Should I call Him? And why does he always tell me to call?

[Mogget]

Hi.

 

Ok I met this guy whilst in Egypt earlier this year, we were in the same tour group and we discovered that back home we lived literally 10 minutes away from each other.

 

Now he went to on to travel for another 6 months. And we occaisonally emailed each other saying that when he gets back we should catch up etc

 

So now we come to the recent present. About a month ago on a monday I give him a call, because I had his number but he didn't have mine, and he invites me out to coffee which lasted 6 hours. At the end he said we should go and have drinks some time.

 

So I text him on Thursday and said how about drinks on Saturday after I have dinner with friends. And he agreed. So we have drinks and I ended going back to his place. The next night my friend picks me up from his place and he kisses me in front of her and then tells me to call him later.

 

On Tuesday I call him and we talked for about an hour and he invited me over on Thursday. So I go over and again at the end he then tells me to call him again later in the week to get together.

 

So I call him again and this time he gives me his home number and makes a point in telling me that he doesn't give that out to just anyone (probably because of his flatmate, who I have met). He asks me to come round on Sunday to watch the Cricket with him. But I already had something else on.

 

I have texted him a couple of times which he usually replies promptly. Like hows the cricket going etc. (ok its the Ashes and its a loooong game)

 

So I call him again on Thursday last week and I get the dreaded answering machine. So I leave a message saying "I'll catch up with you later"

 

Sorry for the length but I guess if I need advice you need a bigger picture of what is happening. Now for the questions.

 

Firstly - It has been 5 days since the message, now he hasn't called back but because I said "I'll catch up with you later" does that mean the responsibility falls on me to call again? Or is that just disinterest on his part?

 

Now that I see it written down it comes across as a bit ambiguous.

 

Secondly - Why does he always ask me to call him? This has me dumbfounded for some reason. But I know he is unemployed at the moment with some hefty traveling bills to pay off.

 

Also I should mention he is a divorcee for about 2 years (my guess).

 

Anway would like to thank you in advance for any insight

[TigerCub]

Hey Mogget,

 

From what I read it seems like he does like spending time with you, so I don't think that he doesn't call because he doesn't like you.

Some guys are clueless when it comes to stuff like that.

Actually I had the same kind of thing with a guy recently. I just couldn't get it, because when I'm with him, he really seems to like me, but then when I'm not, it feels like "out of sight out of mind", and that just confused me, until one night (ok, I was drunk), but I said it, I asked him why he never calls, and it's always me that has to do it

he told me that he never really realized it, and sure enough, a few days later I got a call from him 'just to say hey'

 

So chances are that your guy probably falls into the clueless catagory as well.

 

As for the message, I would also kind of agree that you did say 'I'll catch up with you' so it sounds like you'll call him, but I do totally see your point too, I mean if he likes you why doesn't he call?...But I say, give him a shout and if he asks you to hang out go ahead and do that, and just mention it in a light hearted way that doesn't sound accusing or anything, and I'm sure that he'll get it just like the guy I was with did.

 

Good luck,

[Mogget]

Thank you Tigercub, I think you just made my day

 

I guess I didn't think about the clueless thing only one way to find out though.

 

Thanks again.

[TigerCub]

I'm glad I could help

 

Let me know how it goes..

[Dad_of_3]

Hi.

 

Ok I met this guy whilst in Egypt earlier this year, we were in the same tour group and we discovered that back home we lived literally 10 minutes away from each other.

 

Now he went to on to travel for another 6 months. And we occaisonally emailed each other saying that when he gets back we should catch up etc

 

So now we come to the recent present. About a month ago on a monday I give him a call, because I had his number but he didn't have mine, and he invites me out to coffee which lasted 6 hours. At the end he said we should go and have drinks some time.

 

So I text him on Thursday and said how about drinks on Saturday after I have dinner with friends. And he agreed. So we have drinks and I ended going back to his place. The next night my friend picks me up from his place and he kisses me in front of her and then tells me to call him later.

 

On Tuesday I call him and we talked for about an hour and he invited me over on Thursday. So I go over and again at the end he then tells me to call him again later in the week to get together.

 

So I call him again and this time he gives me his home number and makes a point in telling me that he doesn't give that out to just anyone (probably because of his flatmate, who I have met). He asks me to come round on Sunday to watch the Cricket with him. But I already had something else on.

 

I have texted him a couple of times which he usually replies promptly. Like hows the cricket going etc. (ok its the Ashes and its a loooong game)

 

So I call him again on Thursday last week and I get the dreaded answering machine. So I leave a message saying "I'll catch up with you later"

 

Sorry for the length but I guess if I need advice you need a bigger picture of what is happening. Now for the questions.

 

Firstly - It has been 5 days since the message, now he hasn't called back but because I said "I'll catch up with you later" does that mean the responsibility falls on me to call again? Or is that just disinterest on his part?

 

Now that I see it written down it comes across as a bit ambiguous.

 

Secondly - Why does he always ask me to call him? This has me dumbfounded for some reason. But I know he is unemployed at the moment with some hefty traveling bills to pay off.

 

Also I should mention he is a divorcee for about 2 years (my guess).

 

Anway would like to thank you in advance for any insight

 

Hi Mogget and welcome to the board.

 

First up, just pull back for a second and see you might be reading into it too much.

There could be reasons why he hasnt called.

You did mention he is unemployed. Getting a job could be on his agenda at the moment. He could be called away on a emergency. He could have a long lost relative come visit. A million things could be the reason why he hasnt called.

 

I dont see anything in it. I'd say give him another call or message at a later date. You place it in his court then, and its up to him to get back to you. Then go about what you are doing, continue on with life

 

For example, myself.

I've asked a old collegue from a job along time ago out. We exchange numbers, she seemed interested.

So I called and spoke to her about getting together, cause she was on the way out to work, said I would call back later to organise a coffee sometime.

I called back, left a message, havent heard a reply ... ok ....

1 week goes by, I sms her and let her know, Hey I'm still here ... lol ... if you'd like to go for a coffee or a drink sometime, buzz me.

Now i've put it in her court and have not heard from her. that was 5 days ago.

I can only think to myself, there are things that may be keeping her from contacting me or organising anything. Christmas is almost here, busy as work winds down etc etc

I'll probably call/sms her 1 last time, if no response. It will be politely, "It's a shame we didnt get to catch up, take care and have a nice life"

 

Like Water off a ducks back ...

 

As for your guy, he has spent some time with you. He seems to be interested. If you do happen to call him again, if you dont get through to him, leave the onus with him to call you.

But tigercub's advice is pretty sound. If you get him in a place again, just in a non-chalant way ask him why he never calls. Just don't put it in a mind game sort of way. like " You know how nice it would be to get a call sometime "

 

Other than that, dont worry about it. Until you get confirmation that he is no longer interested, just play it by ear.

 

Hope this helps ... Good Luck

[Mogget]

Hi TigerCub and Dad of 3,

 

Well I did call him I tried his house and no answer then I tried his mobile and no answer. So I thought OK this guy is avoiding me and is time to get over him and on with it.

 

BUT then an hour later he called. He had been asleep because he has a new job and the work hours suck and he also had to duck off to visit relatives in a different state...and he apologised profusely about not calling sooner. (can I just say that is very scary Dad of 3 i.e. the possible reason for why he hadn't called )

 

Thank you both and I think you were both spot on.

[whichwayisup]

Let him chase you, so don't call him....

[Dad_of_3]

Hi TigerCub and Dad of 3,

 

Well I did call him I tried his house and no answer then I tried his mobile and no answer. So I thought OK this guy is avoiding me and is time to get over him and on with it.

 

BUT then an hour later he called. He had been asleep because he has a new job and the work hours suck and he also had to duck off to visit relatives in a different state...and he apologised profusely about not calling sooner. (can I just say that is very scary Dad of 3 i.e. the possible reason for why he hadn't called )

 

Thank you both and I think you were both spot on.

 

Thats good news !

 

Now you've let him know you're interested, leave it in his court.

I'm glad I could help.

Its always instinctive to think its you or something you've done. thats just human conditioning and 'damn hollywood'

Don't forget your own self worth when it comes to matters like this.

Remember there was obviously something about you that attracted him to you.

Now is the time to play the cool cucumber. If he's generally interested, he will take things from here.

 

Best of luck !

[Walk]

When I first started dating a guy and I was the one always calling him. We'd talk for hours if I called, but if I didn't call, then we didn't hang out or talk. This went on for a few weeks. Can't quite remember how long. He seemed really happy to see me and talk to me.

 

Anyway, it finally sunk into my thick head that he never seemed to initiate contact, and I asked him about it in a non-chalant kind of way. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something along the lines of he didn't want to push me to talk to him. After I mentioned it though, he started calling me more often and he set up meets and stuff.

 

It worked out ok. We're still together nearly 3 years later.

 

I think if it bothers you a lot, then bring it to his attention. The way he acts while you're around and talking to him seem to imply he really likes you. I just know that sometimes it's better to air the concern rather then make an assumption that might be false.

[DanielMadr]

I call only to settle a date. So if Im busy I dont call. And it is wonderful when girl takes initiative and calls. I am sure she is interested then and I can go two steps further. If Im the only one who is calling all the time I doesnt give me a good vibe....uninterested girls are not worth of pursuing.

 

I understand you showed some initiative in the beginning, thats fine. You can scare off a guy when you pursue too hard but only if it is out of line or he is not very sure about you and dont want to hurt you so he backs off.

[DanielMadr]

So I called and spoke to her about getting together, cause she was on the way out to work, said I would call back later to organise a coffee sometime.

I called back, left a message, havent heard a reply ... ok ....

1 week goes by, I sms her and let her know, Hey I'm still here ... lol ... if you'd like to go for a coffee or a drink sometime, buzz me.

Now i've put it in her court and have not heard from her. that was 5 days ago.

I can only think to myself, there are things that may be keeping her from contacting me or organising anything. Christmas is almost here, busy as work winds down etc etc

I'll probably call/sms her 1 last time, if no response. It will be politely, "It's a shame we didnt get to catch up, take care and have a nice life"

 

 

Nope. She is not interested or she is on secret mission in Afghanistan. Dont call her or anything. Let it go and when you see her stay cool and bring it up. Definitely dont call her again. Or text her 'Hey you pickpocket from Bosnia, return this phone to that nice lady you robbed or you will fry in hell'

 

Thats the best thing you can do....nothing. It took me long time to realize that my thoughts and analysing is irelevant....only actions counts....phone #, date, kiss, ....more intimate things. If she is hesitant in either part....move on it wont work.

[Dad_of_3]

Nope. She is not interested or she is on secret mission in Afghanistan. Dont call her or anything. Let it go and when you see her stay cool and bring it up. Definitely dont call her again. Or text her 'Hey you pickpocket from Bosnia, return this phone to that nice lady you robbed or you will fry in hell'

 

Thats the best thing you can do....nothing. It took me long time to realize that my thoughts and analysing is irelevant....only actions counts....phone #, date, kiss, ....more intimate things. If she is hesitant in either part....move on it wont work.

 

It dont matter really.

She is moving interstate to a new job.

If I happen to holiday there and see her working at her new job ... well who knows.

What your saying is pretty sound advice. I guess for now, its life goes on. Who knows whats around the next corner.

 

thanks for your perspective though !