silentalways Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 there are so many things shes been holding in for so long i will be here and ready to listen and help and u can tell me anything and let all the stuff out the three times i saw u i noticed how something was getter heavier please don't carry some many tough ones like those for that long we want u healthy and happy let me know what i can do until then, i miss u
Guest Posted December 12, 2006 Posted December 12, 2006 Ever feel your inside out. Let me explain. I recently was requested to a club dinner and had mixed feelings since I knew few, and after arriving it was obvious my date could mingle and freely enjoyed being there. This was ok as I had not been out and felt the holiday spirit rise. As the evening wore on, I began to feel ignored, when I tried to interact any conversation about the awards being given out or acts of recognition w/in the 100 or so people; many couples [!] there, I was curtly subdued with one line answers. Now this may have been overlooked, but this was a dinner party and there wasn't any reason to feel my questions were out of line just simply curious as others there would make random soft jokes to another as it was obviously a casual get together to respectively respond to the host/speaker or receiving end to another. The background allowed convos w/the speaker or date, ect. Most appeared to enjoy the dinner and event. However, later after that dinner, I realized, how much I didn't enjoy myself. Nothing reflected that (I) was even the wife, and not introduced as. Well, we were separated for a long while and I' have accepted the lack of intro as such, we were separated for a few years, but maintain close contact... Strange as it may seem we remain supportive of another and I believe he genuinely has concern and care, yet... And get this, many people made comments about my husband and I, "How long have you two been together?" Now this didn't raddle me, since we recently have accommodated our living arrangements somewhat, tho I have made efforts to give time and respect to his and our recent past, it is begining to feel to me, he may have no intention of reconciling. I am beginning to feel 'set up' so to speak and feel insult to injury is the norm when it remains the same when he initiated the divorce 4 yrs ago. Legally that is. During the separation, years, he has been supportive in many aspects, but MUM is the word when anything remotely spells, kiss on the lips; oh except when the nasty could show promise, just the two of us otherwise, but when I arrived back, in the beginning he jumps on the computer, morn and nite out he goes on the wkends with buds. Skies appear blue don't they? Now with my desire to activate some independance either way I was told today my temp. position was terminated; no job. Even tho I kept up my spirits and shared the news, husband didn't bat an eye and I didn't receive, 'Oh, you'll work it out, something better is in the run for you, maybe it is for the best...ANYthing, now I wouldn't say or feel rejected as I did not feel a total loss in that area, but mark my words, something will go awry and now i'm the lazy as$, But I can hear husbands words now...this might be quite assumptious to some but why am I here if you can't even offer a word. Good or bad. I mean, let's read a book instead! Hey, no wonder I get excited and run home, BABEY. I kept up the facade of working for the weekenc, but was surprised just the same. I do not expect a pat on the back, but afterwards needed to get out for a bit to reflect on priorities and such to feel better. I do try to include activities w/h but he usually declines everything anyway, keep in bear mind what I already understand there just are certain areas that he will not enjoy or help. Ok. Now, I am beginning to feel left out, and feeling like a failure, starting to go out from under to help ease my insecurity of desireing a better foot forward and I on more solid ground. Basically, what I am saying here, is regardless of what he may say, and DO. it is obvious something is going on or he is lying . He has told me to get out and I HAD to twice. W/in the first week upon moving relatively my items in one of the three bdrm, based on his demands, my outlook is weak, and insecure, as try as diplomatically as possible. He has nothing to say, but grabs his briefcase and gone all day. Every weekend. Ok maybe he is with the other members, but his actions toward me are aloof and distant. I am at odds as to what my options could be now, as any suggestion is met with a stone 'what?! look and we are past the let's have a talk, mode. I am willing to give my r/s a reasonable amount of time for either I to be independant again, or take our marriage, slowing and find the love we once had. I don't expect overnight miracles. And he can be somewhat reserved, but after witnessing him in action after many years, I was happily amazed at his demeaner and friends he made since our last break up. But also at amends as to what or where I am. Here. It feels calculated and fake. There was once extreme feeling of jealousy, and deemed right, after the fact. but now again, the 3 rd time around and not feeling included to others by him. Any suggestions as to what my rights may encounter at this point? Married 5, lived and together [besides the seperation transaction initiated by him]12 years. I feel like a show and tell. Let's see what you got!"
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