Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 So I work with my ex (I know, I know, don't sh*t where you eat). Anyhow, we have decided to stay friendly, but she's just mean now. Anytime I talk with her, she gets annoyed. So I decided to not talk to her. To which, it's pretty clear she is now mad at me for it. She's pulling the same stuff - not talking to me, and when it's necessary it's very cold. What do I do?
SmoochieFace Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 So I work with my ex (I know, I know, don't sh*t where you eat). Anyhow, we have decided to stay friendly, but she's just mean now. Anytime I talk with her, she gets annoyed. So I decided to not talk to her. To which, it's pretty clear she is now mad at me for it. She's pulling the same stuff - not talking to me, and when it's necessary it's very cold. What do I do? This is why I strongly advise against dating people who are your coworkers... So let's see now... she gets 'annoyed' with you when you speak to her but she gets 'mad' when you don't. In others words, she is severely confused. Lose-lose situation here indeed. Question - is she above you or below you or on the same level with you on the job?
amaysngrace Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 What do I do? Avoid her whenever possible. But if you do have a run-in, be overly friendly and appear to be happy. Not to see her but just in general. She'll either be really annoyed at you or relax enough to become civil to you again.
SmoochieFace Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Avoid her whenever possible. They work together so that is not really an option unless one or both decide to leave for another job.
notmakingsense Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 I'm with amaysngrace -- keep being freindly and ignore her anger. Go about your business just as you always have. Your relationship may always be cold from here on in, but who cares? Do you? If so, it will get easier to stop caring once you have fully moved on and have a new romantic interest.
Guest Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 So I work with my ex (I know, I know, don't sh*t where you eat). Anyhow, we have decided to stay friendly, but she's just mean now. Anytime I talk with her, she gets annoyed. So I decided to not talk to her. To which, it's pretty clear she is now mad at me for it. She's pulling the same stuff - not talking to me, and when it's necessary it's very cold. What do I do? I don't know how much stock I put into this NC thing anyhow. To me it seems like it would be great to get over someone, but I really can't do that as we work together (and there are no rank issues at work BTW). And really, I'm not sure I want to get over her right now. I think I want her back - but even if she said she wanted to get back, there would be some heavy thinking (and elation to be honest) before I jumped at it. But come on now, we have love for each other as we are both decent people and when you get down to it there is mutual caring - even if there is no "love" relationship. Can't we both be mature about this, even if it hurts (and really it's probably more the ego being hurt than anything else as it's not like I want marraige)? OK. So the latest. She left for work yesterday. I say screw this NC thing as it's totally f'in things up. So I call her. She answers (as I said it's not like she's completely un-empathetic). I tell her that things are not working out the way they should be and this mutual pushing away is not working for me, and I'm quite sure it's not working for her. She totally agrees and hates it. So we agree that we need to be friends, and real friends. I tell her I love her and I know she loves me (to which she did agree with). And I can be friends with her as long as she realizes that I am still holding out some hope and is OK with that. Afterall, we were friends before with some sort of sexual tension betweeen us so it's not like it's not possible. She agrees with everyting I said. So before I tell the rest, let me back into why the break occurred. She just has a lot going on right now. A lot of emotional stuff, and being with me and as intense as it was was too much right now. She needs to sort things out a bit and figure out who she is. It really does make sense (I can't say all that is going on w/ her right now as I feel it would be rude to divulge her personal info an a public board - even anonymously). Kind of anyhow. So it's that lame thing called needing space. OK. It is lame to a degree. But I get that sometimes the world comes crashing down on someone and they have to let something go to get a grip again. So back to the story. Yes, I do hold out hope right now. But that even ebbs and flows. I think it could be more about me wanting her to want to be with me. Total ego *****. Ego can be a big thorn in the side sometimes. If it wasn't for my ego, I would totally be respectful of her needs as they are very real - she's not blowing smoke up my arse (as far as I believe). But anyhow, I do believe I want to be with her, and there really wasn't any reason for the break other than her going through a lot right now. So it's not like we had our problems (the irony of writing that after a break - I can hear you readers right now "Yeah, you continue to tell yourself that dude"). There was no real reason for a break from me specifically - other than it was overwhelming her right now. Yes, I agree I should have had fair warning to pull back and given that opp'ty. However I'm not convinced she saw this coming. Now, the rest of the story. I see her this morning, and things are extremely friendly. Awesome. We basically hung out at work for most of the day. Talked like we used to. Flirted a tiny, tiny bit (I may have pushed that a tad as I can get impatient sometimes - the whole instant gratification thing). Overall a positive day. Something that wouldn't have happened with NC. I really do think that she's gonna be OK, then she can engage in considering any sort of relationship with anyone (doesn't have to be me) again. She's just no there right now. so let's just say in this case, I don't believe NC is the best course. What do you think? And of course I have to add the insecure question of - what do you think my chances are?
notmakingsense Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Stay at a distance and let her make most of the moves.... Mine is just one opinion, but if you really want to make a go at it, let her do more of the work for now. At least while you still want more than just friendship. If you get to the point where you don't want more, aren't impatient, don't feel like flirting, etc., then you can approach this as an equal in a friendship. Until then, play it cool until you see she is working at it -- then make more bold moves.
gfto Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 So I work with my ex (I know, I know, don't sh*t where you eat). Anyhow, we have decided to stay friendly, but she's just mean now. Anytime I talk with her, she gets annoyed. So I decided to not talk to her. To which, it's pretty clear she is now mad at me for it. She's pulling the same stuff - not talking to me, and when it's necessary it's very cold. What do I do? Simply ignore her.
CaliGuy Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 So I work with my ex (I know, I know, don't sh*t where you eat). Anyhow, we have decided to stay friendly, but she's just mean now. Anytime I talk with her, she gets annoyed. So I decided to not talk to her. To which, it's pretty clear she is now mad at me for it. She's pulling the same stuff - not talking to me, and when it's necessary it's very cold. What do I do? Stay your course and do not deviate....
monkey00 Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 so i guess the situation is she was the dumpee...haha, well good luck with that!
Yamaha Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 I would be civil but keep your distance. If you work closely with her it makes it worse. Can you ask to transfer to a different department ( ask your HR )?
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