, but after the years go by she may understand that you were just a little bit of a good person for being truthful. Just my thoughts!
silentalways Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 believe if anyone knows me at all - they know me as a man and who i am and past is past right? we can't change it right but u can chanhe your present and future by not doing what u did in the past i know - i walk up to mom and dad - told them now its easy to tell the truth and stop trouble yer choice
silentalways Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 when u post without names proper facts etc it makes no sense its not true another lie so it doesn;t matter no biggie
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 because i really dont want to break their family up I just wish you'd thought of that before allowing yourself to have an affair with a married man. And he should have been using condoms with you, either way.
stillhere Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I have never used condoms with my MM, and he's fixed. Why would he use a condom if the doc tells him that he's now shooting blanks? I've told my MM over and over that there is the slightest possible chance that a swimmer could sneak by, and that if i became pregnant, it would be his. I'm 100% faithful to him. This is a very sticky situation. Now if it was me, i would not tell her if i became pregnant and had his child. That's my opinion and what i would do. I guess you gotta do what your heart tells you to. You now have a child to think about. Can you support this baby on your own? I've had a long time to think about what i would do in such a situation, you didn't have long at all. I think that if you tell his W, you will lose him completely, but right now, you don't have much of him. My best friend's dad was in a situation like this. He had a child on the other side of the country that his W did not know about. He was paying child support for it, and she opened one of the letters sent to him for the child support. She flipped out, but she still stayed with him. He had countless other children while he was (and still is) married to her. Who knows how many children he has across the US. There are 2 for sure in the town he lives in. Not sure if his W knows about them. The W doesn't always leave. Just keep that in mind.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 So just because he's fixed, it's OK for him to use no protection with either woman? Sorry, that's abit much...In a relationship and cheating, or out of a relationship and sleeping with more than one person, a condom just should be used.
GirlFromOz Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 This makes me so angry. If you are selfish enough to try to steal someone else's man & old enough/mature enough to decide not to take your own precautions (to stop yourself getting STDs as well as to stop yourself getting pregnant), then you are old enough/mature enough to deal with the consequences of your actions. NO ONE gets pregnant these days unless they choose too, or are very young & naive. This poor newborn, and his older child, are obviously the main priority, very closely followed by this man's wife. You & your feelings & he & his feelings should come equal last in this scenario.
bunset Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I agree with what yall are saying but how do you tell another woman that you hhave been sleeping with her husband and had his baby plus how do you stop caring about him thats what i really have a hard time with is hurting her and him because i really dont want to break their family up to think of the children... they should know their Dad, and they should know each other, too. God, this has got to be hell for all of you... I think the man should be man enough to do the telling, himself, and decide how he manages it. If he doesn't, then, it's only fair to the children to know. Each situation is unique, so I cannot offer much blanket advice, beyond, it's what's fair to the children. They can have each other, in the future. How the man handles this shows his true character.
Author blueyes77 Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 I know its hard for alot of people to understand why W like myself could get in a situation like this you know it started out I didnt and still dont want to be in a committed relationship with anyone and I met him and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other than I found out I was pregnant shock to both of us so much for getting fixed but anyway now that our little girl is here I feel so bad for what we did I have never done anything like this I was married for 8 years and never thought about having an affair no im not married been D for 2 years but than I met him and it all changed and now Im in the worst situation I have ever been what makes it even worse is that I have kept this a secret from anyone and yesterday my boss told me he knew who the father was and why I was keeping it a secret So I called MM and told him what happen he acted like all he cared about was what if my boss tells someone it really pissed me off so I thought about all last night and I really think its time to stop the affair because I feel sick to think what has happen and it seems he only cares about what will happen to him if his wife finds out not nothing about our baby and what she is going to face growing up so anyway he called me today and i told him when he got time we had to talk maybe itll go ok hope Im doing the right thing
Rooster_DAR Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I know its hard for alot of people to understand why W like myself could get in a situation like this you know it started out I didnt and still dont want to be in a committed relationship with anyone and I met him and one thing led to another and we started seeing each other than I found out I was pregnant shock to both of us so much for getting fixed but anyway now that our little girl is here I feel so bad for what we did I have never done anything like this I was married for 8 years and never thought about having an affair no im not married been D for 2 years but than I met him and it all changed and now Im in the worst situation I have ever been what makes it even worse is that I have kept this a secret from anyone and yesterday my boss told me he knew who the father was and why I was keeping it a secret So I called MM and told him what happen he acted like all he cared about was what if my boss tells someone it really pissed me off so I thought about all last night and I really think its time to stop the affair because I feel sick to think what has happen and it seems he only cares about what will happen to him if his wife finds out not nothing about our baby and what she is going to face growing up so anyway he called me today and i told him when he got time we had to talk maybe itll go ok hope Im doing the right thing ??? My (ADD) prevents me from staying focused on the improper grammar used herein.
whichwayisup Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 He has to tell his wife what is going on. If he doesn't, he's leading a double life. It's one thing to have an affair, but it's completely different when you create a child with someone else other than your wife. Accident or not, the truth has to come out. She deserves to know and decide for herself if he's worth giving a second chance, or divorcing.
GirlFromOz Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 hope Im doing the right thing You are doing the right thing. Just make sure you get child support from him. And, you know, it's such a hard way to learn a lesson, but if anyone ever did to your daughter what you & this man have done to his wife, how would you feel about those people? I wish you & your daughter all the best for the future. I think you will be better off without him in your lives.
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